The Blueprint

by Jeannette Barron

The remaining drive home, Jimmy resisted the urge to beat his head into the steering wheel or hurl more objects at Tom. As he pulled into his gravel drive, he saw the solution clearly; just because he knew he was an asshole didn’t mean he had to act like an asshole and chase after his girlfriend’s best friend. After all, things were going well between him and Lily right now. Maybe everything would work out for the best.

  13

  The arrival of spring allowed Lily the luxury to once again take her lunch breaks out by the fountain in front of the library where lusty co-eds prowled for potential mates. Without the camouflage of companions, she pretended to read while observing the performers’ lives entangle and plots unravel. This year’s players appeared more ludicrous than usual, and she missed Kim’s company and witty commentary during the show. Lately, she hadn’t seen much of her roommate. Kim’s internship with the family courts system was in full swing and all of her available time and energy was spent learning the ropes, or so she said.

  Jimmy, more often than not, was also unavailable because of work. His father had finally decided it was time to give him a shot as foreman and his first job involved a big hotel renovation project downtown. Between that added responsibility, and his house nearly ready for habitation, he was a busy, but very happy guy. Though they saw each other less often, Lily was content with the holding pattern in their relationship. Rather than Jimmy always towing her along, expecting her to catch up, they were idling together in the same gear: neutral.

  Lily marveled that, for once, her life was moving along just how she would have hoped. Simon continued to be a wonderful boss who gave her the space to do her work in peace. And now that he was happily married, he saved those awkward intimate relationship conversations for his wife. In the last year, Lily had saved enough money to believe herself covered in the case of a minor emergency and was feeling increasingly confident in the security of her job and finances.

  Kim and Jimmy were bonuses. The consistency of Kim as friend and companion brought a comfort to Lily’s life that she hadn’t imagined possible. Her roommate added flavor to the blandest of days and the most mundane of duties. Lily found herself looking forward to the spicy drama Kim dished up, even when it interfered with her well established boundaries. It was easier for Lily to contemplate making changes and taking chances with Kim’s support and friendship as a reliable buffer.

  Her relationship with Jimmy continued to be the biggest surprise. He was gentle, kind, playful, and sexy. He knew her secrets, understood her pain, and stuck around in spite of it or maybe because of it. On their trip, she had taken a step closer to him, clearing some baggage that lay between them, and he had taken a step or two back, recognizing the need. Their relationship was warm and fun without expectations, just how she would have hoped if she allowed herself such dreams.

  She hadn’t forgotten his big plans for the future. She hadn’t forgotten that the foreman position and the completion of his house were just the beginning. Did he stop pushing because he’d given up on himself or her? How long would he be content with neutral? She wanted to ignore the inevitable conclusion and enjoy her abundance of unexpected blessings; after all, avoidance had always been her strongest defense.

  Jimmy itched with the need to drown the trailer in gasoline and throw a lit match over his shoulder as he closed the door on that decaying mess. He resisted the urge as he triumphantly crossed the new grass toward his house and his much anticipated first night in it. Tom wanted to move into the trailer as he moved out. As much as Jimmy disliked that idea, he was going to have to come up with a less obvious way to keep his brother out.

  The stuff he’d salvaged in the short move lay scattered throughout the family room: a couch and chair, two side tables, a television, a boot lamp, and lots of old boxes he’d retrieved from his parents’ basement. Lily was on her way over and he hoped she would help put her female touch on the place and, later, help christen every room. Recognizing the sick rumble of her car, he hopped out the front door. Standing on the front porch with his arms open wide, he announced, “Welcome to my casa, darlin’!”

  Lily laughed, “Jimmy, I’ve been here a hundred times.”

  “Yes, but tonight we celebrate its grand opening! I’m open for business, and you're my first official visitor.” He waited for her at the top step and the moment they were face to face he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. Slapping her on the bottom, Jimmy explained, “First things first. We’ll begin by having hot sex on my new big boy bed; that’s what my nephew calls it. Then, if I can figure out how it works, I’ll feed you somethin' cooked on my brand new stove. And finally, we’ll work on moving some of my stuff around so this place starts lookin' like a home before we trip and break our necks.” Stepping inside, he asked, “How’s that grab you, darlin’? Best date ever, right?”

  He sounded happy and excited. She couldn’t resist him when he was like this and she didn’t want to. As she peered upside down at the heap of things between them and the bedroom, she said, “It might be safer if I walk.”

  “No way! This is how the cavemen brought their women home. This is my cave and you’re my woman.”

  Even long after the bedroom had been dedicated, Jimmy buzzed with enthusiasm. All during their celebratory spaghetti dinner, Lily noticed him lose track of the conversation while studying his handiwork as they chatted. She loved that he showed so much pride in his work and in his accomplishments. She didn’t think there could be anything sexier than a man realizing his dream.

  They cleaned up their dishes and wiped off the kitchen table, the only piece of furniture other than the bed that appeared to have found its permanent residence. Jimmy turned to the pile of furniture and boxes awaiting his attention. Scratching his head, he said, “Lily, I need you. All this shit needs to find a home. Lady folk seem to have a special talent for decoratin’. I was hopin' you could help me make this look good.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and together they surveyed the mess.

  “Jimmy, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m no good at this, either.”

  “That can’t be right. Your house is full of little knick-knacks and stuff. I have to admit though... some of it's pretty weird stuff.”

  “That’s all Kim’s doing. Part of the game we play is to find weird stuff and see if she can find a place for it, or make it look like something somebody might want. I have a special talent for finding ugly junk—that’s where my talents end.”

  Jimmy argued, “But you’re a girl and girls decorate—right?”

  “The only room in our house I decorated was my bedroom. Tell me what that looks like.”

  He pushed some stuff out of the way and reclined on the couch. “There’s a bed with an old pea green and yellow blanket.”

  Lily sat on his lap. “The ugliest blanket I could find. What else?”

  “Books, lots and lots of books stacked on the floor.”

  “What else?”

  Wrinkles appeared on his forehead as he focused. “Nothing else,” he grumbled. “You don’t even have a dresser or a lamp. And the bed sits on the floor. There’s no frame. Your walls are bare except for some old wallpaper.” He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed before. He was obsessed with the idea of making his home cozy like the house he grew up in. And he’d never noticed his girlfriend lived with only the essentials. Why?

  He looked at her perched on his lap, and she looked back as if none of what he’d just realized was of consequence. “Lily, is it about the money? Why don’t you have stuff? I can build you a dresser and a bookshelf. Just tell me what you want.”

  She smiled and gave him a peck on his pouty mouth. His tone was entirely too serious. She wanted playful Jimmy back. “No thanks. I’ve got what I need. It’s not about the money, although I will admit to being a miser.”

  “Why don’t you have any stuff?” Jimmy asked again with increasing concern. He was starting to feel like there was a secret between them, one that had been revealed a long time ago, but he was too stupid to s
ee.

  Running her fingers through his thick cropped hair, she soothed the hero who was unnecessarily readying himself for a rescue. She answered simply, “Stuff can be lost. Stuff can be taken. I don’t want to own anything that I might miss. Books are different because there’s not just one. If I lost my favorite book, I could easily find another, and even if the outside cover was different the words would be the same. That’s why I work at the library; the books always come back. That’s the deal, and everybody knows the rules from the start.”

  “Why didn’t I know this about you?”

  She shrugged and stood, "I just figured it out myself. I didn't think so much about why until I started hanging around with you.” Grabbing his hands, she struggled to pull him from the couch. “Come on, Jimmy. We’ve got work to do. Let’s get this mess cleaned up. I might not be much of a decorator, but I can help you move stuff around. We’ll do our best and then you can invite some other lady folk over who actually know what they’re doing. I’m sure Kim would love to help.” She was still pulling on him as Jimmy was trying to process what she’d said about the “stuff” and if it mattered. “Get up, you big lug! Messes make me crazy. If we can’t find your crap a home, at least we can organize it.”

  They positioned the television and couch first, deciding that that was the most straightforward decision. With those in place the remaining chair and tables quickly found a home, too. The boot lamp joined the side table in its place of prominence while the artistic black and white photo Kim had given Jimmy for Christmas found its permanent spot on the mantel as he imagined months ago. It was the other framed pictures of family and friends and mementos from school and trips that stumped them both.

  Lily placed each picture carefully on the floor scanning each one for a familiar face. “I’ve never seen these before.”

  Jimmy stopped hooking up the television and VCR, a housewarming present from his parents. Squatting down next to her, he said, “Most of this stuff was boxed up. I haven’t seen it for a couple of years myself.” He picked up the largest of the photos, pointed, and explained, “This is the whole gang at my grandparents’ lake house. I’m probably around 15 years old. That’s my big sister, Janie, next to me and you probably recognize Tom and Ed. And Steve’s the kid in the cast. He was so ticked that whole trip because my mom wouldn’t let him get in the water. He spent the week setting booby traps for us while we were out rafting.” He sat on the floor next to her and rolled up his jeans. “That’s how I got this scar. The little shit set a trip line in the woods that worked perfectly. I'd like to think the rock I fell on wasn’t part of the trap.”

  They stayed nestled together on the carpet for the rest of the night as Jimmy showed Lily team pictures, yearbooks, family snapshots, sharing stories to go along with the photos. Some of the tales she had heard before, but she didn’t bother interrupting. She enjoyed hearing his words come to life like the art work in a children’s book. Pride in family and his past proved the central themes. Again, she was reminded of how different their early years had been.

  “This is a picture from our annual family picnic taken probably twenty years ago. That baby in my mom’s arms is Ed. I’m at the other end. You can’t tell it, but I’ve got both Tom and Steve by their tighty-whities. And there wasn’t a thing they could do about it with everybody standing around yellin' at them to stand still.” Lily squinted at the tiny people standing in the front aisle in a group of over fifty, looking for evidence of yet another of his childhood pranks. “Mom always wondered why everybody’s elastic bands on their underwear were all stretched out.”

  Lily asked, “Everybody in this picture is related to you?”

  “Yup. There are way more of us now. See all those kids. Those are just first cousins, and they’ve all grown up and had more kids of their own. My mom’s side of the family breeds like rabbits.”

  “No wonder you know half the town.”

  “I’m related to ‘em.”

  Jimmy stood and stretched. “I think we’ve done all we can for tonight. Now that I’ve gone through everything, I’ll decide later what I want to put out and what will go back in the box. I hope you didn’t get too bored drivin' down memory lane with me.” He helped Lily up and moved the boxes against the wall. “As my punishment, you could make me look through your old pictures, too.”

  Lily yawned. “I told you. I don’t have any stuff.”

  “Don’t you have old yearbooks?” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’d like to see how cute you were as a kid with freckles.”

  “Yearbooks cost money and none of us had any to spend. Kim bought a cheap camera when she started college. I’m sure she’s got some snapshots of me, but I didn’t look much different then."

  “What about old toys or trophies or projects you made in art class?”

  “Nope. We weren’t allowed anything like that at the home. Even the clothes we wore were borrowed and then borrowed from us. I didn’t bring anything with me when I got dropped off, and I only left with a couple of outfits when I started college.” Jimmy took her in his arms, offering comfort even though Lily was stating the facts and didn’t require it. Pulling away and flashing a reassuring smile, she added, “Kim used to make little sock animals by rolling socks inside of socks and then drawing faces on them. She’d give them to the little ones if they were having an especially hard time. Ms. Sweaney found a couple of them, but no one would tell her who made them. Kim’s pretty good at hiding things. She may have snuck out of the home with stuff.”

  Stroking her shoulders and shaking his head, he said, “I just can’t imagine, Lily.”

  “There’s no need. Remember, kids who don’t grow up with stuff don’t know to miss it.”

  He took her face in his warm hands and searched her eyes for some sign of regret and found none. “Lily, you were ten when your dad left you there. You knew somethin’ different.”

  “It was easier to forget.” She took his hands and cradled them inside her own. “Look, you need to stop feeling sorry for me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself back in Chicago, and you don’t get a turn...okay? Besides," her voice suddenly husky, "there’s still some work to do in the bedroom.” She turned, leading the way.

  “Darlin’, I’m pooped,” he whined. "What kind of work?”

  She looked at him over her shoulder and teased, “I don’t believe your new bed has been fully broken in yet.”

  He smiled. “I’m right behind you. Let me get the lights.” Jimmy turned off the lamp and crossed the room toward the switch connected to the overhead light. Just before he hit it, he surveyed the room again. He liked where the couch ended up, perfect for seeing the TV without a glare from the front windows. The other furniture filled the remaining available floor space. It wasn’t that big of a room. How many options could there be? But something didn’t feel right. The walls were bare and that bothered him. He hated the idea of marring the smooth surfaces that he’d painstakingly sanded, but he knew pictures and maybe shelves would help make the room feel warmer and muffle the annoying echo of the smallest sounds. He needed advice on paint colors. Right now the entire house was white, and he knew that was too boring. The only other thing that felt right was the mantel. He had no doubt that the picture Kim gave him and its unique representation of his house with its exposed skin and bones was right where it should be. So what was it that kept nagging at him?

  Lily called, “Jimmy, everything okay?”

  He flipped the switch, entered his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

  Jimmy took Saturday off, promising to take Lily to a large state park outside of town for a picnic and some easy hiking. She was glad to have the excuse to get out and enjoy the nice weather. When he showed up in his truck, she snuggled up to his side, anticipating a great day together.

  “It’s nice that you could take today off. It’s so beautiful. I’d much rather spend it with you than with my nose in a book.”

  “That’s a great compliment comin’ from you,” Jimmy countered s
tiffly. “I hope you feel the same after we get there.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Keeping his attention on the road, he answered, “There’s a surprise waitin' for you at the park and I’m not sure what you’ll think about it.”

  “I don’t like surprises.”

  “Yeah. I figured that out at Christmas.”

  A suffocating silence saturated the truck. What was this about? Kind and accommodating Jimmy was acting cold and indifferent. Red flags she hadn’t seen in months emerged from dark places in her mind. Lily scooted across the seat to the window, mirroring the sudden distance she felt between them. “I’ve changed my mind. Take me home. I’d rather spend the day with a book.”

  “Nope. I don’t mean to be an ass, but I need you to come with me today. I’ll take care of you like I always do. You’ll see; it’ll be fine.”

  If he didn’t believe his words, he knew he was going to have a hell of a time convincing her to believe them. Today was the annual Foster family picnic which in years past included over 100 of his mother’s kin. He’d struggled for a month about whether or not to tell Lily about it. After reminding himself how anxious she was about meeting his family at Christmas, he decided it might be best not to give her the chance to worry. But he couldn’t deny that there was more to his decision. He also didn’t want Lily to have a way out. He needed to see her with his family. He needed to see how she fit, and how it felt to have her there. There were still some big holes in their relationship, but none worried him as much as this one.

  How would she respond to his mom’s interrogation and his father’s instant familiarity? What would she do when his cousins teased her about anything and everything? Would she care when his sister Janie’s little boy, Sam, wiped his nose on her shirt or her daughter, Sara, sprang a leak in her diaper all over her lap? Of course, she wouldn’t like it, but would she hide inside herself like she used to?