I Kill Monsters

by Dennis Liggio

  "So let's make sure we have this sketched out," I said. "Killing monsters to stop them from hurting people: bad. Capturing monsters to experiment on them and then kill them anyway: good. Is this one of those shades of gray situation? Because I'm really not getting why you guys look down on us."

  Ezra began some flustered response, but Mikkel cut him off. "I don't think this really matters right now."

  Ezra nodded and calmed. "You're right. I have no wish to make more enemies. And my own methods have resulted in my life being in danger."

  "We still don't understand why," I said. "You do research. Why would that endanger your life?"

  "It seems it depends on what you find," said Ezra. "For the most part, I am concerned with discoveries that have some sort of practical implementation. That is what Minerva wants. So we have found some interesting things. For example, take homo bacchae, what you call ghouls. These creatures have a whole pheromonal system far beyond human detection. They can both emit pheromones as well as follow them like a bloodhound across great distances. We even found ways to use that pheromones outside of the species." I could tell he was excited at this discovery and that he truly was passionate about his research. But then his mood went serious again. "I don't think that was the problem though. I think it was one of the more general discoveries. It caught the wrong attention."

  "What's the more general discovery?"

  "I'm a little uncomfortable with this. I'm a scientist, and I don't like to just go off in random speculation. But I've been over the data over and over. It's..." Ezra's voice lowered and he leaned forward over the table. We obliged him and leaned forward to listen. "It's just the DNA. All the DNA. Whether it's from homo bacchae, the insectoid creatures you wrongly call Spiders, or the others. Everything unique to New Avalon has the same strangeness in the DNA. There's a strand that we've simply never seen before. Nowhere. We might understand if there was some DNA deep in the Amazon or in a mountain rage we've never seen before. But the same unknown strain in every anomalous species in New Avalon? That's strange when we've not seen that strain anywhere else... on Earth."

  "On Earth?" echoed Mikkel.

  My mind raced to the intended conclusion and revolted at the idea. I quickly leaned back incredulously. "Aliens? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going aliens on this?"

  "I'm not saying aliens..." said Ezra.

  "But you are!" I said. "Or you're at least implying aliens. God fucking dammit. You had me going there for a moment. But aliens? Come on."

  "I want a flying saucer," said Mikkel. "I could drive it around town and pickup girls."

  "And you'd still paint it stupidly like the van," I said.

  "Don't mock the Porkchop Express," he said curtly.

  "Draw or don't draw whatever conclusions you like," said Ezra. "But we found this anomalous DNA in everything we were studying. We weren't quite sure what it meant. But once we wrote up this finding and it was disseminated to the higher ups in Minerva, there were problems. The worst were personified in a man named Blake Sutton. I believe you two have met him."

  Ezra pulled out his phone and went through his photos. Then he handed it to us. Blonde hair, arrogant expression, imperialistic cheekbones. Yeah, we knew him.

  "Suitguy," said Mikkel with a grumble, reaching up to rub his still slightly swollen black eye.

  "Blake... he even has a douchebag name," I said.

  "Of all the people I've worked with, Sutton is the worst," said Ezra, "and I have been working in corporate environments for many years. Our project was not under Sutton nor even in his division, but he decided he wanted it. He had been attempting to weasel his way into or over our project, but Jessica was fighting him at every angle. He technically outranked her, but since he wasn't in her reporting structure, he couldn't directly tell her what to do. Of course, that didn't stop him from using his own leverage."

  "Like those jackbooted commandos," I said.

  "Yes, Security & Extractions are under Sutton. We used them extensively for our research, but they technically fall under Sutton's control. We had an uneasy relationship that Sutton kept trying to leverage his way around, but with no luck. That was when he got desperate. He decided to use more insidious methods. Since he had access to our reports and had his own fabrication team, he could use our own results against us."

  "Like what, doc?" I said.

  "Remember how I talked about homo bacchae pheromones? We had cracked it... and therefore so had Sutton's team. We had found a way to allow other species to temporarily produce the same pheromones, usually for a few days. You might call our research nefarious or without merit, but we were looking to reproduce the homo bacchae 'danger' pheromone. Then we could have a pill or a shot we could give someone so that homo bacchae would not want to come near them."

  "I admit that could be very useful," I said.

  "It would make our job a lot easier," said Mikkel.

  "Unless they'd be keeping so far from us that we couldn't hunt them," I said.

  "In any event, that was our goal," said Ezra. "But we weren't there yet, though we had some encouraging trials. Sutton took that and used it against us. He had his team weaponize the homo bacchae food scent, particularly the one for prized food that they would bring back to their pack. Then he arranged for Jessica to be accidentally injected with it."

  "That's why they were following her!" I said, snapping my fingers.

  Ezra nodded. "She began producing the pheromones. No matter where she went, they were going to find her."

  "And why they killed her friend who wore her clothes," said Mikkel glumly. "The clothes must have smelled of her."

  Ezra nodded sadly. "Civilian casualties do not matter to Sutton. The only collateral damage he cares about is within the company. As long as his power and reputation are maintained, he doesn't care. And so far the board of Minerva has been focused elsewhere, so what they have heard seems to be just a petty turf war they don't care about."

  "Why do you work for this company again?" I asked.

  "It was a much better job," said Ezra. "And my research was going very well. We were close to real breakthroughs. But now? I'm afraid to go back to work. I'm afraid to go home. When Jessica's friend was attacked, I started slowly backing up data and moving assets. When Jessica went off the grid, so did I. I still have some hidden connections to Minerva, so I've been aware of what's happening, but I can't check in too often or I'll arouse suspicion." He then slurped a large mouthful of his coffee.

  "And you want us to protect you?" said Mikkel.

  Ezra nearly choked on his coffee. After he stopped coughing, he said, "God no! Look at the job you did protecting Jessica!" He took another sip of coffee which helped his throat. "No, I wanted to give you information so you could help Jessica."

  Mikkel and I looked at each other and I looked over to Ezra. "So what do you get out of this?" I asked. "I don't think you're a bad person, but I don't think you're a good person either. I don't see you as someone who sticks their neck out. In fact, I think you're more of someone who sticks other people's necks out. So tell me, what's your angle?"

  "Professional courtesy," he said. "Jessica and I have had our differences, but I don't believe that she should be a prisoner of her own company."

  "And?" I said.

  "And... I admit that it helps me," said Ezra. "If she can escape and let the board of Minerva in New York know what Sutton is doing, then she may get the company to deal with him and we can resume how things were. I would expect that injecting employees, public kidnapping, and other obvious displays of Minerva's confidential projects would violate their rules and they would want to action Sutton. But... I'll admit that may not happen. The board may be unsympathetic to Jessica's complaints. Or you two may simply fail to help Jessica."

  "Thanks for the vote of confidence," said Mikkel.

  "I'm a realist," said Ezra. "Either way, your attempt at rescue would provide a distraction. I have enough confidence in you and the information I will give you that you w
ill engage all of their local resources as a response. In that confusion, I will disappear from New Avalon. If you succeed, then I can return. But on the possibility you don't, I will do my best to put myself beyond Minerva's reach."

  "So you're a coward," I said.

  "As I said, I am a realist," said Ezra. "I am a scientist. I don't have the nerves for politics, particularly when my own research could be used against me. I know well enough that what I research is not pretty and I have no desire to be on the other end of it. There's a calculated risk to all conflicts and I have calculated this one, and my results say I should leave. If you still call that cowardice, then so be it."

  "And you leave us holding the bag," I said.

  "If all goes well, you'll be holding Jessica and the info to change Minerva," said Ezra. "I deal in information and I can leave you well armed. At that point, your success or failure has nothing to do with me anymore. You just have to trust me."

  "And that's really what it comes down to, doesn't it?" I said. "Do we trust you?"

  "Do you?" said Ezra.

  We looked at him for a long hard moment. "We'll see."

  Run to the Hills

  Sometimes life just doesn't go your way. Sometimes you've had the longest fucking day in the world, you're being responsible and getting things done, but all you really want to do is go home and sleep until someone forcibly drags you out of bed. And then you think you're done and you finally get to relax. And then some new bullshit grabs you by the ear and nearly yanks it off.

  Ezra handed us a flash drive. He explained that this had schematics of the Clark Building, where the Avalon branch of Minerva Technics was housed. He explained that he had annotated the files with information he felt would be relevant to us: points of entry, security features, and a particular server cluster. He even had a custom made worm on the flash drive, designed just for that cluster.

  "Infecting that server cluster is one of your best bets," he said. "It will disable the security cameras so not only will they not see you, but it won't record your presence for a potential lawsuit."

  "That does seem important," I said. I didn't want the badass Nowak Brothers to be ultimately felled by a trumped up breaking and entering charge from a corporate entity.

  "Breaking in may seem an impossible task," said Ezra, "but all the information is there. If you're smart about it, you should be able to compromise the server and rescue Jessica."

  "I guess we'll give it a try," I said.

  "There's nothing else you can do to help us?" asked Mikkel.

  Ezra shook his head. "If I stick my head up for too long, they'll grab me like they grabbed Jessica. Information is the best I can provide."

  "Understood," I said, scratching my head. In my tired state, it still felt like an uphill battle.

  "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to make my exit," said Ezra. "I feel like I've been out in the open too long."

  "Thanks for the info," I said as he rose from the table. We said our goodbyes. Mikkel also got out of the booth to use the bathroom. I ate my cheese fries and wearily smiled that we'd be going home soon. Mikkel's couch seemed so appealing at that moment.

  What I didn't see due to my commitment to the deliciousness that is mozzarella cheese fries was Mikkel clutching the side of his head due to one of his Bad Feelings. A moment later Mikkel bolted out the doors after Ezra.

  Somewhere about this point is when I happened to glance out the diner window and saw Mikkel dashing through the parking lot. Not understanding what was happening, my chewing slowed to a halt. I noticed Ezra in front of what I assumed was his car, pulling out his keys. I saw Mikkel run over to him and without a pause, Mikkel yanked Ezra away from the car and tackled him. In my mind, I had just formed the thought, That's interest-

  The car exploded. The blast vibrated the diner windows, but thankfully did not break them. The car's frame was launched straight up into the air, spinning as it crashed back to the ground. I leaped out of the booth and ran out the front of the diner, hastily swallowing my mouthful of food. I saw the prone bodies of Mikkel and Ezra, fearing for the worst.

  Mikkel was thankfully okay. He was covered in smoke and shards of glass, but he was unharmed. Ezra had hit the pavement hard and was winded. Other than scratches and bruises they seemed unhurt, which was a miracle considering how close they were to the car.

  "They found me..." gasped Ezra.

  I looked up to see black SUVs screeching down the road toward the diner.

  "Crap," I said.

  Mikkel and I pulled Ezra off the ground and gave him a supporting shoulder as we ran for our van. At the time, there was no thought or deliberation if we were going to help Ezra. We just knew we needed to get him out of there before whoever had rigged his car to blow up caught up with him.

  I dumped Ezra in the back while Mikkel started the Pork Chop Express. I hadn't even gotten the sliding door closed before Mikkel took off, screeching in reverse, then switching gears to drive around the wreckage of Ezra's car and out of the lot.

  Near the exit of the parking lot, those same black-clad commandos had shown up. Their intel must have been incomplete because while they looked at our now-moving van suspiciously, they did not immediately raise their guns and start shooting at us.

  Mikkel didn't give them time to decide otherwise. Leaning on the gas, he accelerated toward the parking lot exit. There were soldiers standing in our way. It dawned on them that we were probably the threat. But they discovered they had a very quick decision to make: were they going to raise their guns at us or were they going to dive out of the way of the van hurtling toward them. They opted for the latter, smarter choice. As we screeched out of the parking lot and turned down the street toward the highway, we heard the sounds of their shock rifles firing at us, but as far as I could tell, nothing struck us. I had no idea what those rifles would do to a van.

  As we raced down the street, we found two black SUVs were on our tail. Before it was out of view, I saw the third one backing out of the diner parking lot.

  "What the fuck is going on?" I said.

  "I was out too long," said Ezra. "They must have tracked me. Or they were following you. They could have intercepted our emails and known we were meeting."

  "So what, now we have a hit squad after us?" I said.

  "They're after me," coughed Ezra, still sprawled in the back of our van, holding onto some of our strapped down gear so he didn't go sliding. "But I don't think they're too happy with you. They ignored you previously, but at this point you might be too big a thorn in their side to not neutralize."

  "That's fucking great," I said, crawling into the front passenger seat. "Mikkel, we're going to get neutralized."

  "They have to fucking catch us first," said Mikkel, his eyes concentrating on the road as he weaved around cars. "The Porkchop Express will outrun them."

  "They're in pretty fancy looking SUVs," I said, "and we're in this junker of a van."

  "Don't mock the Porkchop Express!" said Mikkel, yanking the wheel for a quick turn onto the highway. Since I hadn't yet fastened my seatbelt, I slammed against the passenger side door. As I rubbed my face, I tried to decide whether he had done that intentionally.

  I pulled myself back into the seat and fastened my belt. "At this point I have no choice but to trust the van," I said diplomatically.

  We raced out of Glenntown toward New Avalon. I watched as Mikkel was remaining in the left lane. "Why aren't you taking the off ramp?" The ramp would have led to Midtown and the areas south we knew and loved. "Why are you staying on the highway?"

  "I can go faster on the highway," he said. "Better chance to outrun them and lose them." The Highway was a straight shot down south through New Avalon, then if you stayed on it, it forked into two highways, one heading out to the airport and another looping around a big chunk of New Avalon.

  "They're in SUVs, so they can go faster too," I said. "Probably faster than us. I hope you know what you're doing."

  "As much as usual," he said.


  "So no, you don't know what you're doing," I said sourly.

  Mikkel took his eyes off the road for just a moment, turning just to grin toothily at me.

  I sighed. The evasive actions and high speed of the van was making Lola Mandragora hula rapidly in a jerky motion, making me think she was at a rave.

  A moment later Mikkel said, "Can you go back and check if they're following and how far? I have my rear views but would prefer someone dedicated to looking."

  I nodded and took off my seatbelt again.

  Crawling back, I saw that Ezra had wedged himself between two trunks we had strapped down with bungees. He did not appear to be enjoying the rocking of the van like Lola.

  "We need to escape them and go to ground!" said Ezra.

  "Yeah, yeah, we're on it," I said, shuffling toward the back of the van, trying to keep my balance as Mikkel took evasive maneuvers.

  This was a mostly windowless van, which was good because we kept our gear in it. I've mentioned before that our gear might raise some eyebrows out of context. So the only window in the back of the van was the tinted window on the back doors.

  I pressed my face up against the window. I could see one SUV stuck behind two cars in our lane, but I saw a second weaving toward us in another lane.

  "Mikkel! We got one SUV coming for us on your left!" I yelled.

  Then we hit a bump and it all went to shit.

  Funny story. It seems that in our great race to get in the van and get the hell out of that parking lot, nobody had checked to make sure all the doors were locked and secured. So in fact those back doors were unlocked, something I didn't realize until the van went over the bump, causing them to swing open... with me leaning against them.

  It was only through my quick reflexes and petrified death grip that I survived. Hanging onto the door, I swung out with it. I now found myself hanging on the door suspended over the road, as the van surged forward at probably eighty miles per hour.

  As I've said before, Mikkel loves his fucking movies, so as his brother, I've ended up sitting through more movies than I've usually wanted to see. And I'm a little more cynical about them. I'm usually the first to call out the unrealistic-yet-exciting crap that Hollywood forces on us in the name of entertainment. So you can also see how ironic it was that I was the one now hanging from a van door during a high speed car chase. I cursed the movies for once being actually relevant and then cursed myself for not remembering how any of those action heroes got out of this predicament.