Fake it Baby

by Tia Siren

  I thought about it. I hadn’t owned a car in a long time. “SUV. That’s family-like, right?”

  Another laugh. “Yes. Alright. I’ll be delayed a bit while I do your latest bidding.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you soon,” I said, hanging up the phone.

  I worked for another hour before I got bored. It was too quiet in the house. I was used to a busy office and being interrupted by someone every ten minutes.

  I headed downstairs in search of Avery. I wanted to let her know we would soon have a new family car to help sell our story. I checked the kitchen and then the main living room but didn’t find her. As I was walking across the foyer, I saw a note sitting on the entryway table telling me she had a shift at the library and would be back later today.

  She had left, and I had been completely oblivious. I was a little offended she didn’t bother saying good-bye. I knew why. She was pissed Drew hadn’t brought her car. I would reimburse her for the cab fare, I decided, and put the note back down.

  I was bummed. I had hoped to hang out with her and maybe help thaw her out toward me. I knew we could get along if she tried. We had moments of peace between us. I hoped to have more of those.

  I was bored. I hated being idle. An idea popped into my head. I was going to show off my cooking skills for Avery. It was one of my secret joys. I had hired a world-class chef to give me cooking lessons a while back. I rarely got the chance to actually use what I had learned, but with all the downtime and the gourmet kitchen at my disposal, it was the perfect opportunity.

  I pulled open the fridge and then the pantry only to discover there was nothing for making a meal. Snacks and sandwiches weren’t going to cut it. Something Avery said earlier gave me an idea. I would go grocery shopping. I could do it. It had been a few years since I had stepped foot in a grocery store, but how hard could it be?

  “Shit,” I muttered. I didn’t have a car.

  I called Drew. “Well?” I asked impatiently.

  “Well what?” he asked.

  “Did you get me something to drive?”

  He sighed. “You know, sometimes these things take time.”

  I looked at my expensive watch. “It’s been two hours.”

  He laughed. “Only you would think that was a long time. Yes, I got you an SUV. I’m following the guy right now. We should be there in about ten minutes.”

  “Awesome! You’re the best,” I said, hanging up and quickly dressing for a trip to the grocery store.

  I was going to enjoy this regular guy gig. I was pacing outside when the black SUV rolled up the driveway. I smiled at the sight of it.

  A young guy jumped out of the driver’s seat and brought me the keys. Drew pulled up behind the flashy SUV and walked over to us.

  “Happy now?”

  I smiled and nodded. “This is perfect.”

  “Do want to know what it is?” he asked dryly.

  I shrugged. “Not really. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  He rolled his eyes. “All right, kid, let’s get you back to the dealership.”

  “I’m going shopping. I’ll be back here later and we can go over that stuff,” I told him, heading for the rig in the driveway.

  Drew stopped in his tracks. “You’re going to do what?”

  I grinned. “I’m going grocery shopping.”

  Drew turned around and walked back over to me. He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Are you drunk?”

  “No! I want to make dinner, and to do that I need food,” I explained.

  He leaned closer and sniffed near my mouth. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. If I’m going to be playing house, I may as well have some fun and put those cooking lessons to use. I’m hoping it will make Avery like me a tad more than she does now.”

  He shook his head. “I wouldn’t even try to get her into bed. I’m pretty sure she will cut off body parts you would rather keep.”

  “Ha, ha. I just want us to be friends and get along. If we’re going to live together and raise a child together for the foreseeable future, I want us to at least be able to be in the same room without her shooting daggers at me. It gets kind of old after a while.”

  He took a deep breath and nodded. “Remember, we drive on the right side of the road. The red octagons mean stop. Green is go.”

  I ignored his jests and got inside the rig. It was very comfortable. I was going to have to seriously consider getting one for myself when I got back to California. It would be fun to escape from time to time without relying on someone else to drive me.

  I punched the words “grocery store” into the navigation system and got on my way. When I got there, I was overwhelmed. I had no real idea what I planned on cooking. I stared at all the meat choices and realized I was in over my head.

  I took a deep breath. I could do this. It was food for heaven’s sake. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in the checkout line with a cart loaded with food to the point where it was nearly overflowing. People were giving me strange looks as I awkwardly took the stuff out of the cart and put it on the belt.

  “This looks like you are cooking a feast,” the cashier said with a smile.

  “I hope so,” I said, watching everything slide across the little scanner.

  “Did you bring your bags?” asked a kid at the end of the belt where all my groceries had been sent.

  “What?”

  “Bags. Did you bring your bags?”

  I looked around, wondering what the hell the kid was talking about. “No, I didn’t bring bags.”

  The kid sighed and made a big fuss about my lack of bags before reaching down and popping open a plastic bag.

  “He means the reusable bags,” the cashier whispered.

  “Oh. I didn’t know I was supposed to have those.”

  She smiled. “Don’t worry about it. The plastic bags are fine.”

  I paid for the groceries and went through the tedious process of loading everything into the back of the SUV. I was really glad Drew had purchased something big. I wasn’t sure my haul would have fit into a car the size of Avery’s.

  When I arrived home, I realized I now had to haul everything into the kitchen. Grocery shopping was not all that much fun.

  I had the first load in my arms when Avery pulled up in her car.

  “What is all that?” she asked, gesturing to the bags in my arms.

  “Groceries.”

  “Groceries? You went grocery shopping?” she asked, sounding as surprised as Drew had.

  I nodded. “Yes. They’re heavy. Grab a couple bags, will you please?”

  She looked at the SUV with the back end opened and then back at me. “Holy shit! Did you buy the entire grocery store?”

  I ignored her and headed inside. I quickly deposited the bags on the long counter and headed out for another load. I passed her in the entryway and smiled.

  When we were finished unloading the car, she stood in the kitchen with her hands on her hips. “What is all this?”

  “I wanted to make dinner.”

  “For how many people?”

  “Us,” I said, feeling embarrassed.

  “Jake, this is a lot of food. I mean, how do you expect to eat all of this before it spoils?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I got carried away. I wanted to make sure I bought stuff you liked.”

  She burst into laughter. “Well, I think you have it covered. We are set for a while.”

  “Good,” I said and looked at the kitchen counters covered with bags of food.

  It was somewhat overwhelming.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Avery

  Jake, determined to make the rented house a home, filled it with groceries. It was a nice gesture, and I wouldn’t rain on his little parade.

  “Here,” he said, handing me a can of club soda. “Sit back and watch me transform this kitchen.”

  I laughed and took the soda before having a seat on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter.

  �
��So, you cook?” I asked, watching him put groceries in the fridge and pantry.

  It was fun to watch him make himself right at home in the big kitchen. It was a side of him I had never seen before. I kind of liked the man in front of me. He looked like he was in his element. The more I watched him, the more uncomfortable I began to feel. I was a guest in his house. I was living with a man I didn’t fully trust. The old doubts came rushing forward, pushing away that brief feeling of contentment I had while watching him work in the kitchen.

  “I cook a little. I love to cook, but I never really have the time to do it,” he was saying as he set aside a bag of Yukon potatoes. “Do you cook?”

  I laughed. “I cook Ramen noodles. Does that count?”

  He made a horrible face and shuddered. “Please don’t eat those. Those things will kill you. They are full of sodium.”

  “So you’re a nutritionist as well?” I teased, trying my best to keep the mood light.

  “I’m not a nutritionist, but I do watch what I eat. I used to have a personal trainer. He dumped me when I kept missing appointments. I did learn some things from him and have tried to eat better. I’m not getting any younger, and I can’t go around stuffing myself with crap and still look like this,” he said with a grin.

  I rolled my eyes. “I always forget how shy you are,” I said sarcastically.

  He chuckled, and with all the groceries put away, he began to peel potatoes. Everything the man did, he did with a quiet confidence that was attractive. I found myself staring at him, completely entranced by what he was doing.

  He looked up and caught me staring at him. He raised an eyebrow, questioning me without words.

  “I’m amazed to see how proficient you are in the kitchen,” I said, hoping I sounded cool and casual.

  He nodded his head. “Sure.”

  I wanted to pretend I wasn’t attracted to him, that I wasn’t dying to touch him or be kissed by him, but I couldn’t. I was. I loathed myself for thinking about him that way. I couldn’t let myself fall for him. Not again. It had ended very badly the last time I let myself fall for his charming ways.

  “Can I help?” I offered.

  He looked around as if looking for something for me to do. “You want to wash the vegetables?”

  I laughed. “Are you afraid to let me do any slicing and dicing?”

  He chuckled. “I’m afraid of you holding a knife in close proximity to me.”

  “Good. You should be afraid,” I teased.

  I pulled the veggies out of the crisper and began to wash them.

  “Did Janice call you?” I asked him as we worked together in the kitchen like we’d been doing the same thing for years.

  “No. Why? What happened?”

  “I called her. I assumed she would call you or your lawyer at least.”

  He put down the knife and looked at me. “And? What happened? Why would she call me?”

  “I told her we were married. I have court on Friday. It was the date set last week when they took Iris away from me,” I said. “I told her we were married and you would be going to court with me.”

  “Shit. No, I didn’t know any of that. I wonder if my lawyer knows,” he said.

  “I don’t know. I assumed you were supposed to be in court that day as well.”

  “Okay, so we go to court together. Did she say anything about the marriage, like it would help our case or anything?”

  I grimaced. “It’s Janice. I don’t think she says much of anything. She said we’d have to convince the judge we were suitable parents.”

  He shook his head. “She said it just like that?”

  I thought about the brief conversation we had and nodded. “Yes.”

  “So she doesn’t believe us.”

  “I don’t know about that. She did sound hesitant, but I think that is how she always sounds.”

  He went back to chopping potatoes and tossing them in a pot of boiling water. “We have to make this work. I’ll talk to my lawyer to see how much interference he can run, but we might get asked questions about each other.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, they’ll want to make sure the marriage is real. I have the marriage certificate, but we need to show we’re a real couple. You know, that we know things a spouse would know and stuff like that,” he said.

  I nodded, understanding what he was talking about. “Okay. How are we going to do all that in the next two days?”

  He laughed. “By starting right now.”

  “Well, we knew each other growing up. That should help.”

  “Yes. Okay, so what’s our story? Janice saw us that day in the office. I think it was pretty clear we weren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

  I took a minute to think of a good story. “Okay. We dated when we were younger. We had known each other for a while. You went off to college and we broke up. We’ve talked off and on over the years. When you came home for the funeral, we had a small fight, but then we made up. We decided we wanted to be together and got married.”

  He was smiling and nodded. “Good. That works. It’s plausible. Okay, so, now we need to catch up. What’s your favorite food?”

  I smiled. “Cherry cheesecake.”

  He laughed. “I don’t think that’s an actual food.”

  “You’ve obviously never had cherry cheesecake then. It’s dairy, fruit, and a whole lot of yummy.”

  He nodded his head, still smiling. “Okay. Mine is lasagna. I could eat lasagna for weeks and never get tired of it.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Ugh, that’s so heavy.”

  “And cheesecake isn’t?”

  He took the washed veggies and started expertly chopping them. I watched in amazement.

  “Pets?” I asked him.

  The face he made told me that was a definite no. “You?”

  I shook my head. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want one in the future. Iris could use a dog.”

  “We’ll talk about that later. Color?”

  I shrugged. “Black. I don’t know why. I’ve always been drawn to black.”

  He grinned. “Me too. Look at that, we have something in common.”

  “Want some wine?” I asked, grabbing one of the many bottles he had bought on his grocery shopping adventure.

  “Sure. I’m a white wine drinker but prefer whiskey neat. You?”

  “Honestly, I like white wine or an ice-cold beer.”

  He burst into laughter. “I didn’t expect that.”

  “I’m not pretentious. I can get down with a cold beer. Sometimes it goes better with the day or the meal. I really like fried fish. Maybe we should say that’s my favorite food,” I said.

  He shook his head. “No. Stick with what comes naturally. If we start making stuff up, we’re going to get confused and get caught in a lie.”

  “You’re right. Fine. I’m going to go change. I’ll be back in a bit,” I said, leaving him to his cooking while carrying my glass of wine with me.

  It was strange to be having a real conversation with the man I had hated for so long. He wasn’t all that bad. I had a feeling I would find myself liking him if I allowed myself to put down all my walls. I couldn’t do that. I had to remind myself the marriage was a sham. It wasn’t real. He was only being nice because he wanted something from me.

  I pulled on a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a tiny black T-shirt. It felt good to relax after a day of wearing a tight skirt. I couldn’t imagine how Jake must feel after the end of a long day at work wearing one of those fancy suits he looked so damn good in. Watching him move around in the kitchen wearing his shorts and a T-shirt had looked so natural. The man was a chameleon. He could blend into any environment and look good doing it.

  By the time I made it back into the kitchen, dinner was almost done.

  “Oh my god, it smells so good!” I exclaimed.

  He smiled. “Good. I hope it tastes as good as it smells. Do you want to eat at the table in the dining room or here at the bar?”

&n
bsp; “I’ll set the table. The dining room is amazing. It feels too formal for the two of us, but we may as well use it while we got it.” I winked.

  We were having steak, potatoes, and salad for dinner. I carried in the various condiments and cutlery, doing my best to make it look nice. I lit the two candles on the table and walked back into the kitchen to see if there was anything else I could do.

  He was dishing up our two plates.

  “I’ll grab the wine,” I said.

  We sat down, and I suddenly felt the intimacy of the situation.

  “This is kind of weird, huh?” he said, breaking the ice.

  I nodded. “Yes, it is.”

  “Let’s enjoy the meal and get to know each other more. We need to be ready for whatever they may ask.”

  “Okay. We can use this as our first date, but we’ll pretend it happened a long time ago.”

  He chuckled. “Sounds good to me. So, you said you just got a degree. What’s the degree in?”

  “Accounting. I know, completely boring, but it was one of the few majors that promised I could get a job once I graduated. Although that hasn’t been working out well for me.”

  “I can put in a good word for you if you want,” he offered.

  “I’m not that desperate—yet—but I will keep that in mind.”

  “Who’s Sally?” he asked.

  I smiled. “She’s a friend. A couple years ago I ran out of money while I was still in school. I couldn’t afford the apartment I was in. She offered to let me stay with her. I insisted on paying rent. I’ve been renting the room from her for a couple years. I help her out around the house when I can.”

  “I like her,” he stated.

  I laughed. “Good. So do I. She’s been like a second mom to me. What about you? What exactly do you do in California?”

  He looked at me as if I were a little crazy. “You don’t know? Tracy never talked about me?”

  I shook my head. “Not specifics. She knew I wasn’t all that interested in hearing it.”

  He smirked. “Understandable. I own a company.”

  I nodded. “And you’re rich.”

  “Yes.”

  “A lot rich or just richer than me?” I prodded, not really caring if I was getting too personal. This was something I should probably know before a judge started asking questions.