Fake it Baby

by Tia Siren

  “Thank you ladies,” he said kissing his hand and sending it off through the air. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” He picked up his bag, walked out the door and looked around. “Vivienne, S'il vous plait?” he said to the taxi driver when he pulled up to the curb. He remembered Vivienne to be a part of the elite side of Paris.

  The driver drove the streets toward a much richer part of the city and when Edward saw Ami, the boutique he took Sasha to and he leaned forward. “Can you let me out here, please?”

  The driver pulled over and Edward handed him a fifty note. “Wait for me?”

  “Oiu, monsieur.” He climbed out of the cab, leaving his things in the back and stood in front of the large front window. His reflection stared back at him before he walked in through the glass doors into the posh clothing store.

  Looking around he noticed the familiar suits he had duplicates of in his own closet at home. As he thumbed through a few stacks of clothes on the shelves that lined the walls, he had a hard time getting an associate to help him as they all rushed to look busy when he tried getting their attention. He smirked as they glanced at him then quickly looked away. He walked into the store further noticing an attractive woman looking through the men’s trench coats. She was older, perhaps early forties, definitely married but he was guessing not faithfully. She had the aura of a woman who liked younger men.

  The ultimate test.

  He could have easily walked up to a woman like this, getting her attention without saying a word, without even trying and landing her in his bed that same afternoon.

  “Excuse me, miss?” he said as he approached her, not holding back his attraction. He leaned into her and did everything he used to do to get the attention of a pretty woman. He had seen Joseph do it a million times too. A never-fail.

  The woman looked at him with a smile that was lost as soon as she saw him. He wanted to believe she didn’t mean to look at him in the demeaning way she did. But to give it the test, he poured on the charm.

  “I couldn’t help but notice you as soon as I walked into the room.”

  “I’m sure you are looking for someone else.” She turned away from him and continued looking through the coats.

  “I am only in Paris for a few days and I would love to have a beautiful woman such as yourself accompany me to dinner this evening.”

  She looked at him as if he were a dirty man with holes in his clothes and turned away from him without saying a word.

  “No strings,” he said still trying.

  She moved away from him without looking back and started thumbing through trousers on a shelf nearby. When he finally gave up and walked away from her, she went back to the trench coats and continued what she was doing.

  He stood there, a smile forming on his face as he looked around the store. This is perfect, he thought. He quickly walked back to the woman, threw his arms around her and hugged her. “Thank you!” He said before turning and walking briskly out of the store.

  “What the….”

  He looked back through the large front window and saw her standing in the same spot. He smiled as her eyes still followed him with her mouth gaping open. Two associates had rushed to her side, picking over her as if he had accosted her or told her an improper dirty joke. He couldn’t help but laugh out loud as he walked back to his waiting taxi cab.

  “Shangri La Hotel, s'il vous plaît?”

  The driver turned and looked at Edward. “Monsieur?”

  He handed the driver another fifty note. “Oui, monsieur.”

  The taxi driver pulled up in between two very long stretch limousines and waited for Edward to gather his things and close the door, but didn’t pull away until he watched him walk into the hotel as if he couldn’t believe such a common man could stay in such a lavish hotel.

  Edward chuckled, enjoying his game of dress-up, or dress-down as it may. He checked into the hotel with several requests for identification and credit card checks until they realized how well off he was financially.

  “Je suis désolé, monsieur.”

  “I’m sorry. My French is rather rusty.”

  “Ah, I apologise to you sir. Your attire es not to our standards ‘ere.”

  “It’s okay. I am conducting somewhat of a study so I apologise as well.”

  “Our concierge will assist you up to your room. Enjoy your stay.”

  “Thank you.”

  He followed the concierge across the glassy floor made of marble and to the mirrored elevator doors. Once up and inside his room, the concierge opened the balcony doors that overlooked the city. He opened the bathroom door and bedroom door and waited for Edward to give the okay that he approved.

  “Thank you,” he said, pulling a ten note from his wallet.

  “If there is anything you need, please let me know.”

  Once alone, he looked around the room and felt more normal. He thought about getting a room at a lower cost hotel, but didn’t want to change everything too drastically. Everything was the same champagne color from the carpet to the walls and the lavish bedding on the king-sized bed. Black onyx furniture with gold inlays accented the room beautifully as did the crystal lighting.

  He opened his bags and took them out, leaving them in neat piles on the bed. He ordered room service to deliver a bottle of chilled champagne and cut fruit to his room by eight and grabbed his jacket before leaving his room for the rest of the day.

  A limousine waited outside the hotel, but he opted to walk down the street until he could hail a cab. He didn’t want to draw any attention to himself in his endeavors he had planned for the day.

  The taxi driver took him past several upscale shopping boutiques and stores, past the bourgeois apartment blocks and out of the richer parts of Paris. They drove toward the outskirts of the city until the scenery started to change. It was still nice, but not so upscale or ritzy.

  “Please let me out here,” he said, pulling his wallet out for the fare. He looked around and took a walk around the streets to introduce his new image to the world.

  “Bonjour, ladies,” he said laying on the thick French accent as he passed two very beautiful women on the street.

  They barely gave him a look as they continued their conversation in their native tongue.

  He turned to watch them walk away from him, admiring their physique and wishing, at first, for a chance to get to know them. After a second thought, he realized these were the types of women he was trying to get away from.

  “Have a good day,” he called out before turning around. He turned a corner and saw another lovely woman sitting alone on a single bench next to a small coffee shop. She held a book in her delicate fingers, her legs were crossed and a large hat covered most of her face. “Bonjour, mademoiselle.” He bowed before her and smiled.

  The woman lowered her book and lifted her head to look up at Edward. “Bonjour,” she said without a smile. “Puis-je vous aider?”

  He felt foolish for not knowing the language enough to make conversation, but he tried anyway. “Um, Vous êtes… um, ravissante.”

  “Je vous remercie.” She got up from the bench and without another word she went into the coffee shop, leaving him standing there alone.

  He rushed inside and quickly caught up to her as she went to the counter and ordered a café noir. “Pardon moi?”

  The woman turned to him annoyed at the constant interruption and looked at him like he needed to be sent away. “Quelle?”

  He pressed his lips together and tried to remember the French classes he took in college. He wanted to sound intelligent without sounding condescending, but he knew his new attire would never allow him to pull that off. He wanted to ask her out but sound sincere while doing it. “Voulez-vous voir… um, mon singe?”

  She stepped back and gasped, slapping his face before turning away from him, leaving her coffee on the counter and walking out the door.

  He covered his cheek that now felt like someone singed it with a hot iron and looked at the woman’s coffee. The
barista stood on the other side of the counter, her eyebrow raised.

  “I guess she didn’t like the coffee,” he said jokingly. He pulled his wallet and paid for the coffee. “Milk and sugar?”

  The barista gave him a small tray with various condiments on it. “Ce sera tout?”

  “Thank you. Je vous remercie.” He set the coffee on the tray and carried it to a table by the window. After setting it down, he rubbed his face, still feeling the sting of her slap, and looked around the little coffee shop. He caught two women watching him and giggling as he sat down. Each time he looked their way they would look at each other, whisper something to each other and giggle like school children. He wondered if they were flirting with him or if they were picking at him for his obvious display of failure in picking up a beautiful woman. He has definitely had a few firsts since his new transformation. He has never been turned down by so many women in a row, and he has never known what it felt like to have an inferiority complex. He decided to let it go for fear of another rejection.

  I’m an idiot, he thought. I’m acting like a complete jackass, like a damned player, like… Joseph. This is completely wrong. Stirring his coffee with the smell of fresh cream swirling around the dark liquid, he stole another glance at the two women and noticed one of them flirting with him. He kept his eyes on her as he carefully sipped his coffee.

  Her body language told him she wasn’t going to slap him if he talked to her. He just hoped she knew English. He got up and walked to them, trying to put the way he looks out of his head, trying to act like a man should act toward a woman, trying to act more like himself. He shoved his hands awkwardly into his back pockets and watched his feet walk closer to them.

  Chapter 10

  “Bonjour,” he said without the played-up accent.

  “Bonjour, mon ami.” The woman looked up at him with dark brown innocent eyes and he was instantly smitten by her.

  She tried to keep her eyes on him, but quickly looked at her friend and laughed.

  “My apologies but my French is rather rusty. Do you by chance speak English?”

  “We do, quite well actually.”

  “Oh, thank God.” He smiled at her and stood up straight. “I seem to be having a problem with it.”

  “I… noticed,” she said pointing to the counter where his latest failure occurred.

  “You witnessed that, did you?”

  She nodded, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she let out another chuckle matching her friend’s laugh. “It’s not very often that we over hear a good-looking man ask a woman if she wanted to see his monkey.”

  Edward cringed, making a face and covering his eyes. “Oh, God. I didn’t say that, did I?”

  “I’m afraid you did.”

  “Well, it’s no wonder she slapped me.”

  “You don’t get to France very often do you?”

  “No. No I don’t, and even though I did take classes back in my college days, my french isn’t so good.” He motioned to an empty seat and lowered his head. “You aren’t, going to slap me if I ask to join you, are you?”

  She laughed again and silently checked with her friend. Upon receiving an approved nod, she pushed the seat out toward him. “I promise I won’t slap you. Please, sit down.”

  He held his hand out toward her and smiled. “I’m Edw….” He stopped in mid-sentence. “Eddie.” He smiled, remembering the day he changed his name from Eddie, the college boy to Edward, the successful business man.

  “Hello, Eddie. I’m Eva and this is my friend Monica.”

  “Hello,” she nodded.

  “It’s nice to meet someone who is actually civil,” he said, sitting down.

  After some small talk, Monica politely and apologetically excused herself after throwing her friend a glance and a grin, leaving Edward and Eva alone to get to know each other. She sat just to the right of him at the small round table, her eyes bright and her smile mesmerizing. He had to fight the thoughts he had about thrusting his hands deep into that thick, chocolate brown hair of hers, grabbing handfuls of it and pulling her to him, his mouth covering hers and stealing her breath away. He had to concentrate on what she had to say rather than what she must look like in his bed next to him after making love to her.

  “So, Eddie. What brings you to Paris?”

  Her attempt at making conversation caused Edward to scatter his thoughts away and helped him concentrate on her. “Just getting away from everyday life.”

  “It’s nice to get away, for sure.”

  “I needed a break, maybe to find out who I really am or to just take a deep breath and open my eyes to what is around me.”

  “That’s a very sober reason,” she said, entranced with his words.

  He was good at holding a woman’s attention but this time was different. He didn’t have to lay it on thick or talk about his success to impress. He was more true in his words to his new friend than he had ever been with anyone in his life, not that he didn’t try to be true in the past. The women in his life were not interested in what he had to say. This time was different.

  “What do you do?” she asked, tilting her head.

  And this was where he had to fabricate again. He didn’t want to be truthful. He couldn’t be. Truth was his downfall. If he talked about his success, his money, his attire, she would see him as a player or someone who might have thought she was beneath him. She would walk away and he would never see her again. It was everything about him that told a woman he was stereotypically a player and he wasn’t relationship worthy.

  “I am a teacher… a professor.”

  “Nice,” she nodded, raising her eyebrows. “What do you teach?”

  “Business and economics.” He knew more about the subjects than most professors.

  “So, a professor… at a college I presume?”

  “Yes.” He was answering questions he didn’t know the answers to. Flying off the cuff and hoping it worked out for him. He was good at creating as he went.

  “And where is that?”

  “I am sort of a traveling professor. I go where I am needed.”

  “That’s so nice if you don’t have any tie downs. Family, girlfriend, you know.” She looked up at him as if researching the statement rather than just chatting about it.

  “No tie downs.” He caught the hint of a smile on her lips before she continued.

  “I’m jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  She clasped her hands together on the table and toyed with the rings on her fingers. “You get to travel.”

  “And you don’t? You are young, no tie-downs, I’m betting.”

  “But I can’t. Not right now. I’m working through college, studying for my masters, saving everything I earn, which isn’t much these days.”

  “Yeah, I know how that goes. So,” he continued, quickly moving on from his lies “What are you studying?”

  “History and Social Sciences,” she said as if it were difficult to admit.

  “Wow, and what is your career choice after your degree?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I’m weighing my options.”

  “Sounds pretty deep.”

  “Maybe one day it will give me the opportunity to travel and study as I do.”

  “Maybe it will.” He couldn’t stop looking at her eyes. He easily got lost in them several times while talking with her.

  “Where have you taught? Maybe you were close to my school.”

  “Mostly England and Scotland. My last position was at Cardiff University in Whales, but I wasn’t there only a couple of months. I have never been in one place too long. Makes it hard to get close to the students, but I suppose it keeps me from getting too attached.”

  “You love what you do, don’t you?”

  “I do. I like to make a difference.”

  “I can tell.” She hesitated as she seemed to study his face, her eyes cascading down his neck and to his arms. “Um,” she said, blinking and taking a drink of her coffee. “I grew u
p in Bristol, right across the Bristol Channel. So, I guess we weren’t too far from each other at one point. Small world, huh?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Do you make a good living as a traveling professor?”

  “I get by,” he shrugged.

  His phone interrupted them and without a second thought, he pulled it out of his pocket. After looking at the screen, he hit a button and slid it back into his pocket. When he looked back at Eva, her eyes were on his pocket.

  “Was that a Black Diamond smartphone?” she asked, cocking her head.

  “Oh.” He was completely caught off guard and knew she was smart enough to read the hints. He pulled it back out and looked at it before sliding it back in. “No. It’s a knock off.” He leaned toward her and whispered, “but don’t tell my father.”

  “Your father?”

  “He thought he was doing a hell of a stroke of business when he bought it for me, thinking he was getting a heck of a deal.”

  “Oh, well that was sweet,” she said, buying his story with a smile and dismissing the idea of such an expensive cell phone in the hands of a man who worked to just get by.

  “I don’t like carrying it around, honestly, but they hate not being able to get a hold of me.”

  “Well, I think it’s a nice gesture that they care so much for you. I hardly carry mine. They are more of a nuisance than anything else.”

  “I agree.”

  “I walk into a café or anywhere actually. Look around and see virtually everyone on their phones. No one talks anymore. Couples out to dinner not communicating because they are playing a game or on a social website. It’s so sad.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. It keeps you from living life.”

  “Yes!” she said, eyes wide. “I want no part of it.”

  “Speaking of having dinner, would you like to accompany me this evening?”

  “Yeah?” She grinned a shy grin and leaned back in her chair.

  “Yeah. Have dinner with me.”