Fake it Baby

by Tia Siren

  “Yeah,” Jake said, nodding with a grim look on his face, “I think that’s the only thing we can do. I won’t be able to calm down until I know for sure she’s okay.”

  The rest of the day we went through in a harried sort of autopilot. Jake and I took care of Brooke’s duties. It was tricky, but doable—and it helped me keep my mind off her. Although as soon as I saw the minute hand stop on 3:45, I was up and heading to the door.

  “Want to leave early?” I asked Jake.

  He nodded.

  We drove over there separately, and walked up to her apartment door together.

  For the first few knocks, no one answered. But we kept at it, knocking until our knuckles got sore. Finally, the door opened. There was a blonde girl there we didn’t recognize. She stood in the doorway, barring our way.

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you,” she said.

  “How do you even know who we are?” I asked.

  She intensified her glare at us. Then, stabbing out her finger at me and then Jake, she recited “You’re Mark and you’re Jake.”

  She tried shoving the door closed.

  “And she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “Please,” I said. “We just want to apologize, and make sure she’s okay.”

  Karly didn’t budge, instead she folded her hands over her chest.

  “Yeah, and as I said, she specifically told me not to let you guys in under any circumstances. So, if you want to talk to her, then you’ll have to wait. And you want to know something? She’s not fine. She’s in there bawling her eyes out. I’ve never seen her this bad, and we’ve known each other since we were seven. So, I hope you guys are happy.”

  With that, she slammed the door shut right in front of us.

  I blinked stupidly at the hardwood door that had just been slammed in our faces. I turned to Jake, and he nodded.

  He sat down on one side of the door, and I sat down on the other. We’d been sitting there silently for a few minutes, when Jake spoke.

  “So, what do we do if we have to take a piss?”

  I assumed a stoic expression.

  “For all great endeavors—sacrifices must be made.”

  I waited a second, while he gaped at me, before cracking up.

  “You dickwad,” Jake growled, leaning over to smack me.

  “Totally had you!” I said, gleefully.

  “But seriously?” I said, “I don’t know, there must be some convenience store or something nearby.”

  Jake shrugged.

  “Just wondering, I don’t actually have to go yet.”

  I leaned over to clap him on the shoulder.

  “That’s my Jakey boy. Always the logical and responsible one.”

  A grave look came over his face.

  “Not always,” he said, quietly.

  I nodded without saying anything. I knew what he meant—we had both been idiots when it came to Brooke—and now we were paying the price.

  “What if they never come out?” I wondered out loud.

  “Don’t be stupid,” Jake said.

  “But seriously though,” I continued, “What if she and Karly become shut-in lesbians and order takeout every day, and even tell the takeout people not to let us in?”

  “Then we mug the takeout person and break in,” Jake said, smirking.

  I gave my friend an approving nod.

  “That’s more like it. We don’t take this sitting down—whatever it takes. All that.”

  Jake paused, then said “But it really isn’t all that, is it?”

  I glanced over. His eyebrows were lowered into two miserable bushy lines, while his eyes looked like he’d just worked three weeks straight.

  “Whatever it takes,” I said slowly, “Is—well, it’s a lot.”

  Jake said nothing, so I continued “There’s a reason that people—that couples—don’t do this. It’s too hard. It goes against human biology. I mean, when I see her with you—”

  “You feel a little sick,” Jake said, finishing for me.

  Silence.

  “But right now, with the possibility of never being with her, you know how I feel?” Jake continued, “Sick. And not just a little sick—much worse—completely sick to my stomach.”

  He sighed.

  “Maybe you’re right. Okay, who am I kidding—you’re completely right. If this was any other woman I wouldn’t even give it a second thought, but—”

  “It’s Brooke,” I said, finishing for him, “There isn’t anyone else like her. And I don’t think we’ll ever meet anyone who even comes close.”

  Jake nodded.

  “I think she’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of rarity. We can either seize the opportunity now—or regret it for the rest of our lives.”

  “Are you really suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” I asked, looking at him incredulously.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what I think or want anymore,” Jake said, rubbing his eyes, “All I can think of is her. When I eat, when I sleep. Even when I’m doing fucking stupid shit like washing my hands. It’s her. It’s all her.”

  “And the way she fucks,” I said.

  “Don’t talk about that,” Jake said in a low voice, his eyes glowering.

  “You’re suggesting that we fucking share Brooke, and you can’t even let me talk about how it felt to be inside her?” I asked.

  “Just because I’m considering it, doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Jake replied, then shook his head. “Fine. Whatever. Go on.”

  “When I slept with her—and you know me, Jake, I’ve been with tons of women—there was something completely singular about it. As if she was totally enveloped in the act itself. As if for her, for that hour or so, that was all there was—our bodies, moving together, perfectly in tune.”

  “That’s how it felt for me too,” Jake said sadly.

  “Don’t say it,” he said.

  I kept quiet, although I did smile ruefully. Jake knew me so well. I had been about to ask him who he thought fucked her better. But there were some things that shouldn’t be said—couldn’t. And it didn’t matter anyway. At least not to Brooke—not enough to have her prefer one of us over the other. She wanted both of us, and that was that.

  “You would’ve thought that Karly chick would’ve been at least a little more amiable, considering those fucking cakes we bought her,” I said, thoughtfully.

  Jake managed a wry smile.

  “Never trust a woman who demands cake.”

  I dipped my head back into the wall, staring at the numerous cracks in the ceiling. That was something I hadn’t thought about. If this worked out—I mean, really worked out—as in Jake and I actually sharing Brooke, where would we stay? Would we all live together like one big happy dysfunctional family? Or would Brooke flit back and forth, like a girlfriend who just happened to be busy fucking your best friend for half the week?

  After another half hour or so, Karly stuck her blonde head out.

  “Seriously? You guys are still here?”

  Despite her huffy demeanor, there was a clearly audible note in her voice that was impressed nonetheless.

  “Yep, and we’re not going anywhere,” I said.

  I lifted my chin to look her in the eye. She rolled her eyes.

  “So, you’re seriously going to get me to call my boyfriend?”

  I frowned, scanning her up and down. Makeup-less face, glaring eyes, hands on hips. Yep, she was probably telling the truth, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t try to lighten the situation.

  “You don’t have a boyfriend. You’re the bitchy bitter best friend—they never have a boyfriend.”

  I tried to throw her a smile after I’d said it, to let her know I was joking. But now her glaring eyes looked actually livid.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  While I tried to weakly grumble, “I was joking,” she set off on a tirade.

  “First of all, fuck you! Second of all, yeah, I fucking do have a boyfriend and he’ll knock
both of your fucking faces off; he knows krav maga. Third of all, fuck you again. Fourth of all, neither of you jerk-dicks actually care about Brooke. If you did, then you’d leave. She had finally stopped crying before you two showed up. Now, she’s fucking inconsolable again.”

  I hung my head. A horrible twisting feeling ripped through my body. Brooke was sad and hurting, because of us?

  “And fifth of all,” Karly was saying, “Fuck you, you dickless jerkfaces.”

  The slamming of the door was the period to her sentence.

  I took a deep breath, and cast a sidelong look at Jake.

  “I’d say she has a bit of a potty-mouth anger problem, what about you?”

  Jake shrugged.

  “Eh, I don’t know, man. I mean she only said fuck like what—eight times?”

  “Good point,” I said, “I’m being too hard on the girl.”

  We laughed, then Jake said “Seriously though, that part about us upsetting Brooke more got me. I mean, clearly her crazy friend isn’t going to let us see her. Seems like best thing to do for now is just leave.”

  I glanced at Jake

  “What happened to ‘whatever it takes’ though?”

  “No point in doing whatever it takes if it doesn’t work. We can talk to Brooke tomorrow.”

  “Okay, I said. You’re probably right, we should go.”

  “At least we know she’s okay,” Jake said, “More or less anyway.”

  At his words, an image of Brooke’s sobbing face popped into my mind. I shook my head sadly.

  “Man, I’d give anything to make her feel better.”

  “Me too,” Jake said, dejectedly.

  Back at our cars, we stood there, looking at each other.

  “Were you thinking what I was thinking?” Jake said, suddenly looking to me excitedly.

  “I think so,” I said.

  I exhaled sharply, then groaned.

  “Are we insane?”

  “Probably,” Jake said with a grin, “Maybe we’re just crazy in love.”

  I leaned against the hood of my car, resulting in the car alarm going off. We cracked up as I disengaged it.

  “So, what are we going to do now?” I asked, turning back to face him.

  He shrugged.

  “We’ll see if she comes in tomorrow. If not—we can try coming over here again. Whatever it takes, really.”

  I nodded.

  “That sounds about right to me.”

  As Jake turned to go, I caught him on the shoulder of his suede jacket.

  “And Jake?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thought of any ground rules yet?”

  “You fucker,” he said, whacking me playfully. He opened his car door and flopped in.

  “Hang on a second—yeah,” he said, “How about—every time I go first with Brooke—for dates, kissing, sex, you know, just all the minor stuff—and you get sloppy seconds.”

  I gave him the finger.

  “We’ll see about that.”

  As soon as I got in my car, however, my confidence evaporated. Jake and I hadn’t said it, but this whole thing had been one string of upsetting surprises. What if the final one was that Brooke never forgave us for this no matter what we agreed to?

  Chapter 30

  Brooke

  Here goes nothing. As I drove to work, I tried to ignore my thundering heartbeat that was making a racket similar to gunfire.

  Their decision had upset me, there was no denying it. I’d come home utterly unmotivated to do anything. After I hadn’t responded to Karly’s text, she’d popped up at my door. I’d let her in, and broken down right in front of her. And she’d comforted me in the best-friend way, with a whole tub of Smarties, ice cream, and a Kill Bill marathon. Monday after work they’d showed up, too—but she’d protected me, Karly had told them to get lost. She was a true friend. But she couldn’t protect me day after day. I had responsibilities.

  I had to go to work. And not just because it already bothered me that I missed a day. Today Deidre had scheduled a consultation for a child, a boy of twelve, who needed to have facial reconstruction done—Mrs. McTavish and her son, Bobby. I had to be there and give him my story, to let him know it was going to be fine. Screw my interpersonal work difficulties, screw my broken heart, I wasn’t going to let this kid down because I’d made a terrible mistake. Two actually.

  If Mark and Jake wanted to fire me over what happened, let them. But, in the meantime, I was going to do my job the best damn way I could.

  I arrived about the same time the little boy and his mom did. They’d come early, they were so excited. Sitting in the office, the boy’s eager eyes darted around the office behind his horn-rim glasses, so full of life. And yet, there was something undeniably mature about the way he sat up straight, with his hands folded in his lap. It was as though he was mature beyond his years—or he had been made that way.

  “It was bullies,” his mom thundered, throwing out her chubby little fists at the same time, “Little monsters who targeted him because he wouldn’t let them cheat off his test.”

  She was so upset, her whole broad form was shaking. Furiously, she wiped tears out of her eyes.

  “They pinned him down and held a lighter to his face. We couldn’t prove it—it was their word against Bobby’s, and their parents are more influential then I’ll ever be. On the board of directors, and all that. So they got off scot free, while my Bobby—” she trailed off, her voice trembling. “I mean, just look at him, my Bobby,” she gestured a stubbed nail at her son’s face.

  It was pretty horrific. So bad that I had to look away after a few seconds. The skin was all black and badly puckered and twisted. As if it had actually almost dropped off his face.

  “It’s hard, going to school now,” the boy said, in a monotone voice.

  “I’ve pulled him out,” the mother declared, “He can hardly go anywhere as it is—it’s horrible. No one should have to go through that.”

  “You’re right,” Jake said, clasping the woman’s hand warmly, “No one should. But we’re going to make it better. Mrs. McTavish, Mark and I will be doing the surgery at no cost to you. You all have been through enough already.”

  For a few seconds the woman’s small close-set eyes gaped at him, then, she burst into tears, sobbing loudly.

  “Oh God, this is more than we could’ve hoped for, more then we could’ve dreamed up.”

  Now she was the one clasping Jake’s hand warmly.

  “Dr. Teller, you are a good man, a great one. Thank you,” she shook Mark’s hand furiously, “Thank you both.”

  Bobby was beaming. Mark gave him a high-five before turning his gaze to me.

  “So Bobby, our nurse here, Brooke, she actually went through a similar procedure to what you’ll be getting. So, she’ll talk to you a bit now, and the on day of the procedure to explain what to expect.”

  “Yes,” I said, smiling as Bobby turned to face me, “I won’t sugar-coat it—the recovery process is going to be pretty tough. Think lots of shakes and liquid foods—ice cream will be your best friend.”

  Bobby smiled shyly.

  “Ice cream is already pretty much my favorite food.”

  “Perfect,” I said, “Then you just load up as much as you want. Because it will probably be a good week until you feel like going out with your stitches. Dr. Mark and Dr. Jake use the dissolvable kind that’ll fall out on their own. So, you’ll probably feel good enough to go just about anywhere after three weeks. Then, there’ll be a slight scar, but it’ll be nothing compared to the damage now.”

  “Three weeks, that’s not bad,” Mrs. McTavish said, her gaze going from me to Bobby, “What’s three weeks when this is going to transform the rest of his life?”

  “Exactly right,” I said, smiling at her now, “That’s the reason I do what I do. That surgery when I was a kid changed my life—saved it really.”

  She beamed at me, throwing her arms around me into a hug.

  “I’ve no doubt this surge
ry will save my Bobby’s life too!”

  She broke away, then shook Jake and Mark’s hands.

  “Thank you again, a thousand times!”

  My heart swelled so much, it felt like it was going to burst. It was when they were walking to the door, that it finally did. Bobby paused and, smiling shyly at me again, said “Thank you, miss. I was afraid before. But, I-I’m not as afraid now.”

  Tears coming to my eyes, I said “It’s okay to be afraid, Bobby. Just know that you’re a very brave young man for going through this. An extremely brave one.”

  At this, he grinned so wide, his buck-toothed smile showed.

  Even after they left, I was smiling stupidly. Until Jake said, “Uh, Brooke?”

  “Yes?” I said.

  “Would it be okay if Mark and I came over tonight after work?”

  I sighed.

  “I don’t know if I feel up to it, to be honest. After Sunday and Monday, I think I just need some time to myself.”

  “Please,” Mark said.

  He moved his hand to take mine, then paused and drew it back, as if thinking better of it.

  “It won’t be for long, just twenty minutes or so to discuss some things,” he said. “Please.”

  He looked so adorably hopeful that I had to look away.

  “Fine,” I said, “but I’m busy for lunch.”

  The clock pinged and I exhaled a sigh of relief. It was already lunchtime, so I could escape. My lunch date was with Karly, but they didn’t need to know that. Worrying a bit wouldn’t kill them.

  Especially now since I was wondering just what they wanted to talk to me about now. Could it be that—stop it! I shook my head. No way, they’d already said what they’d thought about all of us being a couple. There was no point in getting my hopes up now. Best thing would be to have them over and hear them out, then I could get on to healing.

  Although, as I weaved my way down the pedestrian-packed street to meet Karly at Tinsel’s Café, I had a nagging suspicion I couldn’t shake. What if Jake and Mark had actually changed their minds?

  “You totally have to meet them,” Karly said.

  I frowned.