Counting on a Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  He kicked a rock with his boot. “Yeah, my dad had a really, really bad gambling habit. This ranch was in hock to the hilt and twice over.”

  “But—” Abby had stopped walking and turned in a circle looking out across the pastures. “Bo, I’m not sure how many acres you have here, but even I know a ranch this size is worth several million. How?”

  “Yeah, we asked the same question. Turns out if you know the right people you can borrow until you bury yourself in debt at interest rates that would make your skin crawl. But you can only keep borrowing up to a point. My dad had reached that point.”

  “I am so sorry.”

  Bo started walking again and Abby fell into step beside him.

  “Are you still angry with him?”

  He glanced at her as if startled. “You could tell?”

  “It’s totally understandable that you would be.”

  “I’m not angry, not anymore. I let it go.”

  Abby walked over to the arena and stared through the metal pipes at the pair of horses on the far side. Bo hadn’t ever talked to anyone about his dad except for Tru and Jarrod. And even then they never said a lot. He stepped up to the pen and rested his arms on the railing watching the horses too.

  “I don’t believe you,” Abby said suddenly, turning so she was facing him. “How do you get over a betrayal like that?”

  “I chose to.” Her eyes dug into his as if trying to figure out what was hiding there. “Okay, come with me. Enough of this. You look entirely too serious all the time.” He reached for her hand and tugged her into the barn.

  “Wait, what are you doing?”

  “I’m taking you riding.”

  “But I don’t ride.”

  He shot her a grin and felt his dimples flash. “You do tonight.”

  “But—”

  “Just stand right there.” He placed both hands on her shoulders and moved her to a safe spot away from any accidentally flying hooves. “I’ll saddle the horse.”

  “But—”

  “Nope, three of those is too many. I’m not listening.” He went into his horse’s stall and Midnight immediately came over to him, always ready for a ride. “Hey, buddy, got a pretty lady for you to show off for.”

  He made quick work of getting Midnight saddled and then led him out into the arena. “Come on,” he said, and was glad when Abby went with him. Though the way her brows were nearly meeting in the middle worried him a little.

  “Okay, halt. Bo, I don’t want to say ‘but’ again, but really, I haven’t been on a horse in years and then I was a kid and didn’t know what I was doing.”

  “I never took you for a chicken, Knightley.”

  Abby’s jaw tightened. “I’m not. I’m just stating facts.” He’d thought he saw fire flare in her eyes, but her response was lacking.

  “Well, stop stating those facts. I’m going to take care of you.”

  Abby stiffened. “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

  Something told him she did. Maybe not in the way he wanted to, but . . . maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part since it took every ounce of self-control not to kiss her.

  He managed not to. The trick was keeping it that way.

  21

  Abby stared at Bo, mesmerized by the teasing light in his eyes. It should be against the law to be so captivating with charm.

  Of course his irritating moments balanced his overall appeal out, so that was a help.

  She’d watched him saddle Midnight and wondered which horse he would saddle for her. She hoped it was one a little less powerful looking, but after glancing around she realized that in this stable, powerful seemed to be a prerequisite. That included Bo himself.

  Now, after following him and his horse out into the evening light, she wasn’t sure exactly what his plan was. But her plan didn’t include riding the horse while he led it around on a rope.

  As she stood there trying to figure it out, Bo stuck his boot into the stirrup, a beautiful handcrafted Four of Hearts ranch stirrup with that special carved logo on the side. She couldn’t help noticing it as Bo rose up and settled into the saddle. Her breath caught in her throat as he grinned down at her.

  “Just take my hand and put your foot in the stirrup and I’ll help you up.”

  He intended for her to ride with him. Abby’s mouth went dry. That would mean she would be very near him. Instinct told her to shake her head and back away but before she could do that she lifted her hand and slipped it into his. What?

  He smiled down at her. “I’ve pulled my boot from the stirrup, so just place your foot in there and I’ll do the rest.”

  She didn’t hesitate, instead she lifted her foot and placed it in the stirrup without question. One minute she was on solid ground and the next he pulled her up, took her by the waist, and settled her in the saddle in front of him. He scooted back to make room for her. Abby’s head spun, and her pulse pounded erratically at his nearness. She went still as he wrapped his arms around her, holding the reins in one hand and keeping one arm wrapped around her waist, securing her in the saddle. She held her body rigid, fighting the sudden fear that she was about to fall off the edge of a cliff.

  “You can relax against me, Abby. I won’t bite,” Bo said. His voice held a husky tone that sent a shiver racing down her spine. She struggled to keep her back straight but there was no way and she realized this after just a few steps of the horse. When Bo moved Midnight into a trot she found herself snug against his chest automatically. His warm chuckle against the side of her neck sent skin-tingling sensations dancing through her.

  “That’s not so bad, is it?” he asked, his arm tightening, drawing her close against his chest. She felt his heart beating and it was as erratic as hers.

  “I hope you didn’t mind riding on one horse,” Bo said against her exposed ear.

  Shocked, she turned her head to look at him and found her lips very close to his. His eyes twinkled.

  “Don’t look so surprised You’re safe. I’m just holding you. I’m not going to kiss you, though I’m very, very tempted right now.”

  Abby wanted to tell him to turn the horse around and take her back to the house. But she didn’t. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt lighthearted and free in this moment. For just a moment she could pretend that she was a normal woman flirting with a man. No sadness or guilt weighing her down. For just this moment she could pretend that she was free to enjoy the feel of Bo’s arms around her, the press of his chest against her back, and the warmth of his breath trailing across her skin. It had been so long since she’d felt this. So long since she felt . . . anything. She was so weary from the numbness . . . the pain she’d been swallowed up in.

  And just for the moment she let herself go, let herself enjoy the sensations. It had been too long since she’d felt anything like this. And she’d missed it desperately.

  Without saying a word, she looked forward and gave into it. Closed her eyes, let Bo’s strength surround her.

  Let herself have that moment. Just for the time of the horse ride and then she’d let her good sense return. And the weight of guilt and grief would come flooding back with reality.

  But for now, this was what she needed.

  Bo wasn’t sure what Abby was thinking, but to his surprise she leaned into him and seemed to enjoy the ride. Her heart was thundering and his was pounding triple time.

  “I have to ride sometimes,” he said, hoping to help the tension. “I’m cooped up in my workshop so much I lose this part of me if I don’t get on a horse every once in a while.” They had ridden away from the house and it felt good to be with Abby alone. Since meeting her they’d been with Pops or Levi almost all the time and he’d wanted to spend time with her that was separate from them. He was enjoying not having to worry that something was going to happen to either.

  “You have a lot on your plate,” Abby said, as if reading his mind.

  He slowed Midnight to a walk and headed toward a shade tree on the hill. “Yeah, but
I didn’t really think so until Levi showed up. I’m so out of my element. I have all this new stuff flying around in my head. Heck, if you’d have showed up two weeks ago I would have been teasing you unmercifully. But since learning I’m a dad, I’m so tensed up I don’t even feel like the same man anymore.”

  “I understand that feeling.”

  His hand tightened on her waist as he drew the gelding to a stop. He didn’t waste any time sitting still with her in the circle of his arms like she was. He hopped to the ground then held his arms up to Abby and for a second he could tell she thought about refusing his offer and climbing down by herself.

  Instead, she placed her hands on his shoulders and let him lift her down. He backed away quickly, suddenly not trusting himself at all as he busied himself tying Midnight’s reins to a Yaupon bush while Abby walked a few steps away watching the setting sun on the horizon.

  “There is no difference in what you’re feeling than when a doctor places a newborn into a daddy’s arms right after birth. It’s overwhelming. Remember that insurance commercial a few years ago? I can’t remember which company it is anymore, but the young man takes his baby in his arms and suddenly he’s transformed. It’s universal. If you didn’t feel a little overwhelmed then I’d think something was wrong with you.”

  He liked the way she thought. He liked everything about her. “Well, I have a feeling that you’ve had moments of putting me in that category.”

  She gave a sardonic look of agreement. “But I guess we all have our moments.”

  They were walking to the top of the hill and stopped when they crested the rise. Before them the pastures spread out in sections for a fairly far view. “It feels good to relax and know everything is under control back at the house though. At least for a few minutes.”

  “I’m sure it does.”

  “Not that I didn’t feel that way when you were watching Levi. I meant it feels good to relax with you while all is in control back at the house.”

  She kept watching the horizon.

  “You’re nervous around me.”

  She offered a tiny hint of a smile. “There’s no reason to deny it. We both know it’s true.”

  He chose his next words carefully, seeing her shoulders tense. And a shadow cross her expression. “I can only imagine the pain you must have gone through when your husband died. What was his name?” He knew he was risking her walking away again. But he could not help wanting to understand her. Wanting to know more about her.

  “Landon. Thanks for asking. I came here so I could gain some perspective on my past and move forward. That’s what Maggie’s advice spurred me to do—” She paused. “But it seems all I’ve done is think more about the wreck, about . . .” Her voice trailed off.

  Bo stepped a little closer. “There’s nothing wrong with moving forward, Abby. I’m sure Landon would have wanted you to.”

  She nodded, but her troubled expression didn’t ease.

  “Abby, what happened to Landon?”

  She crossed her arms as if she was cold but it was a warm night.

  “A wreck. We were hit by a drunk driver. I found out in the emergency room that I was pregnant. I lost the baby too.”

  Bo’s stomach lurched. He hadn’t known what he was expecting, but this wasn’t it. No wonder she had moments when she looked so hollow he thought she would dissipate like vapor. No wonder the sorrow in her overrode everything at times. He knew about grief. He’d lost his dad and his mother in the plane crash. Their deaths had been overshadowed by learning what their dad had done and letting go of the anger had been his only way of coping with it. But nothing he’d been through could compare to having lost her husband and baby. “I’m so sorry, Abby. How far along were you?”

  “Six weeks—I had no clue.” She stared out over the pasture and he realized she was wiping tears from her eyes like that first night in his truck.

  “Abby.” His heart broke for her and he wanted to touch her, hold her, comfort her. But he felt uncomfortable now that he knew what she’d been through. “What can I do?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking just now. I, Bo, I’ve never told anyone about the baby. The nurse, the doctor, only a very few people in the hospital trying to save me that night know.”

  “You didn’t tell anyone?” Bo couldn’t believe it.

  “Not your parents, your best friend?” How had she gone through this alone?

  She shook her head. “I couldn’t. It’s complicated. I-I have so many regrets that I just can’t breathe sometimes.”

  “Why would you have regrets?”

  She gave a harsh laugh that didn’t sound like the Abby he knew. “Oh believe me, the list is very long.”

  She looked so alone in that moment. And to realize she’d never told anyone the heartache that clung to her. That was what he’d seen in her eyes. He couldn’t help himself, he crossed the space between them and drew her into his arms. Was he making a mistake? He wasn’t letting himself think that far ahead. All he knew was she needed someone to hold her. She was stiff at first, rigid, as if she’d held this in for so long she couldn’t release it and let him take some of the burden into himself. But she didn’t back away, so he held on—tightened his hold and smoothed his hand slowly down her back, his fingers trailing through her hair. As if a dam released, her shoulders trembled and then she melted into him. Clinging to him while he held her and willed every ounce of strength he had to her.

  When she looked up at him, teardrops glistening on her dark lashes, Bo’s heart broke. He cupped her face with one hand and held her protectively with his other.

  His gaze dropped to her lips and he suddenly found himself thinking about kissing her. What was he thinking? She needed him emotionally and he was thinking about kissing. He blinked and loosened their embrace a touch. “I have all night, Abby, if you want to talk. I don’t know why you chose to share this with me. But it means a lot that you would do that. And it might help you if you let it out.”

  Abby stepped back looking as dazed as he felt. She walked to the edge of the water where a large flat rock jutted out. She looked so alone that Bo’s arms tightened with the need to yank her into them and hold her again but that had just proven not to be the best move. He had his thoughts back in place now that there was some distance between them.

  Why hadn’t she told anyone something so painful?

  She took a deep breath. “I was very poor growing up. And I grew up determined to have more as an adult. I worked and scraped my way through college.” Her shoulders sagged. “Right after graduation I married Landon. He’d grown up in my neighborhood and wanted the same things I did. I was hired by a successful marketing firm right out of college and the work was challenging, and I loved it. I worked eighty-hour weeks, weekends, and evenings.”

  Bo was trying hard to fit her into the picture she was painting but he couldn’t make it fit. She glanced at him and he gave her an encouraging smile because he feared she might stop talking. By the way the words were pouring out, this was something she needed. And he wanted to know. “I’m listening.”

  “I spent more time at work than I did at home. I have so many regrets and the main one is that Landon wanted to start a family. And I kept putting him off.”

  Bo’s eyes narrowed. “But you love kids. It’s apparent.”

  “Loving them and being ready aren’t the same thing. I was building my name. My career was more than just filling in numbers—but that’s beside the point now. I just wasn’t ready. That didn’t mean I didn’t want children. I just wanted more investments in my portfolio before I committed to them. I’d put my work, my need to achieve success, money, recognition above everything. Even Landon.” The last was barely a whisper.

  “Abby, none of that sounds like the person I know.”

  She glared at him. “The person you know now . . . is me trying to find my way out of the hole I’ve been buried in for the last two years.”

  “You’re being too hard on yourself.
”

  “No. I’m not. I know what I know. I—”

  "I don’t believe that.”

  She glared at him. “It’s true. There is no sugar-coating it. I worked twelve-hour days at the office and then did more work at home. I kept thinking there was plenty of time.”

  She waved her hand in front of her face as if to fan away her sorrow. “I don’t know why I started talking about this. Talking about it doesn’t help. I’m trying to put distance between us. I’m trying to show you that I wasn’t kidding yesterday when I told you I wasn’t here for anything that had to do with a relationship. Bo, there’s more . . .”

  He crossed to her and pulled her into his arms again. “I don’t care,” he growled, and lowered his lips to hers. He wasn’t thinking. He was tired of hearing her focus on only the things about herself that she regretted. He knew she was a good person.

  He felt her arms go around him, clinging to him as he deepened the kiss, his mind reeling as every cell in his body reached out to her. When he finally pulled away, she looked stunned, but she wasn’t talking. Wasn’t saying negative trash about herself. He probably looked as dazed as she did when it was over. He leaned his forehead against hers as they both tried to catch their breath.

  “I’m interested in you. I have been from the moment you nearly ran me over.” He knew he could really be messing things up now. But he was winging it and too far in to stop now. “Look at me, Abby. Nothing you say is going to change that. But I’m listening and I can see too. I’m not going to push you.”

  “You’re wasting your time to be interested in me. And with all you have going in your life you don’t have any moments to waste.”

  He dropped his arms and lifted her chin to connect their gazes. “You’re right that I don’t have any time to waste. But wrong about the part that anything to do with you is a waste. Nothing could be farther from the truth.”

  The sun was almost gone. They’d be riding back in the low light of early darkness but Bo wasn’t worried, he knew the ranch inside and out. He could ride it blindfolded.