“…What?” asked Rachel. “I’m sorry, what?”
Ben walked over to the counter and took a seat at one of the stools next to her.
“There is a new girl who kept, well, talking to me. Asking me questions.” Ben shrugged his shoulders and held his hands out. “She asked me about the accident, about a lot of things.”
Rachel was chopping up a potato and used the inside of her arm to push hair out of her face. Ben tried to read her expression for a moment, but found it unreadable, almost like that of a practiced actress.
“Ben, honey, that could mean a lot of different things,” said Rachel. “It doesn’t necessarily mean that you should jump to any conclusions.”
“Rachel, we hung out after school and… talked some more, after that.” Ben let his fingers drum on the counter.
Why does it make me feel so weird to tell her this?
Rachel took a deep breath and then looked up at him. She was a gorgeous woman, an inconvenient fact that Ben had tried so hard to push out of his mind as he’d gotten older, and their relationship had grown closer.
“And?” she asked. “What did she tell you?”
Ben hesitated before answering. He’d never seen Rachel look so vulnerable before in his life.
“She told me that she knew who I was,” he said. “She told me that she wished that I could remember her too.”
Rachel set her knife down and turned away from him, taking several steps toward the other side of the kitchen. Ben thought back to what had happened in class and at the park. Emma had been so mysterious, so alluring, it almost felt like something out of a dream.
“Ben, did you tell her about your accident?” asked Rachel, suddenly. “Before she started saying any of this?”
Ben tried to think.
She passed me those notes in class, but it was at lunch that we really started talking, wasn’t it?
He shook his head.
“Rach, I don’t think that-“
“You did, didn’t you?” Rachel turned back towards him and walked over to the other side of the counter. She looked at Ben with soft, caring eyes and took his hands into hers.
“I mean, yeah, I guess I… might have,” said Ben. Rachel smiled and shook her head.
“You have to be careful about these kinds of things, Ben.” She squeezed her hands against his. “She could be trying to take advantage of you.”
“Rachel, I think she’s sincere,” said Ben. “If you saw her, if you heard what she had to say, you’d believe her, too.”
Rachel let out a tired sigh. Her reaction was not what Ben had been expecting. She almost looked unhappy, as though it was taking all of her effort to keep herself in check.
“Ben… I still remember the day that I found you.” Rachel smiled at him, eyes full of love and nostalgia. “You were almost blue, washed up on the edge of the beach, and your arm was broken. I almost thought that you were dead.”
“Rach…” For some reason, it was hard for Ben to hear her talk his past.
“I gave you CPR, the best I knew how,” she said. “The old man with the house on the shore near the northern beach called 911.”
“I know,” said Ben. “You’ve told me all of this before.”
Rachel stood up and walked around the other side of the counter. She put her hands on his shoulders and then leaned forward and kissed him on the head. Ben almost flinched in surprise. They never showed their affection, not like that, at least.
“I remember seeing your back…” One of Rachel’s hands slipped up underneath the bottom of Ben’s t-shirt. He took a sharp, involuntary breath but let it happen, her touch feeling sensual against his skin in a strangely confusing way.
“All of your scars, Ben,” said Rachel. “I saw all of them. I thought that they were from the rocks until the doctor told me otherwise.”
Ben leaned his head back against her, feeling her breasts against his hair.
“I remember.”
Rachel pulled him into a reverse hug, as though his words had been exactly what she needed to hear. She kissed him on the cheek, again surprising him, and then continued in a whispered voice.
“It never seemed like you had anything to go back to,” she said. “I know you don’t remember those first few days very well, but you acted like you were in shock, Ben. I never got the sense that you… that you wanted to remember.”
Ben bit his bottom lip slightly. He slowly stood up from the stool and turned to face her, not anticipating just how close she was standing to him, how he could feel the heat coming off her body, smell her familiar perfume, and feel the presence of her beauty.
“Things have changed since then, Rachel,” said Ben. “A lot of things have changed.”
The tension in the air was almost unbearable. Ben forced himself to meet Rachel’s eyes, filled with so many different emotions as they were. Some of them he recognized, others were new and dangerous.
“Ben…” Rachel said his name as though it were part of a confession and then stepped even closer to him. Ben felt his body reacting instinctually, pulling her into an embrace and letting his lips find hers, no thought given to who either of them were or the roles they were supposed to be playing.
The kiss started simply, and then quickly began to grow into something hotter, with a life of its own. Ben let his hands run up her waist as their mouths moved together pushed her back until he had her pinned against the fridge. Rachel’s arms were running across his back, pulling him further in as though she’d been waiting to have him that close for a very long time.
Ben pulled back, parting from her ever so slightly, but enough to let reality fill the void in between them.
What the hell am I doing? What the hell have I done?
Rachel looked as though she in the middle of a similar realization. She coughed and then walked over to the other side of the kitchen, putting more space in between them. Ben looked over at her, the professional looking blue blouse and gray skirt she was wearing appearing almost erotic under his newly evolved gaze.
His cock was rock hard, and it was for her. It was for Rachel, his caretaker and guardian, the closest thing to family that he had in the world.
“I uh, should finish up with dinner,” she said.
“I’m not all that hungry,” replied Ben, feeling his face heat up with embarrassment. “I’m just going to go for a walk. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Okay!” Rachel’s voice sounded so confused and so unsure, as though the step the two of them had just taken had also brought her far outside her comfort zone.
We both just took a step into unknown territory.
Ben didn’t go far from the house once he’d left. He circled around the block, looking at all of the houses and trying to think of something, anything, to get his mind off Rachel and what they’d just done.
She had tasted so sweet, so perfect. It was what had been lingering under every interaction between the two of them, for most of the past four years. Ben had almost been fully grown when he arrived in her life, and she’d never known him as a little boy, defenseless and in need of protection. To her, he had always been the one who’d washed up, with lost memories and battle scars.
Still, they had tried. Ben had wondered many times before why Rachel didn’t have any kids of her own, or even a boyfriend, someone to care about. She was a kind woman, but there was a wall between her and much of the world. Ben had snuck in underneath her guard, without either of them realizing just how potentially dangerous of a thing that could end up being.
Ben looked over at some of the buildings on the street he was on, one that ran perpendicular to where Rachel’s house was. He had no emotional reaction, and none of it was familiar to him. He hadn’t run around with other kids and experienced the ins and outs of the neighborhood like that. It didn’t matter to him.
A vibration came from Ben’s pocket. He realized that he’d completely forgotten about his phone for most of the afternoon. He took it out and looked at the screen, finding
a couple of messages from Danny waiting for him.
“What happened? Did you score with the new girl?”
“Speaking of which, I heard a rumor about you and her doing something during lunch. WTF?”
“Yo, text me back!”
Ben smiled. At least some things in his life hadn’t changed too dramatically. He tapped out a response letting Danny know that all was well in the world, and he’d tell him in person tomorrow and then hit send.
Without really meaning to, Ben had circled back around to Rachel’s house. He slowed his steps on his way down the street, as though he was taking his time on his way to school, trying to make the last few seconds of freedom last as long as they could.
He opened the front door quietly. The sun was in the process of setting over the horizon, leaving the ground outside lit with an intense, orange light. It made all of the rooms without the lights turned on in the house look shadowy and foreboding.
Rachel must be up in her room. Should I say something to her?
The idea of talking about what had happened made Ben feel strange and uncomfortable. He wanted Rachel, but as what? A caretaker? A friend? A lover?
I wish the two of us could just let this memory go, too, like I’ve let so many others go before it.
A plate of steak, potatoes, and green beans had been left on the dining room table for him, the food arranged in a way that perfectly showcased Rachel’s cooking skills. Ben sat down and started to eat.
It didn’t take him long to finish eating, and he brought his dishes over to the sink and began to wash them. Soft footsteps came from the stairs behind him, just audible over the sound of the running water.
Ben was waiting for Rachel to say something, anything about what had happened, but she didn’t. Instead, she walked over behind him and wordlessly wrapped her arms around him, just like she’d done before, and pulled him into a soft embrace.
He switched off the water, dried his hands on a nearby dish towel, and then slowly turned around. Rachel had changed into her nightgown, and from the outline of her breasts, Ben could tell that she wasn’t wearing any underwear underneath.
Ben’s cock was rock hard in an instant. He slowly leaned forward and let his lips find hers, for the second time that night. Fireworks were going off inside his body, and every inch of him ached for her touch. But Rachel held back, only kissing him for a moment before pulling away.
“Ben…” Rachel whispered to him. “I’ll always be here for you, whether you remember who you are, or not. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” said Ben. “I know, Rachel.”
There was so much more that he wanted to say and do, but the line had been reestablished. They were safe again, and even though Ben’s eyes gazed at her body with lustful, horny desire, he managed to keep himself under control.
“Goodnight Ben.” Rachel reached her hand out and briefly stroked his cheek before turning and walking back towards the stairs.
“Goodnight… Rachel,” said Ben.
CHAPTER 6
Ben was a light sleeper, and the next morning he awoke to the sound of the front door being opened. He could hear muffled voices from where he was upstairs, but it wasn’t until he had pulled himself out of bed and leaned toward his door that he could make out what was being said.
“You’re her,” said Rachel. “The girl. The one he says recognized him from before his accident, but refused to tell him anything.”
“Yes.” Emma’s voice was calm, neutral, and matter of fact..
There was a pause in the conversation. Ben debated heading downstairs and intervening, but something held him back.
Just how is it that Emma knows where I live? And what is she doing here this early in the morning?
“Ben is happy,” said Rachel. “He’s been living here in Emerald Hills for the past four years, and he has a new life now. He doesn’t need anyone to ruin that for him, especially not someone from his past.”
“I’m not just someone from his past,” said Emma. “I know him. Better than you ever could.”
Ben stood up and slowly crept across the floor until he could see the two of them downstairs, standing across from each other with guarded body language.
“Excuse me, I’ve been here for him this entire time,” said Rachel. “If he matters so much to you, why weren’t you around after the accident?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Emma. “Do you think I didn’t want to be? That I didn’t want to be by his side?”
“I don’t know you.” Rachel’s voice was cold, colder than Ben had ever heard it before. “And I don’t know what happened to Ben before he washed up here, and who did it to him. So when it comes to you and what you have to say about Ben, I don’t know what to think.”
“For fuck’s sake, his name isn’t even-“
“Good morning.” Ben was still wearing just a t-shirt and boxers, but he couldn’t wait even a second longer. He walked down the stairs and did his best to smile casually at Rachel and Emma.
“Ben…” said Emma. “I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to walk to school together?”
Ben stared at her, his heart beating almost out of his chest, and then took a deep breath.
I have to know…
“Emma,” he said. “What’s my real name? I mean, what was it… before the accident.”
Ben felt a soft hand come to a rest on his shoulder. He turned and saw that Rachel had moved up beside him, a concerned but also slightly intrigued look on her face.
“”Brandon,” said Emma. “That’s your name. Or I guess, your old name.”
Ben smiled.
“I knew it started with a B,” he said. “I was pretty close.”
Emma took a step closer to him and Rachel did the same at his side. For a moment, it felt as though the two women were fighting to crowd him more effectively, staring at him and leaning to be in front.
“Does that help at all?” asked Emma. “Do you remember anything?”
Ben started to shake his head no and then stopped.
The dream of the storm.
“This isn’t anything I’ve started remembering just recently, but I’m sure that I was in the water the night of my accident.” He stopped and rubbed his chin as he searched his spotty memory. “It was raining, and there were sharp rocks jutting up.”
Emma blinked a couple of times in quick succession. Her face flashed with what looked like pain and sorrow, but only for the briefest of seconds.
“There was… an accident, that night.” Emma’s words fell out of her as though exiled by her irregular breathing. “I never found you. I thought that you were, well…”
“If you’re going to insist on forcing yourself into his life, you should at least be a little less vague,” said Rachel. “What accident? What happened that night?”
Emma just shook her head, her entire body tensing and shaking slightly. Ben searched his mind with all the willpower and focus he possessed, but not even the slightest trace image of what had been happening before he’d been in the water came back to him.
“Rachel, it’s okay,” said Ben. “I believe her.”
He walked into the kitchen, and both women followed. Ben took a couple of cups down from the cupboard and began pouring coffee that Rachel had brewed earlier.
“My memory is gone,” he said. “I’ve come to terms with it. Maybe it will come back later, maybe it won’t. But I am who I am, and after the past four years, I’m not sure that anything I’ve forgotten will have that much of an effect on me.”
Emma held up one of her hands, as though in protest.
“Ben, how can you say that?” She looked almost as though she was going to cry, and as bad as Ben felt, he couldn’t take his words back. It was the truth.
“It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to remember,” said Ben. “And it doesn’t mean that I’m a completely different person. I just have to keep going forward, and in the near future, I can’t count on having all of
the happy childhood memories that everyone else takes for granted.”
“They weren’t all happy, Ben,” said Emma in a soft voice. “You can trust me on that.”
Rachel finally intervened, pulling Ben over to a plate with sausage and toast on it at the dining room table.
“You’ll be late if we sit here arguing for much longer,” she said.
“You’re right.” Ben smiled at Rachel and then nodded over to Emma. “Are you hungry?”
Emma shook her head, but walked over and took a seat across from him at the table. Rachel continued watching them, but only out of the corner of her eye as she began buzzing around the house and finishing her morning preparations.
“Do you want to come to my place after school today?” Emma asked the question in a quiet voice, right after waiting for Rachel to walk around the corner into her room.
“Uh… sure, I guess.”
How is it that she can be this forward?
“It’s still a little lacking in furniture, given how recently the move was,” said Emma.
“Are you sure your parents won’t mind?” asked Ben. “I mean, I only have Rachel here, who is anything but a parent, and still…”
He half expected the older woman to appear back in the kitchen at his mention of her name.
Yeah, Rachel’s definitely not a parent. I’m not so sure just what she is, anymore…
“That won’t be a problem,” said Emma. Her voice had a curious tone to it, and Ben was just about to push a little further when he saw the clock.
“Oh man, we only have twenty minutes!” He shoved the last of his toast into his mouth and stood up. “Come on, we’ve got to get moving.”
Emma smiled at him and walked around to the other side of the table, taking his hand into hers. It felt so warm and soft and for a moment Ben’s heart fluttered as he looked into her beautiful eyes.
“I’ll see you later tonight, Ben.” Rachel walked down the hallway towards them, eying Emma and the hand holding with what looked a lot like jealousy. “I have to work late, but I’ll be sure to come and talk to you before I turn in.”
Lost Memories (Forbidden Romance) Page 4