by Paige Notaro
"No one's leaving anyone," Andre said. "It's one thing if Georgia and you go over alone, but sneaking three of us across the border? That's a whole different level of danger, man."
"Border Patrol wouldn't shoot her, at least," Dennis said.
"So what," Maria said, "What if it works? We go over there and live like illegals?"
"Andre just has a couple years left on his statue. It wouldn’t be hard for him to lie low until that clears." Dennis’s face went tight. "For you sweetie, I kind of have a different solution."
His hand dug into his pocket and came back with a little brown box. My face popped open in surprise right along with everyone else as he held it down to Maria.
"I, uh, I've been carrying it around for a while now, and I think whether we stay south or go north, it's the time, and..." he looked around. "Actually is there any way we can switch places?"
"Christ, bro..." Andre said.
"Hold on we'll figure it out."
"Dennis," Maria said, shuddering off that calm composed look she always had. "Just say what you are saying."
"Oh. Uh, ok. Maria, honey, will you marry me?"
"Yes!"
He popped the case. A tiny clear gem twinkled in the morning light, but Maria was already flinging herself through it and into Dennis's arms.
I sat stunned as the two kissed, slipped the ring onto Maria's finger and then kissed again.
"Who needs a room now?" Andre said, beaming. He threw a tight hug around both and said. "Jesus, guys. I'm so happy for both of you."
Silent tears streamed down Maria’s face and she nuzzled into both brothers at the same time. Family mattered to her a lot, I knew. She might be leaving her old one, but gaining a new brother was a decent consolation.
You ruined these lives. The thought popped into my brain and wouldn’t go away. It had too much truth
These three had so much past together, so much happiness to share. They could get through anything, but the only reason they had all this trouble now was because of me.
I shrank away from their glow. I had created this mess. If I cared about them, if I really loved these people, then I should do whatever it took to save them from me.
"Hey," Andre peered at my downcast face. "What's wrong? You sad for them?"
"I wrecked your happiness," I said. "Let me just give myself back."
"That ain't true at all," Andre said. "I'm the one that messed it up."
"Because of me," I said. My eyes met his and saw them more closer to tears than mine. Why would he cry – I was the villain here. "I'm even ruining this moment."
Maria's wiped her face of tears and stroked my back. "Niña, you created this moment. Dennis would never have proposed if he didn't have a choice."
Dennis nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, I'm a total non-committal flake. You reminded me that I could leave this town, but I could never leave my woman."
Maria beamed at him. "Besides, there is a lot you can do when we are in America. You're the only other one that will be there legally for some time. We need you."
"I need you," Andre said clutching me close.
I sat rigid in his arms, not fully accepting. I was still the problem here, but maybe it wasn’t all me. Maybe it was Juarez. If they could have a better life in the US than here, then I should just help them there. "Ok, I guess that's how I'll owe you then."
“So it’s agreed?” Dennis asked. “We’re going north?”
“Sí, papi,” Maria said to him. “If you say we should, then I will come with you.”
We all looked at Andre. He had the most at stake. I might get detained and Maria might get sent back here, but he would go to jail for god knows how long. They wouldn’t see him the way they saw us.
“If we can make it, we’ll be better off than anywhere else,” he said. “I can’t keep us from that.”
I hugged Andre back, squeezing as tight as I could. It was a vow to myself. I wasn't going to just melt into his arms anymore. I wasn't going to be saved. I was going to help him as much as he had helped me.
The day passed in preparation. I helped Maria pack clothes for both of us into a thick backpack, and then we went to a corner store and got some water and pills too. I felt like steel inside, but there was not too much for me to do while we were still on this side of the border. Maria showed off her ring to family and friends, but it was bittersweet because they knew it meant she had to leave them.
The idea of going back to the US actually thrilled me now that I could picture it with Andre at my side. Even the idea of immigration cells didn’t bother me anymore. As long as he was waiting for me, it would just be about biding my time.
He was out helping plan the crossing so I didn’t see him much of the day. I hoped he wasn't feeling stressed from seeing Dennis and Maria commit so openly. I didn't need a ring to feel that from him. He had given himself to me the day he risked his life to save mine. The day he came home and made me his. Every night and every time he told me he loved me. That was more than enough. If we could keep stringing those moments together, they would turn into a whole beautiful life.
That night, we had a loud, weeping dinner with Maria's family. It wasn't too big - maybe not to attract attention - but her parents and sisters made enough noise for everyone not in attendance. A couple cousins were there, including Selena, the girl I’d seen become a woman. She cried into my ears as if she’d known me all her life, and for the first time that day, I had water in my eyes too. This place had been my prison once, but it had also been where I finally grew up.
I lay in our bed with the windows open, listening to distant horns, distant sirens and the chirping cicadas. A coyote howled somewhere far away. A different sort of coyote would be smuggling us over this time tomorrow. I wondered if the two types often met.
Andre came in and shut the door. He took his shirt off and sidled into the bed. His chiseled features were ploughed with worry, but I didn't give him time to talk about of any of it. I stopped his mouth with a kiss. He tried to push me down like usual, but I pushed back, and he let me roll onto him. I smiled over his mouth as I felt his concern turn to confusion. I loved being taken, but I think I knew enough of him now to try something new.
I plunged my hand down the front of his jeans, grinding his body. His breath went shallow. His hands landed hard on my sides, but I gripped one and kept it from roaming my body. I could feel all his details firm and trapped under my long arms and legs like I was made of iron. It made me mighty, even as I became slick and soft with desire.
I would never have his strength, but I could be powerful - like David fighting Goliath. I had just the tool for it in my grip. Stroking him enough to start a fire, I thumbed my shorts and panties down one leg. He groaned and tried to find his way into me, but I stopped that and just ground my folds back and forth over him until he was slick with my juices. Finally, I lifted myself up and plunged him into me.
My body erupted with white pleasure. I threw my head back and rode up and down, dizzy with lust, knowing how amazing I must look to him. Andre groaned under me, almost protesting as I sank over him again and again.
“Jesus, Georgia,” was all he could mumble.
I gasped at the tightness of even his voice. I could cage all that strength and all that desire – I was enough to hold him. His hands trembled across my chest and in the middle our heat I finally ran them under my shirt to find what they wanted. As he squeezed my flesh, I lay deeper on him not as support, but as weight, crushing us closer and closer, harder and faster. I ripped off my shirt and my breasts landed on his dark glistening chest. I mouthed his lips with mine and pressed my tongue into him even as I let him run deeper and deeper into my other lips below.
We were making almost no sound at all, but it was building towards an explosion that might wake the whole house. I knew Andre didn't even care anymore and that just made the vibrations running up me wilder. I felt him writhe with pleasure, and begin to groan. Still holding my mouth over his, I threshed us faster and faster.
Our pleasure bounced off each other, growing and growing, until our voices shattered together. I trembled all over and sank my teeth into his neck to contain myself as he shot deep up into me. His hands finally grabbed me with unmuted strength and whipped me down on my side so he could pump and fill me completely. With a last groan, he pushed off.
"Jesus," he panted. "What was that?"
"Me taking care of you," I said between breaths. "Did you like it?"
"Did you not hear me telling you how much I loved you these past weeks?" he said, still gasping. "You don’t need to prove a damn thing to me baby. But, hell yes, I loved this. Where did it come from?"
"I just wanted to show you I was worth it. Leaving all this behind."
He stroked my hair. "Well, mission fucking accomplished."
He kissed my forehead, and we cuddled in damp satisfaction. I thought of all the time I’d have to show him what I was becoming.
But my dreams were filled, like usual, with dark thoughts. I might be free now, but what would it matter if Andre ended up in a cage?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Georgia
It was dark when we stepped into the factory. They were called maquiladoras here, but this one was rusting and empty and I didn't want to waste such a pretty word on such a broken place. The night was warm, but I had to rub my arms. I might have committed myself to taking the long way across the border with Andre and Maria, but this place wasn't helping my nerves any.
Andre flipped out his phone and frowned under the glow. "Nothing."
"He's coming," Dennis said. He hugged Maria close under an arm. They swayed gently in a square of moonlight, soft and serious. I had never seen the two together without a smile on at least one of their faces, but Dennis was eerie calm, and Maria looked like she might be sick. She was leaving her strength. As broken as Juarez had been, she’d grown up here. A desert flower might not bloom as bright somewhere nicer.
I waited on a flat metal box with flaking paint that was probably chipping onto my jeans. I had on sneakers which I tapped against the side like a dull drumbeat. It suited our mood.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, knowing the answer.
"Nothing to do but wait, baby," Andre said. "Wait, then walk and pray."
"My guy is good," Dennis said. "No need for the almighty tonight. He doesn’t take routes, he creates them himself.”
“Well he’s charging a fortune, so he better part the damn Rio Grande.”
“He charges that because he’s never failed a crossing.”
"Would he advertise the times he didn't?"
"Word would get around."
"What if he were the only one left who could still talk?" Maria asked softly.
Dennis looked down at her on his chest. Things crossed his eyes that I didn't think he had in him. He’d wanted to travel with us, but there was no one else who could meet us on the other side. He wound his fingers through Maria’s, stroking the plain ring he had subbed out for her engagement. The real one sat safe in his pocket. He had called it a token that would bring her back to him on the other side.
What was waiting for me on the other side? Even if this night went well, Andre would have to pretty much hide in a house for years. I’d have to be strong enough for both of us. I wanted to, but was I ready?
Not now, Georgia. One step at a time.
Andre came over and hugged me. “How are you doing?”
“I just want it to start.”
His chest rumbled. “We could set off running north, if you want.”
“Na. I just hate feeling useless.” I sank against his chest even as I said the word.
“Yeah, it’s a new feeling for me too. What do you think I’m staring at an empty phone screen for?”
“What happens if we get caught by the border patrol?” I asked. Maybe it was boredom or the tension, but I finally got more than a stern gaze in response.
“Nothing for you.”
“That’s not what I was asking.”
He nuzzled me through my hair. “Then it’s your turn to get me out.”
He smiled, but my stomach soured. “I will,” I said. Then again, stronger: “I will.”
“I know.”
I breathed in the spicy musk of his cologne, wavering between feeling calm in this moment and fear at the thought of not being able to taste it anymore.
“Listen,” he breathed in my ear. “I can’t promise you what happens tonight. But I can give you power. Promise me you’ll be safe with it.”
“I promise?”
His hand snuck around my back and wedged something hard and warm into the back of my belt. I met his hand, and shaped out a long steel barrel. I had never held a gun, but the shape made sense by instinct. Andre led my fingers to a switch.
“This is the safety,” he said, thumbing my finger one way. “Off, now back on.”
“This is Dennis’s?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you keep it? I’ve never used one”
He pulled away and his grin glittered on his face. “What makes you think that I have?”
“I…” I stammered then gave up and listened to him laugh. “You just seem like you should know all this stuff better.”
“The only weapons I know how to use are attached to my limbs,” he said. “It’s better if I don’t distract myself with other options.”
The gun sat hard against my waist. It didn’t still my nerves, but at least I knew I could do something now. Make noise at least.
Dennis’s phone buzzed in the darkness. He glanced at the screen. “The guy’s out back.”
Andre helped me off and led the four of us out the cavernous interior and into the dry night. Crickets hummed like machinery around us as we crunched around the edge of the building. We rounded two corners and saw our coyote. He had on a tan shirt and khaki slacks that melded into the wall of the building, but his face glowed under a lit cigarette.
He took his time noticing us and then finally stamped out his smoke and asked if we were ready.
Andre handed him a stuffed envelope of cash which he thumbed through and shoved into the satchel around his shoulder.
“That’s for the tunnel,” Andre said. “You ain’t walking us all the way around the damn sand.”
“Sí,” the man said. He asked us again if we were ready.
This was it, just a whisper in the night to start our journey. Maria clung tight to Dennis. Soft chokes pattered the air, within even softer whispers. I couldn’t see who was more upset, but I wasn’t feeling great about Dennis leaving either. He had helped me a lot – all mundane little things, but they had added up to this moment. I loved Andre, but as good as the two of us were together, we only felt entirely whole with our bigger family at our sides.
Dennis hushed Maria with a long kiss and then pulled away. He came over and offered me his hand. I gave him a big hug instead and said, “Thank you.”
His hesitation gave way and he returned the squeeze. “I’m not sure what for, but you’re welcome.” We pulled away, smiling. “Hey listen, though,” he said. “Maybe you can do me a favor.”
“Yeah, anything.”
“Take care of Maria, ok? I know you rely on her, but she really needs you too.”
I went over and clasped Maria’s arm with mine. “I’ll protect her with my life.”
Maria laughed and pressed a wet cheek to me. Dennis laughed too, but his mouth bent the wrong way. “Alright, cowgirl. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“It won’t, bro,” Andre said.
They looked at each other, eye to eye, same solemn creases on the dark face as the white one. You could never doubt they were family.
“I’m putting my heart in your hands,” Dennis said. “Promise me you’ll bring her back to me.”
“Done.”
Their hands clasped and they pulled together in a fierce hug. Andre nodded to the coyote who had watched our farewell with the bored look of a receptionist. “Vamanos.”
<
br /> The man peeled off the wall. Andre and I followed him back toward the road. Maria shared one last hug with Dennis and caught up, gripping my sweaty palms.
I glanced back, but Dennis had already fallen into the shadows. It was just a short trip for him, through the checkpoint and then maybe twenty miles out of the city to meet us. Even with the tunnel, we were looking at a six mile walk. The idea of sliding through a thin line of air under the earth had me up in sweats half last night. Now, I felt nothing. Andre was in front of me, Maria was at my side, and the gun bobbed under my shirt. This was simply what was happening.
To my surprise, the Coyote led us to a parked car. Andre eyed it warily, walking around.
“Why are we driving?” he demanded in Spanish.
The coyote shrugged and got into the driver’s seat, responding only with a short phrase. It satisfied Andre and he climbed in the passenger side.
“What did he say?” I asked Maria as we got in.
“What’s the point of walking any more than we need to?”
We roared down the road a few miles. A couple cars passed us, and a couple buildings, but then we turned down a dirt road and there was nothing but open land at our sides. The car grumbled along for a bit. I saw Andre’s head crane every which way, looking for surprises. Maria and I joined, but everything looked calm to my eyes.
We stopped next to a little shack. Actually, it was barely more than an outhouse. I started to ask about it, but then I remembered the arena. A lot of illegal stuff literally happened underground here. People were happy enough with crime they couldn’t see.
“Wait here,” the coyote said as he got out. “I check crossing first.”
He opened the shack door and a weak sliver of light fell out for a second before he stepped in and shut it. We leaned on the side of the car. Andre tapped his foot, looked over and saw me peering around. He smiled and squeezed my hand. “Chill, girl,” he said. “There’s only one place around here that we gotta worry about.”
“Just trying to keep my promises,” I said.
“Promises? Plural?”
“One to Dennis.”
“Right.”
“And one to myself.”