Can’t Text This

by Hunter, Teagan

  Python: Fine, babe. I won’t anymore, babe.

  Me: You’re horrible at this.

  Python: How does that saying go? Rules were meant to be broken?

  Me: No, rules are there to be FOLLOWED. It is very important to follow rules, especially our rules.

  Python: I had no idea I was dating someone so lame.

  Me: Yes you did.

  Python: You’re right. We should break up.

  Python: KIDDING. Don’t leave me. I like you too much.

  Me: I like you too, which is the problem.

  Python: And by problem, you mean the best thing to ever happen to you, right?

  Me: That is yet to be determined.

  Python: Noted, Monty. NOTED.

  Me: I could lose my job!

  Python: No you couldn’t. You said there was nothing in the handbook when you looked it over. We’re good. We just need to keep it professional and on the DL until he’s not in your class anymore.

  Me: So basically for THE ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR?

  Python: YES. STOP YELLING AT ME, DAMMIT. IT IS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A MAGIC DADDY DICK YOU CAN’T RESIST.

  Me: It is absolutely your fault.

  Me: Also, don’t call it that anymore. It’s creepy now that I know your son.

  Python: Ew. Yeah. You totally ruined that for me. Thanks, bore.

  Me: *kisses*

  * * *

  Python: Since we had to cancel our date tonight, can I take you out Sunday evening? After I drop the spawn off at his mom’s?

  Me: Hmm…I think I can pencil you into my schedule.

  Python: I’m gonna pencil into you.

  Python: Wait. No.

  Python: I think I just compared my dick to a pencil, and we both know it’s more like a Pringles can.

  Python: And that was a horrible attempt at being all sexy and funny and whatever else.

  Python: I’m just gonna be quiet now.

  Me: That’s probably best.

  Me: P.S. You’re my favorite flavor of Pringles.