How to Heal From the Loss of Your Cat

by Peggy Haymes

  Some people like to do their writing in a nice journal. Some people buy a spiral bound notebook. and some people just grab the nearest legal pad. Some people do it on their laptop or their IPad. It doesn’t matter what you write on. Just write.

  Here are some questions to help you start writing:

  Write down some of your favorite memories about your cat. Write about the day you got them. Did you pick them out? Had you been looking for a cat? Maybe you’d decided you weren’t getting another cat. Were they a kitten? What was the first night home like? Did you have to introduce them to other animals?

  Write about how you came up with a name - who was responsible for the name? How did you decide? Did the cat have any nicknames?

  Write about your cat’s favorite games, beloved toys and best tricks. What are your favorite stories about your cat? What was your cat’s personality?

  What role did your cat play in your life? Were they there during a particularly difficult or important time in your life? Did they walk with you through changes and transitions? What did your cat teach you?

  Write about what you miss. Write about what’s hardest for you. Is it not getting that greeting when you come in or not having your buddy/confident hanging around?

  Write about that last day. Did you find them? Or did you have to make a decision? Write about those last days that led up to that last day. As you write, you may find questions coming up. Maybe there are things that you don’t understand now that you think back on it. If there are questions that are bugging you, make arrangements to talk with your veterinarian.

  Anger

  As you write, you may be aware that you’re really angry. There is an anger that’s a natural part of grief. But you may be focused on being angry with a particular person. Maybe a spouse didn’t do something that you think would have made a difference. Or you disagreed with how your veterinarian handled things. You may need to talk with someone but it’s important to process your own anger first.

  A good way to do this is by writing a letter. This is a letter that you are not, under any circumstances, going to send to that person. Because you are not sending it, it’s a good way to get out everything you wished you could say without having to worry about consequences. After the initial layer of emotion has been cleared out, then you have the opportunity to decide if something further needs to be talked about with that person.

  Scrapbooks

  One of the ways in which some people find comfort is by putting together a scrapbook. You can put together a collection of pictures or stories along with the pictures. You can do it up, “Creative Memories” style. But if that seems too intimidating to you, don’t let that stop you. Go ahead and put those pictures together. If you have the knack, you can put together a YouTube style video remembering your cat.

  Creating a garden

  Other people work on creating a memorial garden in memory of their cat. Working among the plants and flowers becomes a concrete way of remembering their cat. Being there is an excuse and permission to think about their cat.

  Memorials and volunteering

  You may find it meaningful to honor your cat by a gift to a rescue group or humane society. You may organize a drive to collect needed items or financial donations in the name of your pet. You may find that you’re missing that “cat energy” in your life but you’re not ready to adopt another cat.

  You can bridge the time between loss and a new arrival by volunteering with a humane society or rescue group. They frequently are in need of people to play with the cats. This is also a good option if you’ve decided it’s not a good time in your life to get a new cat.

  Writing a letter to your cat

  You can also write a letter to your cat. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. Tell the cat what you miss about them. Tell the cat what you loved about them. Tell the cat what gifts you received from them. If you had to make difficult decisions or if you feel like you somehow failed your cat, make confession and ask for their forgiveness. Of course cats can’t read letters, especially cats who have died. Something in our hearts needs to express the words anyway.

  Should you get another cat?

  Only you can answer that question. Most pet owners just have a knowing when it’s time. Sometimes that’s a long time. Sometimes it’s very short. A hundred different factors influence the decision, some of them practical and some of them emotional.

  If you decide to get a cat quickly, it does not mean you did not truly love your cat. It just means your cat left a wonderful place in a wonderful home and it’s time for another cat to enjoy it. Just be aware of the temptation to try to replace your cat by getting another cat who is similar. Although cats may look alike, each cat has their own unique personality. We respect them when we allow them to be their own unique selves and not try to make them into any other cat we’ve ever had.

  finally...

  Is my cat in heaven?

  My pastor maintains that the number one question he gets asked is, “Do my pets go to heaven?” Again, that’s a question you’re going to have to settle for yourself. In my way of thinking, it’s hard to imagine heaven being complete without my four legged buddies.

  Your grief for your cat is real. It is a hallmark of the love you shared. To have such a love is a great gift. Be easy and gentle with yourself as you heal.

  One more thing.

  Like many of you, Amazon reviews help me sort out what I want to read and what I want to pass on. Would you take a minute to leave a brief review of this article? Let folks know what’s helpful. Let me know if there’s anything that’s not helpful.

  Thanks!

  Tribute to a cat:

  So Long, Rosie

  The first time I met her, I hated her. I was waiting at the veterinarian’s office with my very sick cat, Sam, who was about to be euthanized. Rosie and her sister were tiny kittens playing in a cage in the corner, up for adoption. They’d been abandoned outside of a KMart. Only a few days old, some kind soul rescued them and nurtured them up to adoption age. They were tiny. And cute. And so abundantly alive. I resented their liveliness on the day Sam’s life would end. Especially since Rosie was a brown tabby, just like Sam.

  That was on a Friday. By Monday I was calling the vet to see if the kittens were still available. That’s how Maxie and Rosie came to live with me.

  Rosie was destined to be a perpetual second banana. With Maxie, there was no doubt who the alpha cat was. Maxie was sweet and loving but in a curmudgeonly sort of way. She had the mouth of a sailor and little patience. Rosie just stayed back and let everything roll off of her. Several years later when I rescued a stray kitten who’d wandered into my yard, Maxie was all bluster. Rosie let the kitten play around her and play at her until her long-suffering soul had enough and she gave the kitten one swipe of the paw. That was all and that was enough.

  In her old age she had to suffer the indignity of dogs, particularly Oakley who liked to check on her by sticking her entire long nose up under Rosie’s body. Rosie gave an irritated meow, but otherwise took it in stride. When Maxie developed a fast growing malignant tumor, I took Rosie with me to the vet. Her carrier on the table, she watched carefully and solemnly as her sister slipped away. She seemed to take it in and never looked for Max or asked about her again.

  For over three years Rosie was a diabetic. She quickly adapted to this new routine of twice daily insulin injections, only complaining when I got sloppy and careless with her shot. One day I came home from a trip and found her in a coma. The emergency vets performed a miracle in getting her back from the threshold of death’s door but she lost a good portion of her eyesight. She never complained and it never seemed to bother her. She just kept on keeping on.

  The one place in which she took a backseat to no one was her hunting. One summer in our old house I kept count of how many voles she’d killed (voles look like moles but are about the size of mice.) At least sixteen voles bit the dust that summer. Each time she’d proudly leave her gift at the front door. Occas
ionally I’d catch Max picking up the dead vole and proudly bringing it around again as if she’d killed it.

  I came home last night and prepared for bed. When I was ready to give Rosie her nightly shot, she wasn’t in her bed. I finally found her in another room, peaceful and still. She lived to be seventeen.

  My pastor tells me that the one question he gets asked more than any other is if our pets will be with us in heaven. I do not have the definitive answer, but I cannot imagine anywhere being all that heavenly if our four-legged (and two-winged!) family members are not allowed to join us.

  If we are open, we may learn many lessons from our pets. Oakley teaches me that you can be fierce and protective and loving at the same time. Ralphie teaches me about all out joy. Maxie taught me about asking for what you need (okay, demanding.) And Rosie taught me that it is indeed possible to have a Buddha cat – not holding on to anything, being in the moment, finding contentment.

  So long, Rosie.

  And thanks.

  About the author

  Peggy Haymes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, writer and minister in Winston-Salem, NC. A graduate of Furman University and Wake Forest University, she currently has a cat and two dogs. In her spare time she enjoys running, biking and painting... and throwing the ball.

  Follow me on twitter @PeggyHaymes

  Follow my blog http://SpiritScraps.com

  Web sites: www.PeggyHaymes.com

  www.LivingWellStuff.com

  Other Books by Peggy Haymes

  Didn't See it Coming: How I faced bouncing off a Buick and other assorted stuff

  What happens when bike meets Buick - and everything after.

  http://amzn.to/M8OZE1

  heart prayers 2

  simple prayers grounded in the everydayness of life

  http://amzn.to/KFf6ly

  Especially for Kindle:

  Five Ways to Stop Saying Yes When You Really Mean No

  Tired of having the word "yes" come out of your mouth when you really mean no? Here's how to change the pattern.

  http://amzn.to/L0tViu

  How To Heal From the Loss of Your Dog

  amzn.to/Mdcxc5

  Free e-books

  How to Find a Therapist

  Where to start and what to expect

  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/176615

  Seven Ways to Help a Friend Who's Lost a Pet

  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/174649