by Jessica Roe
“How do you know that?”
He lets me go and reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a wrinkled photo and handing it to me. It's of Silver and I, the day Granny Yo made us dance together. We look lost in each other and so very happy. I smile in delight. “I didn't even know she took this.”
“Neither did I, I was too caught up in you. She was a sly old thing. It fell out of a book on her nightstand; I guess she was using it as a book marker. I think she liked to look at it.” He takes it and slides it back inside his pocket, grinning cheekily. “I'm keeping that.”
“Can't I have it?”
He shakes his head. “No way, it's mine. But one day we'll take more. Lots more.”
My heart skips a beat at the implications.
“Grams would want us to be happy together,” he continues. “But she would also want us to do what's right for us. And what's right for us right now is me leaving.”
I trail my hands up his arms, enjoying the way his skin goosepimples under my touch. “But why?” Now I know how he really feels, everything seems different. This thing between us feels real, instead of just a whispered, impossible dream.
Capturing my gaze, Silver wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me close. So close I can feel his heart pounding furiously against my own chest. “Because I'm in this for the long game,” he proclaims with a startling amount of intensity. “I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life, but we can't do it this way. Not when you're still at the very school I used to teach you. So I'm going to leave, and you're going to stay and finish school and graduate without me hanging over your shoulder. And when you're done with that, if you still want to be with me—which I really hope you do even though your dad and Nash are going to kick my ass so damn bad when I tell them I want to date you—then you call me up and we figure things out, decide what we want to do next...together. My number won't change,” he promises.
“Good.” I try to hide my sniffle, but don't quite succeed.
“We can go anywhere!” His eyes dance with light. “Whichever college you decide on. I'll find a teaching job—there are always kids that need to learn. Blair, I'd follow you anywhere...if you wanted me to, I mean,” he adds bashfully, and I have to laugh because the idea of not wanting him with me is just absurd. Suddenly he grows nervous. “I'm not asking you to wait for me. Obviously I want you to—I really, really want you to—but I know that's unfair of me. But...I'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting for that phone call.”
Words escape me once again. But that's okay, because there's nothing I could say that would top Silver's beautiful promises anyway. So instead I slide my fingers through the curls I adore and kiss him, vowing to wait for him and giving him all my love with actions instead of words. He seems to get this perfectly because he kisses me back, hard. Moaning into my mouth, he reaches down and grabs my butt, lifting me up against him, tightly and unreservedly. We kiss for a long time. A really, really long time.
“I'll miss you,” he murmurs into my mouth between kisses. “Every damn day.”
“Me too. So much.”
Eventually he drops me down and pulls back, but only to rest his forehead against mine. “Your brother will be here soon to help me finish packing.”
“Then I guess I should probably go.”
He nods reluctantly. “Yeah, this isn't exactly the way I want him to find out about us.” A thrill shoots through me. Us. There's an us. Or one day there will be.
I start to pull away but he draws me back and wraps me up in one last embrace. I hug him back as tight as I can, memorizing the way he feels, the way he smells.
“Oh, before you go, I have something for you.” Releasing me, he reaches down behind one of the packing boxes and grabs a large jar, identical to the one he gave me for my birthday, only this one has way more pieces of paper in it. “This one's mine,” he tells me, handing it over. “I'll start a new one, but I wanted you to have it so you could see how much you mean to me. How much you've always meant to me since I first met you. I know I haven't been great at showing it but I think if you look inside you'll get an idea.”
I hug the jar to my chest and nod, afraid to speak in case I cry again. I'm in serious danger of becoming pathetic.
Silver leans over and kisses me sweetly. “Goodbye, Blair. For now.”
I leave then, before I do something stupid...like attaching myself to his back like a baby monkey and begging him to stay.
I call out as I run straight up to my room but the house is empty when I get home which I'm eternally grateful for. Sitting the jar on the bed in front of me, I bring me knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them as I contemplate. I'm not sure how long I stay this way but it feels like it could be a long time. So long that I hear various family members return down below, so long that the sky outside turns orange and pink with the setting sun.
Finally I hear the sound of car doors slamming and Silver's Jeep starting and then I know he's gone. He's really gone.
It's then that I lean forward and open his jar, tipping the contents onto my bed.
Not every one of those scraps of paper is about me, but...most of them are. More than I'd thought there would be.
Without order, it's hard to tell when he wrote them, but I find snippets about times I made him smile, times he made me laugh, the way I held him in my arms when he needed me most. There are sentences about small moments in time we spent together, occasions he caught my eye and found me watching him right back with something real in my face, dreams he had at night about being with me. I even come across one from the very first day we met.
I smile, and this time the tears don't fall because even though Silver is gone...I'm happy.
Three Long, Frustrating Months Later
IT'S BEEN ONE week to the day since Blair graduated. One long week. Seven agonizing days. One hundred and sixty eight gruelling hours...give or take.
And she hasn't called.
It'd taken every ounce of control I had to stay away from Fortune that day. I'd wanted nothing more than to be there for her, but after being apart from her for three months I knew I'd only end up doing something idiotic the second she came into sight like losing control and pouncing on that stage. I figured my former colleagues wouldn't have appreciated me kissing the hell out of her in front of all the students and families in attendance. Not to mention Blair's family. Me though...yeah, I'd have liked it a damned lot.
I sat patiently by my phone in my crappy motel room that night, waiting for her to call. And then the next night, and the next, and every night since.
But she never did.
Quite pathetically I've taken to checking my cellphone every thirty minutes, enough so that the staff and students here have noticed and have started teasing me.
But nothing, not even text.
I've been a second away from calling her a dozen times, but in the end I always stop myself from doing it, hard as it may be. I promised to wait for Blair, promised it was her choice. Sometimes I regret my own god-damned maturity.
It hasn't been easy going from seeing her everyday to not at all. For the past three months I've had to settle for small snippets of information sneakily gained from Nash over the phone. Begging my best friend to tell me everything about how his little sister has been might be just a little suspicious so I've had to wait impatiently for him to bring her up, which he doesn't do nearly enough. I almost called Nathan in sheer desperation to ask him to check in on her, but the guy is a flirt, and though logically I know he wouldn't go after a girl when he knows I'm in love with her, I still get caveman at the thought of them being alone together.
A couple of freshman students staying late wave cheerily at me as I pass them by on the way to the staff parking lot. It's the end of another long day. School here finishes for summer tomorrow and after that I don't know what I'll occupy myself with to keep from thinking obsessively of Blair.
The thing is, I've changed since I met her. I'm more rea
l, open, honest about myself. I feel freer to be who I want to be now. Hell, I even introduce myself as Silver these days. I like Silver. And I know she's changed since she met me too. We're good for each other. We're great for each other. We're perfect for each other. I just don't know if she sees that.
Blair embedded herself into my heart, my soul, my everything, and I can't get her out. But man, I don't want her out. I just want her with me, always.
But what if she never calls? What if doesn't feel the same about me as I do her? I was so sure she did, but...damn it, I'm going out of my mind.
I should have been firmer about how much I wanted her when I saw her last. I should have been clearer about how much I love her. Because I do, and I just...miss her. So much. I miss talking to her, being teased by her. I miss her sass, her fire, the way her lips move, her smell. I miss her blush, and knowing I'm the only one that brings it out.
It's with those thoughts I finally realize I'm being a complete imbecile. I need to stop waiting on her, man up and go find my woman. If she needs to me to win her over I'll do it. I'll do it and then some. As soon as school is over tomorrow I'll drive back to Fortune and tell her exactly how good we could be together. And if that doesn't work I'll kiss her, and I'll keep on kissing her until she forgets her own freaking name. And if that doesn't work I'll-
I still as I turn into the parking lot and spot the girl sitting on the hood of my Jeep. All the air seems to leave my body at once.
Slowly and hesitantly, because I'm not a hundred percent sure my eager mind hasn't just imagined her up like a mirage, I approach. I don't stop until I'm only five feet away and then I just stare, drinking in every inch of the girl I love.
Blair.
Her long brown hair, so wild yet so soft to touch, hangs over one shoulder. The five colours are gone, replaced by just one thin stripe, an inch wide—in silver. She's in the cut off shorts I always adored because they made her ass look incredible and a My Little Pony tee which is just short enough to reveal an utterly tempting sliver of flat stomach. On her feet are the white tennis shoes. Oh man, the white tennis shoes.
Blair smirks when I finish my appraisal and look up into her eyes. We watch each other tentatively for the longest time.
“You can kiss me if you want,” she drawls, amusement tinting her voice. God, I've missed her voice.
My body is clearly still in a state of shock because I don't move. I cannot get my body to move.
She shrugs and hops down from the Jeep, turning to walk away, but with a smile on her face because we both know she won't get far.
At last I manage to get my mind and body to cooperate and I charge her. My shoulder bag drops to the ground with an intimidating clunk and I know something has broken, probably my laptop, but I don't care because she's finally in my arms and she feels So. Damned. Good.
Lifting her up by her tiny waist, I push her against the side of my Jeep and I kiss her, showing her just how much I've missed her. As always, passion flares between us. Our kiss quickly turns uncontrolled and furious as we make up for lost time, our hands reaching and gripping each other like we'll never touch again. “I love you so much,” I murmur into her mouth.
“I love you too,” she replies breathlessly as she runs her hands over the back of my white shirt, and they're the four most fantastic words I've ever heard in my entire life. “I missed you every single day. I'm sorry I didn't call, I wanted to surprise you.”
“I'm just glad you're here, I was going half crazy.” I kiss her again, grateful that we're at least in the staff parking lot where the students can't see us, though it's still not exactly professional. But then tomorrow is my last day anyway, so I can't force myself to care too much.
For so long I've had to hide my feelings for Blair and now...now I don't. It's the scariest, most exhilarating feeling.
I let her slide back down to her feet but I don't move away from her, not even when one of the other younger male teachers walks by and wolf whistles at us. I just grin at him, even though I know he's going to hound my ass tomorrow. The girl in my arms is definitely someone to be proud about.
“So you're going to college in NYC?” I ask when I manage to drag my lips away from hers.
“Stalker.”
I roll my eyes. “Nash told me. So it's true?” I try to conceal my hope.
She nods. “I got accepted into the New York Film Academy. They've got a kick ass photography program.”
“That's incredible, Blair. I'm so proud of you.”
“And I remembered New York City was where you said you wanted to teach, before Granny Yo needed you.”
Frowning, I say, “That's not the only reason you picked it, right? Because you have to do what's best for your future, not just for me.”
“No, moron. It's the New York Film Academy. It's perfect for me. Ibbie will be there too, which is definitely a bonus. And I won't be too far from my family. But yeah, you were a big part of the reason.” She cups my cheeks in her soft hands when I go to speak again. “You're my future too, idiot.”
A relieved puff of air escapes me and I grin as I kiss her again, though it's more teeth than lips. “I like the sound of that.” I pull away suddenly when something occurs to me. “You know, we're planning our future together and I haven't even taken you out on a date yet.”
“You bought me shoes once.”
“That doesn't count. I haven't taken you out on a real date.”
“That's because you're lame.”
“Excuse me?” I quirk an eyebrow.
“And mean,” she adds.
Pursing my lips, I pinch her waist and she squeals. “Well, you're kind of bitchy.”
“Nerd!”
“Are we seriously fighting already?”
“I can't help it! I love how huffy you get.” She runs a finger down my nose. “And I love the way your freckles stand out when you're pissed.”
“You are so annoying.”
She smiles sweetly up at me, and I know exactly what she's thinking. That phrase is always going to mean something different to us than to others. “Kiss me,” she demands, and I do just that. I'll never deny her anything because she's just given me everything I didn't know I even wanted until I met her. She pulls back and avoids my lips when I try to kiss her again. “Wait, you know what we have to do first, right?”
I groan when reality hits. “Tell your family?”
“You got it.”
“Oh God. You sure we can't just run away together? Somewhere hot and sandy? We can live by the beach and swim with dolphins and eat coconuts for breakfast every day. You'd look so hot in a coconut bikini.”
She laughs. “Babe, chill. We've gotta tell your family too.”
“Yeah, but my mom and dad love you, and they won't care about the unconventionality of our relationship. In fact, they'd probably dig it. You have two brothers and a mountain sized father who are all gonna be out for blood. My blood.”
“But it's worth it, right?”
I look down at her and my heart thuds with how much I love her. “Yeah, it's worth it.”
She sighs happily. “Then we'll be fine. Don't worry, I'll be there. We'll tell them together.”
And then I forget all about her brothers and her dad and the ass kicking that's undoubtedly coming my way because she's right, and nothing could be more perfect. We're together...finally.
One Year Later
“I JUST CAN'T believe it, you're so grown up.” Ian, sitting across from me in an overcrowded coffee shop in NYC, shakes his head in wonderment. Silver finally found him, just like he'd promised, and we'd messaged back and forth for a few months before finally deciding to meet.
“What did you end up doing with your life?” I ask, stirring my coffee. It's milk-less and sugarless, but I need something to do with my hands. “You used to talk about starting a band.”
He lets out a belt of laughter. “I did, didn't I? Well, that didn't quite happen. The parties soon got old. I ended up getting a job in sales, settl
ing down in the burbs, marrying a good woman and having kids.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“It really is.” Wrinkles line his handsome face and his floppy hair is more grey than black, but he's still the same friendly man I remember, though maybe even a little softer now. But being a part of a loving family tends to do that to a person...I should know. “They're all excited to meet you; I told them all about the little girl I used to know.”
We've discussed the bad crap that happened in my life after mom and I left Ian all those years ago, mainly on the phone and through messages. We talked about my mom and her death and everything else between, so today we stick to my more recent past, the happy stuff. He asks me to tell him more about my family and I gush for an embarrassingly long time. “...and Jem ended up at college in the city too, not far away from me, so we get to see each other a lot. She's kind of my best friend now...after Ibbie, of course.” I feel like a kid again, like when I used to race home from school, so eager to tell him all about my day. And like then, he hangs on to my every word.
“Ibbie's the one you went to high school with, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What about your dad and step-mom? How're things with them?”
“Still a work in progress, probably always will be. But that doesn't mean things aren't great. They're even letting Ila and Lance come up to spend the weekend with me next month, so the trust is definitely there.”
“That's great news, Blair. Hey, my little ones are about the same age, we should all get together for a few hours.”
“That'd be awesome.”
He tilts his head and looks sternly at me, the same way Oli does when he wants the truth. “Now this man of yours. He makes you happy?”
I smile a secret smile, one that belongs only to Silver. “Very. We're making a life together.”
“What did your dad have to say about that? I can't imagine he was pleased. The guy was your teacher, after all.”