Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  My heart stopped.

  It was her.

  The ghost of my dreams, my fantasies, and most importantly—my memories. The past came flooding back to me like a movie being replayed in my head. I couldn’t believe it was her, seven years later and it was her. I needed to speak to her, to tell her I was sorry. There were so many things I needed to say that I never got a chance to. I was so overcome with mixed emotions that I didn’t know what to do. My palms started sweating, the voices around me drowning in a low and incomprehensible murmur. My eyes felt like they were betraying me, this was my mind playing tricks, but as I focused once again, it was undeniable that everything I saw before me was indeed the woman I once loved… Fuck, who was I kidding, she was the woman I still loved.

  She did a double-take and looked panic stricken, her eyes wide and her face flushed. She leaned over to the guy sitting with her then quickly got up from the table. I excused myself and followed her to what I could only assume to be the restroom. Her pace was fast, and I increased my steps to try catch up with her.

  “Charlotte, wait.”

  I knew she heard me but she didn’t turn around. I caught up to her and grabbed her arm, immediately feeling that familiar surge of electricity jolt through me as I touched her. How much I had craved it, how much my body missed that feeling. Closing my eyes for a millisecond I allowed myself to get lost in that sensation. She turned to face me. Her once loving chocolate brown eyes had turned to fire, her smile and laugh no longer apparent. She pulled her arm away from me and folded her arms under her breasts. Oh fuck, no no no… Now it was all I could notice. They were so round and full that I had to stop my hands from reaching out to caress them.

  “Charlotte, please…” I stopped talking.

  Her expression confused me, like she had seen a ghost. Her icy silence gave me a moment to examine what stood before me. She was tall, of course the heels played a part in that. Her skin was sun-kissed showing off a beautiful tan. Her hair was pinned up into a bun; I so desperately wanted to take it out and have it flow down her back, just the way I remembered her. Her face looked exactly the same but she wore a little mascara which accentuated her long eyelashes, a trait from her Cuban heritage if I wasn’t mistaken. Her lips were full, covered in ruby red lipstick. Despite her picture-perfect beauty, it was the deep chocolate brown eyes that stared back at me, capturing me and making my heart beat so fast I could have sworn it fell out of my chest. She had become a beautiful woman, even more so than the girl I left behind.

  “I looked for you, after you left.” It was all I could say. I felt pathetic after it came out of my mouth. Since when did I ever stumble on my words? Fuck, what the hell was happening to me?

  “Obviously not hard enough,” she angrily shot back.

  I was caught off guard. I had not seen this side of Charlotte. She was always sweet and innocent. Well at least she was seven years ago. I knew my leaving abruptly would hurt her, but we were young. You’re supposed to get over these things. How ironic that I was thinking that, because one look at her and I knew I hadn’t.

  “Can we please go somewhere and talk?” I pleaded. This was not like me but I wanted her to know how sorry I was. I needed a chance to explain what happened.

  “Alex, there is nothing left to say. It was years ago, a high school fling. It’s all in the past. I really need to get back.”

  She called me Alex. No one called me that anymore. I was known as Lex in the business world, of course because of my ruthless behavior compared to that of Lex Luthor which I overheard a bunch of interns call me once. Instead of firing them I enjoyed that they were afraid of me. Not long after that, I demanded that my family stop calling me Alex because it was a shadow of who I used to be. I was no longer the Alex Edwards she knew but this wasn’t the moment to correct her for calling me that. She tried to push her way past me but I grabbed her arm again. She didn’t turn around; instead she stood still with her back towards me.

  “Is he your boyfriend?”

  I don’t know why I asked, maybe it was the sadist in me. I knew it would infuriate her but that fucker was all over her and knowing it was her now, I wanted to go back and beat the shit out of him.

  “Excuse me? First of all, you have no right asking me that. It’s none of your business who I am fucking, Alex!”

  I felt my blood boil as she said that. So what, she’s fucking him!? I was losing control and ready to walk over and show him who the fuck she belonged to but as I bowed my head to cool down the shimmer of a large diamond caught my attention. I felt my pupils enlarge, my stomach twist, my heart pumping hard as my adrenalin spiked. Without hesitation I grabbed her hand and pulled it towards me to make sure what I was seeing was indeed a ring on her finger.

  “What’s this? You’re engaged?”

  She allowed her hand to linger for a moment but then with force she pulled it back. Her face looked slightly guilty then quickly transformed into anger.

  “Julian is my fiancé.”

  “Your fiancé? So you’re marrying that jerk?”

  “Typical Alexander Edwards. It’s all about you, right? Remember you left me, without a goodbye, without an explanation. I’ve moved on just like you did…with her. Goodbye, Alex. Have a nice life.”

  I loosened my grip on her and she stormed off.

  I walked back to the table thinking of ways to end this meeting. She sat back down before leaning in and whispering something in his ear. He placed some cash on top of the bill and they both stood up. She grabbed her purse and started walking towards the door. For a split second her eyes met mine and something passed between us. It was just like back in high school, and seven years later it still felt the same. He grabbed her hand to hold it. That fucker thinks he can touch her! I was losing control, my temper getting the better of me. I needed something; I needed to find a way to talk to her, to get her alone and get that chance to explain everything. I was certain if she knew my side of the story she would forgive me, understand my mistakes and regrets.

  In a moment of clarity it all started making sense. I ruled the business world. I was on top of my game. I had everything I wanted, at least everything I thought I wanted. Now it had stood before me, the one thing I never knew I desired more than life itself. The one thing I would give up everything I owned for. It wasn’t a fixation of my imagination. I had touched her, felt that surge that no other person in this lifetime would make me feel. It was her that was missing all along and now I knew I would stop at nothing until she was mine.

  Chapter 5

  Charlie

  “Oh, em, gee,” Eric screeched like a Hyena on crack.

  He pulled my hand towards him so fast my body jerked forward, crashing into his. After I gained my composure, I allowed him to examine the diamond ring that adorned my finger and reminded me how surreal this all was.

  “Charlie, this is a Harry Winston princess cut diamond. I need a total replay. What were you wearing, what was he wearing, the speech…oh, did he get down on one knee?” Catching his breath, he sat down on the chair and crossed his legs in anticipation.

  I replayed the whole night to him and even re-enacted the proposal part, getting down on one knee which was interrupted as Bull’s walked in. Her face fell slightly, as if she thought me accepting Julian’s proposal was a bad idea.

  “Charlie, I think we should talk about this.” She swayed her head, motioning Eric out of the room.

  “Whatever it is, Bull’s, it can be said in front of Eric.” I laughed and he laughed in return.

  “Okay fine, have it your way. Don’t you think you should get to know him for a little bit longer rather than jump into marriage? I mean, what’s the rush? You’ve only been dating, what? Six months?”

  I saw that coming of course, most people’s reaction would be the same, but who were they to judge what the two of us had? I loved him, that was what mattered. I didn’t need to justify that, not to anyone. Funny though, I had been putting off telling Mom and Dad, knowing their reaction would be th
e exact same.

  “C’mon Bull’s, you’ve met him. He’s a great guy.”

  “Charlie, a great guy doesn’t mean you have walk down the aisle with him. Just enjoy him for now.”

  “I love him,” I shot back defensively.

  “I know, but is it enough?”

  Her question knocked me for six. I did not see that coming. Eric sat wide-eyed at both of us like he was watching some scene from Housewives of Beverly Hills. Bull’s stood there, arms folded, tapping her foot. Her usual glare, which normally had no effect on me whatsoever, intimidated me at this moment.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Look Charlie, all I’m saying is that yes, Julian is a fantastic guy, he is damn hot and I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for farting on clean sheets, but don’t you think you are rushing into this? It’s almost like it’s just to move on…”

  Frozen by her comment, I knew her interrogation of my actions was fuelled by my resistance to settle down with any man prior to Julian. My past was unknown to her and everyone else, apart from Logan. Every so often during a drunken rant I would spill information about my history in Carmel but whenever I was pushed I would shut down immediately. It was my past therefore it should remain exactly that, in the past. I wasn’t the same Charlotte Mason, that naïve high school girl so willing to give her heart only to be chewed up and spit out.

  “Eric, can I have a word with Bull’s in private?”

  With a mixture of disgust and hurt on his face, he walked out the door but stopped at my desk to grab a handful of M&Ms that I kept in a large bowl. As the door closed, I focused my attention back on Bull’s.

  “You are the first one to say how picky I am, that I never give any guy a chance. So here I am giving this wonderful guy a chance and you have the nerve to tell me that I’m making a mistake?”

  “No, I simply said why the rush. Are you knocked up or something?”

  “NO!” I blurted out.

  “Then I don’t understand.”

  “You don’t need to understand. All you need to do is be my friend. I love him, he loves me. Time means nothing when you know it is right.”

  “And is it?”

  Okay, so I felt like we were in court, she was playing lawyer and I was standing trial. I hesitated, trying to find the right words that would be good enough for her, so she would understand.

  “You know what they say, ‘hesitation is a product of fear’,” she quoted.

  “Or maybe I’m just trying to find the right words so you’ll stop nagging me about this.”

  “Charlie, I’m not nagging. You are my best friend. I only want the best for you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so judgmental. Now show me this damn ring—oh hang on a sec,” she whispered, “do me a favor and open your door.”

  I knew without asking why she wanted me to do that. Tip-toeing to my door I opened it quickly as a shocked Eric pummeled to the floor with a paper cup.

  As Bull’s and I broke into laughter, a somewhat disheveled Eric picked himself up, wiping his perfectly pressed suit.

  “Ladies, this is an Armani suit.”

  “You need a glass, Eric, not a paper cup. Such a rookie mistake.”

  …

  I was just about to leave my office to meet Julian for lunch when Eric barged in unnoticed, skipping to my table like a five year-old-girl: all he was missing was the pigtails.

  “Guess what? You are so going to love me!” he squealed. “Thursday afternoon I have Carolina, a stylist, coming to your apartment!”

  “Shut the front door! But why?”

  “The charity ball, silly.”

  “No way!” I stood up and grabbed the tickets from his hand. There were six tickets to the New York Annual Charity Ball to raise awareness for orphaned kids. These tickets were like gold dust. I was speechless. All I could manage was to mouth the word how.

  “Let’s just say Daddy owes me big time after he accidently dropped Mom’s 10-carat Asscher cut ring down the drain and made me go in head-down ass-up to get it.”

  “Holy shit, E! Can Bull’s get fitted as well?”

  “Of course, but I want to be there when her boobs don’t fit in the dresses and she starts cursing at Carolina.”

  We both laughed at the thought. The girls were big, but there was no one complaining but her. Rocky even had names for them: Dolly and Pamela.

  “Is she bringing the Dolce & Gabbana fall line?” I asked in anticipation.

  “You betcha,” he answered.

  “So, I’m going to ask Julian to be my plus one.” I looked up at Eric, hoping he would understand.

  “Honey, I’m just glad your lady garden is getting watered,” he said as he made circles with his fingers while pointing to my crotch. “Emma will be my date. We have it all planned out. We act like a couple so we can walk around scouring out the potential. Then about halfway through, she splashes champagne on me and tells me that although I’m a fantastic lover with the biggest dick she’s ever seen, she is sick of my workaholic ways. It’s then we hope someone swoops in, patting me down telling me I could do better than her. We start chatting and before you know it we’re picking out china patterns at Williams-Sonoma.”

  “That’s some plan. What does Emma get out of this?” I asked trying hard to contain my laughter.

  “She gets to walk around with me, the fantastic lover.”

  This had me laughing so hard I nearly peed. Poor Emma. I knew all too well how Eric’s power of persuasion could get you in trouble.

  …

  It was midday when I finally headed down to that new Japanese restaurant around the corner. I entered through the revolving doors, spotting Julian immediately.

  “Hey, gorgeous.”

  His face lit up as he leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. He smelled so masculine. I’d been meaning to ask him what he wore so I could go to Bloomingdales with Eric and spray it all over myself like some deranged stalker.

  “What, no cape?” I jokingly asked.

  His face broke out into a million smiles. I mean seriously, I was imagining wild things involving capes, masks, belts—all in the bat cave.

  “It’s at the dry cleaners,” he playfully responded. He grabbed my hand, leading us to a table he had reserved. He slid my jacket off my shoulders, grazing his hand down my arm. I could feel goose bumps forming. This man is going to be my husband.

  We browsed the menu discussing our options before settling for the chef’s pick of the day. We chatted about work, and I knew I needed to ask him to be my date for the charity ball on Saturday night. I was cutting it close. The food finally arrived and we devoured each bite. Five-star rating from me; I didn’t know how Eric picked it every time. His gaydar was spot-on when it came to food and fashion.

  There was a moment of silence, my cue to get this over and done with. I was so hesitant; now he would be attending this important event as my fiancé. Almost like he could sense my hesitation, he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my ring. I felt my body ease… This was the right decision.

  “I love this ring on you,” he murmured.

  “I love that you love this ring on me,” I replied at ease.

  Placing my hand down, he flashed his perfect smile before taking a bite of his food.

  “So, there’s this thing, on Saturday night. I was wondering if maybe you would be interested in going with me. I know you’ve said you hate mingling with the elite unless it’s for a scoop.”

  “The charity ball?” he asked, trying to keep a straight face.

  “Um yes, how did you know?” Holy shit, could he read minds.

  “Eric already had me fitted for a suit. I was just waiting to see how long I would have to wait before you asked.” He chuckled. I grabbed my napkin, swatting him across the arm.

  “I can’t believe you! So all this time I was nervous for nothing?” I asked sheepishly.

  “I’m sorry, it’s just that you looked so cute all nervous and jittery. I thought it was because of the ring
.” He grabbed my hand and slowly kissed my knuckles. Okay, that felt better. “Don’t worry, I got my punishment. Do you know Eric made me try on twenty suits yesterday? I am not exaggerating.” He cringed at the memory. “And he made me walk up and down the store, posing in what can only be described as Zoolander’s Blue Steel pose.”

  I burst out laughing. That was so Eric. I had seen him do this to Rocky a thousand times. He channeled his inner Tim Gunn. It was hands-down the funniest thing ever.

  “Oh Julian, I know…oh…this is hilarious. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t help but roar in hysterics.

  “Then he kept saying, ‘Make it work, people!’ By that point I was like, ‘What people? It’s only me’.”

  I was on the verge of peeing my pants, and the funniest part was how serious Eric was when he said it standing there with his arms folded. I couldn’t stop laughing. I looked at Julian, his handsome face laughing as well. Julian was good at not taking himself too seriously.

  “You’re so beautiful when you laugh, Charlie. Make it five.”

  “Five what?”

  “Kids.”

  This time I relaxed. It didn’t terrify me. This man was perfect, and I wanted his babies, all five of them.

  “Okay. Five. But you realize our sex life will be spurs of random quickies in silence? At least that’s what Bull’s keeps telling me.”

  His smile widened and he pulled me in and kissed me as much as you could kiss a person in a crowded restaurant without being asked to leave.

  “I love you, Charlie Mason, mother of my future five children.”

  I suddenly felt something. It was something I couldn’t explain. Like that feeling when you know you are being watched or when you are watching ghosthunters, trying not to shit your pants because you can feel a presence in the room. Calming myself down, I scanned my surroundings. On my right was a couple having an argument. I could tell it was about another woman; the words “wandering cock” were said loud enough that people behind me turned and looked. I diverted my eyes straight past Julian where some Japanese tourists were holding up sushi in chopsticks against the light, examining the rolls. It was funny until an older lady looked at me and shook her head. Bored with them, I then gazed to my left.