Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  Chapter 26

  Lex

  There are certain moments in my life that I will never forget, certain moments that were so engrained in my memory that no measure of time would erase them. This was one of those moments.

  She walked towards me and like I was suspended in time, her beauty hypnotized me. The red dress was simple but elegant, it accentuated her stunning figure. Her long brown hair flowed down and nestled over her shoulder to one side with the soft tendrils framing her beautiful face. Her eyes mirrored mine, shining bright as her smile radiated across her face, one that really reached her eyes. I was never one to be rendered speechless but her beauty astounded me. For tonight she would be mine and although I agreed to be friends because that's what she needed from me, every part of it screamed torture. The no touching thing was gonna kill me, that I had no doubt. The no invading into her personal life and asking her if she broke it off with that fucker, I was probably gonna bite my way through my lips on that one. I have always controlled what I did, nobody dictated terms for me, but here I was seven years later trying to start a friendship with the girl who was my reason for breathing. How the fuck was I going to get through tonight without mauling her in the car?

  “Are you trying to kill me, Charlotte?”

  “I'm not sure what you're referring to but since your eyes have not left this dress my answer is no. I happen to really like this dress and a friend wouldn't kill another friend now would they?” She batted her eyelashes as she asked the question.

  “So, yes, you're trying to kill me.”

  The car drove off and I sat there beside her. Every now and then a soft breeze would come my way and her scent would linger causing all sorts of uncomfortableness. I was so fucking screwed.

  “So where are you taking me tonight?” she asked.

  “You'll see.” I smiled. I didn't want to tell her what I had planned even though I knew she was desperate to know. Instead she sat there quietly watching the city pass us by. She looked confused as we arrived at the harbor. I thought it was fairly obvious but then again I was over the top with my gestures, and why the hell not, you only live once right?

  “Now will you tell me?” she whined.

  The car stopped and I walked round to her door and held it open taking her hand as she climbed out. “You see that yacht over there?” I pointed out.

  “The one marked with ducks?”

  “No, Charlotte. The one behind it,” I said rolling my eyes.

  Her face lit up in awe. Even I was amazed by the size of it. Mr. Vandercamp was kind enough to lend it to me on the night of the charity ball as he wasn't sure how much longer he would have it for. That should teach him to keep his dick in his pants next time.

  “OMG Lex, it's huge!”

  “Thanks, I'm glad you think so.”

  She gently punched my arm knowing all too well I couldn't let that comment slide. What can I say, she brought out dirty Lex. Obviously, since I now had a serious case of blue-balls and it had only been two nights since I was last inside her.

  We walked to the dock where the captain greeted us, then we boarded the yacht and took a seat by the sail. She looked happy and content as we headed out to sea. Not worried for a moment that the ocean breeze was messing her beautiful hair but that’s what made her different. She didn’t care about petty things like other women, she just enjoyed life. As the yacht found its spot to dock, I grabbed her hand to take her to the deck where a table was setup. Okay, so I went a bit overboard and had a candlelit dinner waiting.

  “Lex,” she gasped.

  I ushered her to her seat and slid her chair in. I poured a glass of wine as the waiters served our entree.

  “This is amazing but you know this seems more like a date than a friendly dinner,” she teased.

  “Well you might be my first friend so I'm not sure what is classified as dating or friendship. I don't date women and I don't have friends.”

  “Lex, that's ridiculous. Of course you have friends and please, like you haven't dated anyone in seven years.”

  “I never have time for friends. Work is my life. Yes there are people who perhaps could be called a friend but I'm not running around town with BFFs or whatever you kids call it these days.”

  “And dating? Surely you’ve had sex in seven years.”

  “I never said I didn't have sex. I said I didn't date.”

  “Oh….”

  “Spit it out,” I commanded.

  “Spit what out?”

  “Whatever it is you are going to ask me because I know you, your face is so obvious.”

  “It's nothing. It's just something Nikki said and trust me, it probably isn't something you want to discuss.”

  “Okay well now you have me curious.”

  “Lex, trust me, you don't want to discuss this.”

  “No Charlotte, you said we were friends. Sharing is caring.”

  She hesitated and I tapped my foot impatiently. We had all night and wasn’t the whole point of this friends bullshit trying to get to know each other again?

  “Nikki thought that if we were going to be friends and be open with each other we should start by giving each other our sexual numbers. This wasn't my idea and I warned you!”

  Fuck. I didn't see that coming and now it was all I could think about. I wouldn't even know how many women I've been with but most importantly my stomach churned thinking about her number. Fuck, she was hot. Of course it was massive. No wait, but she wasn't like that. Fuck fuck fuck! She was right, why the fuck did I push her?

  “I told you so,” she said.

  “What's your number?” I asked, gritting my teeth. What number would make me happy? Fucking zero but fat fucking chance. I knew she fucked Julian. I curled my fist into a ball, trying my best not to smash the bottle that sat so tempting in front of me.

  “I don't have a death wish. We need to get off this topic.”

  “Answer me, Charlotte,” I demanded in a low voice.

  “Not as many as you think, so drop it.”

  “Number.”

  “FINE! Five. Are you happy now?"

  “No I'm not, Charlotte. Why would I ever be happy that someone else had their hands on you?”

  “Okay so give me yours, I can take it. I'm a big girl. Like what? Over a hundred?”

  I had no clue because I never cared, I never asked names, never spent the night or cuddled or did any shit like that. I wore fucking condoms and sent them on their merry way. “Let's drop it.”

  “Bullshit. If I had to tell you then it's only fair.”

  “Charlotte I wouldn't know. Sex was just that, meaningless sex. No attachments, no names, no more than one time.”

  “Wow.”

  “Wow what?”

  “I don't know. I mean of course you had sex, but ouch.” She lowered her head.

  “Look at me, Charlotte.” I cupped her chin and raised her eyes to meet mine. “I fucking missed you, and it hurt like hell. I thought they would make me forget, but they didn't. If I could have my way it would only be you for the rest of my life but I'm not the one calling the shots here.”

  She sat there silent. Nervously she fiddled with the pendant I gave her. She still wore it. Say something, I wanted to yell. I needed her to know that no amount of women could ever replace her. Why couldn’t she fucking see it? The silence was deafening and I did the only thing a jerk like me would do, I turned the conversation back to her, back to that number five.

  “So five then?”

  “Lex don’t, please.”

  “But we’re friends and there’s no point in keeping things from each other. Who were they?”

  “Seriously you are going to turn this on me? I wasn’t the one who screwed all of the United States!”

  “Charlotte, please don’t. I’m sorry.” Why the fuck did I open my mouth? I had serious foot-in-mouth syndrome and this friends thing was off to the worst start possible.

  “Well, you know what?” she started. “Since you asked the question here
goes. It took me two years and twenty-six days after you left me to be able to kiss someone else and exactly three years and eighty-six days since the day you left me for me to have sex with another man and even then every person I was with, the whole five of them, was to escape the very fucking shitty hole you left me in.”

  I couldn’t feel any smaller than I did right now. You know the saying ‘when you’ve dug deep enough’ well I just kept digging! I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss away all the scars that I left all over her especially the one that was etched on her heart. But I couldn’t, instead in typical Lex fashion I got angry that she was fucking other guys. I couldn’t control this side of things, the jealousy was eating at me and what fucking right did I have? I searched every part of my brain to come up with something non prick-like so tonight wouldn’t be a total writeoff.

  “Was JT one of the five?”

  It took her a moment but eventually just out of the corner of her mouth, a small smile appeared. It may have been tiny but it was enough to know that at least I could make her smile again. “If he was I’d have a ring on my finger and you would be officially having dinner with Mrs. Timberlake.”

  I smirked. “It was a stupid thing for us to bring up but it’s out in the open and I am more than happy to place that in the vault of conversations that never should be brought up again.”

  “I’m sorry too, Lex. You’re a guy. I don’t know why it would shock me, I mean Jesus, look at you. It would have been impossible for you to be celibate.”

  “I’m trying here, Charlotte. This is harder than I thought. I can’t deny the fact that I want you, all of you, to be mine.” I held her hand as I said the words and she let me do so for a minute before pulling back.

  “I need time, Lex. Please don’t push me.”

  I didn’t understand even though I told her I did. I was a rookie at this relationship stuff. I mean fuck, I couldn’t even hold down a marriage without having a fucking affair.

  “You’ve barely touched your food. Don’t tell me you’re one of those New York chicks that’s on some liquid diet or some shit?”

  She ate a mouthful trying not to laugh. “Ha! You should see Eric and I on all-you-can-eat Wednesdays at this local Mexican restaurant. We demolish that place.”

  I laughed because only Charlotte would have a stomach made of steel and manage to hold down the one type of food that sent people running for the hills, or should I say restroom. “But look at you… Your body is amazing. I mean it’s not that it wasn’t amazing before but you have become this beautiful woman.” Why oh why did I bring up her body, which obviously meant I was picturing her naked, which meant we had a problem down south again…

  “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” she teased.

  “Yes I have but you were with me up against the wall in the bathroom.”

  “I walked right into that one didn’t I?” She laughed.

  I was glad she was loosening up but a part of me was uncertain about her lack of enthusiasm for my sexual innuendo. Was she not suffering just as much as I was? If she was, she did very well to disguise it. Seriously, women had it good not having to walk around with boners.

  “So anyways I wanted to thank you again, for my birthday gift. It really means a lot to me.” She choked up a little. I was taken aback that she brought the subject up to begin with. Was she ready to talk about it?

  “I know it means something to you, otherwise you wouldn’t get it inked on your skin. You hate needles.” Letting out a small chuckle I remembered the time I had to give her a shot in the hospital.

  “True, but over time I got better. I just needed a reminder that no matter what life throws at you, there is always time to be reborn and be the best you can be.”

  “Well, you are amazing. I mean at your age to have accomplished so much given what happened…” I hesitated, unsure of what to say next.

  Like her mind was distracted with another thought, I gave her a moment not wanting to push her. A few moments later I realized she had nothing to say so I suggested we move back up to the main deck to enjoy the view.

  “So you live in London? What does your place look like? I bet it’s all minimalistic and hot,” she said.

  “It’s cold and unlived in. I live in the penthouse of my building. It’s big but honestly I am rarely there.”

  “OK, so where is the best place you’ve have been to?”

  “Mmm, I would have to say the Greek islands.”

  “For holiday or work?”

  “Always work. We had a new client based in Greece. When I went over, the CEO ensured the meetings were held on the Islands so I got a taste of the market and the culture. The people were so friendly and the food was fantastic.”

  “Is that why you’re so tanned now?” she teased.

  “That would be thanks to a business trip to Thailand a few months back.”

  She giggled, and I wasn’t sure what was so funny till she blurted it out. “Um, so Thailand is notorious for lady boys… They would have been in lady boy heaven seeing you.”

  “Charlotte, I don’t know what you are implying but I do not pay for sex and I think it’s pretty obvious which ones are boys and which ones are girls.”

  “You’d like to think so, right? Just ask Rocky.” She erupted into a ball of laughter holding onto her stomach.

  I joined in but the shock was too much. “NO WAY!”

  “He didn’t sleep with one but his close encounter was enough to send him into hiding for days.”

  The thought was hilarious and we laughed for what felt like forever.

  “It’s beautiful out here,” she said as she gazed at the stars. The ocean remained calm. The moon shone bright, the city lights twinkled on the skyline. It was one amazing sight but her sitting beside me made it a million times better. She shivered slightly. I noticed that she didn’t have a jacket and I felt like a jerk for not asking her to bring one. I took off my jacket and placed it around her. For a moment she closed her eyes, and when she opened them she looked at peace.

  We sat there talking more about work, told more funny stories about Rocky and just life in general. It was late and I didn’t want the night to end but the yacht needed to sail back and I had a morning flight.

  An hour later I was standing in the front of her building, attempting to say goodbye knowing I wouldn’t see her for two weeks. I gently tucked a loose curl behind her ear trying to distract myself from the awful feeling that was forming in the pit of my stomach.

  “Thank you for tonight, Lex. I know it didn’t start smoothly but it ended wonderful.”

  My hand lingered on her cheek. Was she feeling as desperately as I was? I waited for a sign, because I was one impatient motherfucker.

  “I have to go. Have a safe trip, Lex.” She gave me back my jacket and walked inside leaving me alone on the sidewalk.

  Three fucking times I had to jerk off that night just to fall asleep. My wrist was twisting in pain but the damn thing wouldn’t go down after the first or second time. By the third I was spent and fell asleep surrounded in fucking cum tissues. I know, I know, TMI as the young folk would say these days. The next morning I woke up to my alarm at five. Great, four hours of sleep. I was going to be one big bag of fun today.

  After a quick session in the hotel gym, I packed my suitcase ready to leave for the airport. It was a little after nine when our flight took off. I was tired from the late night but still checked my blackberry to answer work emails. Kate sat beside me tapping away on her laptop. It lasted about an hour before she shut it down obviously frustrated with something. Normally I would ignore her but I also couldn't concentrate. Leaving New York no longer provided me with the relief I was once used to. It left me feeling anxious, I was leaving her. I already fucking missed her. Two weeks until I saw her next and already I was counting down the days.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked which took Kate by surprise as I had never asked her anything about her personal life. Nor did I used to care.

  “
It's nothing, sir.”

  “Look, I know I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around but if you need to offload something I'm all ears. Have you met my sister? She talks a glass eye to sleep, try growing up with her.”

  She laughed softly careful not to disrupt the other passengers. Placing her cell into the pocket of the seat, she began to speak and for once I enjoyed her company.

  “It's not like I'm your typical girl. I do believe in trust but this long-distance thing is hard and when people start filling your mind with things, you question your judgment. Especially when you know they’ve been out on the piss every night.”

  I had never been the type to give people advice on their love lives, especially when mine was so fucked up but she looked lost and somehow I tried to be honest, give her that guy’s perspective she needed. “So you ask him directly. Be honest and tell him that’s how you’re feeling. Only you would know if he is telling the truth. Go with your instincts.”

  “Kinda hard over the phone. I’ll wait till he comes back in a month. I'd rather do this face to face that way I can tell if he’s telling porkies.”

  “Porkies?” I laughed.

  “Pork Pies. Lies,” she answered with a smile. She hesitated wanting to say something else but she remained silent so I assumed the conversation was over. I closed my eyes for a moment trying to gather my thoughts, then she asked me about Charlotte. “And um...how are things with your...um...lady friend?”

  I laughed quietly which scared her a little. She wasn’t used to seeing this side of me. I felt defeated and probably delirious from the past week’s events, lack of sleep and jacking off. “Okay I guess.” I didn’t feel like elaborating, not when I was thousands of miles in the air travelling the opposite direction to where she was. So I changed the subject, needing a distraction. “Do you have friends in New York?” I asked.