The Undead | Day 25 [The Heat]

by Haywood, RR

  ‘How many are there?’ Paula asked when Henry finished explaining.

  ‘Oh, thousands. But I shouldn’t worry. The chances of being struck by one are exceptionally low.’

  ‘Oh god,’ Mr Howie said with a groan. ‘We’re going to get hit by a satellite.’

  ‘We are most certainly not going to get struck by a satellite,’ Henry said with a smile. ‘Anyway. I shall leave you to get prepared.’

  ‘We will,’ Mr Howie said as Henry walked off. ‘We’re like shit magnets. Right. Everyone, watch out for falling satellites. Cos. You know. It’s not like we’ve got enough shit to deal with. Like zombies and the end of the world, and dads that were spies, and best mates that were spies, and more spies than you can shake a stick at.’

  ‘I like pies,’ Nick said.

  ‘Spies, not pies,’ Blowers said. ‘But more to the point. What the actual were you two doing?’ he asked while giving Tappy and I a look.

  ‘Nick’s turned another girlfriend gay,’ Booker said before darting back from the punch sent by Nick.

  ‘Twat,’ Nick said. ‘Er, but seriously, you’re not gay, are you?’ he asked Tappy.

  ‘Charlie was kissing me!’ Tappy said as I panicked and blurted that I thought she was Nick. Which, granted, wasn’t the best response to give, judging by the looks on everyone’s faces. ‘No! I meant. I thought Tappy thought I was Nick, and Cookey was taking us into the shoe shop.’

  ‘What shoe shop?’ Cookey asked. ‘What for?’

  ‘For the sex!’ I told him. ‘Gosh. No. Right. Forget it. And it was the dog kissing you, Tappy. Not me.’

  ‘Er. No. You were kissing me,’ Tappy said.

  ‘I was not! And if we’re going to point fingers, then you were most definitely licking my ear.’

  ‘I thought you were Nick!’

  ‘Exactly. So did I. No! Whatever. I said forget it,’ I said while feeling annoyed that I couldn’t articulate myself out of it.

  ‘Do you know what we need?’ Cookey asked in a most serious fashion. ‘We need a replay to see who did what.’

  ‘Dick,’ Tappy said with a laugh as Cookey winked and smiled at me, with his blue eyes all twinkling. I must admit. I did chuckle too. Cookey has that way about him.

  ‘We are just getting weirder by the day,’ Paula said. ‘But,’ she added, leaning over to make sure Henry has gone, ‘how suave was Henry!’

  ‘He was like James Bond or something,’ Tappy said.

  ‘I thought that,’ Marcy said, also still just in underwear and having just woke up, but while the rest of us resembled a collection of river monsters, she was ready for the lingerie catwalk at London Fashion week. ‘Honestly. The way he caught Charlie and was like, are you okay, miss? That was so 007.’

  ‘Er, and why didn’t one of you do that?’ Paula asked, giving Clarence and Howie the stink-eye.

  ‘We didn’t have a knife,’ Howie said.

  ‘What he said,’ Clarence said, pointing at Howie.

  ‘Right. Well, it’s a good thing Henry was prepared then, isn’t it? With his nice trousers and his shirt all tucked in,’ Paula said.

  ‘And he smelled nice,’ I told them. ‘Something musky and manly.’

  We then got distracted from discussing the finer points of Henry as Mo and Dave came over from finishing their training.

  ‘Morning,’ Mo said. (I love his cheeky smile) You’s okay then?’

  ‘You’s okay, Mr Howie,’ Dave said, which only made the rest of us frown.

  ‘We’re fine, Mo,’ the boss told him. ‘Apart from falling satellites and James Bond Senior.’

  ‘Dave said satellites fall down all the time,’ Mo said as we all looked at Dave.

  ‘Satellites fall down all the time,’ Dave said.

  ‘I did actually know that,’ Clarence said while clearly not wanting to be outdone on the satellite-fallingdown knowledge. ‘They come down all the time.’

  ‘Awesome,’ Mr Howie said without much enthusiasm. ‘It’ll definitely be a big one.’

  ‘What will?’ Mo asked.

  ‘The one that hits us,’ Blowers said. ‘Dave, what do we do if a satellite falls on us?’

  ‘Dave wasn’t the only one in the army,’ Clarence said.

  ‘Did you do the satellite falling down course too?’ Mr Howie asked him.

  ‘No. I just mean Dave isn’t the only person here with military training.’

  ‘True. But his old boss just made us look like twats,’ the boss said. ‘Dave, what do we do if a satellite falls on us?’

  ‘Get out of the way.’

  ‘Good advice. Anything to add, Clarence?’

  Clarence thought for a second. ‘We should track the trajectory,’ he said with a satisfied nod.

  ‘How the fuck do we do that?’ the boss asked him.

  ‘I’ve no idea. Do what Dave said and get out of way.’

  ‘Well. This is all very exciting,’ Paula then said. ‘But I’m going inside to smell Henry.’

  And with that, she jotted off quick as anything, with Marcy a step behind her, then Tappy, and yes, okay, I’ll admit it, I went too. But honestly. He did smell really nice.

  5

  The morning came. The morning proper. The morning after the night before, or rather, the morning after the day before, and then, the night that came after that day.

  Whatever. I know what I meant. Or at least, I think I know what I meant.

  I did actually know that about satellites. I saw a documentary on them. About how we have low, medium, and high orbit satellites. When the medium and high ones break or stop working, they’re simply sent off into space, whereas the lower orbit ones are brought back down.

  One thought lead to another, and I started thinking about other things humans have built that are no longer under control or being maintained. Gas stations and oil refineries, and what about the hydroelectric places and those giant wind turbines? Do they just keep turning until they fall down? And what about nuclear power plants? Fuck! Nuclear power plants. The UK’s got a few of those. We’ll be like Chernobyl. I felt a rush of panic inside, then got a sudden image of luring all the infected to a nuclear power plant and making a heroic last stand just as it goes bang and wipes them all out.

  But then, we’d all be dead too. But what if we lured them there, then we scarpered and left the infected to play with some exploding plutonium? I went inside, thinking to find Reginald and outline my brilliant new plan.

  ‘I know that’s probably a really stupid question,’ Cookey said as I rushed into the clubhouse, looking for Reggie. ‘But, yeah, I mean, could that happen?’

  ‘It’s not a stupid question at all,’ Henry said. ‘But sadly, no. The use of a modern nuclear power plant as a weapon would not work.’

  Arse it. Cookey had already asked. I came to a stop, looking over at Henry, surrounded by underwear clad people clutching their hot drinks. Marcy, Paula, Tappy, and Charlie being the closest. He looked suave too. All tucked in and neat. And his bald head. It really suited him.

  ‘There are safety mechanisms that kick in the event of an HDE,’ Henry said.

  ‘What’s an HDE?’ Tappy asked.

  ‘Human disappearance event,’ Henry explained.

  ‘So it won’t go bang then?’ Cookey said.

  ‘It’s unlikely. However, there may be other factors that cause meltdowns. In any event, I would hope the staff on duty when the event hit would have at least managed to start shutdown procedures. They might even have remained on site to continue to manage the situation.’

  ‘Why would you hide in a nuclear power station?’ Marcy asked.

  ‘High walls. Strong gates, large canteens and a sizeable armed force guarding them,’ Henry said.

  ‘Howie, we need to find a nuclear power station to live in,’ Marcy said, turning to look for me.

  ‘Nick would blow it up,’ Cookey said, earning a few laughs. ‘He likes setting things on fire,’ he told Henry.

  ‘A worthwhile skill, I am sure,’ Henry said
, sharing a smile with Nick. ‘Mr Howie, would you be ready to discuss plans now?’

  ‘I would not be ready because I am preparing to have a poo,’ I said in a weird voice as the room fell silent, and everyone stared at me for a few seconds.

  ‘I just had one, nipper,’ Frank said, walking out of the toilet. ‘Might want to give it a few minutes.’

  ‘Whatever. I’m going for a smoke then.’

  ‘No naked flames near that door,’ Frank said, waving towards the toilet as he walked into the clubhouse. ‘I bet they give you backache,’ he said to Marcy, offering a wink and a cheeky grin at her bra. ‘If you need a hand, just say. I don’t mind carrying one.’

  I waited for Marcy to go nuts and tell him to piss off, but she just laughed and rolled her eyes as the world continued on with its strange new ways where old spies flirt and horses kidnap people while satellites fall out of the sky.

  I stepped out and glanced up, with a cigarette halfway to my mouth. ‘Literally every half an hour,’ I muttered, stuffing the smoke back in the pack as I stalked inside. ‘We are actual shit magnets. What did I say?’ I called out.

  ‘Already?’ Clarence asked, looking up from his mug of tea.

  ‘Yup. Right there,’ I said, pointing up. ‘Satellite coming right at us.’

  6

  Day Twenty-nine

  ‘Wow. I was not expecting that,’ Heather says, blinking through the front window of the coach at the sight of Lilly’s wall enclosing the bay. ‘There’s a guard coming out,’ she adds, nodding forward to a guy walking out from the gap between the containers with a rifle held ready.

  The door opens, and Heather drops out, shielding her eyes from the bright sun.

  ‘Ach, are ye Heather now?’ a young man asks, coming to a stop a few metres away ‘Aye. Lilly said to watch out for you. Feck me! She wasn’t lying, lads, it’s Paco fecking Maguire, it is,’ the man calls out, turning to glance up at the guys on the wall.

  ‘Paco! Great movies there, fella,’ someone shouts down. ‘Can he still have a selfie being a zombie, miss?’

  ‘Ach, wouldn’t that be grand. He’s famous as shit,’ the lad at ground level says, rolling his eyes. ‘I’d love a picture with him?’

  ‘Er,’ Heather says as the man grabs his radio.

  ‘Lilly, are ye there? Heather just rocked up. She’s got that Paco with her and a big coach full of immunes.’

  ‘Is it Paco?’ someone cuts in.

  ‘The actual Paco?’ someone else asks.

  ‘Are ye fecking joking or what? Did ye get a picture yet?’

  ‘Ach, not yet. I’ve asked, mind,’ the gate guard says.

  ‘Feck that. We need a group photo,’ someone else says.

  ‘It’s Lilly here,’ Lilly’s voice cuts in. Instantly recognisable as Heather relaxes slightly. ‘Yes. They can come through. Straight down to the beach, please.’

  ‘Hang on a second, will ya,’ one of the lads shouts from the wall as they disappear out of sight, then reappear a few seconds later, pulling iPhones and Samsungs from pockets. ‘Miss, will ye take a picture for me?’

  ‘Miss, will ye do mine too?’ another asks, thrusting his phone at Heather as they start crowding around Paco.

  ‘Peter would love this, he would,’ someone says to a chorus of sad tuts and low murmurs.

  ‘What the actual fuck,’ Heather says, holding a phone up to a sea of grinning faces and Paco in the middle, striking a pose. ‘Er, say cheese then.’

  ‘CHEESE!’

  A moment or two later, they head through the gap in the wall until they reach the road coming from the old estate. Now, a vast car park full of vehicles, and Lilly’s Great Wall stretching around the whole bay.

  ‘Stop here,’ Heather says, noticing Lilly standing with a woman with a mass of red hair, but Lilly looks different. Older somehow. Hardened. Other traveller men with them. All armed. Kyle and another older man with a neat moustache. He seems to be the focus of their attention, with every face seemingly glaring at him. Then, they spot her and turn as Heather feels a rush of nerves from being stared at when she drops out of the coach.

  ‘You okay, Lilly?’ Heather asks, guarded and cautious.

  ‘I’m fine. It’s good to see you, Heather,’ Lilly replies as Heather notices the black armbands and glances over to a rudimentary flagpole, erected with a black flag fluttering at half-mast.

  ‘Heather. My name is George. Pleasure to meet you,’ the older man with the neat moustache says. A pistol on his belt. Tan trousers. A dark, checked shirt tucked in. ‘I gather you have been busy?’

  Heather pauses. Not liking the tension in the air. ‘Howie here?’ she asks.

  ‘It’s fine, Heather,’ Lilly says. ‘We are just going through a period of readjustment.’

  ‘Ach, that’s a posh way of saying some cunt murdered Peter,’ one of the armed men says.

  ‘Willie, ease it back,’ Kyle says.

  ‘I’ll do no such thing, Father,’ Willie says, glaring at George. ‘That wee fella wants the fort, he does, and after everything Peter did.’

  ‘Feck that,’ Elvis says, staring up. ‘There won’t be a fort when that thing hits us.’

  Heather glances up in surprise at the streak of light, high in the early dawn sky. ‘What the hell is that?’

  ‘Satellite,’ George says.

  ‘Aye, they’re all falling back down, apparently,’ Willie says. Shooting a look to George.

  ‘I’m telling you,’ Elvis says. ‘That’s heading straight for us, it is.’

  ‘I can assure you it isn’t,’ George says. ‘It just appears that way.’

  ‘Heather, you look worried,’ Kyle says, giving her a concerned look. ‘George, can you get Howie on comms. I think Heather might appreciate that.’

  ‘Of course,’ George says, pulling a radio from his belt.

  ‘I’m saying it,’ Elvis says. ‘I’m bloody saying it. We need to move. That thing’s coming down.’

  ‘It’s still coming through the atmosphere,’ Lilly says. ‘It’ll drop fast once it’s clear. I should imagine there have been a few.’

  ‘Why haven’t we seen any then, Blondie?’ Mary asks.

  ‘Because we tend to look down rather than up, and the sky is still dark, so it’s more visible. There’s another one over there,’ Lilly adds, pointing west.

  ‘Feck this,’ Elvis says. ‘We need to do something. Standing about with a walloping big satellite coming at us.’

  ‘Elvis, for the love of God,’ Kyle says. ‘It’s not coming at us.’

  ‘Henry? George here. I’m with Lilly and a few of her chaps. Got a moment to speak?’ George says into the radio in such a way to tell Henry he is with others.

  ‘George. Yes, I can speak. I’m with Mr Howie’s team, watching a satellite re-entry.’

  ‘I’m fucking telling you,’ Howie’s voice says in the background. ‘That thing is coming right at us.’

  ‘See,’ Kyle says, looking at Elvis and the others. ‘Howie’s miles away, looking at the same thing, he is.’

  ‘He fecking needs to stay miles away. Call him a cunt from me,’ Willie says.

  ‘Who’s calling me a cunt?’ Howie asks.

  ‘I AM, YE FECKING CUNT,’ Willie shouts.

  ‘Henry. We have Heather here,’ George says, taking another step away. ‘She has a coach full of people. I gather she has instructions.’

  ‘Is Heather there?’ Howie asks. ‘Mind if I talk to her? Heather, it’s Howie. You okay?’

  George passes the radio over, showing Heather where to press to talk as she steps away. ‘Hey, boss. You okay… Er… Over.’

  ‘You don’t have to call me boss, Heather. You at the fort? How’s it looking?’

  ‘Different. There’s a big wall, and everyone is wearing black armbands.’

  ‘Yeah. That’ll be for Peter. Long story. Anyway. Reginald is with me. How did you get on?’

  ‘I found twenty-three immunes. And their families. They’re on the coach now.’


  ‘Heather! That’s marvellous. Well done,’ Reginald calls out. ‘Fantastic work. Twenty-three! Really very good.’

  ‘It is, Heather,’ Howie says. ‘Is Lilly with you? Can you call her over?’

  ‘Er, sure. Hang on. Lilly?’ Heather calls as Lilly walks over. ‘The boss wants to talk to us. She’s here.’

  ‘Lilly. It’s Howie. You okay?’

  ‘Fine,’ Lilly replies. Her voice hard and blunt.

  ‘The mission is still the mission, Lilly. No matter what happened between us.’

  ‘I am fully aware of that. The immunes will be protected as we agreed.’

  ‘Okay. So… We good then?’ Howie asks.

  ‘As I just said,’ Lilly says. ‘The immunes will be protected.’

  ‘Good. Okay. You seen that satellite?’ Howie asks as a yell comes from both ends of the radio, with everyone staring up to watch it shoot high overhead and disappear out of sight. ‘That didn’t land on you lot, did it?’ Howie asks

  ‘Was there anything else?’ Lilly asks.

  She hands the radio back and walks off as Heather shares a look to Paco. ‘I’ll, er, I’ll get it sorted this end, boss. Where are you?’

  ‘Place called Camber. Meet us in the town for a coffee. We’ll catch up face to face.’

  An hour later. That’s all. Just an hour, and Heather takes the keys from the young traveller lad and climbs into the four-wheel drive with Paco. Engine started, and they pull away. A mixture of feelings inside. Relief at being away from somewhere so crowded, but a sadness at leaving Subi, Rajesh, and Amna.

  Subi loved showing Heather their room in the fort. It was nice too. Not just bedding on the floor, but proper little beds with side tables so the children can learn ownership and boundaries.

  One thing was very clear. That whatever is going on between Lilly and Howie might be bad, but Lilly runs the fort brilliantly. There’s no question about that. The kids looked healthy and clean.

  She heads back to the barn, bouncing the borrowed vehicle over the grass to their own four-wheel drive. The one filled with ammunition, weapons, and water. With cleaning gear and spare kit. They swap over and leave the barn behind. Back into the lanes and roads. Back into the ever-changing landscape of a world without people and doing something she never did before the world ended.