Hard Rock Crush

by Athena Wright

  And I'd thought his name. That was one of the first times in a long time I'd been able to make myself say his name to myself like that.

  A sharp stab of pain, so familiar to me, shot through my chest.

  "Hey. You okay?" Liam murmured quietly.

  We were all piled into a cab on our way to the club. I was sitting next to Liam. I tried to maneuver myself to the far end of the vehicle, but Liam somehow slipped past the others to settle himself by my side.

  The tips of his fingers brushed against the back of my hand as they rested on the leather seat. He looked to me with concerned eyes.

  I made my lips curl upward, the closest to a smile I could force myself to make.

  "I'm fine," I murmured back. I turned my head to stare out the window without another word.

  Great, I was imitating Julian now.

  "So what's with this VIP thing?" Liam asked the others, seeming content to let me keep to myself.

  "We've got some hotshot friends," Gael said. "It gets us access to a special lounge on the second floor. We'll have privacy and space for just ourselves."

  "We won't have to worry about hordes of fangirls flocking to us," Seth added.

  "Since when do fangirls flock to you?" Nathan joked.

  Seth made a face at him. "I get just as many girls as you, asshole."

  Being the youngest, Seth often protested he was just as much of a sex god as the others. He had that kind of earnest enthusiasm that made you just want to ruffle his hair.

  "You can stay in the lounge," Nathan told Gael. "I'm going to be on the dance floor with all those chicks you're not allowed to touch anymore."

  When we arrived at the club, we took the back entrance that allowed us to reach the second floor directly, skipping the line and crowds.

  Liam looked impressed when the bodyguard nodded and waved us through without more than a second glance. This was our usual place and he knew us by sight.

  The private lounge had glass walls, so we could see the rest of the club, including the dance floor and small stage. The club was often booked for live performances. We'd performed here ourselves a few times, even.

  "This is pretty swanky," Liam said.

  "Your band must've played here a few times," I said.

  "We never got special access to the private lounge like you guys." He nodded his head approvingly. "You really have hit the big leagues."

  "Hell yeah we have," Gael said with a smug grin. "And you know what a private lounge comes with? Private servers." He gestured to the lounge entrance with his chin. One of the bartenders was there, ready to take our drink orders.

  The guys each ordered rounds of beer. I thought about ordering a drink, but I wanted to stay clearheaded tonight, especially with the way Liam was staring at me.

  "Just a seltzer water with lime for now," I said.

  The bartender jotted down a note and looked to Liam, waiting for his order.

  "You have twelve year Highland Park?" he asked.

  I didn't know much about drinks, but I figured it was some top shelf stuff. I had to wonder how much money he had made his with old band.

  "I've learned to enjoy the finer things in life." Liam winked. "I'm getting too old to drink cheap swill."

  "Too old?" I said. "You can't be that much older than me."

  "When you've been in the industry as long as I have and seen the things I've seen, it makes you grow grey hairs real fast," he told me.

  "You've been doing music for a while?" I asked.

  Despite myself, I was curious about Liam. That first time I'd met him, years ago, when he'd given me the idea for my band's name, he'd already been in the music scene. I'd just been starting out. Back then, the idea of being in a real band was simply an overly ambitious idea me and my brother had.

  "My dad bought me my first guitar when I was twelve," he said. "I've been in bands since I was thirteen. Played my first concert at fourteen. Got my first fangirls and groupies at fifteen."

  "Of course that's the metric you measure things by," I said. "Typical cocky rock star. All you care about is how many girls you can score with."

  "You wound me," Liam said. "I care about the music just as much as you."

  "If that's true, why did you quit your band and decide to go for a temporary position?"

  His eyes turned dark.

  "Like I said," he shrugged, flicking his gaze away from mine. "Creative differences."

  That was a copout if I'd ever heard one, but I didn't want to push too hard. If I pushed on his past, Liam might feel like he could push on mine. That was a subject I wasn't prepared to touch. Not now.

  Maybe not ever.

  We settled on a pair of barstools with a high table. I perched on my stool, feet swinging, toes just barely touching the ground. The rest of my band seemed content to do their own thing for now, laughing and drinking and talking shit with each other the way guys always did.

  "I'm surprised the other guys aren't pestering you with a million questions," I said.

  "I asked them to give me a minute alone with you."

  I shot Liam a look of disbelief.

  "This isn't a come on." He held his hand up, palms out, as if in surrender. "You're the leader of this band. I want to find out more about the gig I just signed up for."

  "What do you want to know?" I asked.

  "Why exactly are you hiring a temporary session guitarist?" he asked with tilt of his head.

  I exhaled deeply, annoyed that was his first question. I didn't want him to think less of me. I didn't want him to think I couldn't hack it. The other guys already worried too much about me. I didn't need that from Liam as well.

  "It's nothing big," I said. "I'm perfectly happy to continue singing and playing guitar at the same time. My wrists just act up sometimes."

  "You're overexerting yourself?" Liam guessed.

  "I do tend to put one hundred and ten percent into my performances."

  "But why a temporary guitarist?" he asked.

  "My band and I already have a good thing going," I said. "We have a good rhythm. I don't need someone new coming in and ruining that. I'm sure you get what I mean. Bandmates reach a certain equilibrium with each other. You've worked with each other, you've grown up together. You've been through so much. It's always difficult to add a new person into that mix and have things stay the same. It's like a family."

  "I do get that," he said, casting his eyes down.

  The bartender returned with our drinks and handed them to us. I supposed I could have ordered something fancy and non-alcoholic but I didn't feel in the mood for some sugary sweet mocktail.

  Liam took a sip. He eyed me over the rim of his glass.

  "Have you been working with the other guys for long?" he asked.

  "My brother and I have been playing together since we were teenagers," I said. "I've met the other guys along the way. I'd immediately known they were special. Everything kind of fell into place. All the pieces just fit together like a puzzle. I'm sure you've experienced the same thing with your other band members?"

  He nodded shortly.

  "Yeah. We used to have a great thing going." Liam took a quick sip of his drink. "So you and the guys are close?"

  "They're like my brothers," I said. "We've been through a lot together. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them and nothing they wouldn't do for me."

  "That's pretty great that you feel like your band is part of your family." Liam looked down at his drink, staring into it as if it held the answers to the universe. I waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

  Seth came over and draped himself over my shoulders, resting his chin on the top of my head.

  "What are you two doing sitting here all by yourselves?" he asked.

  I tugged him down to poke him in the nose with my index finger. "We're talking business. You know, that stuff you always ignore?"

  "You should join in on the fun," he said. "We're going to start a game of Poker Face."

  "We'll be right over," I said
.

  "If you lose, I'm going to make your punishment even worse than last time." Seth grinned and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

  I blanched. I didn't think it was possible for anything to be worse than the shot he'd made me the last time we'd been in this club.

  Seth made two fake finger-guns with his hands as he bounced off. He pointed them at me with a cheeky grin, as he was going to shoot me dead with whatever concoction he came up with.

  I turned back to Liam with a laugh.

  "Looks like we're going to have to join the party after all," I said.

  "I thought you said they were like your brothers," he said. "Kid seemed pretty touchy-feely with you."

  "He's like that with everyone. Why, are you worried you're horning in on someone else's territory?" I asked playfully. "Maybe I should have said I'm with Seth. Maybe that would stop you from coming on to me."

  "Nothing in the world will keep me from coming on to you," Liam said. A slow grin crossed his face. "You're just too cute and sexy for me to resist."

  "Use the C word to describe me again and I'm going to kick you in the nuts with my boots."

  Liam laughed, not deterred in the slightest.

  "Let's not join them yet," he said. "I want to talk some more shop. Let's go somewhere quieter."

  Somewhere quieter. Was that his way of trying to get me alone?

  I should have been alarmed. And a part of me was alarmed.

  But despite my better instincts, I wanted to get to know him more.

  Liam stood and took my hand with a gentle touch. The tips of his fingers against my wrist made my chest squeeze. His good-natured smile made my stomach flutter.

  I didn't want to give in to him, but he was making it damn hard for me. Every moment I spent with him made my reasons for resisting seem less and less important.

  That should have freaked me out.

  That should have been the moment I shut him down and ran away.

  Instead, the thought was almost freeing.

  The feelings I'd experienced since meeting Liam had been long forgotten, but I was enjoying their return.

  As much as it scared me, being around Liam was liberating in a way that I hadn't felt in a long time.

  7

  Liam held on to my hand as he led me to one of the sofas on the far side of the private lounge.

  "You really do want to get me alone," I only half-joked.

  "Just want some privacy," he said.

  All my senses tingled.

  "Don't worry, I'm not going to put the moves on you," he said.

  A small, traitorous part of me felt a sting of disappointment.

  "I wanted to talk to you about the details of the tour," he continued.

  We took our seats on a sofa. I sat in the corner. Liam sat in the middle next to me.

  "What do you want to know?" I asked him.

  "When exactly do we start? Which cities will we be playing in? Do you have the set list confirmed yet?"

  He peppered me with question after question. Maybe he really did want to talk shop.

  "You really just want to know about the set list?" I asked.

  He nodded. "I need to make sure I know all the songs before our first show."

  "Most of them will be from our new album," I warned. "We won't be doing a lot of our old indie stuff. That's mostly what you know, right?"

  "Good thing I'm a quick learner," Liam quipped.

  "You better be. We've got more than a dozen new songs for you to memorize."

  That familiar heated smirk crept across his lips. Liam shifted closer to me on the sofa.

  "I suppose we'll have to work very closely together, won't we?" he said.

  I braced myself against the cushions. "You ever heard of a thing called personal space?"

  "I've heard of it." That smirk didn't falter.

  "I thought you wanted to talk about work."

  "We did," he said. "Now it's time to get to know one another."

  "You've been following my career," I said. "You should already know everything about me."

  "I don't want to know about Cerise, lead singer of Cherry Lips," he said. "I want to know about Cerise, the girl who choked on her water the first time she laid eyes on me."

  I pressed my lips together firmly at the hint of laughter in his eyes. "It's not my fault you appeared out of nowhere like a ghost."

  "Don't lie," he said. "You were mesmerized by my raw sex appeal, weren't you?"

  I suppressed a snort of laughter. "Raw sex appeal? You really do think highly of yourself."

  He shrugged easily. "I saw you eyeing me."

  "I did," I agreed. "I distinctly remember thinking you were cute."

  Liam looked taken aback. "Cute?"

  I nodded. He grimaced.

  "So you don't like the C word any more than I do?" I asked.

  "I'm not cute," he said. "That kid Seth is cute. I'm a rock and roll sex god."

  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

  Liam placed one hand on my knee. The laughter cut off. My stomach muscles clenched.

  "Wait until you see me on stage with my leather pants and eyeliner," he promised. "You'll turn into one of those fangirls, swooning over me."

  I'd almost fallen into fangirl swoons one too many times around this man already. He didn't need any help.

  "I've been around self-professed rock gods for years," I forced myself to say calmly. "Leather and guyliner do nothing for me."

  "So you go for the straight-laced type?" He raised an amused eyebrow. "Khaki pants and polo shirts?"

  Liam chuckled at the face I made.

  "So you don't go for straight-laced and you don't go for rock gods," he mused. "Who exactly do you go for, then?"

  "Is there a reason why you're fixated on who's my type?"

  He leaned back casually into the sofa stretching his long legs out. "Maybe I just want to know what kind of chance I have."

  "Zero," I countered immediately. "I don't date band members."

  "I'm not a band member," he reminded me. "This is just temporary. I'm not going to join Cherry Lips."

  He shifted closer. His thigh pressed to mine. The rough fabric of his jeans scratched the bare skin exposed by my skirt. The heat of his thigh spread even through the dark denim. I inhaled a quick breath. His woodsy scent filled my nose. Blood flowed to my cheeks.

  Damn. This happened every time that man got close to me. I'd never blushed this many times in one day. If I didn't get a hold of myself, Liam was going to think I was a schoolgirl with a crush.

  I tried to scoot away. I was pressed against the cushion. I couldn't go any farther. I hoped Liam couldn't see my red, flushed face in the darkness of the club.

  My head swam. He smelled so good. It was unfair. I'd always had a weakness for guys with that rich, earthy smell. Harper had always smelled like that. He'd take me in his arms and I'd be surrounded by a soothing, grounding feeling. I'd forgotten about that. It had been so long since…

  My breath stuttered in my lungs.

  Liam looked at me, concerned.

  "You okay?" he asked.

  "Yeah."

  Liam took my hand. My nails were pressed deep into the skin. He took my fingers and loosened them one by one. He ran his fingertips along the small half-moon indentations left behind on my palm.

  "Was it something I said?" He quirked an inquisitive smile.

  "No. Sorry." I pulled my hand back slowly, putting it in my lap. "I just remembered something."

  "Seems like it wasn't a very good memory."

  I let out a shaky laugh. "No. It was too good."

  That was the problem.

  "I've got to go," I said shortly.

  “Right now?"

  I stood, smoothing down my skirt. "I'll see you tomorrow."

  "You don't need to run," he said quietly.

  "I'm not—"

  Liam could see right through me. I couldn't lie. I was running.

  "Be at the studio by nine," was all I s
aid. "We practice every day until five."

  "Cerise…" Liam started to say.

  "If my brother asks, tell him I bailed early."

  With quick steps I hurried out of the VIP lounge, making a beeline for the exit. A blast of fresh air hit me the moment I stepped through the door. I inhaled slowly. The cool night breeze helped steady my swirling head.

  As I waited to hail a cab, I rubbed at the indentations on my palm, soothing them. I felt the phantom touch of Liam's fingers against my skin. I could still smell that warm, masculine scent of his, as if it were imprinted on my brain.

  I knew choosing Liam as my guitarist was a bad idea. I hadn't known how bad. It was one thing to be attracted to someone I knew I had to stay away from. It was another thing entirely when that person kept on reminding me of what I'd lost.

  I thought I'd set aside those memories, those emotions, years ago. If I hadn't exactly dealt with them, I'd at least been able to push past them and move on.

  But being around Liam was stirring up a whole mess of stuff I didn't want to deal with. Not when I was so close to finally getting everything I'd dreamed of. I couldn't fall apart now.

  I was Cerise Moreau, lead singer of Cherry Lips. I was strong. I was fierce.

  I refused to let grief overtake me again.

  8

  I spent the night upset with myself and dreaded walking into the studio the next day after I ran out of the club.

  After I ran away from Liam.

  I didn’t want to show my face. I should have had more control over myself, over my reactions. That familiar smell shouldn’t have pushed me over the edge like that. It was distressing. I'd spent years trying to get over what had happened. I was over it.

  I spent the night upset with myself and vowing to keep it together next time I saw Liam.

  My resolve almost went out the window when he walked into the studio.

  Liam was wearing a tight, black t-shirt, showing off his inked muscular arms. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was also wearing the faintest hint of eyeliner.

  Damn. That man was calling my bluff, wasn’t he?

  I stood frozen in the doorway.

  Liam was talking with Seth. He didn’t notice me for the first few seconds. He turned his head and caught me staring at him. I thought he would give me a knowing look, the kind that said I’m-hot-and-you-know-it. Instead, his eyes were only filled with concern.