Finding Darcy

by Sue Lawson

  I remembered Batty’s words. ‘You’re very like him, you know.’ At the time, I’d thought she was talking about Dad, but now, looking at Charlie’s face, I knew she meant I looked like him.

  Part of me was rapt. As for the rest of me. Did that make me an Amazon? Butch? Manlike?

  Bloody Neanderthal. Why did he have to ruin everything?

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Laura and I walked out of the locker room into the winter sunshine. Rosellas shrilled in gum trees. The air smelt of spring.

  ‘I love mornings like these,’ said Laura.

  I grunted into my scarf.

  ‘I can’t feel my toes.’

  ‘Hope The Newt has forgotten about us having to sit with Jack and Neanderthal,’ said Laura.

  ‘He hasn’t forgotten,’ said The Newt, sailing past us into class.

  ‘Great,’ I said.

  ‘Good luck,’ said Laura, dodging through tables and chairs to where Jack Ng sat in the back corner.

  Neanderthal, leering from the middle of the room, reminded me of one of those Komodo dragons—the ones that look slow, but their bite is lethal.

  Behind him sat Sarah Rinaldi and Harmony Murray.

  My stomach flipped.

  The Newt wiped his desk and chair with a hankie. ‘Hurry up and be seated, Ms Abbott.’

  As I approached the chair, Neanderthal hopped his chair away from mine. ‘Need more room, Amazon?’

  Sarah and Harmonys’ laughter sounded like the rosellas. I pulled the chair in and opened my books.

  ‘We’ll spend the first half of today’s double lesson discussing Japan’s entry to the war. For the second half you can continue researching details for your projects. Any questions?’

  Silence.

  ‘Wonderful. Open your SOSE texts and we’ll begin.’ The Newt paced, going on and on about Hitler, Nazis and Italy. Every now and again, he’d make us look at something in our textbooks.

  I tried to concentrate, but the kicks on the leg of my chair were driving me insane.

  At first, I thought they were accidental, so I pulled my chair closer to the table. The kicking continued. I pulled my chair in so far that the desk dug into my ribs.

  The thud, thud, thud kept going, only harder, ricocheting up my spine and rattling my head.

  I turned to face Harmony and Sarah. ‘Could you please stop that?’ I tried to sound unthreatening, sweet.

  Sarah, chewing gum, smirked. ‘Is it true you’re a lesbian, Amazon?’

  I gasped and turned back to the front, my face hot.

  The Newt stopped pacing. ‘Is there a problem, Darcy?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘I’m watching, Mr Thackery,’ said The Newt, glaring at Neanderthal.

  ‘Not like your pet would cause trouble, is it?’

  The Newt’s eyes bulged. ‘Do you have a problem, Mr Thackery?’

  Neanderthal shrugged. ‘Nuh.’

  ‘Then let’s move on.’ The Newt took a deep breath and reopened his textbook.

  It was like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. I stared at my hands clasped on the table. Lesbian—it crashed around my head.

  A spit bomb landed in the triangle made by my arms. I looked around to see where it had come from. Jack Ng, in the opposite corner, mimed I should unwrap it.

  Laura snatched something from under Jack’s folder. Her face was scarlet.

  I screwed up my face at Jack and turned away. Without seeming to, I knocked the wad into my lap and unwrapped it. The praying mantis with my face stared back.

  Teeth clenched, I shoved it in my pocket.

  A second and third spit bomb landed on my table. A fourth landed in my lap. I tried not to make my movements obvious and unwrapped two more of the spit bombs. One was of a snarling warrior woman holding a spear. Written underneath was ‘Amazon Abbott—Man-eater.’ The other was my head on a man’s body, underneath was ‘Lesbian!’

  It was as if an elephant had sat on my chest and wrapped its trunk around my throat.

  Four more spit bombs landed around me. I glared at Jack. He pointed to Eddie.

  Two more flew in my direction, one landing in my hair, the other on Neanderthal’s desk.

  Why couldn’t The Newt see what was going on?’

  When I turned to pull a face at Eddie, it seemed the entire class was leering at me. Even Lily and Dylan gave me strange looks.

  Sniggers slithered around the room.

  Icy fear settled in my stomach.

  ‘That’s enough. What is wrong with you people today?’ bellowed Mr Newtown. ‘Settle down or we’ll finish this at lunch time.’

  ‘Except Abbott. She’s like a koala. Protected.’

  Sarah’s voice dripped poison.

  I slumped in my seat.

  ‘Enough.’ The Newt’s voice splattered against the walls and windows. ‘Let’s continue like civilized people. And so you know, this class is teetering on the edge of detention.’

  ‘Thanks to the Amazon,’ said Neanderthal.

  The kicking started again.

  Sarah’s breath on my neck smelt of mints. ‘Hey, Abbott, how come you’ve got a man’s name?’

  Teeth clenched, I stared straight ahead.

  ‘Harmony, have you heard Amazon’s mum is a lesbian, too?’

  Harmony sniggered. ‘Figures. Why would you be a midwife unless you loved—’

  ‘Shut up, losers,’ I hissed.

  ‘Would you ladies like to share your conversation?’ I’d never seen The Newt look so flustered.

  ‘It’s okay, Mr Newtown,’ said Sarah. ‘We can handle Darcy’s insults.’

  ‘Where were we?’ The Newt ran his forefinger down the page.

  Couldn’t he hear the insults? See the spit bombs?

  I shifted in my seat, my anger pushing the elephant off my chest.

  ‘Sarah.’ Now Harmony was leaning close to me. ‘Know why Abbott’s father isn’t around? Daddy Amazon is a test tube.’

  Fury burnt in my throat. I twisted in my seat. ‘Shut up about my dad.’ Spit flew from my mouth.

  ‘Turn around, you ugly, dobbing dyke.’ Sarah’s sneering face was centimetres from mine. Hate filled her eyes.

  Enough.

  Enough of psychos.

  Enough of Misery’s coldness, of family secrets.

  Enough of Mum being away.

  My chair slammed into Sarah’s table as I stood. ‘I did not dob on you for pashing or on Neanderthal and Eddie for smoking.’ I screamed. ‘And I am not an Amazon, man, lesbian, or any other pathetic name you dream up. You however, are a lowly skank.’

  ‘Darcy!’ yelled The Newt, thundering towards me.

  I snatched my books and sprinted out the door.

  ‘Darcy!’ This time worry edged The Newt’s voice. ‘Come back.’

  I stormed up the locker room steps and flung open my locker. Business card sized bits of paper rained on me. Pictures of the mantis, Amazon and a man with my face. All with Amazon Abbott, Butch and Man-Hating Dobber printed underneath.

  I shoved handfuls into my bag.

  Laura appeared beside me. She snatched pieces of paper, scrunching them up. ‘This has gone too far. The posters, MSN, now this.’

  ‘MSN? Are they talking about me on MSN?’

  ‘Did I say MSN? I meant—’

  The tears stinging my eyes made it impossible to see. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Darce,’ Laura’s voice was choked.

  I pushed past her and sprinted for the school gates.

  Huge sobs racked my body.

  When I reached Misery’s, my hands hurt from squeezing them into fists and my head throbbed. Instead of red-mist rage, I felt drained. Defeated.

  Batty and Misery sat at the kitchen table, drinking tea and eating scones. Instead of asking why I was home from school so early, Misery just poured me a cup of tea and passed a date scone. It was like she’d been expecting me.

  While Misery discussed the ‘evils’ of daytime soaps, Batty
ate her scone in silence, brushing crumbs into her hand and tipping them onto her plate. She kept glancing at me, eyebrows furrowed.

  After what had happened, the calm in the kitchen was too much. I excused myself, leaving my untouched tea and scone, to hide out in my room.

  I changed into jeans and a tee shirt and climbed under the bedspread. The way I felt, the weight of the blankets would have crushed me flat. Curled in a ball, I stared at the wall, watching a slide show of frozen images roll through my mind.

  The hate in Sarah’s eyes.

  The look on Lily and Dylan’s face.

  Laura’s horrified face when she realised she’d said ‘MSN’.

  The pictures of the man with my head.

  The phone shuddered under my pillow. I turned it off unanswered as Misery poked her head into the room. ‘Is there anything you need to talk about, Darcy?’

  ‘No, Granny. Just cramps. Bad ones.’ My period wasn’t due for two weeks.

  Misery shifted from foot to foot as though she was barefoot and the carpet was burning. ‘Well, you just rest.’

  I pulled the bedspread higher. Eyes closed, I prayed everything would be normal when I opened them.

  I was in class. The Newt paced and raved. Beside me, Neanderthal rocked on his chair. I flipped open my phone and tried to press Mum’s number. The buttons jammed. Pictures of Amazons and mantises appeared on the screen.

  ‘It’s knackered,’ said Neanderthal. Only it didn’t sound like him. I turned to face him. Instead of Neanderthal, Charlie, cigarette hanging from his mouth, sat beside me grinning.

  ‘It’s you,’ I said.

  ‘Who else would it be?’ It sounded like Misery.

  Someone shook my shoulder. ‘Darcy, you’re dreaming.’

  I opened my eyes. Misery stood over me, frowning.

  ‘Sorry, Granny, I must have fallen asleep.’

  ‘Won’t hurt you.’ The softness in Misery’s voice was scarier than the usual barbs. ‘What were you dreaming about?’

  I fake yawned and stretched. ‘I don’t remember.’ But I did. Charlie.

  ‘I’ve made ham sandwiches for lunch…’ As Misery looked down, a shadow crossed her face. ‘Darcy, are you sure everything is all right?’

  ‘I’m just tired and my per—’

  Her lips puckered. ‘Right then. Come and eat.’ She glided down the hall.

  I didn’t need food, I needed to dive under a wave, let the ocean wash away the gunk clinging to me.

  Fat chance!

  I threw off the bedspread and sat up. A crumpled mantis picture lay on the floor beneath the bedside table.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  An extra day with Misery was more appealing than the prospect of facing Neanderthal and the rest of my class. Talc rubbed into my checks and a rub of my belly was all it took to convince Misery to let me stay home.

  No lectures or scowls, just ‘It won’t hurt you.’

  She even sent me back to bed after breakfast.

  Crushed under the weight of those blankets I tried to fight the panic nibbling at my belly. It pushed away thoughts about Charlie and killed my anger at Neanderthal and his mates.

  What if Laura had turned against me?

  What if she thought I was a dobber? An Amazon? A lesbian? While I was clearing away afternoon tea dishes, the doorbell chimed.

  Misery took off her apron as she walked to the door. ‘It’s for you, Darcy,’ she called.

  I trudged through the lounge, stopping midstep in the hallway. Laura stood on the doorstep wearing sporting gear.

  ‘Hi.’ I tried to sound normal, but couldn’t keep the shock from my voice.

  ‘Remember, we arranged to jog on the beach tonight?’ She shot me a pleading look and nodded at the driveway. Her mum, Julie, waved from their van.

  Laura worked her charm on Misery. ‘Mr Rao made us do a fitness test. Our results have to improve the next time we’re tested. The greater the improvement, the higher our mark for PE.’ Laura lied well. ‘Jogging was Darcy’s idea.’

  Misery’s lip curled. ‘At the beach?’

  ‘Mr Rao suggested the beach. He reckons hard surfaces like footpaths are bad for young joints.’ Laura shot me another pleading look. ‘Isn’t that right, Darcy?’

  ‘Yeah, sorry, I forgot.’

  Misery frowned. ‘Are you up to this, Darcy?’

  ‘It’ll be good for me, Granny.’

  Misery’s lips tightened.

  ‘Mum’s coming, too. Since she’s been back at work, her legs are killing her. She’s hoping exercise will help.’

  Misery glanced at Laura’s mum.

  ‘I suppose. But Darcy must be home by 5.30.’

  I took a step towards the door.

  ‘Perhaps you should change,’ said Misery, taking in my jeans and thongs.

  ‘Meet me back here at 5.15,’ said Julie. ‘Because I’m not facing Darcy’s grandmother if we’re late.’ She slipped in her earphones and strode down to the water’s edge, headed towards the breakwater.

  ‘Woman on a mission,’ said Laura, as we turned the opposite direction, into the breeze.

  ‘Thanks for rescuing me.’

  ‘Figured Misery couldn’t refuse if I came up with something school related,’ said Laura, her voice bright. ‘Mum’s walking three days a week after work. Do you think Misery would let you ‘jog’ on those nights, too?’

  ‘Maybe.’ I sniffed the breeze like a dog. It smelt of seaweed and freedom. I plucked a scallop shell from the sand and pressed my thumb against the ridged edge.

  ‘Darcy, are you okay?’

  ‘Why?’ I studied the shell.

  ‘Because the thing in SOSE was, oh, I don’t know—disgusting.’ Laura tugged her hair from her face. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Gee, let me think. My mum’s buggered off, leaving me with two complete nutters. I have to do a stupid project on a dead bloke I’m forbidden to talk about. Thanks to skanky Sarah and Neanderthal, the whole class, no, the whole school is calling me an ‘Amazon-mantis-lesbian’. And my best friend, forgot to tell me about MSN talk, which I’m guessing is about me.’ I chucked the shell into the waves. ‘So you figure it out, Laura. Or are you part of it?’

  Laura stormed ahead, arms pumping.

  The roar of the waves filled my head. The breeze felt harsh. The sun held no warmth. I squatted to examine a black pebble with gold swirls.

  When I stood up, Laura had marched back.

  ‘You know what, Darcy?’ she yelled, hands on her hips. ‘That sucks. Really sucks. Why would I be part of it? You’re my best friend.’

  ‘So why didn’t you tell me about MSN?’

  Laura bowed her head. ‘Because Misery doesn’t have a computer.’ She shrugged, her voice a whisper. ‘I thought it would stop before you found out.’

  I skimmed the pebble into the ocean, counting the skips. Three. One for me. One for Mum. And one for Dad. ‘Are there emails, too?’

  ‘Yeah,’ sighed Laura. ‘Bailey reckons there are text messages too. Not that I’ve had any. It all started after The Newt caught Sarah, Jack, Neanderthal and Eddie behind the portable. ’

  ‘I was talking to The Newt about his stupid war project, not leading him to them.’

  ‘I know that, and so does The Newt. He went ballistic after you left.’

  ‘The Newt went off?’

  Laura nodded. ‘He called us immature twits and singled out Sarah and Neanderthal for a complete bollocking. Sarah cried. Neanderthal looked like he might, too. The Newt made us work on our projects in silence for the rest of the class.’ Laura tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘And today, instead of RE before lunch, our entire year had a meeting with Mrs Griffiths. The Newt, Broady, Mr Rao and Pippos were there, too. Griffo launched into a major bully lecture. I think she knows about the messages and emails, because she banged on about cyber-bullying. And she had copies of those posters and the small pictures.’

  I groaned. ‘It’ll get worse now.’

  Laura screwed up her
nose. ‘How do you figure that? Most of our class shunned Sarah, Neanderthal, Jack and Eddie afterwards. Even Toni stayed away from Sarah. Darce, people like you. You get on with everyone—’

  ‘Except Neanderthal, Jack, Eddie and The Triplets.’

  Laura poked a lump of kelp with her toe. Hoppers bounced across the sand, disappearing under another piece of seaweed. ‘Darce, Griffo also…’ She slipped her hands in her tracksuit pockets. ‘Griffo said your dad wasn’t a test tube. She told everyone he died when you were three.’

  ‘Great. Just great. Now I’ll be swamped by people doing that pity crap thing.’ I tugged an elastic band off my wrist and pulled my hair into a ponytail. ‘I hate that look. Like they know how I feel. How can they? Now no one will get that they behaved like complete losers. They’ll blame Dad’s death for me losing it.’

  ‘It might stop the names. I mean Sarah just about turned inside out when…’ Laura’s words faded. ‘You’re right, it sucks.’ I follow her gaze back up the beach. A pink speck bobbed towards the car park.

  ‘We should head back,’ said Laura, walking towards her mum.

  ‘Loz,’ I jogged after her. ‘Thanks. For trying. For being a friend.’

  ‘It’s been tough, Darce. You’re as fierce as Misery these days.’

  Heat rushed through me. ‘I am not! I’m just … well…’

  Laura raised her eyebrows. ‘Bad-tempered?’

  ‘Maybe a bit.’ I raced away from a wave. ‘Everything is so hard, Laura.’

  ‘I wish I could make it all stop, Darce.’

  ‘Me, too.’

  Ahead of us, sandpipers darted forward and back along the line of the waves.

  ‘If I’m not sweaty when I get back, Misery will be suss,’ I said. ‘We should jog.’

  ‘Are you serious? Jog?’ Laura looked like I’d suggested we swim in the ice-cold water.

  I laughed breaking into a run.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  ‘May I come in?’ asked Batty, tapping on my bedroom door.

  ‘Sure.’ I gathered the English books I’d scattered across the floor and sat up, crossing my legs.

  ‘I haven’t had a chance to thank you for doing that little job for me.’ Batty eased herself onto my bed.

  ‘Pleasure, Grandma. Where’s Mi—Granny?’