Stronger With Her

by JA Hensley

  “I need to tell you that I’ve met someone. Her name is Stephanie and I think you’d really like her. She’s brilliant, beautiful, and she makes me feel again. I haven’t had the balls to tell her about you yet and that’s causing problems. I need you and Maddi to know that you’ll always be in my heart. I can’t keep living my life in the past, you know? I wish you were still here.” Tears spill over my eyes and I don’t bother trying to stop them. The emotion is building so fast. I take a breath to try and calm down.

  “I wish we’d never had that fight,” I whisper as my face falls into my hands.

  I can’t stop the sob that breaks free. I’m sitting on the ground crying like a little girl, talking to a piece of marble, but somehow it makes me feel better.

  I get myself together after several minutes, clear my throat, wipe my face, and stand up.

  “I’ll love you forever, my sweet girls. I hope you’re happy where you are and you can be happy for me.” I kiss my hand and press it on the top of the grave marker. Once I have the flowers in the vases on both sides, I walk back to my truck.

  After I’ve got it in gear and I’m pulling away, I turn on the radio. Bon Jovi’s “Always” is playing. It takes me back to a happier time. Danielle loved this song, and I take it as a sign that she’s okay with me moving on.

  I wake up to the sound of incessant knocking. What the fuck is going on? Once I open my eyes, I realize that I’m in my office on the couch.

  “Hold the fuck on,” I say angrily. Who is pounding on my door?

  I stand slowly, wiping the sleep out of my eyes and walk across the room. Once I’ve got the lock disengaged and the door open, I see Joe and Jason standing there.

  “What the fuck, Runt?” Jason asks pushing his way into my office. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

  “Ma’s pissed just so you know,” Joe adds as he walks by me, smacking me on the back of the head.

  “What are you guys talking about? Why are you here?” I ask.

  “It’s Monday fucking morning, you asshole. Ma’s been worried sick since you haven’t been home and you missed Sunday brunch. John told her you needed time to work your shit out so we didn’t come find you yesterday. If we’d known you were camping out here we would have drug your ass home last night,” Joe says irritatedly.

  “You’re shitting me,” I say shaking my head. “Seriously, you’re yanking my chain. It’s not Monday.” There’s no way I’ve lost an entire day.

  “See for yourself,” Jason says gesturing toward the lobby. I look out and see Simone at her desk. She looks up and gives me a sympathetic look.

  “Fuck me,” I mutter shaking my head.

  “Well, now that we know you’re still alive, I suggest that you call Ma and let her know. She’s about to have a coronary,” Joe says.

  “I’ll give her a shout in a few. How was lunch yesterday?” I’m most concerned about what, if anything, they did to Jacob.

  “It was just like any other Sunday, man. We acted like we didn’t know a thing. This is your fight, not ours. We’ll back you, but we’re not going to start anything,” Joe says.

  “I gotta say it was hard not to punch him in the face, though,” Jason adds.

  “Thanks, guys, but you’re right, it’s my fight. I’ll figure out a way to make that fucker pay. Now, shouldn’t you be working?” I ask with a small smile.

  “Yeah, whatever, dickwad. We’re going. Just don’t forget to call Ma,” Joe teases as he and Jason leave. It doesn’t take Simone long before she makes an appearance carrying a duffel bag.

  “They brought you a change of clothes and your toothbrush. I figured you’d want to at least get rid of your morning breath.”

  “Thanks, Simone. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I say sheepishly. It’s humiliating to be found crashing in your office by the one person who’s not family but knows everything about you.

  “Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out,” she says as she drops the bag on the desk. “When you’re ready to get her back, let me know and I’ll help,” she says and walks out of the room.

  I’ve finally gotten my shit together, called my mother, and am getting some work done. It’s been difficult to concentrate, but I’ve managed to at least get through the morning. Simone took care of getting my lunch so I didn’t have to stop working. I’m putting the finishing touches on an email to a client about a new design when there’s a knock on my door.

  “Come in,” I say distractedly. I don’t want to lose my train of thought.

  “Well, here I expected something a bit more sinister based on what I’ve heard about you so far,” a female voice says. I look up but don’t recognize the blonde woman standing in front of my desk.

  “May I help you?” I ask as politely as possible.

  “Actually, I’m here to help you. If you’re smart, you’re going to listen to every word I have to say,” she answers as she moves over to sit on my couch.

  “Well, that’s a very interesting introduction, but I don’t know who you are or what you want. Care to enlighten me?”

  “Stephanie is one of my very best friends and you shit all over her. I’m here to discuss this situation and make it right.” I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts. Never in a million years did I expect this today.

  “You’ve got my attention,” I say coming over to the sitting area to talk. “I’m James, but I’m sure you already know that. You are?” I ask extending my right hand.

  “I’m Christin,” she answers without shaking my hand. I pull it back and sit down across from her.

  “All right, Christin, I’m listening. What can I do to fix the situation with Stephanie?” I’m willing to listen to anything this woman has to tell me. God knows my methods haven’t been worth a shit.

  “First of all, you need to be honest with her. She doesn’t do cheaters and she’s been betrayed too many times in her life to trust easily. How much do you know about her past?”

  “All I know is that her sister committed suicide, but she didn’t want to tell me more than that. What else do I need to know?” I’m scared of what she’s going to say, but I wait it out.

  “That’s up to her to tell you. What you need to remember is that she values honesty above all else. She’s had to deal with some creepers in her life, your brother included. Did you know he used to harass her at her old job?” That gets my blood flowing and I feel my hands clench into fists.

  “I did not, but with him I’m not surprised. He’s a dick. I’m taking care of it,” I say through clenched teeth.

  “Good because if you don’t, I will, and it won’t be pretty at all,” she says settling in. “Now, you’re going to have to make a grand gesture. Bigger than the flowers from last week. Probably bigger than anything you’ve ever done. Are you willing to do it?” She has a sly smile on her face.

  “I’m willing to do anything I have to to get her back,” I say, my voice laced thick with conviction. This may be my last chance to get my girl back and I’m not going to fuck it up.

  “If you really mean that, I’ll help you, but you only get one shot. You mess this up, you’re done and I’ll be your worst enemy, you got it?”

  “I understand. I want this to work, believe me. Where do we start?” For the first time in several days, I feel a spark of hope that things will work out.

  I’ve moped around all weekend and I still feel horrible. How can a man I’ve known no more than a month be this ingrained in my life? I’ve never had this much trouble getting over a guy before.

  I need to get it together and start marketing my new business since I’m finished with the only contract I’ve had. I’m pulling up my list of clients from my old job when there’s a light knock on my door. I make my way over and look through the peephole to see Becca standing there.

  “What are you doing here? Don’t you have class?” I ask as I open the door for her.

  “Professor called in sick so I thought I would come and check on you,” she ans
wers as she enters my living room. I follow her and sit next to her on the couch.

  “You didn’t need to come all the way over here, you know. I’m doing okay, just trying to get things together to get my business off the ground.”

  “Have you forgotten who knows you better than you know yourself? I can tell that you’re putting on a mask right now. I also know that you’ve been hiding something from me. I understand if you’re not willing to say anything in front of Christin, but I want you to remember that you can trust me, and I won’t love you any less. I want you to be happy, and I think James is the one to help you with that. So what can I do to get you back on track?” She says with a smile.

  I can feel the tears running down my face and I try to stop them. Becca lets me cry it out for a while, sometimes sobbing all over her. When I finally pull myself together, I take a deep breath and look her in the eye.

  “I have been keeping a secret. At first it was because it was something I was doing just for me, but now it’s more than that because James knows. It’s actually how we met.”

  Becca nods but doesn’t say anything, still wearing the kind smile she always has. I gather my courage knowing that she is the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have again in my life.

  “Okay, well, I’ve been occasionally dancing at The Shady Sprocket,” I say slowly, nearly choking on each word. Becca reaches over and hugs me.

  “That’s not so bad. Tell me about what you do there,” she says.

  “On nights of my choosing I go and strip on the main stage,” I explain as fast as the words will come out. It’s like letting them go will burn my mouth if they linger.

  “How long have you been doing this?” she asks without contempt or disgust. I relax a little.

  “I started about a year ago, I think.” I look up and make eye contact with her for the first time since this conversation started. All I see looking back at me is love and acceptance and it makes me smile.

  “So, you go when you want to? You must be pretty good if they let you do that, or do you know the owner?”

  “I guess I’m pretty good. I made it clear in the beginning that I wouldn’t do anything on the floor, no lap dances, no VIP rooms, and that I just wanted to dance to one song alone on the stage. Now they advertise when I’m going to be there and it’s my understanding that business picks up a lot those nights.”

  “What made you decide to do it in the first place? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for doing what makes you happy as long as you’re not getting hurt,” Becca says while patting my leg.

  “I’ve felt invisible since Erin died, you know? My parents were so buried in their own grief, and I had already accomplished what they wanted before I turned eighteen. You already know that the only reason I went off to college is so I could try to have a normal life, not because I needed the degree. I’m glad I went because I met you and Christin. In my line of work, nobody notices me. The only time I’m important to someone is when their computer doesn’t work and the faster I can fix that the better. Most people in the companies I used to work with don’t even know my name, and if they do, it’s because they wanted to get into my pants, like Jake.”

  Becca nods while I’m talking, inserting the appropriate sounds when necessary.

  “So I thought what better way to get attention than to be a stripper. Men love that shit, but it wasn’t about that. For me, it was a way to feel like someone saw me, or the version of me that walks out on that stage. Plus it’s been really good exercise, so that’s a bonus,” I say laughing out loud and Becca joins me.

  “There’s only one thing I don’t completely understand,” Becca says. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It was for me, you know? At first I didn’t feel like anyone would completely understand, or they would try to talk me out of it. As the weeks went on, it became something that got bigger and bigger and then it felt like I’d been lying to you. I just thought I’d keep that part of my life like another personality. I chose a club an hour away so that there was a smaller chance of being seen. I also look completely different so unless you know it’s me, you can’t really tell. My friend, Greg, helped me design the character. He’s a drag queen and he showed me how to get the wig to stay on and to apply makeup in such a way that it disguises me.”

  “So you met James there? How did that happen?” I blush at this question.

  “A couple days before I started the job at Owens Ammunition he was there with some friends. I noticed a really tall guy with a full beard from the stage. There was something different about him, a kindness that came from his eyes. He didn’t look at me the way the other guys did. I told the bouncer who walks me out to my car that he was like a dolphin in a sea of sharks. I was on stage again this past Saturday night and saw him standing there. You can imagine my surprise when I figured out the man I’ve been working for was the guy from a few weeks ago. He figured out it was me as well, somehow. I thought I was going to be fired from the first job I’d gotten on my own, but we worked it out. But now things are just so fucked up I don’t know if I can ever trust him.”

  “Maybe he didn’t know how to tell you about Danielle like you didn’t know how to tell me about your dancing. All I know is that I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been since you met this man. I understand your trust issues, but he can’t surprise you if you don’t give him a chance to.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I can’t let my heart get destroyed either. I have to go to my parents’ this weekend and clean out Erin’s room. That’s hard enough to deal with without all this crap piled on top.”

  “Do you want me to go with you? I’m happy to help if you need it.”

  “Thanks, but it’s something I need to do by myself. I won’t be good company while I’m there, and I doubt I’ll be worth a shit the entire weekend.”

  “The offer stands if you change your mind. So, are you going to give James another shot?”

  “I’ll give it serious consideration. He hasn’t texted me yet today, but I’ve been ignoring him since Friday so maybe he’s given up.”

  “I have a feeling that he’s trying to figure out another way to get your attention. Like I said, he doesn’t seem like the type to give up on something he wants.”

  “Is that your professional opinion or do you know something?” Becca’s always psychoanalyzing people.

  “I don’t know anything, but any man who owns a business that he built from the ground up is obviously someone who doesn’t take no for an answer. So, you just have to decide how you’re going to respond to his next attempt to get your attention,” she gives me a smug smile as she crosses her arms and sits back.

  “Oh, I see how it is. Well, I guess I’m going to have to come up with some sort of plan to make him beg, huh?” We spend the rest of the afternoon just hanging out and talking, just like we used to before life got so complicated.

  After Christin had left my office yesterday, I spent the rest of the day trying to come up with the perfect plan to win Stephanie back and to get revenge on my brother. Now I’m sitting in John’s kitchen again, finishing up stage one of the revenge plot.

  “Do you want to do this all at once or should we drag it out?” John asks rubbing his hands together like an old-time criminal.

  “I think we should drag it out a little. If we get him here first and then publicly humiliate him, hopefully, that’ll knock him down a few pegs. If I can get Stephanie to talk to me, I’m hoping she’ll help with the humiliation part.”

  “What do you have in mind for that?”

  “I’m not sure yet, but I think she could be a big help,” I answer vaguely. I’m not ready to tell her secret, especially without her permission.

  “All right, I’ve got everything set for tomorrow night. Maureen is going to be out with her friends at some movie about male strippers so we’ll have a couple hours to deal with him. I’ll call Jacob and you tell Jason and Joe. I’m going to make it seem like a guys’ night in and I’m sure he’ll jump at the free fo
od and beer. After that, it’s up to you,” John nods at me as he sits back and takes a pull from his lager.

  “I can work with that. I’ll call the boys when I leave.”

  “So, how are you going to get your girl back?”

  “Her girlfriend stopped by yesterday to verbally berate me, but she also had some good ideas. I’m going to send her a gift and a note every day and hope that she’ll take pity on me and give me a second chance. It’s probably cliché and she’ll see right through it, but I’ve got to do something.”

  “It’s really lame, but she’ll probably love it. I hope it all works out, man,” John slaps me on the shoulder.

  “Thanks. I better get going so I can deliver the first thing.”

  “What is it? Don’t hold out on me. You know what I live with so I have to enjoy life through you now,” he says rolling his eyes. He’s so full of shit. There isn’t a man on the planet who’s more in love with his wife than John.

  “I got her a big container of her favorite candy. The lady at the store helped me put it in a really nice candy dish and tied a bow on it,” I say with a smile. “I even wrote out the card myself,” I laugh.

  “Good for you, Runt. It’s about time you start doing things for yourself,” John shakes his head. “Best of luck,” he says as we walk out to my truck.

  “Thanks, man, for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” We give each other a quick hug with a hard slap on the back. I get my truck started and pointed toward Stephanie’s place, going over it all in my head to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything.

  Thankfully there’s a different security guard working and he lets me in the parking lot without a problem. Once I get parked and have the candy in hand, I make my way into her building. I’m still fighting with myself as to whether or not I’m going to wait to see if she answers the door as I lift my hand to knock. At the last second, I chicken out and set the candy down on the floor. I rap my knuckles on the door, turning quickly to leave the building before she sees me. I don’t look back. I get in my truck and drive away.