Trouble finding Blondie

by Marten, Mimi

  “Haha, your opening lines are worse than your pick up lines.”

  “Only with you. Why even try when there is inevitable humiliation, or check mate, following automatically?”

  “Oh my God. Who fucked with your confidence this badly? Where is the scary, heartless Bouchard with the financial shark reputation?”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Out of the city.”

  “What? You are dressed for the Champs-Élysées.”

  “I’m dressed for you, not the admiration of others. Plus, you get enough of that anyway.”

  “Enough of what? People don’t admire my looks or clothes.”

  “I meant ego boosts and instant gratification you get on your outings when you have your trophy model kind of women on your arm.”

  “Marcelo, the lady wants outside the city. Pick something nice.”

  “Don’t stress it, Marcello. Anything will do.”

  Marcello knew their favorite places, but this one was really special. To his recollection, they only visited twice, both times with great success. It was a stable with a Relais Châteaux hotel on their property. The restaurant was country style with five stars. Simona loved their organic food, and the whole ‘farm to table’ freshness of their dishes. She was a true gourmet who enjoys food and wine, and always preaches simplicity.

  “I feel like I didn’t spend any time with you at the chateau,” she started, cautiously.

  “You didn’t. You should feel guilty, and really make it up to me somehow.”

  “Really? Well, in my defense, it was too much, too fast.”

  “So, how are you feeling? You are not going to guilt trip me that it was a wrong move, are you?”

  “I’m really not sure what the right move is, Philippe. The chateau was fantastic, but coming back to Paris stirred up a lot of things. Not to mention, he is getting the boys from the airport as we speak.”

  “What? Both of them?”

  “Yes. His idea. To have a men talk, alone.”

  Neither paid any attention to the scenery, nor had any idea where they were going until Marcello pulled into a gate and Simona started clapping with excitement. Philippe was watching her, smiling. He loved the little quirks and her childish spontaneity. She always preached gratitude, but she also walked the talk. Once he asked her if she was always like that. First he got a smart ass sassy answer, but on another occasion, a moment presented itself, and she opened up. It was a quiet night with wine and cheese in the winery. They were cozied up, watching the stars. She told him that she was very quick to criticize, pointing out mistakes, and very tough on everyone. She admitted that her natural tendencies were being bossy, the tough-love kind bossy. That’s how she grew up, that’s all she knew. It took her many years working on herself with lots of bumps and bruises, lost relationships, to figure out that kindness, humility, and love were the way to go.

  “Thank you, Marcello. You just made my day. Merci. I’m so excited.” Simona exclaimed.

  “I don’t know anyone who is not a chef and loves food like you. You are such a foodie,” Philippe was smiling as a genuine compliment.

  “Today, my attention was to focus all on the company, but I’m sorry, this is a whole new game, Mr. Bouchard.”

  “You will trade me for some lettuce?”

  “You are such a barbarian. We are entering a Michelin star culinary wonder with secret flavors prepared to perfection, served like a work of art. Behave yourself.”

  “Do they pay you for advertisement?”

  “You are terrible. And whatever you do, don’t piss the staff off. I don’t want them to be spitting in my food.”

  The entry had a massive baroque arch announcing a grand entrance into the castle. A true historical chateau with massive walls, chandeliers, antique furniture, and an amazing two story library, but renovated with all the modern amenities of a boutique hotel. Fun, classy, and classic.

  “This place is amazing,” Simona was twirling around.

  “Would you like to sit outside?”

  “I’m not sure. Is the terrace shaded?”

  “It’s actually a garden. I remember the metal chairs. I would prefer inside.”

  “I agree, the inside is more pleasant with cushy chairs for your royal ass,” she laughed.

  “Mine may be royal, but yours is the bony one that would be bruised.”

  “Right now, I’m not worried about my ass but my tummy. Feed me already.”

  “You know the models you mentioned before? I just remembered the benefits. They don’t ever bitch about being hungry like you do.”

  “I know, sadly it’s not going to be just a salad. This lunch is going to cost you.”

  “Yes, men are usually afraid to clothe women. With you, they need to be scared to feed you.”

  The energy between them was flowing like the summer breeze outside. They were both relaxed, happy to be there in each other’s company. Simona started ordering appetizers until Philippe finally told the waiter to just keep bringing them, one by one.

  “Let me just make sure I understood correctly. We are getting the whole left side of the menu?”

  “You were already on appetizer five. What’s a couple more?”

  “Are you planning on ordering the right side, too?”

  “Planning? No. Fully determined.”

  “I said feed me, not kill me.”

  “Alright then. You have your favorite wine, your food is coming, this should be a fairly comfortable, pleasant state for you to finally not go around the bushes and spill it.”

  “You told me it’s ok to have doubts, and I get that. But this is different, Philippe. I have everything and beyond I ever wanted and dreamt about. I’m happy and content.”

  “But you seemed glowing and happy with him, too. Did I get that wrong?”

  “No, the happy hormone, connection, chemistry, all of that is still there…”

  “But?”

  “But that’s not what you build a relationship on. Those are not a solid ground, a foundation.”

  “And you don’t think there is depth? You built this relationship on friendship for years. That’s what you told me.”

  “Yes, that’s all true, but there is the other part, too. I always knew his past. I knew his flaws, too: his commitment issues, immaturity and shortcomings. I loved him with all of that.”

  “Another but coming up. This is becoming a thriller,” Philippe was smirking.

  “The betrayal showed colors I didn’t expect, never saw before. The level of cruelty, the lack of remorse, and even after losing me, his quick rebound. But most of all, he has done it when I was physically and emotionally at my lowest, finalizing my divorce. Who does that? Who kicks someone in the gut when they are down?”

  “Coward.”

  “Amen.”

  “You have never told me this. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

  “No, no, you have done the right thing. You set me free from carrying the bag of guilt about Francois. It would have happened sooner or later. I’m glad that part is over. I can breathe easier, make my amends.”

  “What about Andre? Can you forgive him?”

  “I forgave him a long time ago. I’m just processing my mixed emotions and all the stuff that is flying in my head.”

  “Like ‘when people show you their true colors, believe them the first time?’”

  “Yeah, that one, too. But more like, ‘you didn’t want me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.’”

  “I met you at your best. And you keep getting better…”

  Simona reached for Philippe’s hand, and their eyes met. The moment didn’t need words. It was speechless and priceless. Silence proved to be golden at that moment.

  The food arrived. Simona’s excitement was spilling over to Philippe, who was not used to marveling over food before. “Simone, you...”

  “Oh God, you call me Simone only when you are serious. What now?”

  “Do I? Ok, Simonaaaaa. You know you d
on’t have to be with him just because he is Francois’s father.”

  “I know, but you gave me that whole second chances speech, mixed with my hormones and emotions.”

  “You can give the whole family thing a second chance, I mean it. I’m only an outsider, but from where I stand, you do have some magic together.”

  “Philippe, we are not people who believe in happy endings. We believe in destinations and riding waves.”

  “Ok, smarty, so your destination is what? Loneliness?”

  “What do you mean? I have the best people in the world around me. My kids are happy, my ex-husband is finally human, my baby is healthy, my dream job is still alive. I’m on a cloud nine.”

  “Yes, but unless you agree to sleep with me, you are on your clouds filled with love only for others. Who fills up your tank?”

  “I was hoping for the PG13 version of that statement.”

  “You mean like who fills up your uterus? Your are like a man, disgusting and dirty.”

  Simona was laughing out loud and couldn’t even talk to the waiter who politely left, just to return when she was ready.

  “We will have the right side of the menu now,” Philippe announced.

  “I beg your pardon, sir?”

  “He was kidding. We will just have your truffle risotto and will save room for dessert,” Simona saved the waiter.

  “Yes Madame, very well. Merci.”

  “Ha, you chickened out? You are going to be a cheap date after all.”

  “Don’t push it, or I will order some Louis XIII cognac with my dessert,” she threatened.

  “Ok, so unless you have some crazy vision of turning into a wild chick, I don’t see you looking for anyone else.”

  “In that scenario, no. I don’t believe in love forever. Never did. The first time I fell in love, I was 18, and I could hardly process it, not really appreciate it, for sure. The second time, 20 years later it snuck up on me with Andre. You are right. I don’t need another round. I don’t have the will, interest or energy, none of it.”

  “Wow, people who don’t really know you would go into a debate over that. You are the biggest flirt, but when it comes to ‘diving in’, it’s like leprosy for you.”

  “Maybe you infected me with your bachelor serum.”

  “Let’s take you out of it. How about your boys?”

  “That’s the thing, too. I guess their arrival stirred up all these feelings and memories. In real honesty, Andre never made any effort with my kids. He didn’t love them. He liked them. They were good kids, but he didn’t really get to know them.”

  “What do you mean? Didn’t you guys live together?”

  “Well, it was partly my fault. I wanted to make sure they were adjusting well to the split, that I gave them my full attention. I split my week between the kids and Andre.”

  “Oh, so you had two places?”

  “Yes, at first. Then we finally merged the homes. My kids were pushing me to do it. That helped me get over my doubts. Then two months later, shit went down.”

  “Ohhh…”

  “My boys didn’t need to get hurt. He could have spared them.”

  “I’m not sure if I like this asshole now.”

  “Well, to his defense, he was amazing in the aftermath. He wrote to me, left me messages. It was very different than my ex-husband who never took any responsibility, never apologized, or made amends. Andre did everything right. It was so refreshing not only to hear, ‘I FUCKED UP. I’M REALLY SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.’, but he also walked the talk. I was gone. I left money in an account to finish our lease, but he never touched it. He not only held to his part of the bargain, but went way out of his way. He was beyond generous. He grew inches, redeemed himself, and I forgave him.”

  “That sounds more like a real man. But what’s with the kids?”

  “In real honesty, it never bothered me. He liked them, and they respected him. I wasn’t going to force either party to do more.”

  “Yes, but he had the perfect position, no? He didn’t have to raise them, discipline them. All he had to do was to earn their respect and have fun with them.”

  “Wow, that’s your analogy? Because that is exactly what I thought about this morning. You made more effort, spent more time with my boys in one year than he did in five. You earned their trust and their respect.”

  “That’s sad. Maybe it’s maturity. Maybe he is different now.”

  “Is he? Did he work on himself? Did he recognize his fuck ups and grow from it?”

  “Look. I don’t know him, but his energy is genuine.”

  “Why should the situation change, just because now he has a reason to stay, his child? Does he give a shit only because of Francois? Or do my boys and I matter, too?”

  “The guy went across half of the world looking for you. He had no clue about Francois. You are asking some tough questions. There aren’t any simple answers. Only time will tell.”

  “So, we are just going to risk it?”

  “Risk what?”

  “Screw me one time, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me?”

  “Only you can decide if that’s a risk you are willing to take.”

  “You realize if I ever get there, I’m calling your ass, and you can’t say, ‘Shame on you’ because you basically talked me into it.”

  “Fair enough. Dessert?”

  Marcello was happily fed and patiently waiting outside. Simona and Philippe didn’t pay attention to their surroundings, fully engaged in their conversation, until it dawned on them that they had been left alone.

  “Are we the last ones again?”

  “Does that surprise you? It’s like a bad habit with you. Always closing restaurants.”

  “It’s because you talk so much.”

  “No, it’s because you talk back. It never happens on my dates with models.”

  “And that should be an argument how? They don’t go out with you to talk.”

  The lunch was over three hours long, and counting the drive, they were out of Paris for four hours. The boys were probably home, and Philippe’s secretary was going crazy. They wouldn’t know; they left their phones inside the car. Marcello would answer any emergency, so they could have the time for each other without being bugged by the outside world.

  “What’s the conclusion then?”

  “I feel better. I said everything out loud. It’s out in the Universe. I need some time to process. I’m going to Barcelona for ten days. I think he will be going to Prague.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “I don’t need your plane,” Simona smiled at Philippe.

  “I didn’t ask if you needed it. I just need to tell Raphael to have it ready.”

  “Classic. I have no say.”

  “Only in some things, not when you’re slightly ridiculous. My godchild is not going to fly on some dirty charter plane if not absolutely necessary.”

  “I can see the headlines already. Spoiled rotten trust fund baby out of control.”

  “Baby maybe. Toddler, child, and tough love are coming.”

  “Terrible twos are coming. You will be on.”

  The ride back to Paris was pleasant, mostly in silence, listening to Marcello’s music. It was almost unusual for them not to talk. Simona was leaning against Philippe’s shoulder, and he was holding her hand in his lap.

  “Simona, how do you do that? How do you forgive people who harm you, who hurt your heart, shake up your soul, brake your trust. How do you do that?

  “That’s the easy part, Philippe. You forgive, not for them, but for you. You can’t heal or move on if you carry all that inside. I see people carrying that shit for decades. It’s like cancer. It eats you alive, and you are stuck. I have seen it as a kid. Decades of family feuds, broken relationships, time lost. I pledged to myself to be different. I really don’t know what hate feels like.”

  “I never thought of it that way. If someone does that to me, they are dead to me.”

  “Philippe, to forg
ive doesn’t mean you have to tell them. It doesn’t even mean you have to be around them. You just have to do it in your heart.”

  “Simo, what’s going to happen to us now?”

  “I waited for this question all day. I was scared to ask. You are the brave one, Philippe, but neither of us is a fool. It’s not going to be the same if I give this relationship with Andre a second chance...”

  “I know, but that should not be relevant to your decision.”

  “How so? You are my best friend now. You earned my trust, you were willing to build our relationship on integrity, honesty, and you make me feel safe and loved.”

  “Merci, cherie. I really don’t know what to say.”

  Simona sat up and looked at Philippe. That’s when he realized that she had tears running down her cheeks. “Oh my God. Stop. This feels like a break up, or you moving to China.”

  Philippe started wiping her tears off, smudging her ‘waterproof’ mascara, making a mess. It was very uncomfortable for Philippe, and unusual for Simona to be displaying emotions and vulnerability.

  He had seen her in every possible situation, even almost dying, but this was as rare as it gets. Philippe asked Marcello to pull over. He stepped out of the car, pulling Simona like a rubber doll. When she got out, he hugged her, caressing her hair, kissing her face. It wasn’t clear if he was calming her down, or himself. He was getting lost kissing her. It was an overwhelming energy. Simona pulled away to see his face.

  “Marry me.”

  “What?”

  “I said marry me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I never felt anything like this. I have never had a relationship like this.”

  “You are asking me for all the wrong reasons.”

  “Wrong reasons?”

  “Yes, you are panicking. You are afraid to lose me. Those are wrong reasons.”

  “I love you. Isn’t that the reason?”

  “No..... You don’t want to get married. You are not even sure if you want family life. You are just sure of one thing. You don’t want to lose me, and that’s your idea of fixing it.”

  “And who made you the expert of what I think, feel, and want?”

  “I know because I love you, too. Don’t ever ask me this for the wrong reasons again.”