Trouble finding Blondie

by Marten, Mimi

  “Wait. You have never confronted him?”

  “No. I knew something was off. My intuition is always right. I guess I didn’t want to believe it. Made excuses for it, and instead of obsessing about it, I focused my energy on being busy.”

  “Was it at the same time as you were going through the divorce and moving out, selling your real estate, and getting your book published?”

  “Precisely. Plenty to keep me busy, occupy my mind, and neglect him, I guess.”

  “Oh, please. Let’s not do this. Stop justifying his fucked up actions.”

  “I’m not. I’m not defending him or making excuses for him. It’s just a recap.”

  “Ok, so how do you know?”

  “I read their conversations on WhatsApp. Months’ worth…”

  “What? I’m sorry…”

  “I’m not. That justified me keeping the baby. When he was in Europe and finally said something, I kicked it into final gear.”

  “Why did you not say anything?”

  “I told you about what he said, and why I was leaving...”

  “Yes. But I thought you were crazy. I didn’t know it was justified.”

  “That didn’t matter. You were there for me regardless.”

  “How about now? When you had that talk? You never told him?”

  “No. I was hoping he would come clean...”

  “He didn’t. I’m sorry, Simo.”

  “Me too. I’m just not sure if it’s him being a coward or trying to protect me in his twisted version. Or simply being afraid.”

  “Well, clearly it was just a muse, and he went to look for you.”

  “No, Jada. It wasn’t. He really loved her. She was a younger, better, prettier version of me.”

  “What? You know who she is?”

  “I know everything about her. A whole seventeen pages of her life, all the way to the criminal background check.”

  “How? You hired a PI?”

  “No, don’t be silly. I’m the Iron Curtain revolution generation, remember? All my friends are in very high powerful positions in Prague now. It was one phone call. I only wanted her phone number…”

  “...and you got more than you bargained for.”

  “Something like that.”

  “Wait. But you would never go into his computer. I know you.”

  “He left for Europe. It took me three days staring at his IPAD. He forgot it’s synchronized with his phone and computer. He was always paranoid about covering his tracks from his previous lives, but I guess he relaxed with me, knowing my moral boundaries and respect for privacy.”

  “How did you get over that?”

  “A two hour therapy session.”

  “Shit. I’m really sorry. I had no idea.”

  “I had no time for drama, Jada. Two days later I found out I was pregnant.”

  “Holy shit. I need more alcohol for this discussion. I can’t believe you didn’t lose it. How about throwing it into his face? Wait. How did you get him to confess then?”

  “I told him what I truly felt. That I’m so in tune with him, that I knew he had not been happy for months, that the disconnection was not just the long distance. I said I was starting a new life. I didn’t want him to waste my time or his...”

  “And that’s when he said…'I met someone?’”

  “I guess I was so raw, calm, and honest that it inspired him and he was vulnerable. I think he regretted that, right after he hung up. But it was out, and it was my ticket out, too.”

  “How long did you have?”

  “Four weeks. I kept communicating with him - texting and emails only so that he wouldn’t get suspicious and come back earlier.”

  “Holy shit. Where was I?”

  “You were there, and you were wonderful. You were the only soul I told about leaving. I didn’t even tell Ashley until months later when I wrote her a letter.”

  “You have to tell him. Otherwise it’s going to eat you alive.”

  “If I tell him, then it’s only for my ego’s satisfaction. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m not sure if he’s a man of integrity and character. It wasn’t just the betrayal of an affair. He took sacred things from our relationship to another woman.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Jada said, truly speechless.

  “There is nothing you can say. I just don’t want this in me anymore. I have never said it out loud, and by doing so, it won’t have any powers of shame or pain. At least I hope.”

  “Are you sure he loved her?”

  “Yes. He was building dreams, taking our nicknames, our favorite things, planning a trip. I even compared dates. He was writing love letters to both of us at the same time.”

  “I think I’m going to throw up your fancy VIP dinner.”

  “I have never loved anyone like him, Jada. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to leave if it wasn’t as brutal as this.”

  “You mean if you get fucked, then it’s all the way?”

  “I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

  “He is a sociopath. With no remorse, no shame.”

  “Yeah, I have been there, too. Read three psychology books on that subject. And voila. I’m here, having my AHA moment and my humbling lesson.”

  “Oh my God, you can’t be serious. You think this is why you needed your lesson? Being in a situation of loving two people at the same time?”

  “How else do you explain it? Isn’t it for me to find compassion and understanding? Understand how someone gets into, and feels stuck, in a love triangle?”

  “That is not the same thing. You didn’t stab anyone in the back. You didn’t take, mix, or even compare the two relationships. And you sure as hell are not doing it behind the other person’s back.”

  “Ok, but maybe because I know how it feels, I wouldn’t inflict that kind of pain on people that I love. I wouldn’t play a cruel game with their hearts. Maybe it’s thanks to my painful experience.”

  “No, Simo. It’s not because of your experience. It’s because of your character.”

  “What does that mean, Jada? That he is evil, and he can’t change?”

  “No. I kinda get him, actually. You had a baggage: two kids and an ex-husband that hated him, she didn’t. It was an easy way out. In his eyes, it was you in a different package. A step-up.”

  “So, why is he here?”

  “That’s a discussion you need to have with him…”

  The flight back was an unforgettable experience from mountain tops to flying low to the bottom of the canyon with huge cliffs on both sides. The sun was setting, the colors were brilliant, and the rock formations were breathtaking. Jim, the pilot, was truly amazing. His flying skills were impressive, but his funny, entertaining personality made him memorable.

  16

  "BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS SOMEONE WHO PISSED HER OFF."

  SIMONA WAS COMFORTABLY sitting in her cushy chair in a cozy Four Seasons bathrobe - the ultimate three C’s: cushy, cozy, and comfortable. After Jada’s truth serum and her own confession, she finally felt at peace. The inside turmoil was gone, and her fears vanished. She was sipping coffee, watching the sunrise over Manhattan. She texted Andre to ask when he had time for a private conversation on Skype. He was back in Paris, and she assumed that it would be easier later on, when Francois was asleep. He called her right away. She was happy to see Francois. He was so excited that he constantly wanted to touch Simona and was trying to jump into the computer screen. It became an overwhelming issue, and he was getting more and more frustrated. Andre agreed to better call her back at 8 PM when they could talk. That gave Simona two hours. She put her sneakers on and hit the streets of Manhattan. The amazing city that never sleeps.

  She walked for over an hour and stopped at three churches on her way. She felt energized, happy, and uplifted. It was the right amount of endorphins and serotonin for her to be strong, vulnerable, yet optimistic.

  When the phone rang, she was showered, back in her three C’s and ready to talk.
After exchanging updates from the two continents and reports on well being of their precious miracle, Simona finally said, “You know those three words that every man dreads hearing?”

  “Including you?”

  “Yes, me included.”

  “Honey, WNTT?”

  “Yes. We Need To Talk.”

  “I’m all ears. Ready. Shoot me.”

  “You mean shoot at me?”

  “Am I going to be begging in the end, ‘shoot me now?’”

  “Haha… who knows?”

  “Ok, it sounds serious. Let me get a glass of wine, hold on.”

  Simona was laughing, rolling her eyes. Andre came back and sat down on the carpet, his back leaning against the couch.

  “Comfortable enough, your Highness?”

  “Yes, all yours.”

  “Andre, we need to come clean.”

  “We? ...and what about?”

  “Vinciane.”

  Andre was visibly shocked and thrown off. Simona was expecting the reaction and didn’t have the ‘got you’ look. It was simply empathy. Andre felt compassion from her, not an attack. He didn’t try to hide his sadness.

  “How long have you known?”

  “A long time...”

  “I knew you knew. You gave me so many chances to fix it...”

  “Andre, I knew something was off. But I didn’t know you had a double life.”

  “I swear nothing happened before I left for Europe...”

  “That’s not true, Andre. I read months of your conversations on WhatsApp.”

  Another shock wave went through Andre’s face.

  “You have known all this for two years? You knew this when I told you, ‘I met someone?’”

  “Yes.”

  It was a three letter answer that didn’t need embellishment. It carried the weight of it all.

  “Simona, I’m so sorry...”

  “Andre, I want to know. Why?”

  “I have asked myself that question too many times over.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. My question is, why didn’t you stay with her? Your obstacle - ME - was gone. You loved her. Why not take the clean slate with no baggage?”

  “She wasn’t you. It just took me a little longer to figure it out. And by the time I did, you were gone.”

  “Are you sure it wasn’t just your ego? You wanted what you couldn’t have?”

  “The void was too big to take, the pain too great to admit. It wasn’t just my failure, my ego. I lost my lover, my partner, and my best friend. I lost everything.”

  Andre took a sip of his wine. Simona was watching his transformation, wondering if it was remorse she was witnessing.

  “I have a question for you,” he finally said.

  “Go on…”

  “Why not throw it in my face? Why not confront me?”

  “Back then? Or now?”

  “I guess both.”

  “Back then, it was a roller coaster. I didn’t have time to process. I found out you were building dreams with someone else when our dream of having a baby came true. I felt you chose your destiny with your actions. Now, I was hoping you changed and you wanted to have a second chance built on integrity and honesty.”

  “I did change. I am different. I held myself to be the man you have always seen in me. I didn’t think it was necessary to inflict more pain.”

  “Look, I’m not pointing fingers. I’m admitting wrong doing. I just don’t think our love has a fighting chance if we have skeletons in the closet.”

  “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Ask me anything.”

  “I already did. I have read the rest...”

  “I thought I should take this one to my grave…”

  “Me too. But it felt deceitful, withholding...”

  “Shady?” Andre used Simona’s expression.

  “Yes, shady. It felt like a burden, a heavy load,” she said. “Why are you smiling?”

  “I love the way you are. You make me smile.”

  “It was new to me, Andre. I have never been cheated on. And the timing of it all?”

  “Priceless. I know.” Andre was being sympathetic.

  Then she continued, “Patrick was playing the victim card in our final months together, so I was left to be the villain. Then, overnight, I became a victim of your actions. I didn’t volunteer for either of those, decided not to be either, and chose ‘happy’ instead. I gave myself a pity party, then counted my blessings, and came up with a plan. I had directions, and not only on a map, but in life. As Philippe says, money gave me options, and instead of being miserable, I chose to be grateful.”

  “Is it really that simple for you?”

  “Hell no. But the bad days are good, too. They remind me that I’m human, still in a learning process, making progress.”

  “Blondie, would we be here if I was more forthcoming a few weeks ago?”

  “I don’t know...”

  The energy was calm, the feelings were raw and honest. There was not much to add.

  “Can I call you in the morning?”

  “I will be in the streets tonight. It’s the Manhattan Solstice. I’m so excited. After all these years of seeing it on pictures and paintings, I’m finally here to witness it myself.”

  “What are you talking about?” Andre was lost.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s a sunset phenomenon, perfectly aligned with the east-west streets of Manhattan. It only occurs twice a year. And today is the day. July 13th.”

  “Wow. I have never even heard of it.”

  “Maybe never heard but I’m sure you have seen plenty pictures of the sun setting on the horizon, perfectly centered on the streets of NY City.”

  “That’s great. Hope you get some great shots. Have you seen Ales already?”

  “No. Ales and Geoffrey are on my agenda for tomorrow. Then Philippe scheduled some interviews the next day.”

  “Seriously? You finally caved in?”

  “Oh, no. Just a magazine and a website. No TV, no pictures either.”

  “It’s still amazing how you get away with it.” Andre was finally smiling.

  “This one I wouldn’t have been able to pull off without my connections. Every time the publishers start threatening, Geoffrey or Philippe iron it out.”

  “Are you afraid of fame?”

  “You know how I feel about social media. I’m an old fashioned girl. And I love my life the way it is.”

  “I don’t think fame would change you, Blondie.”

  “Maybe not me. But my life would. And that’s a hand of poker I’m not willing to play.”

  “Ok, Thea Andree.”

  “Good night, Andre Zatopek.”

  ❖ ❖ ❖

  It had been one week only, and yet it already felt like an eternity. Simona was back at the airport, sitting in the first class lounge, when her phone rang.

  “Hey. What are you guys up to?”

  “Blondie, I have read the interview.”

  “How? It’s not posted yet.”

  “Philippe sent it to me. I will read my favorite part, ok?

  “You have been quoted that behind every successful man we should look for the woman. The famous ‘cherchez la femme’ expression.”

  “Yes, very true. There are some exceptions to the rule of course, but even those credit their mothers, grandmothers... I guess in today’s world the term ‘partner’ would be more appropriate, considering all the successful gay men.”

  “So, how does that apply to successful women?”

  “Well, as my friend Karen says…Behind every successful woman is someone who pissed her off.”

  “Well, considering your amazing success and three bestsellers in two years, someone really must have pissed you off!”

  “Hahaha, I guess I set myself up for that one.”

  “Are you going to share?”

  “His name is Andre, and he is the love of my life…”

  “Is that what I think it is?”

  “Yes. I’m comi
ng home...”

  “Home to me?”

  “My name is Simona Thea Andree. It’s really nice to meet you.”

  “I’m Andre Zatopek. And I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Andre. You are going to have to figure out how to make peace with Philippe. I can’t give him up.”

  “I got that.”

  “Merci.”

  They both smiled with victory, on opposite continents, letting the importance of what they just said out loud sink in. The mark of a new start. They were writing a new destiny together, going into the unknown, but on the same boat, with an endless horizon and countless possibilities.

  ❖ ❖ ❖

  The next two years of their lives were one huge thrill. Simona convinced Andre to take advantage of Francois being little and travel. For many, that would spell more hassle, but her philosophy was that this was the best time to expose him to the world, before he requires the security of a home and the structure of a school. They spent the time traveling in amazing countries, meeting wonderful people, and exploring colorful cultures.

  They stayed in England for a few months to settle Cori into his new school. They spent the winters in Hawaii, bringing the boys back for the holidays. The biggest adventure was two months spent on a catamaran cruising the Caribbean islands with both Cori and Arye and many friends taking turns.

  They were also able to spend a lot of time in Prague with Andre’s family. Simona and his mom Elise became close. A mom she’d never had. Andre’s dad Josef with his second wife Danielle loved Francois, and so did Andre’s brother Adam whose three children were the best cousins Francois could dream of.

  They took ski trips with Patrick and his cute Japanese girlfriend Akemi. The two met in Whistler on one of Patrick’s annual ski trips. She was a chiropractor with her own practice and a kick-ass snowboarder.

  Everyone was very excited about her, mainly because she was as competitive as Patrick, kicking his ass and his ego down the hill. Patrick became a new man. He changed from the grumpy pessimist he used to be into someone with great energy, smiling and laughing. Andre kept teasing him that no wonder he was looking younger when he got every day ‘fixing’ for free. The boys were ecstatic to finally see their dad happy with someone who enriched his life.