Lex Trent versus the Gods

by Alex Bell

  Jezra scowled blackly and thrust the trophy and medallion moodily towards the Goddess.

  ‘Give me your crystal ball,’ she said to Lex.

  He dug it out of his pocket and handed it to her. As she held it in her hand it seemed to get bigger so that eventually she had to put it down on the ground and it became as tall as she was. Lex saw the image of a stadium inside it. He thought he could practically smell the popcorn and the hotdogs as the roar of hundreds of spectators came through to him. They were watching the footage from the final round. Not only had Lex Trent obtained the griffin’s feather, but he had also been down to the forbidden Lands Beneath and lived to tell the tale before defeating an enchanter on the Space Ladders! The crowd was going wild - they had never, in the whole history of the Games, seen anything like this before.

  Of course, the footage did not make it clear that it was Lex’s fault Lucius had been sent down there in the first place. Nor did it make it obvious that Schmidt was the one who had thrown the faery bottle at the enchanter and not Lex. All in all, the edited footage made him look even more dashingly daring and courageous than he really was. Lex Trent was the greatest player anyone had ever seen. He had won every round. He had defeated a medusa and a minotaur simultaneously; he had escaped from mad kings and draglings by the skin of his teeth; he had thwarted a wicked witch; he had climbed the Space Ladders; been down to the Lands Beneath and won the Game almost effortlessly. Lex’s ego swelled even further at the sight of the picture being painted of him. But - at the end of the day - wasn’t it all true? Had he not, indeed, done all of those things and more? What an extraordinary person he was!

  Then the footage caught up to where they all were in real life - passing straight over the quarrel between Lady Luck and Jezra to the part where the Goddess of Fortune was standing ready to present the trophy to Lex. She nodded at him and he took the by-now-rather-squashed griffin feather out of his pocket and handed it to her. The gold medallion she held had a big, bold 1st engraved on it and shone impressively in the light from the sun. It was on a golden chain and as Lex bent his head for the Goddess to put it around his neck, the applause of the crowd ringing in his ears, he took a mental snapshot of the moment so that he could take it out and look at it for that special sense of smugness whenever he wanted to in the years to come. As the medal was placed around his neck and the trophy pressed into his hands, the Binding Bracelets on Lex and Schmidt’s wrists both fell off at the same time, signalling the fact that the Game had at last come to an end.

  That evening, when the three humans and the ferret were settled on the bridge, eating dinner as the magical ship flew over the waves, Schmidt looked up and said to Lex, ‘You realise that if I ever see you in the Wither City again after this, I’ll have to have you arrested?’

  Lex raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Does that mean you’re not going to keep chasing me?’

  Schmidt made a hopeless little gesture. ‘It’s more than my life is worth to try and chase you. I really don’t want to know what kind of things you’re going to get yourself involved in next. Anyway I’m tired. I want to go home.’

  ‘Well, I’m turning over a new leaf anyway,’ Lex replied. ‘I’m not going to steal, lie or cheat any more. Once we’ve dropped you at the Wither City, I’m going back to the farm for a while with Lucius.’

  This was true . . . in a sense. He was going back to the farm with Lucius. But he did not intend to stay there long. There was still the Shadowman to consider, and the fact that some copycat thief thought they could steal Lex’s notoriety. He had played the Game as Lex Trent but now it would be good to get back to the Shadowman (or some new, improved, superior version of him) for a little while before it was too late. Before - perish the thought - he forgot how to do it.

  ‘No more Games then?’ Schmidt asked, watching Lex intently.

  ‘Nope,’ Lex lied easily. ‘I’ve got my trophy. Now I’m going to try and do something constructive with my clever mind. Perhaps I’ll become a lawyer after all in one of the other provinces. From now on, Mr Schmidt, I’m on the straight and narrow.’

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  The crowd magically seemed to part for the hooded figure as it weaved its way through the bustling central square, stopping at the steps leading up to the huge stone tablet at the centre. At the top, some disgruntled schoolkids were resignedly copying down the names on all four sides of the tablet. By the time the hooded figure located the name he was looking for, the teachers had all rather hurriedly ushered the kids back down the steps, leaving the newcomer alone at the top.

  There were many names on the stone tablet, some of them now weathered with age. But there was one near the bottom that was clearly new - neatly printed in fat, engraved letters: King Lex Trent I. The hooded figure traced the letters wonderingly with his finger.

  ‘Seems a bit stupid when you were only a king for about ten seconds before turning into a fish,’ a voice said from behind him.

  Lex turned from the tablet and lowered his hood. ‘Ah. Mr Schmidt. Good afternoon, sir. Yes, it was only about ten seconds but ten royal seconds is like ten years in normal time, you know. How did you guess it was me?’

  ‘Please, Lex. That sign you’re wearing on your back has you written all over it,’ Schmidt said, moving to stand beside him at the monument. ‘I knew you’d be back to see this at some point. Just couldn’t resist it, could you? Did you know, Lex, that since the Game ended there have been reports of a new cat burglar - someone calling himself the Wizard who has been striking in different cities all over the Globe?’

  ‘Really, sir?’

  ‘Yes. At the scene of every crime he leaves behind a tiny pointed enchanter’s hat.’

  Whilst back on the farm, Lex had cautiously explored a little bit more of the enchanter’s ship and, upon opening the door of a cupboard, had been practically swept away by the avalanche of little hats that came pouring out on top of him. They were each about the size of his thumb, pointy and blue with little stars stitched onto them. They were, in fact, just like a full-size enchanter’s hat except for the fact that they didn’t have as much magic. Actually, they only had a tiny bit of magic in them - just enough to make a little flame burst from the tip if you said Abracadabra. Lex had no idea what on earth they had originally been for - lighting the enchanter’s pipes, he supposed - but they were perfect for what he had in mind and were what had given him the idea for the Wizard in the first place. The little hats were magical and so could not be replicated. And there seemed to be an endless supply of them on board the ship, for although Lex emptied the cupboard that morning, when he opened the door again in the afternoon he was once again knocked over by a great wave of hats pouring out at him.

  ‘Never heard of this Wizard,’ Lex said brazenly. ‘But from what you’ve said he sounds much better than the Shadowman ever was.’

  ‘I’m sure I told you, Lex, that if you ever came back to the Wither City I would have to have you arrested,’ Schmidt said, clearly not at all taken in.

  ‘Yes, but if you had me arrested I could tell everyone the truth about who you really are, Mr Briggs.’

  ‘You’d certainly be free to try,’ Schmidt agreed. ‘But you’ve no proof and, as you once pointed out to me, it’s said that Lex Trent will say anything to talk his way out of trouble.’

  ‘You’re right. They wouldn’t believe me,’ Lex said with a shrug. ‘Especially since the only one who could back up my story is currently a small, stitched doll living in a bottle and you happen to be the one in possession of that.’

  ‘Actually I gave the doll to Mr Lucas’s granddaughter,’ Schmidt said. ‘She’s only two so mostly she just sucks it. The beard has all come off now. And the hat is a bit chewed.’ He shrugged.

  ‘Well, that’s that then,’ Lex said. ‘There’s nothing to stop you arresting me right here on these steps.’

  ‘Yes but, as you know, considering my age and frailty I’m sure you’d be able to run away from me if you really wanted to.’

&nb
sp; Lex was pleased, but hardly surprised. After all, Mr Schmidt was not a stupid man and he had clearly decided that getting in Lex’s way was far more trouble than it was worth.

  ‘How’s Lucius?’ the lawyer added.

  ‘He’s back on the farm with Zachary, so he’s happy. Zachary is human again, so he’s happy too. Although I don’t think I’ll ever be his favourite person now after all that ferret business but still,’ Lex shrugged, ‘you can’t win ’em all.’

  ‘No. Will you be here long? I thought you were going in for the quiet life now?’

  ‘Well, I was,’ Lex agreed. ‘But Lady Luck came to me the other day and said she wanted me to play for her in another Game so what could I say? After all, she is a Goddess and I don’t want to be turned into a wooden chessman. Besides, the farm got a bit crowded once the griffins hatched.’

  There was a brief silence before Schmidt said, ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘They’re young and playful,’ Lex said with a shrug. ‘And they have limitless energy. And I’m pleased to say they took an instant dislike to Zachary. I think they could still smell the ferret on him.’

  ‘You took the eggs,’ Schmidt breathed, sounding faintly horrified.

  ‘Yes, I took the eggs,’ Lex grinned. ‘And now I have three griffins who all think I’m their mother. They’re back on the enchanted ship, waiting for me. I’m sure they’ll guard it much more effectively than Bessa ever did. They’re not full grown yet but their beaks and claws are pretty sharp, judging by what they did to Zachary. I named one of them Monty, by the way.’

  ‘I’m touched,’ Schmidt managed.

  ‘He’s the grumpy one. Lucius is scared of him more than the others.’

  ‘Lucius was disappointed when you left, I imagine?’ Schmidt asked, deciding to change the subject before it could get too out of hand.

  ‘Yes, but he knew I wouldn’t be able to stick it at the farm for long. Dungarees and tractors just aren’t me. They never were. I’m going to check in on him sometimes though. You know - for birthdays and things.’

  ‘When does this new Game start?’

  ‘Next Week. You don’t want to come do you?’

  Schmidt gave a bark of laughter. ‘I know this will probably be hard for you to understand, Lex, but that Game is honestly not something I ever want to repeat.’

  ‘Yes, that’s what Lucius said,’ Lex said looking puzzled. ‘I don’t understand it myself.’

  He held up his wrist to show the two familiar Binding Bracelets. ‘That’s why I’m wearing these signs,’ he said as he gestured at the signs Schmidt had commented on earlier. There was one on his back and one on his chest, both displaying the same message in thick, black letters: PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME - I’M A LEPER. ‘I’ve got to be careful not to touch anyone until I find a companion. Any ideas?’

  ‘As a matter of fact, yes,’ Schmidt said with a smile. ‘The Wither City has been buzzing with stories about you over the last few months. You did a lot of new things. There’s probably about a hundred people who now check in daily with the Guild of Chroniclers to try and offer their services to you in the hopes that you might go exploring or get called for another Game after the success of the last one. I understand that the previous Head of the Guild retired on the membersip fees they received from people joining in the hope of getting to go on a Game with you.’

  A broad grin of pure delight spread across Lex’s face at the lawyer’s words. ‘Well, what can I say? My main goal in life has always been to make other people happy or to enable them to retire. That’s the kind of selfless guy I am. I think I’ll take a little stroll over to the Guild of Chroniclers. You’ll be sorry you didn’t come though,’ Lex said, pulling his hood back up over his head. ‘This time we’re playing against Thaddeus, the enchanters’ God and Kala, Goddess of the Stars. It’ll be a blast. Well, so long, Mr Schmidt. I would shake your hand but . . . you know,’ Lex gestured at the bracelets on his wrist, ‘it would be much more hassle than it’s worth for the sake of a courtesy.’

  He waved and turned away from the monument to weave his way down the steps. When he reached the bottom and started to make his way across the square to the large white building that housed the Chroniclers’ Guild, people on all sides quickly - almost magically - seemed to part for him as soon as they read the signs stuck to his clothes. It’s usually a pretty safe bet that no one wants to become a leper and have their hands and feet drop off.

  Lex smiled to himself as he opened the large wooden doors and stepped inside, in search of the Chronicler who would make his name famous - or even more famous - across the provinces. At that moment it very much looked like his grandfather’s wish would soon be fulfilled and that The Chronicles of Lex Trent would indeed one day line library bookshelves, teaching a whole new generation of children that if you really wanted to win you absolutely had to be prepared to cheat.

  Lex Trent Versus the Gods

  ALEX BELL

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