Honeymoon for One

by Beth Orsoff

  You’d think with all the commotion, some good Samaritan would’ve come running down the dock to help us. But all we got were stares from a few curious onlookers out for an evening stroll. When Jack stood up, someone finally called out, “Need any help?”

  “We’re okay,” Jack called back between breaths, and the man kept walking.

  Then Jack turned to me. His breathing was still ragged, but he managed a “Thanks for that.” Then he reached down and pulled Ernesto’s switch blade from his hand and shoved it in his back pocket.

  “Are you okay?” His t-shirt was torn open at the collar and he had a smear of blood on his arm.

  “Yeah,” he said, and examined his wound. “It’s just a scratch. You?”

  “I think so.” My heart still felt like it was about to burst out of my chest, but I assumed it was a temporary condition.

  “What’d you hit him with?” Jack asked.

  “This,” I said, holding up the stun gun. “Jane,” I said, before he could ask where I’d gotten it.

  He smiled. “I guess sometimes it pays to be paranoid.”

  “Or at least to have a paranoid friend.”

  Ernesto moaned and started to roll over, so I zapped him again. I held the stun gun to his leg for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably no more than a few seconds when Jack pulled my hand away. “You want to disable him, not kill him.”

  No experience in my life prior to this moment had prepared me for what to do next, so I asked Jack: “Now what?”

  “Good question.” He seemed as ill prepared as I was, which on some level was a good thing, but at this particular point in time was bad.

  We both stood over Ernesto’s motionless body and stared at him.

  “We could throw him overboard,” I suggested.

  “We could,” Jack said, “but he’d probably drown and I think that would be the same as killing him.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  We stared some more.

  “We could tie him up,” Jack offered.

  “We could,” I agreed.

  “Let’s do that,” Jack said.

  I guarded Ernesto, stun gun in hand, while Jack unlocked the storage bin next to the engine and pulled out a heavy gauge rope and a roll of duct tape. I watched as Jack bound Ernesto’s arms and legs with a very complicated looking knot, then sealed his mouth shut.

  “Good job,” I said when he’d finished.

  “Thanks.”

  “Now what?”

  Jack considered my question. “Take him with us?”

  “We could.”

  Jack nodded. “Let’s do that.”

  Jane was waiting for us on the beach. But the dive boat was longer and heavier than the skiff, so Jack had to anchor it twenty yards out. We swam to the shore with Ernesto between us. Unfortunately, this agitated Ernesto. Since I couldn’t zap him while we were in the water, Jack held his head under, occasionally letting him up to breathe. Ernesto survived the swim and I zapped him again when we reached dry land.

  “What the hell happened to you two?” Jane asked. “And what’s he doing here?”

  “Long story,” I said, trying to wring the water out of my clothes while I was still wearing them.

  “Then give me the short version.”

  “Ernesto pulled a knife on Jack, so I hit him with the stun gun. We didn’t know what to do with him, so we brought him here.”

  “Okay,” Jane said, “now give me the long version.”

  Jack duct taped Ernesto to the desk chair and the three of us sat on the couch, which was now covered with two nautical looking blue and white striped bed sheets courtesy of Jane, and stared at him. Every time he started to wake up, I zapped him with the stun gun, which would disable him for another few minutes.

  “Lizzie, I think you need to stop doing that,” Jane said, after the third or fourth time.

  “Why?” I asked. It seemed to be working pretty well.

  “Because I think I read somewhere that repeated use of a stun gun can kill a person.”

  “Probably in the manual,” I said.

  “Probably,” she agreed.

  The next time Ernesto woke up and started thrashing, Jack held the knife to his throat. “Ernesto, do you want to be zapped again?”

  Ernesto emphatically shook his head.

  “Because we don’t want to kill you, but we will if we have to. Do you understand?”

  Ernesto nodded.

  “Good, then I’m going to take the tape off now,” Jack said as he ripped it from Ernesto’s mouth. The sound alone was painful, so it must’ve hurt. Ernesto glared at us, then spat on the floor.

  We all continued to stare at one another in silence until Jane finally said, “This is boring. Ernesto, did you kill Michael or not?”

  “Fuck you, Blondie,” he replied.

  Jack, who was leaning against the desk next to Ernesto, slapped him hard across the mouth. Ernesto spat again, and this time the puddle on the floor was bright red, but he didn’t reply.

  “The lady asked you a question,” Jack said. “We’d appreciate an answer.”

  “You think I would kill my own cousin?”

  The three of us exchanged a glance. I didn’t think any of us were ready to rule out the possibility. “Yes,” I finally said.

  “I’m not saying nothing without my lawyer.”

  “Ernesto,” Jane said, “we’re not the police.”

  “I want witness protection and a house in Arizona.”

  Jane rolled her eyes while I said, “We’re not FBI, you idiot. Only the FBI can give you witness protection.” I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure that was true, but it sounded right.

  “Then what did you drag me out here for?”

  “To find out who killed Michael,” Jane said.

  Ernesto spat out a big wad of blood again then said, “I told you, I’m not saying nothing without my lawyer.”

  Clearly we were having a ‘failure to communicate.’ Jack returned the duct tape to Ernesto’s mouth and moved him into the middle of the room, out of reach of any potential weapons.

  “No funny business,” Jack said, knife in hand.

  Ernesto glared some more and waited until Jack held the knife to his throat before he gave a barely perceptible nod.

  The three of us huddled in the doorway, occasionally glancing back at Ernesto to make sure he hadn’t moved.

  “What now?” I asked.

  “Maybe we should call the police,” Jack suggested.

  “We can’t call the police,” Jane said. “We’ll all be arrested.”

  “She’s right.” Besides helping me escape, we were now all guilty of kidnapping. I looked at Jane. “Maybe it’s time to test out your theory about John and Cheryl.”

  “Who are John and Cheryl?” Jack asked.

  “Don’t you remember? From the Blue Bay. You drove us all back to the hotel the night Michael died.”

  “They’re involved in this too?”

  “We’re about to find out,” Jane replied.

  Jack stayed behind with Ernesto while Jane and I walked the beach in search of a cell phone signal. We finally found one when we climbed the coral rocks near the marine reserve. It was almost eleven, but Jane didn’t think it was too late to call. She did the talking, but I listened in.

  “Is this John Garecki?” she asked when he picked up the phone.

  “Yes,” John said. “Who is this?”

  “My name’s Jane. I’m a friend of Lizzie Mancini’s. I called to tell you we know who you are and what you’re really doing here.”

  “What do you want?”

  “A trade. Information we’re sure you’ll find useful in exchange for all charges against Lizzie being dropped.”

  “We should discuss this in person.”

  “Okay,” Jane said. “But no local police. And we want a deal in writing before we give you anything.”

  “Of course,” John said. “But we should meet someplace secluded to ensure we’r
e not being watched.”

  I nudged Jane and nodded. “I know a place.”

  Chapter 53

  “YOU’RE MEETING THEM AT the drug house?” Jack yelled.

  “Is that what it’s called?” Jane said. “I just told them it was a couple miles south of the marine reserve, where the dead palm tree cuts across the beach. It really would be helpful if you people installed some mile markers in this country.”

  Jack shook his head.

  “They wanted a secluded place and it was the only one I could think of,” I said. “I didn’t want them to know where we’re staying.”

  “It’s only a mile away. Don’t you think they’ll figure it out?”

  “Not if we arrive by boat.” I came up with that on the walk back to the hatchery. “We could’ve been coming from anywhere.”

  Jack considered this. “What about Ernesto?”

  “We’ll leave him here until we have a deal in writing,” Jane said. “He’s our ace in the hole.”

  Jack looked from Jane to me. “I hope you’re right about this.”

  He wasn’t the only one.

  Jane took the bed, I took the couch, and Jack took the floor, but I don’t think any of us slept more than a couple of hours each. Besides the tension of having Ernesto in the same room with us, Jane spent most of the night complaining. The springs in the mattress were poking her, she was suffocating without an air conditioner, the birds were chirping too loud. We were all sporting dark circles under our eyes the next morning.

  Jack made breakfast—toast and coffee—while we took turns showering and getting dressed. Jack wanted us to get an early start so we could circle the island and arrive at the rendezvous point from the other direction. Since Ernesto had tried to knife him, he was as paranoid as me and Jane.

  “Do you really think it’s safe to leave Ernesto here alone?” I asked Jack, while Jane was still in the shower. “What if he finds some way to escape?”

  “You want to bring him with us?”

  “No, I was thinking maybe Jane and I should go alone. The only leverage we have is Ernesto and the location of the drug house, assuming John and Cheryl don’t already know about it. If they do, then all I’ve got’s Ernesto.”

  We both looked over at him, head down, napping in his chair. He wasn’t much of a bargaining chip. I still didn’t know if he killed Michael. And even if he did, I had no way to prove it.

  “But if you arrive on foot, they’ll know you’re staying nearby. It wouldn’t take them long to find us.”

  “We could borrow your—”

  “Not a chance,” Jack said.

  “Why not?”

  “Have you ever driven a boat before?” he asked.

  “No, but—”

  “Then you’re not going to start today. We’ll bring Ernesto and I’ll stay with him on the boat while the two of you have your meeting.”

  Jack used Ernesto’s knife to cut the duct tape off of him, and the threat of the stun gun was enough to keep him in line on our wade through the four foot waters to the boat. After Jack tied him up again, I stood guard while he went back for Jane. She’d refused to swim out to the boat after she’d just showered and lathered up with SPF 45, so Jack offered to carry her. Did I mention how cranky Jane gets when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep? We needed to get her back to civilization as soon as possible or I really would be guilty of murder.

  Luckily the water was calm today, providing us with a smooth trip around the island. Jack anchored us off the coast in front of the deserted stretch of beach where the drug house was hidden behind the tree line. I guarded Ernesto while Jack carried Jane to shore, then I gave Jack my stun gun (Jane still had hers in her purse), and I joined Jane on the beach.

  We waited, huddled together in the shade of a palm tree, until John and Cheryl finally showed up forty-five minutes late in a rented speed boat. (The ‘Paradise Boat Rentals’ in neon blue letters on the side gave it away.) We’d decided at the half hour point that we’d give them an hour before we moved on to Plan B.

  “Sorry,” John said, splashing barefoot onto the beach. “We had a little trouble finding the place.” He looked like any American tourist in his cargo shorts, polo shirt, and baseball cap.

  “Your directions could’ve been better,” Cheryl added, only slightly friendlier than the last time we’d spoken. She looked like a tourist too, right down to the fanny pack around her waist. “What happened to your hair?”

  “Nothing,” I said, reflexively running my hand through my shorn locks.

  “What was wrong with the directions?” Jane asked.

  “For one thing,” Cheryl said, “there’s more than one downed palm trees on this island.”

  “And how many of them are between here and the marine reserve?” Jane asked, matching Cheryl’s bitchy tone with her own.

  “Okay ladies,” John said. “Let’s take it down a notch.”

  Cheryl gave him an angry look then turned back to me. “Where’s the head?”

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  “Don’t play dumb, Lizzie. If you want us to get the police to drop the charges against you, you’re going to have to turn over the head.”

  My only thought was the jade pieces the police found in my suitcase. “They already have the heads. They took them when they arrested me.”

  Cheryl looked like she wanted to strangle me, so John stepped in. “Not those little ornaments,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “The one Michael stole.”

  I glanced at Jane, hoping she had a plan because I sure didn’t.

  She didn’t either, but she recovered first. “I told you,” Jane said. “We’re not handing anything over until we have a deal in writing.”

  John pulled a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to Jane. It had the DEA shield on top, but otherwise it was blank. “Write down what you want and we’ll sign it here.”

  Jane pulled a pen from her purse and wrote:

  All charges against Elizabeth Mancini dropped and full immunity for Jane Chandler and any other persons that may have assisted in her escape.

  She showed it to me before handing it back to John. I almost added something about us not being charged for kidnapping Ernesto, but thought better of it. John signed the paper and gave it back to Jane.

  “Now where’s the head?” he asked.

  Good question. But a better question would be: What head?

  Chapter 54

  “IT’S IN A SAFE place,” I lied. Or maybe I wasn’t lying. To be honest, I had no idea.

  “Where?” Cheryl asked.

  “Well if we went around telling everyone then it wouldn’t be safe, now would it,” Jane replied, hands on hips and attitude to match.

  Cheryl took a step closer. “No head, no deal.”

  “Tomorrow,” I said. “We can meet at the police station. We’ll bring the head with us.” I still had no clue what they were talking about or where to find it, but the only option we had was to buy time and hope we could figure it out.

  John shook his head. “No police. We’re undercover.”

  “Even the local police don’t know who you are?” I asked, as Jane said, “Then how are you going to get the charges dropped?”

  “Back channels,” John said. “Half the local cops work for the drug cartels too. We only divulge our identity to officials we know we can trust.”

  That made sense.

  “We’ll meet you back here tomorrow morning,” John said. “You bring the head and we’ll take you to our boss. He’ll get you straightened out with the local authorities.”

  I nodded. “Tomorrow at nine.”

  Jane waited until John and Cheryl were wading back to their boat before she asked, “Now what?”

  I had no idea.

  “Jack mon, where you been?” Manuel called out from his speed boat, as he pulled up beside us in the waters in front of the turtle camp.

  “Hey Manny,” Jack said, still tugging at the anchor he’d just dropped. “W
hat are you doing out here?”

  “Looking for you. Your dad’s going crazy because you got his boat.”

  “Oh shit!” Jack said. “What time is it?”

  “A quarter to ten,” I said, glancing at my watch.

  “It looks like you’re pretty busy here,” Manuel said, taking in me and Jane. He couldn’t see Ernesto because I had him pinned to the floor with my foot on his chest. But the way he was struggling, it was only a matter of time.

  “Will you please zap him,” I whispered to Jane, who still had the stun gun in her purse.

  Jack looked back and saw Jane fighting with the safety catch. “Hey Manny, will you do me a favor and check the anchor. I think we hit a rock.”

  While Manny was busy at the back of the boat, Jack grabbed the stun gun and zapped Ernesto himself.

  “No rock,” Manny said. “So are you going to introduce me to your new friend?”

  “This is Jane,” Jack said. “She’s a friend of Lizzie’s.”

  I nudged Jane and she waved.

  “That’s no fair Jack, keeping two fine looking women for yourself and none for me.”

  I thought we were in the clear, a little flirting and he’d be gone. But then he said, “Especially since I know a few policemen who would be very happy to see Lizzie again. Where’s your hair, Lizzie?”

  “It was my idea,” Jane said. “I like my women butch.”

  We all stared at her.

  Jane slid her arm around my waist and gave me a squeeze. “C’mon honey, it’s time you stopped pretending.” Then she pushed up on her toes and brushed her lips against mine.

  I was too stunned to speak.

  “Jack mon, what do you do?”

  “He likes to watch,” Jane answered for him. “And sometimes we let him join in.”

  Manuel smiled appreciatively, showing off his gold tooth. “I’d hate to be the one to break up da party.”

  “What do you mean?” Jack said, taking a step closer to the railing separating our boat from Manuel’s.

  “Lots of people looking for Lizzie. I really should go back and tell them where she at.”

  “And what would it take for you not to do that?” Jane asked.