Lulu's Loves

by Barbara S. Stewart

  “I should go see him.”

  “I was just in there a little bit ago. He’s resting,” Thom said and kissed my forehead. “Can you just sit here with me for a few minutes?”

  “Of course,” I said, and he pulled me closer.

  “When I went to your house to get the documents you asked for, I found the key to your dad’s place and went to clean up the kitchen.”

  “You’re awful sweet.”

  “I had motive.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a box. “He told me a while back where it was in case anything happened to him, but he wanted us to have this. When I was in there with him I told him that we were ready and he blinked.”

  He opened the box. “It was your mother’s. Louisa Nicole Welk, I can only pray for a love like your dad told me about with your mother. I will work every day to be everything you need in a man, a partner, and friend.”

  He took the ring and slipped it on my finger. “It’s official now. Go see your dad.”

  “Wait,” I said. I leaned closer to him for a kiss. “That was beautiful. I will work hard to be everything to you. I will be your lover, your partner, and your friend. I love you, Thom Miller.”

  When I went to see Dad, he appeared to be asleep. I sat in the chair beside him and waited. A moment passed and he opened his eyes. I reached for his hand. His finger found the ring and he blinked.

  “Thom left earlier and went to pick up some things I needed. He came back with this. Thank you, Daddy. I love you. Are you in pain?” I asked him. “Blink once for yes, twice for no.”

  He blinked twice. I knew he was heavily medicated. My biggest hope was that he wasn’t in pain. It was quiet and he dozed off again.

  I went to the waiting room, but Thom wasn’t there. Keelin came in the room just as I sat down.

  “I’m sorry, I couldn’t get here before now. We were in the mountains.” Aaron came around the corner and sat on the other side of me.

  “We’re all just hanging on.” I said with a sigh. “I’m tired.”

  “What’s this?” Keelin asked taking my hand in his.

  “My engagement ring. It was my mother’s.” I felt happy telling him. “Thom and Dad talked a while back, and Dad told him where it was if he couldn’t get it for him. We’re getting married.”

  “When?” Keelin asked with the biggest smile.

  “As soon as the courthouse is open so we can get the license. We’ll be getting married in Dad’s room. You’ll have to watch from the window.”

  The nurse rounded the corner. “You need to come.”

  “Find Thom. He’s here somewhere,” I said, trying to remain calm.

  “His blood pressure dropped very low. It could be nothing, but I know you want to be there,” she said.

  We walked to the window. There were two nurses and a man, who I guessed was a doctor working on him. I held my breath and said a prayer. Thom and Keelin came back around the corner. We stood there for a few minutes. Finally, the doctor in the room nodded for us to enter.

  “We were able to get it back up,” he said as we entered. “It’s all right.”

  Later, I sent Thom home. Keelin stayed with me for a while. I got some rest, but I never really slept. At eight the next morning, Thom called me.

  “I’m at the courthouse. I explained the situation and they’ve told me what we need to do. I need you to tell me the date of your divorce from Robbie. They’ll let me fill everything out, and one of the gals offered to come on her lunch break to finalize the paperwork. She also volunteered to perform the ceremony. Does December 26th sound like a good day for a wedding?”

  “Yes!” I said happily.

  “I called Rachael to come to the house and pick out something for you to wear. I’m running by the apartment and getting dressed. The nurse at the desk in the CICU area will show you where you can get a shower and get dressed.”

  Rachael showed up at ten and helped me get dressed. Keelin had run to the gift shop and came back with a plastic flower bouquet. The only things missing were wedding rings.

  When I was dressed, I went to my dad’s room. They were going to allow Thom and I, and the gal from the courthouse, in the room with him. The two nurses on duty would be our witnesses. Aaron ran by to pick up Welkie. Grandma Pritford was already there. The nurses pushed the curtains to the room as far back as they would go. They then turned on two night-lights in the room.

  Finally, Thom returned. He hugged me, and whispered in my ear. “You look beautiful. I bought the nurses sodas and took the cap rings. Yours is white and they wrapped it with medical tape to make it smaller. Mine is red.” His smile brought tears to my eyes.

  We stood beside my dad’s bed, and I held his hand until Thom took it in his to start the ceremony.

  “Lulu, this is Erin Michele,” Thom said, introducing her.

  I hugged her. “Thank you for your kindness.”

  “I hope you like the ceremony. It’s one of my favorites,” Erin told me. “Ready?”

  Thom and I both nodded. I looked and the nurses were wiping tears from their eyes. I looked at the window to his room, crowded with Rachael, Keelin, Aaron, Grandma Pritford, and Welkie: my family. I noticed that every aide and nurse on the floor was close by to observe as well. I felt great peace.

  “On this special day, we gather here for Thom Asher Miller, Jr. and Louisa Nicole Welk to join together as husband and wife.”

  “Asher?” I asked, interrupting Erin with a smile.

  “It was my dad’s mother’s name,” he smiled.

  Erin continued with a grin that showed deep dimples. “Love is the reason we’re here; a daughter’s love for her father, and the love for the man she will marry, a man’s love for his father-in-law and the woman he loves.”

  “In the years ahead of you, you will weather high tides and low ones, always remember that your love will bring you through any storm to calmer seas. Look in each other’s eyes and see the reflection of the love that you share.”

  Looking in Thom’s eyes, I feel like everything in the world will be all right. I think about the tides and the storms that brought us to this place. I think about the love that will move us through whatever life hands us.

  “You made the decision to do this, in this way, because of this man.” She looked to acknowledge my dad. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

  “I love you, Daddy.” He blinked in reply.

  “Thom, marriage is a precious gift. It’s a lifelong commitment. It’s a challenge for you to love one another more each day. With this understanding, do you take Louisa as your wife? To love her more each day? Do you promise to support her through every situation life hands you, good or bad?”

  “I do.” The look on his face: the smile, the love. I started to cry. He squeezed my hand.

  The nurse, Pia, was taking pictures with her phone.

  “Louisa, knowing Thom’s commitment to you, do you promise the same?”

  “I promise to love him more every day. Yes, I do.”

  “May I have the rings please?” Thom handed her the soda cap rings and everyone laughed.

  “These rings, and those that will replace them, symbolize the promise you’ve made to love each other. A circle has no end, as should your love. You may slip the rings on each other’s fingers as your commitment to love.”

  “My love for you will never end. We’ve already weathered a storm or two, but the tides brought us back to each other. You are my love forever. I love you,” I said to Thom.

  “Oh, Lulu the days apart will be replaced with days filled with love for each other. I look forward to every day that will be our forever,” he added.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Thom Miller, it has been my pleasure to share this moment with you. I wish you the best that life can offer. Kiss your beautiful bride,” she said to Thom, finally.

  He kissed me. Lips touching mine, sweet with emotion, as we cried.

  The two nurses, Kate and Pia, told us to go home.

  “You’re ten minutes away.
We’ll call you if anything changes,” Pia said.

  “Go have a wedding night,” Kate said, with a smile.

  I looked at Thom. “Go,” he said.

  I went to Dad’s bedside. “Are you asleep?” He blinked.

  “I love you,” I said taking his hand. His finger lightly toyed with the white plastic ring.

  “We’ll get real ones,” I smiled. “I’m going home for a little while. Kate and Pia said they’d call if you need me.” He blinked to acknowledge me.

  I feel like I have to drag myself away from him. I am paralyzed by fear and ‘what ifs,’ but I know he’s where he needs to be. I turn and see Thom watching me. I’ve been here for two days. I need to go. God, help me leave…Give me the peace I need to go home.

  I kissed his cheek and left my dad in the care of his nurses.

  As we drove the short distance to my house, I cried.

  “Do you want to go back?” Thom asked, reaching over to pat my leg.

  “No, we need to be together. I need to sleep. I need you to hold me. I need you, Thom.”

  Once we were in the bedroom, we climbed in the bed together. We were as we were the very first night we shared a bed, skin to skin. Thom wrapped his arms around me, tucking his face in the crook of my neck. His breath was warm on my skin, as he professed his love for me in hushed tones.

  I turned in his arms. I brought his face to mine with trembling hands. His lips pressed to mine in a sweet kiss.

  “I’m happy that I’m finally married to the man I’ve loved for years. There were others, but I’ve known all along that it was you. My heart told me it was you. We just had to get to the right place to realize it.”

  “Lulu, I know your thoughts, your worries, and I want you to know that if all we share tonight is this; I’m still the luckiest man in the world.”

  “Just hold me. We have the rest of our lives to make love.”

  I woke the next morning in almost the exact same position. When I stirred, Thom pulled me closer.

  “Good morning,” he said, kissing my neck.

  “What time is it?”

  “Just after eight. I’ve already called, no changes,” he told me.

  “Thank you.”

  We arrived at Park South Hospital at 9:30. I went straight in to sit with my dad. I sat down beside him and squeezed his hand. He didn’t seem to respond.

  “I love you,” I said, leaning closer.

  Something sounded different. All of a sudden, a nurse came in the room quickly.

  “We’ve been watching the monitors,” she said frantically as others rushed in the room to assist. “His heart has stopped.”

  I stepped aside. The nurse looked my way with a sad look. I knew. I turned and left the room. Thom was waiting in the waiting room.

  “He’s gone.” Thom wrapped me in his love, holding me as I cried.

  The doctor came to us, confirming what I already knew. I thanked everyone and we headed home. I called Welkie and Grandma Pritford, and then Keelin and Rachael. When we got to the house, I went up the stairs and lay on the bed. Thom joined me a few minutes later.

  “I called Danno and Gus. Is there anyone else I can call for you?”

  “I need to call the dealership. The people at Bricker need to know.”

  “I can do that for you,” he told me.

  “It can wait. Can you just lay here with me, for a while? I feel tired, sad, and lost.”

  He lay down and smoothed my hair away from my face. “We can lay right here as long as you need.”

  “I just need a little time. It’s so hard to think about going forward without someone who means so much to you. I was blessed to have so many years with him, thirty-six blessed years.”

  The next day we went out to buy wedding bands, but I knew I’d keep that bottle cap ring forever. Later, we went to the funeral home and finalized what my dad had already planned. He’d be cremated, and the ashes would be interred with my mother at the mausoleum. He didn’t want a funeral, so we planned a small gathering with friends and family at Dad’s house.

  2014

  We began a new year with dreams of our future, as we continued to mourn the past. I took time off work to settle Dad’s affairs. Thom had Danno and Gus running things at the bars as we cleaned out Dad’s house to get it ready to put on the market.

  With each room we cleaned, we found many hidden treasures: items from my childhood, treasures from my dad and my mother to give me hope for the future Thom and I would have together. Many things were moved to my house and some things were donated. If it didn’t bring me joy, I tried to think of places where people would find joy in the things we donated. It was hard, but we sold some things. Seeing things that were his in someone else’s hands made me anxious. Thom would notice and take over, sending me in the house for a while.

  I was inside going through the cedar chest in my dad’s closet. There were blankets and picture albums, and as I dug I found a box. I sat down on the bed to open it. I pulled the flaps of the box aside and the contents immediately made me happy. It was the tapes that my mom taped of us talking. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice. But I couldn’t find a tape player. I was scrounging when Thom came in.

  “It’s getting ready to rain, so I closed up for today. What are you doing?” He saw the box on the counter and peeked inside. “What’s this?”

  “My mom,” I smiled. “It’s tapes she’d recorded of us talking before she died. I spent every minute I could with her, because I knew she was sick. I’d come in from school and she’d help with my homework. She was a teacher until she got sick. I can’t find a cassette player to be able to listen to them.”

  “I saw one in a box at Hooligans. We’ll go grab some dinner and bring it home.”

  We packed up and headed to the bar. Gus set a glass of wine in front of me as I waited for Thom. “Congratulations, Mrs. Miller.”

  “Thank you Gus, with everything that’s happened I haven’t had a chance to really allow that to sink in. I am Mrs. Thom Miller.” I smiled thinking about it.

  “We should have a shindig,” Gus added.

  “A happy time.” I thought about it. “Yes, a happy shindig.”

  “Who’s having a shindig?” Thom asked, nodding to Gus for a bourbon.

  He sat down beside me and we batted the idea around.

  “I think maybe we should. A celebration of our marriage.”

  “I like it,” he said, kissing my cheek. “Ready?”

  When we got home, Thom poured another glass of wine and we sat down to eat the meal he’d packed for us: roast beef, carrots, new potatoes, and gravy.

  “This is good.”

  “Were you serious about a party?” he asked.

  “I think we need to have a happy occasion. We haven’t had a chance to celebrate.” I looked up and his smile warmed my soul. “This is an amazingly happy time, but it’s been shrouded by the loss of my dad. He’d have loved a good party.”

  Thom and I snuggled up on the sofa. Listening to the tapes was tearful and love-filled. Hearing my mother’s voice brought me such joy; remembering the true sound of it was the greatest gift I could imagine. There were the conversations she and I shared and the tapes included stories with my dad as well. Sometimes there were words telling me she was sorry she would miss me growing up. She offered insight that I wished my dad had shared all those years ago, but I felt incredibly blessed to find this gift now.

  “These need to be stored someplace safe,” Thom said.

  “Thanks for listening to them with me. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel.”

  “How do you feel?” he asked.

  “Peaceful. I just feel peaceful, Thom, and loved. I feel loved.” I added.

  “Cherished,” he whispered in my ear.

  On the weekend of Valentine’s Day 2014, six weeks after we married in my dad’s hospital room, we were at Hooligans for the shindig. Danno closed The Do Drop for the weekend. He and Ike, the cook, came to celebrate with us. Thom had kept the apartment intact
for emergencies and guests, and they stayed there.

  Some of the regulars joined the celebration, as well as professors from the English department at the university. Keelin was there with Aaron. Thom made arrangements for Welkie and Grandma Pritford to be picked up and returned home later in the evening. Thom’s mother, Felicia, came from Atlanta. I’d met her once before, so it was nice for her to be there to join us.

  Thom had Ike and Fletcher, the cook from Hooligans, busy all morning preparing food, so that everything only needed to be kept warm. That way the cooks could join us for the party. Danno and Gus took turns manning the bar.

  Music played softly in the background as we mingled, chatting with our friends and family. Everyone was having a great time. It felt good to celebrate. It felt good to be happy, not sad.

  I’m still in mourning but I work hard to keep my best, positive self forward for Thom. I never want him to think, for a second that I married him to make my dad happy. Too much time passed without him in my life. Timing made it happen sooner and in a much different way than either of us could have imagined, but I knew that I would marry him when he asked. The knowledge that my dad left this world, knowing I am married to the man I love, gives me sweet comfort.

  When I think back, I can’t imagine how I lived my life without him all those years. I think about our time apart and wonder how I didn’t know that he was my forever. How could I have ever believed then that I could move past our hurt? Now, I look at him when he’s asleep and my heart knows that together is absolutely where we are supposed to be.

  I’d been watching the guests, observing as Thom moved through them like a social butterfly. He looked my way, noticing that I was sitting alone. I just needed a moment.

  “Everything all right, love?” He nibbled on my earlobe, kissing my neck.

  My heart swelled with love. “I was just watching everyone, thinking how my dad would have loved this.”

  “He would have, I agree. I wish things could have been different.” He pulled me from my stool, into his arms, and kissed me.