by Anna Antonia
“Okay, now you’re buttering me up.”
“You’re easy to please if you call that flattery.”
Bantering with Gavin was getting more fun by the second. It took the pressure off of feeling nervous because I was going out to dinner with my boss.
It was also much easier now that Gavin wasn’t staring right through me.
“Paige, I’m not easy, as you well know, so you’re definitely buttering me up.”
“Listen, about earlier today—”
Gavin laid his hand across mine. Startled, I looked up to see he shook his head once.
“Later.”
He wanted to keep that part of the day private. “Ah, okay.”
It should’ve made the rest of our ride tense. The fact Gavin kept his hand on mine for several lingering moments kept me preoccupied for the rest of the trip.
I felt the heat of his touch like a brand long after he removed it.
ELEVEN
“How’s your food?”
I chewed my bite and covered my mouth with a napkin as I swallowed.
“Mmm.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” Gavin cut into his chicken parmigiana while I lovingly attacked my spaghetti and giant meatballs.
I could’ve wiggled in my chair from the foodgasm exploding in my mouth.
“I’ve never seen meatballs this big. They’re as big as my fist.”
Gavin looked and shook his head. “Nope. They’re way bigger than your baby fist.”
“Baby fist? I’ll have you know this fist is far from being tiny and underdeveloped.”
Gavin gave it another look. “Nope. You have a baby fist, Paige. Deal with it.”
“Hmph.”
Secretly, I loved the teasing.
I didn’t dare return it back to Gavin just in case he didn’t even realize he was doing it. Instead, I took another delicious bite of my meatball and asked, only after barely swallowing, “How’s your chicken?”
He gave a thumbs up as response.
I smiled and continued eating as if my mind wasn’t zeroing in on all that was left unsaid from earlier.
My instinct knew Gavin’s upcoming words were going to be important to me and our working relationship. I worried that this meal was the last kindness he’d give me before giving me the ax.
And yes, once again I was preoccupied with being fired.
It was tiresome to worry like this but I knew I existed on borrowed time. Every day I wondered if the stress of it all was worth it. At least if Gavin fired me then I could finally relax and not feel like I was constantly looking over my shoulder.
But then I wouldn’t get to see him anymore.
That was also sadly true.
The risk didn’t outstrip the reward. It was more than worth it to me to be this close to my idol.
Still, I wished Gavin would just hurry up and get to the damned point. I hated being left in the dark like this while he seemed completely at ease with drawing it out.
Sadist. Definitely a sadist.
We both turned down coffee in favor of dessert. Tiramisu for him. Cheesecake for me.
“That’s an odd choice,” I pointed with my spoon. “You don’t drink coffee.”
“I know. It’s my favorite though,” Gavin answered with an easy shrug. “I’ve eaten it forever.”
Tiramisu was also Melissa’s favorite dessert. I didn’t think it was a coincidence.
Once again this proved I was the worst kind of phony. Gavin had no idea how much I knew of his personal life. It was patently unfair of me to sit here as if he was as much a stranger to me as I was to him.
I wondered if I’d really get away with this. If I did, would I be able to forgive myself for lying to this man? Especially one who was so special to me?
It’s not personal. It’s just what you do. You always lie. To Gavin, to your neighbors, to everyone you meet. You can’t be yourself. No one can see the real you.
Empty except the pain.
So much pain, so much disappointment, so much helplessness. You’re doing everyone a kindness, really, by keeping your real self hidden.
Was it the truth or my justification? I still didn’t know.
Sometimes I wished I wasn’t this damaged and broken. I wished I could be as genuine as I appeared. I wished I could be someone other than who I really was...weak, afraid, desperate to be loved but knowing I didn’t deserve it.
Pitiful. Always pitiful.
Some people were born under a lucky star. They got a loving family, caring friends, and confidence in knowing who they were was enough.
Not me. Never me—not in this lifetime.
“You’re probably wondering why I asked you here tonight.”
Finally.
My last bite settled in my stomach like a stone. I shifted in my chair. A winsome, but professional smile, touched my lips.
“It crossed my mind a time or two.”
“Yeah? I thought you might have forgotten all about it. You were so at ease with me.” Gavin wiped his mouth with the red linen napkin. “To be honest, I’m not used to that. My employees are usually convinced I’m about to fire them whenever I invite them to lunch.”
“Imagine that.”
Instead of being offended by my drawl, Gavin gave me another one of his gorgeous smiles. “You are a brave one, Ms. Winters.”
“That or I’ve taken one too many sips of this excellent wine, Mr. Hawthorne.”
He tipped his head. “You haven’t even finished one glass yet.”
“Maybe I’m a lightweight.”
“I doubt that. Drink up, Paige. We’re out of the office. I’m not going to judge you for drinking.”
Gavin poured more of the red wine into my half-empty glass. I hoped I could get it passed his attention that I wasn’t drinking that much. Not because I was a lightweight but because I didn’t care for the taste of wine.
“I’m beginning to think you’re trying to fill me up with liquid courage. Either that or get me to make a complete fool of myself so that you can fire me.”
Gavin shook his head. A tiny frown twisted his kissable lips. I regretted seeing it. I liked seeing him at ease. He wore it well.
“I don’t need a reason to fire you. I can fire you on the spot. Right now if I wanted.”
My crossed legs tensed beneath the table. I was relaxed as I ever was from the waist up. I propped my chin on my hand.
“Is that a warning?”
“No. It’s just fact.” He drank his wine. I followed suit. “Seriously, what is it with your preoccupation of me getting rid of you, Paige? I know you already answered that earlier but I didn’t buy what you were selling. Tell me the truth. Are you that unhappy working for me?”
I immediately sat up. This could be dangerous. Powerful men had powerful egos. It wouldn’t help my case if I bruised his.
“Not in the slightest.” That much was blissfully true.
“Then what is it?”
The situation quickly ventured over in uncomfortable territory. I didn’t want Gavin to realize how astute he was regarding my fear. I wanted him to tell me why he brought me out of the office.
“I guess I’m off-balance because of the conversation we had before coming here.”
Gavin set his glass down and looked at me straight. The effect of his hazel gaze was instantaneous. I felt like I could just stare into his eyes for hours. They were so magnetic.
“I figured as much.”
Gavin shifted in his chair and drummed his fingers against the table. For the first time ever, I noted he looked vulnerable. It surprised me. Gavin always seemed in control of every situation, big or small.
Although my mouth opened to remind him of his last words, I wisely kept my silence and was soon rewarded.
“Paige, I meant what I said in the elevator. I want you to tell me your thoughts.”
“Why?”
Gavin seemed to bring out the awkward in me. Maybe it was because I really did want him to like me. Not the shell
but me.
Focus! Now isn’t the time for your bullshit.
Oh God, I was so out of control of this situation. I was going to lose everything if I didn’t watch myself better.
“Because I do.”
“But why? You’re not paying me to express my ideas. You’re paying me to do as I’m told.”
Gavin’s frown told me he vehemently disagreed. “I’m not paying you to be a mindless robot or slave. I’m paying you to be an independent thinker. I’m paying you to bring another viewpoint to my table.”
“So you want me to be disagreeable?”
“Not for its own sake.”
“I see. Okay. Why do you keep bringing up the fact I’m not going to work for you past a month? I realize that. I know my work for you is temporary. There’s no need to keep repeating it.”
“I’m bringing it up so that it’s clear.”
“It was clear the day you hired me. It’s been clear every day since.”
“You’re misunderstanding me.” Gavin leaned forward and laced his fingers together. “I bring it up so that you know my interest in you is not to further your career in exchange for my attention.”
Interest in me?
I blinked several times. My heartbeat quickened.
“What exactly do you mean, Gavin?”
His shoulders tensed. He looked uncomfortable for the slightest of moments.
“My interest in you is personal.”
TWELVE
Excitement hit me, rushing through my veins so quickly I became lightheaded. I wanted to stand up and dance. Sing even.
“Personal?”
“Very.” His keen gaze studied me. “I don’t make it a habit or a point to sleep with my employees, to date them, or even flirt. I want that out on the table. Work is work. Personal is just that. Personal.”
“Okay.”
I winced at my hesitant and gauche reply. I sounded nothing like a confident, polished career woman should sound like.
Instead, my one-word reply fit better with a middle school girl standing by her locker while getting her first confession.
Not that I ever had that either.
“I’ve been avoiding you this week because I realized my interest in you veered into an unprofessional lane and I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to find you attractive, Paige. But I did and it made me...angry. With you.”
“I see.”
I couldn’t lie and say that on some level I didn’t want him to notice me. Of course, I did. I just didn’t want him to be mad about it.
This made me feel worse.
I wanted him to like me, to want to like me the way I liked him. I hoped he could see something good in me because I sure as hell couldn’t.
“Do you really?”
Honest for a change, I admitted, “Gavin, I don’t know what to say. I expected you to say something much more different than you like me but it makes you angry. I don’t…I don’t know how to handle that.”
“I’m not a man of pretty words. It gets me into trouble more often than not.”
“Ah, I see. Actually, that makes me feel a little better. I thought it was just me.”
Although he smiled, Gavin’s outward warmth dwindled to zero. He was removed from me, almost as badly as this week. Only the intensity in his gaze proved he felt something powerful inside.
“Good, because what I’m going to tell you is only going to be said this one time tonight. If you’re not interested then know I won’t bring it up again. We’ll continue on as before. You won’t have to worry about losing your job if you decide my interest is unwanted. Understand?”
“I understand.”
I was flattered. I was intimidated. I was hungry for more of his words.
“Tell me something, Paige. Is it just me?”
God to have my secret question reflected back to me! Kismet, serendipity, or fate—I didn’t care what it was called. All I cared was that Gavin wondered the same thing I did ever since meeting him.
I swallowed hard. Answering Gavin would put me on a whole level of vulnerability I wasn’t quite ready to feel.
But you’re lying about everything else. Can’t you at least be honest in this?
If I couldn’t be honest now then when?
“Gavin, I…ah...” I licked my lips and started over again. My façade cracked, letting the real me push through long enough to tell him, “No. It’s not just you. I was attracted to you from the first moment I saw you. I wasn’t proud of myself for feeling it and I tried to blow my interview because of those feelings.”
Gavin cocked his head. I could tell I stunned him.
“Wait. You tried to tank your interview? Which part? You were damned near perfect.”
“You don’t know?”
“No.”
I gave a saucy shrug. “Then I’m not going to tell.”
Gavin smirked and leaned forward. “All right, Paige, you can keep your secret. But know this—I can get it out of you anytime I want.”
I sure as hell hope not.
“You’re pretty confident about that.”
Gavin merely gave me a speculative look. It was one that said “I don’t even have to dignify that with a response. You and I both know it’s true.”
I believed it. I didn’t need a demonstration.
Playing with the stem of my wineglass, I tossed my words out and hoped they didn’t betray the nervousness of my true thoughts.
“I feel like I’m in the hot seat, Gavin. It’s not nearly as fun as you telling me more about yourself. Your feelings in particular.”
“I was hoping we’d already gotten past that.”
“No way! I practically spilled my guts and you’ve barely said two words.”
Gavin snapped his fingers. “All right. What do you want to know?”
“What’s next?”
“Meaning?”
He wasn’t one for making this easy, was he?
“Meaning why are you telling me this now?”
His smile faded. Intensity replaced the playfulness in his stunning face.
“Because I want you, Paige.”
“You do?” I whispered. “Really?”
“Yes. You fascinate me. I can usually figure people out but you...you refuse to go into simple categorization. It keeps my attention and prods me to discover why.”
I nearly closed my eyes in bliss. As far as conventional romantic overtures went, Gavin’s words wouldn’t place in anyone’s Top 100.
But I wasn’t a conventional girl.
I was strange in what I liked and I liked Gavin’s compliment.
“I’m not that complicated. Really.”
“No? Somehow I don’t believe that. You were a programmer who decided to become a PA. You’re incredibly cordial and can get along with anybody—surprisingly, even me. You dress and walk as if you live in heels, but I’ve seen you kick off your shoes as if they pain you more often than not.
“You work like you don’t even know the word ‘tired’ just to keep up with me, but the minute you make a mistake you’re ready to bail. Nothing ever seems to fluster you, but every now and then I see someone else peeking behind your perfect mask. It makes me want to break it apart so I can see what’s really beneath.”
Hearing Gavin’s assessment of me was a dark gift. It seduced because I now knew how much of me he really saw. It horrified because of the very same reason.
I took a measured sip of wine and frantically scrambled for something to say.
“There’s not much there. I’m afraid it would bore you to tears.”
“I doubt that.” Gavin reached for my hand. “Look, I’m going to be your boss for a little over two weeks. That position is sacred to me. I don’t have any intention of pressing or taking advantage of you during that time.”
“I doubt you’d be taking advantage of me, Gavin.”
His thumb swept across the back of my hand. “Don’t tempt me, love. You have no idea the kind of man I can be.”
It wa
s silly thing, but hearing the endearment brought me a deep bolt of happiness.
“So what are we to do? Go on as if this conversation didn’t happen?”
“In essence—yes. We’ll work as usual, I won’t show you special attention, you’ll be your phenomenal self, and at the end of your employment…”
The words drifted off, leaving his statement open and full of enticement.
“At the end?”
“At the end you’ll come to me. Free and clear.”
“Oh.”
I looked down at my lap, unable to pull on the correct mask in time. I was smitten by how quickly this was going. I never thought this would happen. Not in a million years.
I’d hoped to earn his respect and maybe a little bit of his gratitude, but I never expected anything between us to last more than these few short weeks.
Now everything was about to change but only if I said the one magic word. The one word I should never, ever say.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
His smooth, deep voice poured over me. I couldn’t stop the goofy grin from spreading across my face. I didn’t even want to.
“Yes!”
Gavin reached for my hand. His strong fingers folded over mine. It was warm. I felt safe, as if all the wrong things in the world could be made right by his touch.
“I’m happy to hear that, Paige. Happier than I remember being in a long time.”
I beamed brighter. I was just about to share similar feelings when the scent of gardenias drifted across the table.
“Gavin? It’s been ages since I’ve last seen you!”
I looked up in surprise. A sultry brunette in a form-fitting dress stood by Gavin’s side, her eyes solely for him.
THIRTEEN
“Marlene, it’s good to see you.”
“Come here, you! Give me a hug!”
Gavin let go of my hand and stood up. The warmth was gone.
So was that elusive feeling of safety.
I watched closely as he hugged the smaller woman. She stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips against his cheek, leaving the faint smudge of her ruby lipstick behind.
My insides twisted with jealousy. I wanted to claw her beautiful face to shreds.