by Anna Antonia
Oh God.
I obeyed him like his perfect girl should.
Yelling his name, I ground my hips against his hand and came so hard I saw stars.
Gavin moaned against my open mouth, taking my panting cries into him as his fingers gentled before working me up again.
“I want you in me. Please!”
“You want this cock, love? Tell me how bad you want it.”
Shameless and starving for him, I peppered his face with kisses. “I want it more than anything else. I want you to spread me open, stretch me out, make it so my pussy knows she belongs to you.”
Gavin’s growl made me frantic with need. He circled my clit before pulling his hand away.
“Open your mouth.”
I obeyed without hesitation. Gavin slipped his fingers in, commanding me through deed alone to lick my juices clean. I laved each finger as a sign of worship.
He stared at the tight circle my lips made.
“Tell me you want only me.”
Releasing his fingers, I promised, “I’ve only ever wanted you, Gavin.”
“Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours. Always. No one else’s. Ever!”
Gavin undid his zipper. I let out a satisfied whimper when he sank deep inside. Neither of us cared about the risk we took going bare. Was it self-destruction or a way to forge an unbreakable link between us?
He pinned me to the bed and fucked me hard. Legs twined high on his back, I raked my hands through his hair and down his chest. Gavin’s hand snaked behind my neck and pulled me up higher so he could kiss me desperately.
It didn’t take long for either of us to come. I let out a high-pitched cry of satisfaction while Gavin rocked against me before pulling out to come over my belly.
Breaths thundering, neither of us looked away from the other. Gavin gave his cock a final stroke and then shuddered. Seeing the white viscous liquid on my belly and thighs brought me a primal satisfaction.
Dangerous though it may have been.
Gavin dropped next to me. One tug later and I was held tightly in his arms with my face nestled against his damp neck.
There were no words. Only the softening sounds of our breathing. Then “I’m sorry, love.”
“Ssh,” I murmured before reaching up to cover Gavin’s lips with my fingers. “You don’t have to apologize. Really.”
He kissed my fingertips and squeezed me. “You never like me to apologize, but I have to. I was wrong in accusing you of cheating on me. Can you forgive me for being an ass?”
Thankful that he couldn’t see my eyes, I blinked back an awful rush of tears.
Somehow my voice managed to remain soft and clear. “There’s nothing to forgive. I would’ve thought the same thing if it was the other way around.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You would’ve believed me from the beginning because for some reason you think the best of me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, doing my best to continue to keep my voice light and steady when all I wanted to do was cry.
“I think the best of you because you’re a wonderful man, Gavin.”
He laid there silent for so long that I turned my head to look up at him. Gavin’s gaze looked a million miles away from here.
“I hope that one day I can be the man you think I am.”
I knew exactly how he felt. And because I did I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.
Gavin sat up and pulled me up onto his lap. “Love, what’s wrong? No, don’t cry. Really. I can’t stand it if you cry.”
I shook my head, incapable of speech. As sick as it was, I couldn’t help but compare his reaction to what I grew up with. They were close to the same words I’d heard but carried a totally different meaning.
One was rejection. The other acceptance.
Gavin cupped my face and kissed my cheeks sweetly. “Paige, love, tell me what I can do to make it better.”
I twined my arms around his neck. “Make love to me again. Please?”
His gaze peered deep into mine, stripping away all the words I couldn’t say until finding the heart of what I needed.
Him.
Gavin’s kisses drifted to my lips. Soon I was spread underneath him, writhing as he drove in and out of me hard and deep.
Everything I did with and to Gavin since the beginning was wrong, but I wouldn’t stop. Not because of how good his body made me feel. Not because his kisses were like heaven and his mind a puzzle I needed to solve.
No.
I wouldn’t stop because I finally admitted to myself the truth that had been staring me in the face all along.
I was in love with Gavin Hawthorne.
God help us both.
FORTY
In some ways, I was glad I didn’t work for Gavin anymore.
Now I was free to love him publicly. We didn’t have to worry about being seen together. I especially loved the freedom in the hours between 10:00pm and dawn. They were never enough but I took all I could get.
Gavin taught me more ways to love his body and I was an eager pupil. For example, New Orleans was just the beginning in my oral education. Within a night in NYC, I properly learned to deep throat him. It was so fucking hot to pleasure him this way and when Gavin came hard in my throat—I just loved swallowing every last decadent drop.
Sex could only take up so much of the day though.
Although I didn’t financially need to work, I knew I should for appearances sake. I didn’t want him thinking I was going to sponge off him. The thing was Gavin seemed to prefer me to be free from corporate shackles.
“Stay, love. Let me spoil you. You can shop to your heart’s content. Surely you want more pencil skirts and dresses to add to your collection?”
Ouch. Was that what he wanted to see me in when I wasn’t naked? Maybe I needed to wear something other than the leggings and t-shirts I’d slipped in my wardrobe during the past week?
Gavin misinterpreted the expression on my face. “Why don’t you consider this a sabbatical? A short one if you want.”
“Because I’m not old enough to need a sabbatical?”
“Says who?” Gavin picked me up while I was naked and he was fully clothed. “I want you to stay here, just like this for today.”
“Kinky.” I nuzzled his mouth with mine. “Forget the shopping. I should stay naked then all day and wait for you.”
Gavin’s purr curled my toes. “I like that image very much, love. Do that for me. Let me think of this sexy body being just like this all day long. Here at my place. Every day.”
“Every day?”
“Yes. Every single day. Every single night.”
“Wait. Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“Asking? Hell, I’m telling you to do it.” He lifted me up higher and then sucked my nipple with hard, drugging pulls of his perfect lips. “Tell me you agree.”
“Oh God…but what about…ah…my apartment? I still need to keep it.”
“Then keep it. But you stay here with me. Make me happy. Say you’ll do it, love.”
I agreed but only after he pressed me up against the wall and pumped into me long and hard until I came twice.
That was over a month ago.
And while I didn’t spend every day naked, I did spend enough of them that it seemed more natural than not to walk around his palatial penthouse completely nude.
Only after his cleaning crew left, of course.
Sunk in a haze of lust and sweet domestic bliss, I found myself living a new life. One very different than what I grew up with and or even dreamed I could ever have.
Thankfully, my father didn’t contact me. Probably because I called Melissa every day like ordered. She didn’t really want to speak to me other than for me to assure her I was staying out of Gavin’s life.
I wasn’t foolish enough to think she believed me. Otherwise, why keep calling me? But living the lie was easy when I was so damned happy.
And I was happy.
Blissfully, stupid
ly, out of my mind happy.
Gavin made me feel complete. Having the gift of being his girlfriend allowed my missing pieces to start falling into place.
But it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There were definitely some choppy waves to get through.
***
Two weeks after Caroline resumed her rightful place by Gavin’s side, I wandered about his home, bored and feeling a little bit, well, jealous. I missed being the one he counted on. I missed being a huge part of his life and considering he didn’t leave the office until nine or ten, I started feeling neglected.
With neglect came frustration and with frustration came fear.
Maybe he’d grown tired of me? After all, I was here all the time like a slug. I didn’t have anything interesting or new to talk to him about other than what I read on the internet or watched on TV.
The shopping thing was something I did to get out of the house, but it was far more of a chore than a pleasure. I’d started experimenting with recipes, which seemed to please Gavin more than I ever counted on, but the meals came late at night.
He’d been extremely busy with the new venture he’d taken on, usually working long after I fell asleep. I tried my best not to call him when he was at the office, but loneliness got the best of me.
I’d had to leave him a message. Five hours passed and he still didn’t get back to me.
So I dressed myself and went back to my apartment to stew, hide, and to be honest, punish Gavin for making me feel this way. Maybe if he saw I wasn’t there, then he’d realize I wasn’t going to just take being blown off?
Being at my place didn’t make me feel better.
I missed him even though he still wouldn’t have been home by now. I felt childish. Stupid. Insecure.
Immature.
Playing games was for children. Not for grown women attempting to have a healthy relationship.
True.
But I’d made my stand. I had to see it through. At least for one night.
Committed to my decision, I’d been holed in my room for less than an hour before the door flew open and Gavin marched in.
Startled, I dropped my book. “How did you get in here?”
He didn’t answer. He just picked me up and marched right back out. He didn’t let me go until we were in his car, Frank at the wheel. Even then he kept me on his lap, head tucked beneath his chin, and arms wrapped tight around me.
Only when we got back to his place did he say anything.
“You don’t leave like that, Paige. Not now. Not ever.”
It hit me then. He thought I’d abandoned him, not for one night, but forever. My heart squeezed so hard in my chest I didn’t feel like I could breathe through it.
There was no justification I could give. I already knew it was stupid as soon as I’d done it. Now I knew it was cruel and thoughtless too.
Reaching for his clenched jaw, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think how my actions would come off.”
The tenseness melted slowly from his shoulders. “Why did you go?”
I looked down, embarrassed and feeling about two inches tall. “I was feeling neglected, I guess. Bored too.”
Gavin picked me up until we were eye-to-eye. “Neglected? Paige, love, I’m working as much as I always did.”
“I know.”
“Then why?”
It was hard not to look away, especially when his eyes were filled with so much confusion and yes, hurt.
“Before we were working together. I was too busy to be lonely. Now I’m just waiting for you and…”
Gavin kissed me. It was a kiss of passion, apology, and need. When he finally pulled back, I was breathless and wanted nothing more than to go to bed with him.
But sex couldn’t solve everything.
“I should’ve realized, love. I was just thinking about myself and what I wanted. I’m sorry for that.”
“No! You don’t have to apologize. If anything I was in the wrong.”
“No, you weren’t. It was all me, Paige. I liked knowing you were waiting for me so much that I didn’t give thought to how boring it would be for you.”
“No, I was the one who didn’t share my feelings. I was just being a brat.”
“Yes, you were. But I was also being a typical stupid guy.”
“Hey! You really do think I was being a brat?”
“I didn’t hear you denying I was being stupid.”
We both suddenly smiled. We sounded silly, trying so hard to apologize for a simple misunderstanding while still not wanting to come off as bad.
Gavin pulled me tighter to him. “Paige, I don’t want you to feel trapped here. You’re too intelligent to be satisfied with being my sex kitten for long.”
“I like being your sex kitten.” I rubbed against him to show how much I liked it.
Gavin smacked me on my ass. “Bad girl! That’s for distracting me when I’m trying to be a sensitive, caring guy.”
Purring deep in my throat, I said, “I’m not sure if I got the memo. You should do it again—just in case.”
Gavin obliged me, but instead of one smack I got ten. “Did you get the memo now?”
Reaching back to rub, I nodded with a whimper and a moan.
“Oh, my poor love.” His rakish smile was anything but sorry. “Now as I was saying, I like you being here. A lot. I like knowing you’re waiting for me. However, I may be an ass but I’m not a pig.”
“My flaming backside says otherwise,” I grumbled with a pout.
“Behave,” he warned with a mock frown. “I was only thinking of myself by asking you to stay here. Paige, I want you happy and I want you to do what makes you happy. If going back to work makes you happy—then I want to help you in any way possible.”
I could see how much of a struggle it was for him to say that. Just as much as it was a struggle for me to dismiss the idea of working and remaining his sex kitten.
Compromise.
“I’m going to put my hat in the ring for freelance work. That way I still have flexibility when it comes to you while also keeping me from getting bored.”
Gavin’s smile lit up the room. “You would do that for me?”
I nuzzled his lips. “Yes, I would. I can code anywhere. Not just in a cubicle. Besides, I like being here too. I just like it better with you.”
***
Our relationship wasn’t just about me trying to find my way.
Living with Gavin let me see he had a tendency to take himself very seriously. He really didn’t know how to relax. He also didn’t seem to believe in the importance of sleep. If he wasn’t working, then he was researching. If he wasn’t doing that, then he was tinkering with new apps.
His need for work was about as insatiable as his need for sex.
I feared he’d run himself into an early grave if he didn’t slow down.
***
“Gavin?”
“Hmm?”
“Babe, it’s three in the morning.”
“Is it?” He continued typing away.
“Don’t you have a breakfast meeting tomorrow at eight?”
He murmured in assent.
“Come to bed.”
“Not yet. I need to get this finished.”
When I went over to him and rubbed his shoulders, Gavin stopped typing. He turned around in his seat and took my hands in both of his. “What’s wrong, love? Do you need something?”
Although he was being perfectly sweet, I could tell he was feeling the pressure of being interrupted.
“I need you, but more than that I’m worried.”
“Why?”
“You’ve stayed up every night this week. This can’t be good for you.”
He kissed my hands. “Paige, it’s who I am. I’m not going to change that.”
I didn’t know why this bothered me so, especially because I knew he was a workaholic from the beginning.
“I’m not asking you to change.”
“It sounds like you are.”
�
��Okay, that’s fair. I guess I do want you to change a little. I care about you, Gavin, and I want you to live to see fifty. I’m afraid you won’t if you keep up this pace.”
“Come here, you.” Gavin pulled me until I stood between his legs. “I work this hard because this industry doesn’t stop. Tech is littered with all the companies that were valued at a billion one year and went bust the next. I can’t let that happen to Axis 3. There’s too many people counting on me to make sure I keep the doors open.”
“Are you in danger of it—”
“No, no. I’m not. And that’s the way I’m going to keep it, love. If I have to lose a bit of sleep over it then that’s the price I’m willing to pay.”
I couldn’t argue with him, not after hearing how determined Gavin was to take care of everyone. Once again, I couldn’t help but contrast him to my father.
Patrick never lost a wink of sleep at the fates of all the employees who were shed when it helped him make another dollar. Buying and breaking up companies was his bread and butter.
Scratch that.
It was the bread and butter of the company he inherited. My father didn’t actually work beyond reading a financial statement. Woe unto the recipient of his ire when a quarter missed its projection.
Tracing a fingertip over Gavin’s brows, I wondered, “What did I do to be so lucky in finding you?”
“I ask myself the same thing every day.” Gavin laid his head against my chest. “I’ve got to stay up to finish this, but how about we rearrange our sleep schedule starting tomorrow?”
“I’m listening,” I murmured while stroking his soft hair.
“We take a nap as soon as I get home and then you won’t have to worry about me so much when I get up later.”
I bit my lip, feeling like the greediest woman alive. “That sounds good except for one thing.”
“Which is?”
“Does it have to be right as soon as you get home?”
His low laughter set my world aflame. Gavin’s hand slipped between my thighs, giving them each a nice long stroke before moving up. “Well, not as soon as I get home. Maybe after I get you to scream my name a time or two.”
“Mmm, that sounds delightful.”
***
Did I sound like a lovesick fool? Yeah, it was because I was.
Gavin truly was the perfect boyfriend. He juggled his responsibilities at work as well as home. He didn’t ease his schedule but he kept his word and made sure he got more sleep, even if it was more like a series of naps.