“That’s months away. I can’t be unsure about us for that long. I thought every shot I had with you was gone until I got that text. You sending me that proves you don’t want us to be over.”
“You’re right. I can’t pull away from you, but you’re in an entirely different country and time zone than I am. That’s a problem.”
“And? We have phones. We have the internet. I can book a private plane for either one of us in minutes. We don’t have to send a raven to talk to each other.”
“I know.”
“I miss you, and it’s killing me not talking to you. Your first day of school is tomorrow, and I haven’t even been able to see how you’re feeling about it.”
“Let’s take it slow. We’ll consider ourselves friends right now, okay? But I promise we’ll try when you get back.”
“Friends who have phone sex and send naked pics?”
I laugh. “Possibly.”
44
Knox
“So Libby finally called you?” Easton asks on the phone.
“Yeah.”
I’ve been keeping him updated on the whole situation with Libby, and he’s trying to help me stay in a positive mood and keep my hopes up. She’s been texting me back and forth regularly for the past week since our conversation on the phone, but we still haven’t gotten back to where we were before.
We’re both holding back in fear of it not working out now. I don’t want to dive in too fast and have her leave me underwater if she changes her mind again.
“And she’s come to her senses?”
“I still haven’t figured that out yet. The woman is confusing as hell. She said she wants to wait until I finish the tour before jumping into a relationship.”
“What does that mean? I like the girl, and I want to see you happy, but that’s kind of fucked up.”
“I don’t know. The back and forth shit, I can’t handle it. She’s playing the same games Stella did. She wanted me, then she wanted space, and then when she saw I was hanging out with other women, she wanted me again. I swear, it’s like whenever I fall for a chick and develop real feelings for her, it’s one that wants to fuck with my head and doesn’t know what she wants.”
“I’m sorry, brother. Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No. Nothing will make her more uncomfortable than my brother calling and trying to be all Dr. Phil or some shit. She’ll think I lost my balls and really stay away from me. Libby is strong and independent. She doesn’t like needy dudes.”
“I understand. I was only trying to help.”
“I know, and that’s why I love you, but I think this one I have to figure out on my own.”
“I’ll talk to Gretchen and see if she has any tips for you. Women think a lot differently than we do, bro. I’m not even kidding. When she goes into her psychoanalyzing bullshit and tries to do studies on me, I run for the hills.”
I laugh. “You love her psychoanalyzing bullshit.” Gretchen is in medical school to be a psychiatrist.
“You’re right, just don’t tell her that, but I have class in thirty minutes. Good luck on your show tonight and everything else.”
“I will.”
He stops me before I hang up. “And you know what this is the best time for?”
“I know.”
“Get it done.”
I hang up and pull my notebook from my luggage.
Then I start to morph my feelings into my next song.
“I love Thailand, man,” Spencer says, walking into the living room of my suite. I finished my show an hour ago and just got out of the shower. Some of my friends flew into Thailand for my show, so I feel like I owe them an enjoyable time tonight. “Every time I come here, I beg Yasmine to quit modeling so we can sell everything and move here.”
I throw my shirt on and run my hand through my wet hair. “I have a feeling Yasmine isn’t going for it.”
“Nope, she’s too much into her work to even think about settling down somewhere, which I don’t understand. She doesn’t have to work. I have plenty of money to provide for us for the rest of our lives.”
Spencer created a social network app that blew up. He makes a killing in ads and has even had billion dollar offers to purchase it, but he declines every one. He doesn’t want to be a sell-out, apparently. He has millions, is dating one of the biggest supermodels in the world who is also cool as shit, so I don’t blame him for wanting to settle down off the grid.
I sit down and watch him go to the mini-bar to make a drink. He drains it and then stares straight at me. I can tell he’s about to say something I don’t want to hear.
“What the hell is going on?” I ask.
“You’re not going to like this, and I want to point out in advance that it’s not my fault, but a few extra peeps decided to tag along on this trip to see your show. I tried to stop it, so did Yasmine, but everyone accused us of being assholes taking your side.”
My shoulders curl forward in dread. “Spit it out and don’t bullshit me.”
“Stella is here.”
“Mother fucker,” I hiss. We hang out in the same crowds, so I knew occasionally running into her would happen, but I wasn’t counting on her flying thousands of miles to see me.
“She decided to come last minute with Jasmine.” Jasmine is Yasmine’s sister. “We couldn’t exactly kick them off the jet, and they had already purchased tickets to your show, so we couldn’t stop that, either.”
I groan, tipping my head down and shaking it. “This isn’t going to look good, man.”
He plops down in the chair next to me and drops the hand holding his drink in the middle of his legs. “Look, she wants to talk to you or some shit. I don’t know if you’re involved with anyone at the moment, but she kept blabbering about still having feelings for you.” He grunts. “It sure put a damper on the whole plane ride.”
Spencer is another one that texted me the video of Libby saying we were done. He hasn’t brought it up since, most likely not trying to drag up bad memories if we broke up, so I haven’t had a chance to tell him I’ve talked to her.
“It’s cool, thanks for having my back. I’m trying to work shit out with Libby, so Stella showing up here is the last damn thing I need. It’s going to look bad. If you and the gang are here, they’ll know we’re going out, and paparazzi will be waiting to find something to take a picture of.”
“I’ll try to keep her away from you the best that I can. Don’t bail on us. I’ve been waiting to go out with my boy for months, and Thailand is our mother-fucking city.”
“I’m not bailing, but I’m telling you right now, keep her away from me.”
He pulls out his phone. “I’m texting Yasmine right now to let Stella know you’re not interested.”
I snort. “That won’t stop her.” She’s not someone who likes to hear or accept the word no.
I look up when I hear a knock on the door. “Yeah … I told George to let them up.”
“Fuck. Let the ex-girlfriend dodging begin.”
I need to figure out a way to leave the club without looking ungrateful that Spencer and my friends chartered a private jet to come see me.
I love hanging out with my friends, especially when I’m in a different country where I don’t know anyone, but Stella being here is putting a huge buzz kill on the occasion. I’m trying to stay as far away from her as I can, but she’s inching closer and closer as the night gets later.
I’m nursing a beer and watching everyone have a great time around me when I notice her coming my way.
Shit.
I tense up. Whatever is about to happen most likely isn’t going to be a brief and friendly conversation. I see the determination in her eyes.
“Your show was amazing,” she says, sitting down next to me on the couch in the back of the club. “It reminded me of how I used to go to every show of yours and watch you perform. The love you have for your art is beautiful. I forgot how much I enjoyed it.”
“Thank you,” I reply.
/>
The music is blaring in the club, and she leans in closer so we can hear each other better. “Remember last time we were in Thailand?” I nod, and she lets out a light laugh. “I told you it was my dream vacation and then you took me for my twenty-first birthday. I’ll never forget that. It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
“I’m glad you had fun.” I’m trying not to act like an asshole. Maybe her intentions aren’t bad.
“Do you miss me?” There’s the Stella I know, going straight in for the kill.
“I’m happy with where I am right now.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“How do I answer your question without sounding like a dick? I loved you, and there will probably always be a special place in my heart for you, Stella, but that’s it – a place in my heart for the first girl I loved, but not the only one. I don’t miss you because what we had wasn’t meant to last forever, and we both know that. We outgrew each other. I’ll always consider you a friend. That’s it.”
“You don’t mean that,” she whispers, her lower lip trembling. She starts shaking her head over and over again. “Tell me you don’t mean that.”
“I do. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but if you came here with the hopes of us getting back together, it’s not going to happen. I want to be upfront about that right now.”
“Let’s try again,” she pleads, scooting in closer.
“I’m sorry, but that’s not what I want.”
She throws her head back, ready to move in from another angle. If sadness won’t reel me in, she’ll go for another way. “Don’t play games. We have history that you can’t throw away. We’ve dated other people but always end up back together. Let’s stop wasting our time and try for real.”
Stella is upset I’m moving onto someone else. Sure, I’ve dated and fucked other women, but they were never anything serious like I have with Libby. I’ve never felt something as strong as I feel for her. And Stella knows it, which is why she’s here. She knows when I love and care about someone because at one time she was who I loved.
“Thank you for coming to my show, but that’s not what I want.” She moves forward and tries to sit on my lap, but I swat her away. “Fucking stop, Stella.”
“Please.” Tears are streaming down her face, causing her mascara to run with them. “I hate seeing you with someone else.”
“I hope you find someone to make you happy.”
I slide away from her and go on the hunt for Spencer to let him know I’m taking off. Yasmine and him are staying in my suite, and I want to make it clear that Stella cannot crash with them, under no circumstances. I don’t care if I have to pay to get her a separate room myself.
I’m almost to him when I notice the guy with a camera phone in his hand, tracking my every move.
Mother fucker.
This isn’t going to look good.
I call Libby as soon as I get back to my room. It goes to voicemail.
It’s one in the morning here, and eleven in the morning there, so there’s no way she’s still sleeping. She’s an early riser.
I hit her name again.
No answer.
I hit the text icon.
Me: Call me as soon as you can.
45
Libby
“He keeps trying to call me,” I tell Mia. My phone starts ringing again. I hit the ignore button. It beeps. “And texting.”
This is why I wanted to keep my distance from a relationship with Knox. Even though we agreed to take things slow and not make anything serious, it still hurt when I saw the picture of him and Stella in the club. They are in Thailand together – a woman does not fly that far to see a man uninvited. This is what I’d been afraid of, and it’s killing me more than I expected.
“Answer your phone and quit acting childish,” Mia demands. “Listen to what the man has to say.”
“You mean listen to his excuses? No, thank you. I don’t want to interrupt him and his girlfriend.”
“He’s trying to call you, his girlfriend, so obviously you wouldn’t be interrupting shit.”
I take one of my pillows next to me and throw it across the room in an attempt to deflate some of the anger rising through me. “Why would he do this? He knows I’m stressed out about classes and about him hanging out in clubs with women.”
My phone starts ringing again. Mia reaches across the bed, snags it from me, and answers before I have the chance to stop her.
“Hey Knox,” she answers. “Yes, she’s right here. Hold please.” I shoot her a dirty look when she hands the phone off to me. “Listen to what he has to stay,” she mouths before jumping off my bed and leaving the room.
At least she’s giving me some privacy, which is surprising.
My chest tightens when I put the phone to my ear. “Hello.”
“You’ve seen them, haven’t you?” Knox rushes out.
“Are you asking if I saw the pictures of you cuddled up in some club with your ex-girlfriend?”
“Hold up. I wasn’t cuddled up with her.”
“My bad, I’ll correct myself. Are you asking me if I’ve seen the pictures of you hanging out in some club with your ex-girlfriend in a country I’m sure she doesn’t frequent often, which means she came there for you.”
“It doesn’t look good, I know, but let me explain.”
“Fine, explain away.”
“Some friends came to see the show, and Stella decided to tag along. I didn’t know she was coming until they were already here. I made it clear to her that she and I are completely over. You know I’m in love with you and don’t want anyone else. If I was fucking around with her, would I be calling you right now?” I stay quiet. “Do you want to Facetime so you know I’m here alone – wishing you were next to me?”
“That’s not necessary,” I snap.
“Then tell me you believe me. Tell me you trust me.”
I want to believe him, but that still doesn’t change the fact that there’s some doubt lingering in my thoughts. I watched my dad pull this move time and time again when he had girlfriends. He’d talk to them on the phone, assuring them he was alone and going to bed when instead he’d have another girl over as soon as he hung up.
“You don’t believe me,” he says, softly. “Why?”
I need to be honest with him. “You have this gorgeous, famous, and exotic woman there wanting to be with you. I’m this broke girl with pink stripes in my hair that’s crashing at her friend’s house while attending college. That’s pretty self-explanatory. It was a summer fling, Knox, but we’re too opposite. It’ll never work. Maybe temporarily, but not permanently.”
“Sunshine, I’ve had exotic and rich. I’ve also had pink streaks and snarky attitudes. I’ll take the pink hair over everything and everyone. It’s much more authentic, fun, and satisfying. I can promise you’re not some fling. You’re my forever.”
“I don’t want to be that jealous girl,” I whisper.
“Then don’t be. You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. You’re the only one getting my attention. You. Do you hear me? Trust me, Libby.”
“The problem is that I can’t.” I’m still trying to erase the images I saw of him and Stella from my mind, but it’s impossible. I’m trying to fight off ideas of them messing around, but I’m losing the battle. No matter what, my heart will always remember what’s happened in the past.
“Don’t … don’t do this,” he begs. “You promised. You swore to me you’d try.”
“I did try!”
I pull my phone away when he tries to Facetime me and hit the reject button. I can’t do that right now. It’ll kill me.
“You won’t even look at me?” he yells. I stay silent, and he lets out a sharp laugh. “You’re going to throw everything that we’ve built away because of some ridiculous fear of another woman getting my attention? If I’m interested in fucking other women, why do I call you every single damn night? Why am I always checking in so you know you’re the only o
ne on my mind?”
“But she’s there! Last time I checked, Thailand is more than a hop and a skip away. She came there to see you!”
“And? I didn’t ask her to. You’re going to be around men daily in your classes. Do I wonder about you connecting with any of them? Yes, the idea has crossed my mind, but I trust you. I wish you could do the same with me.”
I’m crumbling inside, but I keep my voice straight. “You focus on your tour right now. I’ll focus on school, and we’ll talk or something when you get back, okay?”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“Space is good for relationships sometimes.”
“No, space is a bullshit excuse for someone being weak and scared.”
“Then maybe I’m weak,” I croak out.
“You promised! You promised you’d fight for us.”
“Some promises can’t be kept.”
He scoffs, and his voice turns cold. “Fine, you win, Libby. All promises are out the door. It’s over. We’re over. Have a nice life.”
The line goes dead.
I stare down at my phone, debating with myself whether I should call him back, as I wipe away the tears running down my face.
I feel like a heartless bitch right now, but it’s for the best. I can’t be blamed for protecting my heart.
“Fucking coward!” I look up at the sound of Mia’s voice to see her standing in the doorway with a look of annoyance on her face.
I hold my hand up, not wanting to hear her make me feel even worse. “I told you to stay out of my business.”
“You keep pushing him away like this, one day he won’t come back.”
“Good.” Her eyes narrow in on me at my response. “I have too much shit to focus on right now than some silly relationship that’ll never last.”
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