Man Cuffed

by Sarina Bowen

  “Right! Yes.” His smile implies that I’m scatterbrained. Which I am. But I’m also onto something here. “All right, so next time you end up in the elevator with the chief, and he asks about your weekend, I want you to prompt yourself with—what would Danny from Downtown Blue say? And then say that.”

  Mac looks skeptical. “I’d sound like a poser.”

  “No way! You’ll be the only one who’s in on the joke. So what would Danny say?”

  Mac clears his throat. “Had a couple of drinks at the bar, and then I entertained a lady friend.”

  “Mac!” I squeak. “That was perfect.”

  He gives me a grin.

  “Come on, how hard was that?”

  “Not hard, I guess.”

  “You sounded just like you, only slightly more charming. Come to think of it. I don’t know if the world can handle a more charming Mac.”

  He starts to smile again, but then it dies. “Do you hear shouting?”

  We both pause, listening.

  “Julie! Get down! Get down right now! This isn’t funny.”

  Oh shit. That’s Morris’s voice!

  Mac darts toward the doorway, leading to the narrow deck that wraps around the tier of this boat. And I’m right on his heels. We have to weave and dodge, because this is a crowded boat. But after sliding past a few dozen people we reach the front deck, where Morris and Eleanor and Bob are all staring up at the roof of the boat.

  And—hell—Julie is standing up there. No—she’s swaying, and way too close to the edge. There is nothing to stop her from falling two stories into the lake.

  “Sit down!” Morris yells. “You could fall!”

  “I’m the queen of this boat!” she yodels. “Where is Leonardo DiCaprio when you need him?”

  “Oh shit,” I whisper. “We have to get her down from there before she tries to reenact the ending.”

  Mac is already removing his suit jacket. He thrusts it at me. “Hold this, babe. And this.” He hands me his beer. Then he strides toward a ladder that I hadn’t noticed before. That must be how Julie made it up to the roof.

  Oh, God. I wanted drama. Now I’ve got more than I bargained for.

  24 First Responder

  Mac

  When I’m in a crisis situation, there are things that happen to me. Chalk it up to my training and to years on the job. Chalk it up to my natural disposition to always be a little bit leery of people and their impulses.

  So when I spot Julie up on that roof, a professional calm descends on me. My body just takes over as I put all the tension of the night aside and climb the ladder. There’s a very drunk woman up there. She’s too inebriated to make good life choices.

  I was made for this situation.

  What I hadn’t expected was Morris to be right behind me, his jacket off too.

  “What the hell, Morris? Give me some room,” I say, my hands grasping for the top of the ladder. I can visualize what I need to do—grab Julie by the waist and get her to safety. But I need room to maneuver.

  Morris gives me a shove in the ass. “You always have to be the hero, don’t you?” he asks.

  And that stops me cold. Because I don’t need two crazy people on this roof.

  I turn around. “I’m a first responder. This is literally my job.”

  He blows out a breath and then looks away. And it’s weird, but I could swear I see a flash of envy. It kinda throws me and I start wondering if all this time when I’ve been jealous of Morris and his marriage and his life, if he hasn’t been jealous of me too. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous?

  I shake that off. Time to focus. “I’m a cop, Morris. I’m trained for this.” I take the last step on the ladder.

  “I’m her husband,” he says. “I’m trained for this too.”

  He has a point. I reach the top, but then step aside to let Morris up, too.

  And holy hell are we up high. The lake shimmers around us, and the sun is just starting to set. There’s a slight breeze and a sway to the deck that I am not a fan of. I assess the situation and note that Julie is still safe so far. She’s further from the edge of the deck than she was a moment ago. So long as she doesn’t move too suddenly, I can get her downstairs. And get some coffee into her.

  But then she moves. Of course she does.

  “Mac! Morris! Don’t you come near me! I’ve had enough. Enough enough enough!”

  “But baby,” Morris says. It’s sweet the way he says it.

  “Don’t you but baby me!” Julie says. Then she repeats it, but yells it this time: “NO BUT BABY!”

  It’s at this point that I spot our large audience, because of course there’s an audience. Not to mention loud hip-hop music playing over the sound system, which only adds to the tension of the moment. I scan the deck and my eyes go right to Meg, standing amidst the swarm of wedding guests, all looking up. She shoos me toward Julie, and I can’t help but smirk a little. She’s probably enjoying the drama and wants me back in scene.

  “Julie,” I say. I’m putting my cop voice on now. “You need to vacate this area immediately. This is not safe.”

  “You know what’s not safe? Huh? Ten years of crazy!”

  I’m not sure where she’s going with this. And neither is Morris. “Come on, Julie, let’s go down. I want to dance with you,” he pleads.

  “And I want this bullcrap to end!”

  I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about. The cop part of me is measuring the distance between Julie and the edge of the roof. And does it slope downward at the edge? Yikes.

  “You don’t like this party?” asks Morris. “We can leave as soon as we dock. I’ll make it up to you! I’ll take you to a pancake house!”

  I am getting a very real glimpse into their relationship. And all the envy I’ve been feeling for years is starting to slide right off me.

  “No!” Julie screams and then inches ever closer to the slippery edge.

  Morris and I both say, “JULIE!”

  She tosses her hair and sighs, complete with an eye roll. She could compete with any teenager right now. “You two need to stop this shit now and talk to each other. I am sick of this constant tension. I want our little boy to grow up in a healthy family with his dad and his uncle there and you two are acting like little toddlers. AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!”

  She wobbles a little, and the audience gasps.

  “I’m fine!” she calls.

  Someone from the crowd yells out a question. “Why aren’t they talking to each other?”

  Someone else calls out, “I’m a therapist that specializes in family counseling. I can give you my card!”

  Julie takes a deep breath and I can just feel what’s about to happen. She’s about to become a living, breathing geyser of words. This cannot happen. We don’t need to talk about this. Not now, on a pitching rooftop in front of the whole fucking world. Not ever. I start to move forward but Morris stops me. “Let her say it,” he says.

  I stop.

  And wait.

  “I slept with my fiancé’s twin brother just after Mac proposed to me. And then I married Morris.”

  There’s a pause, until someone below yelps, “Holy shitballs!”

  “I know, I know!” Julie says. “It was wrong, but it was also inevitable. Look, I have a certain type. Big guys who are strong and ruggedly handsome. So when I met Maguire I was like, oh this is nice. And we were dating pretty steadily and things were okay and good and I just felt like...okay. Good. This is what love is supposed to be like and I guess this is enough. And then I met Mac’s brother. He looked the same, sounded the same, but there was something significantly different.”

  “Did he have herpes?” some wiseacre calls.

  “No!” We all yell in unison.

  “He had chemistry. With me. Crazy, make you do stupid things, make your brain shut down, make your body light up chemistry.”

  I swear to God the whole crowd sighs.

  “I tried to ignore it. Tried to go with the flow with Mac because
I really did love him. I just loved him...like a brother.” Julie says the next thing directly to me. “I’m sorry, Mac. I really am. I did my best to love you the way you deserve. But then you went to school and we weren’t even talking and you weren’t around and one night Morris came over to help me put together an entertainment center and then…”

  “Chemistry,” Morris breathed.

  “What can I say? Love makes you do stupid things. It makes you crazy. It makes you set aside all the I shoulds and you just focus on what you want. No. Not what you want. What you NEED. And I need Morris.”

  “I need you too, sweetie.”

  The crowd sighs again.

  Julie isn’t done yet. “But I want you to know, Mac, that I understand how you feel. It must’ve been terrible for this to happen. Heart wrenching. And then to have your parents support Morris and me must’ve felt like everyone was freezing you out…”

  Suddenly my allergies are kicking in. My eyes are all teary.

  “And I’m sorry all of this happened the way it did, but I’m also not sorry it happened, because it led me to Morris. My other half. My puzzle piece. And it also left you open to find that person who makes you defy logic. Who makes you raw and open and vulnerable with emotion. The person you need.”

  An image of Meg flashes in my mind. Smiling at me. I try to shake it free but it’s too late. It’s there. Shit.

  “And I guess it makes sense that there would be all kinds of family tension, but holy cow, is there ever a time when you can get over it? Life is short and should be savored and it’s a shame to have a family that could be so great, but there’s so much bullshit between you all that you’re just mucking up all the potential love and joy!”

  Now everyone is staring at me. Goddammit!

  “Please, Mac? Morris misses you. He won’t say so because he is a manly macho man just like you. But he misses you a lot and he’s always looked up to you.”

  That can’t possibly be true. But I glance at my brother, and his face is bright red.

  “So!” Julie says. “I will get down off this roof if you two agree to a couple of things.”

  “What?” I grunt. “How about you get down and then you tell us your demands.”

  “No!” She holds up a hand like a supreme dictator. “I’m not falling for that. I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”

  My brother and I share a glance for the first time in ten years.

  “One beer,” she says, crossing her arms. “Together. By the end of next week. You two can pick a bar. Neutral territory.”

  “Fine,” I snap. Because I will get her back on that deck or I will die trying. The only thing worse than a betrayal between my brother and me is a betrayal and a dead person.

  “Sure, honey,” Morris says with a sigh. “Now get down.”

  “You have to shake on it!” She yelps. Now she’s drunk on power as well as on champagne. “Shake on it! And also you need to fix the garage door opener.”

  “Fine, fine!” Morris says, reaching for my hand. We might be on top of a swaying boat and desperate to put this behind us. But old habits die hard, and it’s a short but bruising handshake.

  Everyone on the deck below us cheers.

  I take a step closer to Julie, wondering if I need to grab her or if she’ll take my hand when it’s offered.

  But she isn’t even watching me. “Thank you!” Julie shouts, addressing the crowd. “I’d like to thank you all for witnessing this moment of…”

  She doesn’t get to finish that thought. Because that’s when a speedboat roars past, causing a huge wave to hit the Grand Haven Queen. We all feel the boat rock. And then we all watch as Julie pitches overboard.

  25 The Best Theatrical Performance Ever

  Meg

  This has been the best live theatrical performance ever. I mean, everyone is riveted by the scene playing out above us. I wish I could run up there and help, but I don’t really have any skills to offer that would be helpful. Unless they want me to rile up the crowd.

  And I don’t need to rile up the crowd, because the next few things happen very fast:

  There’s a rogue wave and the boat lurches.

  There’s a scream like “Wheeeeeeeee!” as Julie falls overboard.

  We all run to the side of the boat to see where she landed.

  All we see is the dark lake. And two hundred people hold their breath at the same time.

  Mac does a beautiful swan dive off the roof as he launches in to save her.

  We hear frantic footsteps as Morris nearly launches over the side of the boat, too, but about fifty people shout at once to stop him. “Get down, son,” Bob shouts. “There’s a rope here.”

  Time seems to slow to a complete halt as I scan the waves for Mac and Julie. First he pops up. But then she does. She spits out lake water and then coughs, struggling.

  Mac does his best Michael Phelps imitation as he slices through the water to Julie, grasping her from behind and steering her toward a dangling yellow rope with the flotation device on the end of it.

  They are towed to the prow, where another ladder awaits. Mac hands Julie up into Morris’s outstretched arms.

  The crowd goes wild.

  I don’t really breathe properly until Mac climbs the ladder, too, emerging dripping wet, his shirt sticking to his muscular chest and totally see-through. It’s like that classic Pride and Prejudice moment from the PBS series. And I am suddenly throbbing the way that Elizabeth Bennet was throbbing and Jane Austen just couldn’t or wouldn’t describe it.

  Because, holy throb.

  Mac looks at me for a minute and it’s intense. I’m hoping he’s about to grab me and kiss me, press his wet body against mine. And there’s this second when I think that’s just about to happen, and we stand trembling, waiting. But then Morris runs over to him, and I’m worried there’s going to be a fist fight.

  Instead, Morris hands him a stack of tiny napkins. “Thanks for rescuing my wife,” he says. Mac takes the stack of napkins.

  “What are these for?” Mac asks.

  “To dry off. I wanted to help in some way and I, I don’t know, there just aren’t any towels.”

  There is pure Michigan silence for a moment. Even the music stops playing.

  Then, all of a sudden, there’s a different kind of music. Mac and Morris? They both start laughing.

  26 Danny Boy

  Maguire

  I’m feeling extra jolly on Monday. I have a lot to be happy about. My sister is happily married. Meg and I got a free pass to leave the reception early, owing to my soggy suit and tie. The boat docked early to let me and my brother off.

  Meg and I barely made it into the shower at my place before we were all over each other.

  The next day, Rosie called to check on me. I was a little worried that she’d feel like Julie’s shenanigans ruined her reception. But not Rosie. She enjoyed every minute of it. She even took an action shot of me diving off the boat.

  So I feel pretty good about that. And I feel okay about meeting my brother for a drink. Maybe someday I’ll even decide that crazy Julie did us a favor. You never know.

  But let’s face it. The real reason I’m so chipper today is that the wedding is fucking over. I don’t need to dread it any longer.

  I’m actually whistling to myself as I step into the elevator at headquarters. And when the chief steps in after me, it doesn’t even dent my mood. Much.

  “Mac Maguire!” the older man booms. “How was the weekend?”

  Here we go again, my subconscious complains. And for a second I just freeze. But then I remember something Meg asked me just before all the crazy shit went down at the wedding. What would Danny from Downtown Blues say to the chief?

  “Great weekend, Chief,” I say immediately. It just pops out, because I can picture Danny saying it.

  The chief’s eyes light up. “Really? Get into any trouble?”

  I chuckle, because he has no idea. “Went to a wedding on a boat, for chrissakes. Had some beers.
Tried to avoid the crazier members of my family.”

  The chief chuckles and shakes his head.

  “Get this, Chief. One lady got a little tipsy and fell overboard. Guess who got his suit a little wet fishing her out?”

  The chief lets out a great booming laugh, and I feel myself smiling. The chief doesn’t need to know all the private stuff—my fucked-up family. My creaky heart. Ten years of silence between my brother and me.

  That shit is private. But jumping into the lake? That’s just a good story. Meg was onto something. Shooting the breeze isn’t so bad. Like rolling off a log, really.

  “There were no towels,” I add, and the chief is beside himself now. “My brother handed me a cocktail napkin.”

  A tear runs down the man’s face. He swats me on the arm. “Good story, kid.”

  The elevator door opens. He turns to leave. “Say, Chief?”

  “Hmm?” he turns around.

  “I know you haven’t decided yet about the new victims’ taskforce. My application has been complete for a few weeks already. But I just wanted you to know how much I want that job. I’d do good work. And I’m the right man for it.”

  He smiles. “Glad you finally spoke up,” he said. “Thought you were going to make me give it to Tommy.” He swats me on the arm again. “He keeps asking for it, but he’s not the right fit.”

  “Uh…” All my new chatter deserts me.

  “Sometimes you gotta speak up and ask for what you want, you know?” the chief says. “Otherwise I can’t tell who really has the fire inside to make it work.”

  “I do,” I sputter. “I want to help those people. I want to be the one they call when they’re scared.” It’s not very eloquent, dammit. What would Danny say? “I’m the right man for this job, and I won’t let you down.”

  The chief nods. “Great. My assistant will have an offer in your box by the end of the week.” Then he turns and walks away. And I just stand there in the hallway for a minute, blinking after him.

  “Holy shit,” I say after a minute. I walk toward the briefing room in a daze. I pull out my phone. Holy shit, I text to Meg. She’s probably still sleeping. My girl likes to wake up late. I used your trick. What would Danny say? And it worked. Not just a little bit, either. I think I just got my promotion.