Maybe I needed to look into this shit, see if it was normal or if I’d fallen off the rails. Was I supposed to be this irrational about something that had happened in her past?
Get it together Evan you can’t change the past, it’s impossible. But no matter what I told myself I couldn’t evade the thoughts and feelings inside me.
I thought about the life they’d shared. How had they met? Was it love at first sight? How long did it take before she gave herself to him?
Did he make her smile? Did he fill the void left by the loss of her family? I tormented myself with those and many other thoughts as I watched the two of them.
Like was she thinking of him now at a time like this and wishing he was here instead of me? That one really gutted me and I felt a pain so sharp I had to rub my hand over my chest where my heart felt sick.
I have to get a handle on this somehow before I do something I’d regret. But since I’d never suffered the pangs of jealousy before I didn’t know where to start.
I’m going to have to bring him up sooner or later there was no help for it. But how do I get her to tell me the truth?
How do I make her understand that unless I know every little thing about her relationship with him I will lose my fucking mind?
If he were alive I could beat the shit out of him and be done with it, but he wasn’t here and I knew it was sometimes harder to fight the memory of someone than the actual being.
You’ve finally lost your shit Evan. Now you want to beat him for feeling for her the same thing you do. Damn fucking straight. He had no right, no one else did. Only me, I was the only one who had any rights to her.
I sat up and held my head in my hands as I tried to gather my fractured thoughts. I finally gave up once I accepted that there was nothing to be done about it now.
The main concern right now was Amber and getting her better. Once that was taken care of I’ll start working on the mother in earnest.
11
The next day was Saturday so there was no need to go to the office, but I needed to go home and get cleaned up.
I hated like hell to leave them but I was a mess. I rushed home and took a quick shower before changing into jeans and a tee shirt.
Then I thought of her in the same clothes as yesterday and made a quick stop in the city before going back to her.
“Did he come yet?” Those were my first words to her when I entered the room.
“No not yet. What’s all this?” I looked down at the bags in my hands.
“I got some stuff for you to clean up and get changed.” I passed her the bags and she looked inside before staring at me with her mouth open wide.
“Are you insane? You bought me three hundred dollar jeans?” She clutched at her chest like she was about to have a heart attack.
“Here I can’t accept this it’s too much.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the bathroom where there was a little shower cubicle.
I turned on the water before turning to her and starting to remove her clothes. She swatted at my hands. “What are you doing?’
“What I’m not doing is arguing with you. If you won’t take care of yourself then I will.” I tugged at her shirt and she fought me. “Get off you maniac.”
“Are you going to shower and change?” She looked around me to the bed where Amber laid sleeping.
“Would you keep your voice down?”
“No!”
“What do you mean no?”
“What don’t you understand? Now hurry up. That specialist should be here any minute and I don’t want him in the room while you’re in the shower.”
She looked at me like I was crazy and since she was taking too long to do what I say I tore the damn blouse in half. If her eyes got any wider they’d fall out of her head.
She gritted her teeth and folded her little fists over her chest. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. Fuck, wrong move. Wrong place, wrong time.
My cock went full throttle, all eleven and a half inches and my head felt like it would explode. She struggled against me but I refused to let go.
My tongue forced her lips open and she melted against me, then she bit me. “You little…” I wiped the blood away with my thumb as I looked at her.
“I’m going to make you regret that. The day’s going to come when you can’t bear for me not to kiss you.”
I put my hand behind her neck and pulled her in. I kissed her forehead before turning her away from me and with a smack on her ass ordered her to shower and change.
She’s a fiery little thing and way too fucking cute for her own good. I stood outside the door and heard her cussing up a storm. Every other word damned me to hell.
I smiled and walked away when she started muttering about what she’d like to do to me. I’d moved up from an inconsiderate asshole to an unreasonable jackass. Progress!
The specialist showed up an hour later and we both questioned him since she seemed too nervous.
“I don’t see any obstacles to her complete recovery. This new medicine we use helps to strengthen the lungs, which is her primary problem. The asthma and allergies are just a result of this.”
“I’m guessing she was premature.”
“Yes sir she was and they told me then that her lungs weren’t fully developed.”
There was such misery in her voice and I knew from her tone that she was blaming herself. I put my arm around her shoulders to offer comfort and she relaxed a little.
By the time he left we had a much better outlook on things. “Aren’t you happy I didn’t listen to you? Now we don’t have to worry anymore.”
“Thank you.”
“Say that again.”
“I said thanks for the specialist, as to the other stuff…” I walked away and left her talking to herself.
She called me a very unkind name under her breath. “I heard that, I’m keeping score. One of these days your ass is going to pay the price for your mouth.”
I left her and went to sit on the bed with Amber who was finally awake and playing with the stuffed animals her uncle had bought her. Her uncle, huh.
I didn’t have the first clue what to say to the little angel so I let her take point. That’s how I ended up playing teatime with bears and one bossy little bit of a thing.
Shit, she’s her mother’s daughter. “Not like that uncle Evan, do it this way.” Where the fuck did Gavin find bears that wear diapers?
Her mother the sneak was sitting off to the side snickering at the way her daughter ordered me around like a lackey.
She had no fear the little one. She was sweet and open and her disposition made what she was suffering all the more heartbreaking.
When she grew tired and crawled into my lap I thought I’d break down in tears. I looked over her head at her mother who looked torn.
I guess she didn’t expect her child to accept me so readily and I have to admit to being surprised myself.
I’d always heard that children were very perceptive. Could she sense my earlier feelings towards her? I hope not.
Now as I held her little body in my arms my heart hurt and I felt shame. I pulled her little frame into my chest and held her close, being careful of the tubes.
As I held her my mind cleared of everything else and nothing mattered but getting her well enough to go home.
I wanted to see her out of this place and running around my apartment wreaking havoc on my hardwood floors.
My apartment, more like my bachelor pad. I’m gonna have to do something about that. That reminded me that I didn’t even know where they lived.
I’ve been playing it so safe that I hadn’t found out a damn thing about her. All my energy had been focused on breaking down her defenses.
I fell asleep sitting up on the bed with Amber in my arms and woke some time later to find my annoying brother and his girl in the room talking to Gia.
They were speaking in hushed tones so as not to wake us and I saw there were more toys and balloons in the room.
>
“Hey bro, you’re up. Mom’s gonna be here soon.”
“Mom?”
“You should’ve expected that after you called her for help.”
I grew nervous as hell. I haven’t had a chance to talk to mom about this yet and I wasn’t sure how she was going to feel about my interest in a widow with a child.
I’m not in the habit of going against my mother’s wishes but if she didn’t approve I’m afraid this would have to be the first time.
12
I was worried for nothing because when mom showed up she was there more to see the architect of our company’s daughter than the child of the woman I was in love with.
It was obvious that the two women liked each other now, but would that change once my true feelings came to light? I had enough on my plate with Gia I didn’t need the added pressure of my mother’s disapproval as well.
For the next two days I moved back and forth between the hospital and home and then the office. We’d changed rooms to a private room and they’d already started on Amber’s treatment.
I could already see an improvement, but the doctor said it was early days yet. He wanted her at least ninety percent improved before releasing her and her mother refused to budge from her side.
“You need to go outside and get some fresh air, you’re starting to look ill.”
“What if she wakes up when I’m not here?”
“She just went to sleep and we know she sleeps for at least an hour or two, let’s go.” I pulled her stubborn ass up from the chair and out the door with her looking back every step of the way.
I had to damn near wrestle her onto the elevator and she only gave in because of the others who were already on there. She didn’t want to make a scene. I’ll keep that in mind for the future.
Once outside she tried pulling her hand out of mine but I held on. “Behave.” I kept her outside for twenty minutes before taking her back upstairs since it seemed that was all she could take.
I noticed that she’d gone quiet and a bit skittish. I was surprised by her new shyness and the way she refused to look at me. What game is she playing now? “What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing, I’m just thinking how different life’s going to be now that Amber’s going to be better.” She got a wan little smile on her face.
“I’ve always had to restrain her in the past you know. She never really had much of a childhood. She was never able to run and play like other kids, now she can.”
She had tears in her eyes and I pulled her into my arms once the elevator doors closed behind us. I don’t think there’s anything worst than watching your woman cry.
I didn’t say anything, just let her cry it out while she ripped the heart from my chest. She got herself together before we reached the floor where her daughter was resting and I couldn’t help but admire her strength.
The doctor gave the all clear two days later to take Amber home. He was convinced enough with her progress to let her recover at home. We just had to take her back to see him in six months barring any emergencies.
“I haven’t been home in almost a week, there’s no milk in the fridge no fruit, I have to go to the store.” She grew flustered and out of sorts.
“Don’t panic. She’s not being discharged for another couple hours, how about this. I’ll call Gavin to come stay with her while we go get what you need. Then we’ll come back here and get her.”
I didn’t wait for her to argue for the next hour but made the call right away. He showed up fifteen minutes later acting aggrieved that not only was he running the business on his own since the two of us were slacking off, but now we wanted him to play nursemaid.
I slapped him behind the head and dragged her out of the room. She balked when my driver opened the door for her. “Has he been here the whole time?”
“Where else would he be?”
“Are you telling me he sits down here all day while you’re here?”
“What of it?”
I gave him instructions to take us to the nearest grocery store, which she opposed since it was in a high end neighborhood and the goods would be more expensive.
I ignored her of course and took her inside, choosing the things she’d said she needed. “I’ve never been in one of these places in my life.”
“I knew it.” She gave me a look when I took the bag of apples from her hand that she’d been studying for the last five minutes.
“Knew what?”
“That you were a spoilt brat. Put those apples back that’s highway robbery. I can get the same thing for half the price.”
“I’m paying and we don’t have time. Is there anything else?” She folded her arms and got that mutinous look on her face.
I started dropping random things into the cart, which seemed to piss her off no end, and she got her act together and chose the things she needed, putting back half of what I’d added.
At the register she reached for her purse and I moved up behind her and wrapped my arms around her with my lips to her ear.
“I can just see tomorrow’s headline. Chandler Industries’ new architect spanked in grocery store by boss. Behave.”
I nipped her ear and passed my card to the cashier who was smiling sweetly at us. She probably thought we were a cute couple or something equally trite.
Little does she know the hell this one had just put me through to buy a gallon of milk. I paid and gathered up the bags in one hand and her hand in the other and lead her outside.
I looked around as she gave the driver directions to her place and the closer we got the less I liked what I saw.
“You live here?” Probably not the wisest thing to say to her as soon as we got out of the car and from her reaction I knew I’d hit a soft spot.
“We can’t all live in a mansion in the hills.”
“Who lives in a mansion in the hills?”
“Isn’t that where your kind usually lives? If this is too below your standards you can get back in your fancy car and head back. I’ll take it from here.”
“Shut up Gia. I’m not going to apologize for wanting better for you.”
“Did you ever stop to think that this is the best I can do?”
“I know how much I pay you so I know you can most definitely afford better than this.”
“Do you also know that Amber’s medication cost hundreds of dollars a month. And that until we moved here a couple months ago I hadn’t worked full time in almost two years?”
“Point taken, forget I said anything.” She could argue till her face turns blue I’m getting the both of them out of here first chance I get. There was litter on the sidewalk for fuck sake.
The building wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t anywhere near the best either. I followed her up the stairs because the elevator was broken and barely restrained myself from yelling at her.
“How do you plan on getting Amber up the stairs?”
“By carrying her of course.” I closed my mouth and followed her inside.
I stopped short in the little hallway by the door. “Is that him?” The wall was covered with pictures of a younger her and a man.
There were also a ton of photos of the little angel I’d met in the hospital, from birth to maybe a few months ago.
“Yes! She walked away and headed into the kitchen with the bags. I contemplated waiting for her to return before following her. She was standing at the sink drinking a glass of water.
She looked totally worn and tired from her hectic week. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.
The specialist had done a good job of convincing us that everything was going to be okay.
Since he was known to be the best in the field if anyone knew how to cure her child of this illness I had no doubt that he could, so that was one less worry.
But right now I wasn’t thinking about that. I’d finally come face to face with her past and I couldn’t wait another second until I knew what I wanted to know.
I followed her out of the kitchen and down the hall to what I guess was a bedroom, stopping her outside the door.
“Tell me about him.”
“Who, Richard? What’s there to tell? We fell in love young, got married young, and then he died in an accident two weeks before the baby was born.”
She opened the door and walked in and I headed into the living room to wait. Hearing her say she’d been in love with him made me irrationally upset.
I didn’t want to hear that shit, but the proof was all over the place. Apart from the photos there were medals and awards with his name for his photography. The damn place was like a shrine.
I wanted to tear them apart and throw them out the window. I wanted to obliterate him and the more I studied his pretty boy looks in the pictures, or the ones where he had his hands on her, the more livid I became.
Stop being an ass Evan; the man is dead. Yes, but he’d had her. She’d smiled at him, shared a bed with him; had his child…
A dark haze clouded my eyes and I stumbled back away from the wall where I’d been studying his face.
I have to get the fuck out of here; I’m about to lose it. I knocked on the door and pushed it open. “Let’s go, I can’t breathe in here.”
I turned and walked away choosing to wait for her downstairs in the car. If she found my behavior strange she’d just have to deal with it, I couldn’t stand another second in there with him.
13
She came down five minutes later looking none too pleased. That makes two of us. “Why do you still have so many pictures of him?” I don’t think I meant to say that or maybe not in those exact words.
“Excuse me?” I gave her a look because she heard exactly what the fuck I said. She made a huffing sound and flounced back against the seat.
“Answer me.”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“I’m making it my business.”
“Listen, just because you paid…”
I hit the button to roll up the partition window between us and Stanley the driver and turned to her furiously. My hand wrapped around her throat and pushed her back against the seat.
Jealous Alpha Page 5