by Leigh Bale
“I thought I taught you to prepare better than that. There’s a gallon jug in my truck. Go and get it,” he said.
Hackles rose at the back of her neck, but she fought them off. Because she didn’t want to argue with him now, she retrieved the jug. Moments later he poured the contents into the radiator. It gurgled as he screwed the cap back on.
“Are you ready for work in the morning?” he asked without looking up.
She snorted. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether I can get this old truck to work.”
“It’ll be working. You’ll be there.” He sounded positive, as though he expected nothing less.
“Yeah, I hope so.”
“As soon as you get into town, take the truck over to Grant Metcalf’s garage for a complete overhaul. This piece of junk is overdue,” he said.
“It’s not a piece of junk,” she said.
“Yes, it is.” He was too busy tightening bolts and testing the spark plugs to notice her annoyed glare.
“Get in and start it up.” Sean stood back, holding a wrench in one tight fist. A streak of grease marred his blunt chin.
She refused to hurry as she climbed into the cab and turned the key. The truck gave a belching growl.
“Give it a little more gas,” he called.
She did and the engine roared to life. Sean slammed the hood closed, removed his sunglasses and wiped his damp brow with his forearm. He hopped into the back of the truck, returned Zach’s tools to their place then jumped down and leaned against her door.
“You should be okay now, but I’ll follow you until we reach your apartment in Minoa.” He spoke low, the rich timbre of his voice sending shivers down her spine.
She remembered a time when he would have leaned in and kissed her goodbye. She yearned for him to hold her against his heart again. To tell her that Zach’s death was just a bad dream. That he still loved her and everything would be okay. But he didn’t. And it did her no good to dwell on the reasons why.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be fine.” She didn’t think she could stand to have him on her tail for the next three hours. But in this remote area, there was no help for it. And something about knowing he would be following her tied her insides into knots.
“We’re going to the same place, so I’ll stay with you until I know you’re safe,” he insisted.
She bit her tongue, wishing he cared as much about her emotions as he did for her physical well-being.
She gave a bored shrug of her shoulders, thinking she should thank him, but unable to speak the words. “Suit yourself.”
“How’s your mom?”
She blinked at his sudden question, taken off guard. Over the past decade, he’d shared every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with her family. All but the most recent, that is. Her mom had loved him like a second son.
“She misses you,” Tessa said.
So do I. But she couldn’t understand where that thought came from. She didn’t love this man anymore. Not after the way he’d tossed her aside. Her father had done the same thing, and she would never trust another man again.
Sean nodded. “Give her my best.”
“Yeah,” Tessa said.
A thatch of curly hair fell into his eyes and he brushed it back, his hands covered with grime. A glaze of perspiration shadowed his freshly shaven face and neck and stained the back of his shirt and underarms.
She glanced down at her own shirt. Although she hadn’t done much, she’d still managed to get grease on her clothes and hands. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, she reached for a pile of napkins she kept stowed in the door pocket and handed him some. He took her offering and they both rubbed at the stains on their fingers.
Even though she got much dirtier than this when she fought wildfires, the filth bothered her. She told herself it was because she was traveling and didn’t want to muck up the interior of Zach’s truck. It certainly had nothing to do with her ex-fiancé being here. After all, Sean had seen her many times on the fireline with her face covered in soot. But off the line, she’d always tried to look nice for him. And old habits died hard. Now they were no longer together, it shouldn’t matter. And she reminded herself that she no longer cared what he thought.
* * *
Sean climbed into his truck and started up the engine. Clicking on his seat belt, he waited for Tessa to pull forward and precede him down the road.
She moved out slowly and he wondered if the trip to Minoa might take all day. Then she picked up the pace, as though testing the strength of her truck.
Correction. Zach’s truck. A beat-up old clunker. But the vehicle hadn’t always been that way. Sean remembered the day Zach had bought the truck nine years earlier. It had been ten years old at the time, but still in good condition. Sean had donated several hundred dollars to the cause when Zach came up short. Now Sean couldn’t help feeling as though the truck was partly his. He and Zach had done a lot of traveling in that vehicle. With Tessa sitting between them like the three musketeers.
Now she resented him. He’d seen that clearly in her beautiful emerald eyes, along with a heavy dose of suspicion. And she had a right. He’d hurt her deeply. Abandoning her, just like her father had done when she was a little girl. It didn’t matter that Sean regretted their broken engagement; he wasn’t willing to undo it. If he told her of his regrets, she wouldn’t believe him. She might even laugh in his face. But he wouldn’t put that weapon in her hands. His heart couldn’t take it.
Waves of disgust washed over him. A hefty dose of self-loathing followed in its wake. In spite of his breakup with Tessa, he’d made a promise to Zach when she first joined the hotshot crew. A promise he intended to keep. That he’d keep her safe on the fireline. That he’d always look after her and protect her, no matter what.
This was her last firefighting season before she finished her college education. Then she’d move on with her career. Sean had no doubt she’d be promoted fast. Someone as sharp and talented as her would probably become an assistant fire management officer somewhere. In a few years she’d move up to FMO. Once she was working in an office, she’d be safely out of danger. Then he could move on, too. He’d failed to save Zach, but he wouldn’t fail again. After this fire season, he’d take a quiet desk job, far away from the trees, smoke and flames. Where he couldn’t make any mistakes that might cost someone else their life.
Silently, he yearned for redemption. If only God could forgive him for failing Zach. If only he could forgive himself.
Tessa hadn’t mentioned her brother. Maybe they were both too surprised to see each other like this. Out in the middle of nowhere. Taken off guard.
When Sean had seen her sitting on the side of the road, a surge of exhilaration had swept over him. He had his sources. A mutual friend had told him she’d be driving along this deserted road to Minoa today. Though he hadn’t planned on coming across her, he’d arranged his own itinerary so that he’d be traveling the same route. Honoring the promise he’d made to Zach, just in case she needed him. And it turned out that she had.
Deep inside, he knew it was more than his promise to Zach that had brought him here today. He tried not to care but couldn’t help craving one more glimpse of Tessa’s pert, stubborn nose and flawless complexion, one more breath of her long, coconut-scented hair. It wasn’t just her beauty that drew him to her, but also her spunk. Her grit. Who she was inside. Something he couldn’t explain. A connecting of their spirits.
Nor could he find any respite from the guilt he carried around like a load of bricks in his heart. The psychiatrist he’d visited several times after the fire had said he was suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Because he’d failed to save Zach, he didn’t believe he could marry Tessa now. How could he look her in the eye every day of their life together and justify why he’
d survived but her brother had died?
She had told him once that she thought there was no justification to ever lose a man or woman’s life on a fire. That it always had to be someone’s fault. In this case, that someone was him. She must surely blame him. And he’d feared that her doubts and resentment would simmer inside her until they slowly destroyed their marriage. He couldn’t put either of them through an ugly divorce. Tessa deserved better than that.
He stared at the back taillights of her trailer. She always packed light. Not a lot of encumbrances to tie her down. That was just one thing he liked about this woman. She didn’t require a lot of baggage. But she wasn’t happy anymore. He could see that in her wary eyes. And he couldn’t blame her. It would take a lot more than eight months for her to trust him again and to recover from Zach’s death.
It might take forever.
They stopped in Austin for fuel. Tessa didn’t wait for him before she pulled up to a pump, climbed out and started filling her tank. He knew she was very capable, but the gentleman in him forced him to brush her hands aside. She jerked and almost sprayed him with gasoline. The pungent scent of petro filled the air.
“Sorry! But you shouldn’t sneak up on a girl.” Her face flushed red as a new fire engine.
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to help.”
“There’s no need for you to trouble yourself. I can do this,” she said.
“I know, but it doesn’t sit well with me to let you do this chore when I’m close by.” He spoke low and calm, trying not to fluster her. Trying to ignore the tingles of heat shooting up his arm from where their fingers had touched. When they were on the fireline, he had never interceded with her work. But when they were out like this, he felt that filling up her vehicle was the courteous thing to do. Zach had taught him that and so much more.
Inside the convenience store, he bought her a thin piece of jerky and a diet soda. Not because she asked him to, but because he knew they were her favorite traveling foods.
“Thank you.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she took the items and climbed back into her truck. He got the impression she was purposefully avoiding him, and he thought it was just as well.
Two hours later they pulled into Minoa. Population three thousand and eighty-four. Including dogs, cats and gophers. The perfect size for a wilderness hotshot crew base.
Tessa drove past Rocklin’s Diner, the only restaurant in town, to her small apartment three blocks off Main Street. Her trailer bounced lightly over a speed bump as she pulled into a parking space and killed the engine. She tossed a glance over her shoulder and waved him on, but he didn’t go. Knowing she had a trailer filled with heavy boxes to empty before dark, he parked beside her and got out of his truck.
“Now what are you doing?” she asked when she met him at the back of the vehicle.
He flipped the latch on the trailer and pulled the door open wide. “I’m helping you carry your stuff inside.”
She bumped him aside with her hip. “Oh, no you’re not.”
In the past he would have teased her. Tickling her ribs as they jockeyed for position in the trailer. But not now. For two seconds he thought about leaving her alone but couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when she needed him. It just wouldn’t be right, even if she was looking at him with a most adorable frown.
Gazing into her eyes, he couldn’t help smiling. “You sure look pretty when you’re being stubborn.”
Her mouth dropped open in surprise. In a rush, he wondered why he’d said such a thing. He had no right to flirt with her. Not anymore. The words had popped out before he could stop them.
To cover up the awkward moment, he reached past her and hefted a beat-up recliner out onto the hot cement. “I thought you had a furnished apartment.”
“I do,” she said.
“Then why are you keeping this ratty old chair?”
Her gaze lowered to the tattered upholstery and he knew the answer without her saying one word. It had been Zach’s chair. She was holding on to anything and everything that had belonged to her brother. Memorializing Zach the only way she knew how.
He almost reached out and brushed a curl off her cheek. Instead, he slid his hands around the armrests. “I miss him, too.”
She jerked her head up, her eyes flashing with anger. “Then why did you shut me out? What are you hiding from me?”
He tensed, not knowing how to explain. “I’m not hiding. Let’s just drop it, Tess.”
“Drop it? Don’t you think you at least owe me an explanation?” Her eyes shot him a dart of hostility.
Yes, but he didn’t respond, forcing himself to be patient. He’d hurt her deeply and she had every right to be upset. Zach’s death had brought him to a standstill. He was haunted by spine-tingling nightmares, recriminations and regrets. But until he figured it out and reconciled it in his mind, he couldn’t move forward. But he couldn’t go backward, either. In fact, he felt stuck in limbo. And it didn’t help that Tessa suspected that Zach’s death was his fault.
Her jaw hardened, her eyes spitting flame. For a moment he thought she might chew him out. Instead, she whirled around and reached for a heavy box. Jerking it free of the trailer, she carried it toward the stairs with a stiff stride.
“Too bad you live on the second floor.” He grunted as he wrapped his arms around the chair and braced the padded sides against the front of his thighs. Waddling like a duck, he wrestled it over to the bottom of the stairs then heaved it up in a hurried rush.
“It’s the one with a view,” she called over her shoulder.
At her apartment door, he set the chair down with a whoof of air and waited for her to insert the key and open the door.
“Were you planning on moving everything in by yourself?” he asked, knowing she could do it. He’d seen her fight fire, after all. In spite of her fragile features, Tessa was a scrapper. She wasn’t overly strong, but she paced herself, using her stamina to work many men under the table.
“I was gonna call Harlie to see if he could help me out,” she said.
Hmm. Sean knew he shouldn’t mind. Harlie was a member of their hotshot crew and a good man. But the guy was also single and nice-looking. Sean had no right to feel jealous, but he did. A lot. And he wished he didn’t.
Within an hour they had the trailer emptied. Sean accepted a drink of water she offered him from the tap in the kitchen. While she busied herself emptying a box, he drained the liquid in three long swallows.
He didn’t ask before he went to work helping her put her possessions away. Since she’d spent three summers living in this apartment, he knew exactly where everything went. He stayed in the kitchen, stacking four plates, glasses and pans into the cupboards. He tried not to remember the many meals they’d prepared and shared at the small wooden table, but it all came back like a rushing flood. The decadent desserts Tessa had made. Zach’s robust laughter as he teased his baby sister. Sean missed the jubilant camaraderie they’d all enjoyed. They’d been so naive and happy then.
Shaking it off, Sean resumed his work. Within another hour they had everything in order. Tessa set her heavy fire pack beside the front door, ready for work in the morning.
“Do you need anything else?” Standing in the middle of the tiny living room, he gazed at the simple but comfortable surroundings and wished he could stay.
“No, I’m good. Thanks for everything. I appreciate it.” She stood nearby, looking up at him with those lovely, magnetic eyes.
He fought off the urge to pull her close against his heart. Every fiber of his being cried out to touch her. To breathe her in. Instead, he slid his hands into his pants pockets and slapped a hard grip on himself. She wasn’t his anymore, and he’d better accept that.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said.
She gave one jerking nod and he reached for the
doorknob. As he left, he threw a quick glance over his shoulder. She stood right where he’d left her, her eyes mirroring the sadness he felt deep inside.
Chapter Two
The following morning Tessa sat in the training room at the hotshot base with the rest of her twenty-man crew. Leaning her elbows on the desk in front of her, she tried to act interested in what the men were saying but couldn’t quite meet that goal. Since all but the superintendent and captain were seasonal employees, they’d been apart all winter long and had a lot to catch up on, but all she could think about was Sean. She hadn’t seen him since yesterday. Or Brian, the crew’s superintendent, and Rolland, their captain. And she wondered what was delaying their arrival.
“Thanks for the eats, Tessa.” Harlie took a big bite out of a chocolate-covered doughnut with pink sprinkles on top. On her way into work that morning, she’d picked up a box of pastries from the local bakery. It was a great morale booster.
The other men added their thanks.
She just smiled and took a sip of her hot chocolate.
“Hey, Tessa. Nice tan. Where have you been all winter? Hawaii?” Dean Clawson waggled his eyebrows at her. As a freshman hotshot, he was new to the squad, and she could already tell he was a big flirt.
She glanced at the man’s sandy-blond hair and pale skin. Within a week, she knew he’d be beet-red with sunburn. But by mid-August, he’d be a sun-bronzed firefighter. Women would be flocking to his door. But not her. Since her breakup with Sean, she wasn’t interested in dating anyone.
“I’ve been in Montana. And I’m afraid that bleached body of yours is gonna fry this summer.” She spoke deadpan, without blinking.
The men roared with laughter.
“Ouch!” Harlie said.
Their joking was all in good fun, but as the only woman on this crew, she had to hold her own with these macho maniacs, or she wouldn’t survive long.
Sean came in from the side office, followed by Jared Marshall, the fire management officer. A tall, athletic man with dark blond hair and dazzling blue eyes, Jared had married Megan Rocklin two months earlier. Megan was the owner of the only restaurant in town and one of Tessa’s best friends. Unfortunately, they hadn’t given a lot of notice about their nuptials. Tessa had been in Missoula going to school at the time and regretted that she’d been in the middle of midterms and unable to attend the wedding. But she’d sent the newlyweds an ornate crystal vase and a heartfelt congratulations note.