by Leigh Bale
Chapter Three
Standing in the maintenance room at the hotshot base, Tessa settled into her morning chores with the rest of the crew. They never knew when they might get called out on another fire, so they planned to be ready at a moment’s notice.
The whine of the electric belt grinder filled the air in an endless drone. Tugging on a pair of leather gloves, Tessa picked up a Pulaski, removed the tool guard from the steel head and tightened the hickory handle into a bench vise to hold it firm. She reached for a twelve-inch file with a handle and knuckle guard to sharpen the dull edge of the hand tool.
“Hey, Tessa! The Big Guy wants to see you right away.” Tank stepped inside the shop and jerked his thumb toward the door.
Tessa tensed. The lighthearted atmosphere frosted over faster than a drop plane could unload retardant on a line of timber. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Tell him to hold his horses.”
“Yeah, he said you’d say that.” Tank chortled as he turned and left to pass her message along.
“What’s up between you and the super?” Dean asked.
A stutter of silence fell over the group. Since Dean and Ace were new to the team, they didn’t know her past history with Sean or the doubt they all still felt over Zach’s death. What had happened had hurt them deeply, but that wasn’t Dean’s fault.
Tessa didn’t look up, but her heart stopped then pounded like a sledgehammer against her ribs. She had to be careful what she said. Sean was the boss and it wouldn’t be good for her to say anything that might undermine his authority.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Dean shrugged. “I’ve got eyes in my head. You don’t seem to get along very well with him, yet I can tell you both like each other a lot.”
“I’ll bet they’ve got the hots for one another,” Ace chortled.
Tessa’s spine stiffened. In the short time she’d known Ace, she had realized he had a big mouth and a penchant for teasing too much. And right now he was crossing a line with her.
“Mind your own business,” she said.
No one else said a word.
“Hey, girl, you don’t need to get so testy about it. I was just having fun.” Ace blinked and looked away.
Harlie tugged the Pulaski free from Tessa’s hands and pushed her gently toward the door.
“I’ll finish this for you. Go on and see what the super wants,” he said.
She removed her leather gloves and slapped them onto the top of the workbench, half tempted to ignore Sean’s summons. She dreaded speaking with him again, especially without the guys present to ease the tension. Right now she was struggling to concentrate on her work, behave herself and make it through the fire season without getting fired for insubordination.
“I’m going.” She stepped toward the door. Her feet felt like chunks of cement, and she paused inside the narrow alcove at the threshold, standing where the men didn’t notice her but she could still see them.
Harlie hiked an eyebrow at Ace, his mouth tight with disapproval. “Dude, you’re new here, so I’ll give you some friendly advice. Don’t mess around with something you don’t understand.”
Ace leaned his elbows on the workbench and cocked one eye. “What do you mean? Can’t she take a joke?”
The hackles rose along the back of Tessa’s neck and she tightened her hands.
“It’s not a joke, man,” Chris said. “Tessa and Sean were engaged once, but there’s more to it than that.”
Dean’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “What happened?”
Harlie quickly told the freshman crew members about the wildfire that had swept over them without notice. Hearing the story retold by one of her crew members made Tessa’s heart beat like a hydraulic drill.
“We lost communication with home base, but Sean was able to warn us so that we could evacuate the area in time. Everyone got out safe, except for Zach.”
“Zach?” Ace said.
“Tessa’s brother. He died. The investigation team said it wasn’t Sean’s fault, but he and Tessa haven’t been the same since it happened.”
“What do you mean?” Dean asked.
“They broke up.”
Hearing the men discussing her relationship with Sean made her feel irritated and unworthy. Like she’d done something wrong. And she hadn’t. Had she? Sean was the one who had taken Zach into that dangerous chimney area to work. And then he’d abandoned her and destroyed their love.
“Do you think it was the super’s fault that Zach died?” Dean asked.
Harlie glanced at Pete, their eyes filled with a bit of doubt. Tessa felt their tension. They didn’t know what to believe. Neither did she.
“None of us knows what really happened up there,” Harlie said. “The super won’t talk about it, but he was cleared of any wrongdoing. And that’s good enough for me.”
Tessa wished she had Harlie’s confidence. She wanted to believe in Sean, she really did. But a part of her felt gut-wrenching doubt.
“Does Tessa blame the super for her brother’s death?” Ace asked.
Harlie shrugged. “Maybe a little bit. None of us knows for sure. We lost a good man that day, and it’s not funny to any of us.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Dean said.
“Me either. I didn’t mean any harm.” Ace bowed his head over a rogue pounder and picked up a screwdriver to tighten the bolts.
Tessa walked out into the sunshine and headed toward the main office. As she passed their buggies, the crew transports they rode in when they traveled to a wildfire, she caught the cloying scent of two-stroke engine fuel. Several of the men were refilling their red sig bottles and Dohlmar containers with fuel.
She glanced at her wristwatch. Almost four o’clock in the afternoon. One more hour, and she could leave. One more hour, and she’d be home free.
* * *
Sean glanced at the stack of incident reports sitting on his desk and tried to concentrate. He picked up a pen and opened the first file, but the letters swam on the page before him. His eyes wouldn’t focus; his mind refused to read a single word. For two hours he’d sat there working, pondering what he should do. Tessa wasn’t going to like what he had to tell her. He tried to plan a way to break the news to her easily but figured he should just spit it out and be done with it.
The moment she stepped into his office, he knew it without looking up. A blast of air from the swamp cooler in the window carried the light fragrance of her shampoo across the room. Taking a deep inhale, he glanced at the door, his pulse tripping into double-time.
“You wanted to see me?”
She stood in the open threshold, looking as beautiful as ever. Her golden-brown hair had been pulled back in a long ponytail and gleamed against a spray of spring sunlight. A smear of grease marred her chin. Her work clothes were covered in grime, but that didn’t diminish the porcelain beauty of her smooth skin. Her alert eyes met his, locking him there. A mixture of pain and hesitation flickered across her face. She looked tired and slightly annoyed.
His chair squeaked as he sat back and gestured for her to join him. “Come on in.”
She walked to his desk and slid into a hard-backed chair, her spine stiff, her hands folded primly in her lap. In the past she would have leaned back, crossed her long legs and chatted with him. Her smile had been so easy in those days.
“What’s up?” she asked casually, but he caught the throb of emotion in her voice. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him, and he couldn’t blame her.
“I got a call from Jared Marshall this morning. He’s asked us to participate in career day at Minoa High School tomorrow afternoon.” There, he’d gotten it all out in one long breath. Short and succinct. No mincing words.
Her eyes narrowed. “Us? You mean the entire crew?”
�
��No, just you and me.”
She exhaled a huff and gripped the armrests with both hands, her fingers whitening. “Can’t you get one of the guys to go with you?”
“Sorry, but the FMO wants you and me. He wouldn’t negotiate on the issue.”
Her lips tightened. “But why me?”
He paused, trying to remember the speech he’d rehearsed numerous times. With her sitting here, the words dropped right out of his brain and he floundered. Tessa had always had that effect on him. The first time he’d seen her, he’d been left speechless for over an hour. “Jared asked specifically for you.”
“I still don’t understand,” Tessa said.
“He believes as the only female on the team, you’ll do better to highlight your work as a woman wildfire fighter. As the superintendent of the crew, I’m to accompany you. It’s a recruitment trip, but also to build our public relations.”
“I’d rather not participate.”
Her candor didn’t surprise him. From the start he’d always known just where he stood with Tessa. No pretending. No games. Just pure honesty.
“I understand that, but it’ll still be you and me. That’s what the FMO wants, and that’s what we’ll give him.” Sean had argued the point with Jared, too, reminding the FMO that things weren’t good between him and Tessa. Instead, he’d suggested that Harlie or Tank accompany him. But Jared had been adamant that Sean take Tessa.
No one regretted this last-minute assignment more than Sean. Trotting down to the local high school for career day would provide an opportunity to recruit future firefighters for the crew. For some reason kids on the wrestling team made good firefighters. But going with Tessa was not Sean’s idea of fun. He dreaded spending the afternoon with her quiet, questioning eyes.
She hesitated, her spine straightening. He didn’t know what he’d do if she refused. A wave of heat flashed over him as he waited for her response. Nerves tingled at the back of his neck. The room seemed to close in on him. A barrage of regrets swamped his mind. More symptoms of PTSD, but he fought them off.
She lifted her shoulders, her forehead crinkled in dismay. “I don’t know how to talk to a bunch of teenagers. What am I supposed to say to them?”
“Just tell them what you do. What your days with the crew are like. Tell them about your work as a hotshot. What you had to do to get here. What you do to stay in shape. That kind of stuff.”
Her gaze lowered to the papers scattered across his desk and she licked her lips. “I’d rather not go, Sean.”
Sean. She’d finally spoken his name again. It had been so long since she’d said it that hearing it from her lips startled him.
“It’ll be okay. You’re a natural with kids, Tess. Remember that time when we watched little Brittney while her mom drove her dad to the hospital?” Sean asked.
Brittney was the infant daughter of Tessa’s neighbor. The baby’s father had sliced his hand on a bread knife and his wife had rushed him to the emergency room in Reno for stitches. Sean and Tessa had spent four enjoyable hours babysitting little Brittney before her mommy came home. It’d been a great evening Sean would never forget, but he wished he hadn’t brought it up now. That event seemed so far away. A defining moment that had made him realize he wanted kids. Oodles of them.
She looked away as though his reminder bothered her, too. “Brittney was easy. She was just a baby.”
“You’ll do fine,” Sean insisted.
She shook her head in resignation and Sean felt a sudden chill in the room that had nothing to do with the whoosh from the swamp cooler. Her gaze swept over him, her eyes filled with misgivings. Being near her was a constant reminder of their broken trust.
“Just be yourself and tell the kids about your job. You’ll do great,” he said with a half smile.
“Okay, fine.” She stood and turned toward the door, walking as though the weight of the world rested on her slim shoulders. And he supposed that it did.
He let her go. He longed to call her back. To tell her everything was going to be okay. But things weren’t okay, and Sean could never mend the rift between them.
Chapter Four
The following morning Tessa wore her usual navy blue T-shirt with the Minoa Hotshot logo imprinted on the left front side in white lettering. She also wore her matching baseball cap, work boots and spruce-green pants. That was her uniform when she wasn’t fighting wildfire.
She’d pulled her long hair into a ponytail that fit perfectly through the hole at the back of the cap. As she walked out into the main yard of the hotshot base, she hoped they’d get called out on a wildfire. Then she wouldn’t have to go with Sean to the high school.
It didn’t happen.
At one o’clock she climbed into the passenger seat of the supray, the crew’s nickname for the superintendent’s white pickup truck. Dressed the same as her, Sean waited patiently in the driver’s seat while she clicked on her seat belt. Avoiding the bright glint of sunlight through the windshield, she stowed a bag of pamphlets beside her on the seat for their presentation to the kids. They’d briefly talked earlier, just to make sure they’d be in sync with their presentation, but it didn’t help a lot.
“All ready?” Sean flashed a smile, his strong hands resting on the steering wheel.
“Yes.” She stared out her window, purposefully avoiding his eyes. Being alone with him like this made her feel nervous and jittery. Like she should say something to him, but she didn’t know what. Her heart felt too heavy for words and she figured she’d already said enough. Now it was his turn to talk, although she doubted he’d ever address the topic that was weighing so heavily on her mind.
He started the ignition and put the truck in gear. Gravel crackled under the tires as he pulled out of the yard. As he moved into traffic, her tension eased a smidgen. At least they were doing something productive. Something to take her mind off what was really bothering her.
“Remind me again. How many minutes will you want me to take in my presentation?” she asked without looking at him.
“About ten. They asked us to spend twenty minutes total. It shouldn’t take long.”
Good. A quick in and out. Easy peasy.
“I’m hoping we might be able to recruit some wrestlers for the crew. They’re usually strong and in good physical condition,” Sean said.
“Yeah, that would be good.”
A long pause of silence followed.
“Is your mom still working in the pediatrics office?” he asked.
Tessa blinked, hardly able to believe he was trying to make small talk with her. “No, she retired three months ago.”
His brows spiked. “Really? I figured she’d stay working forever. I know she loved her job as a nurse.”
“She did, but she’s getting older. And losing Zach changed her priorities. She wants to do something besides work all the time,” she said.
Mom’s priorities had changed just like Sean’s had changed. Though her mom’s changing priorities didn’t include abandoning her.
“What’s your mom doing now?” he asked.
“She’s taken up painting and wants me to visit soon. She and Larry are planning a trip to Europe next year. I told her I’d come home for a short visit after the fire season is over with.”
Larry was her mom’s husband, but Tessa had never considered him her father. The guy was nice enough and she liked him okay, but she had no desire to get close to him. Every man she’d ever loved had left her, including Zach. But Larry took good care of Mom, and that was all that mattered. The woman had shed enough tears of grief after Tessa’s father had deserted them. Mom deserved to be happy.
“Soon you’ll be back in school. Only one more year left,” Sean said.
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And you won’t be fighting wildfires after that, right?”
/>
He sounded almost hopeful. As if he was eager to have her off the team.
“That’s right.”
He grunted. “Well, if you need a letter of reference, let me know. I’ll write you a good one.”
Remembering the heavy finals she’d completed recently, she released a shallow exhale. She was glad to be out of school for a little while. “Thanks. I hope all the hard work is worth it when I’m finished.”
“It will be. You’ll finally reach your goals.”
Another long silence, and then Sean gave a low chuckle. “Zach always said you’d get more education than the rest of us, and it looks like he was right.”
“I guess so.” She remembered how hard her brother had pushed her to get her master’s degree. And she thought how easy it was to fall into a quiet camaraderie with Sean. Talking like this almost felt like old times. Almost. And this conversation gave her a glimpse of how they used to be.
“I miss that,” he confessed.
“What?”
“Your smile.”
She did, too, but she wasn’t about to say so. A mountain of caution stood between them like an armored sentinel. Always vigilant, always wary. She longed to make it go away but didn’t know how to navigate through her qualms.
“You broke up with me, remember?” She couldn’t help reminding him.
His face drained of color and he looked away. “Yeah, I remember.”
But he didn’t take it back. He didn’t say another word.
When they arrived at the school, Sean parked near the red brick building and they went in through a side entrance. A man with a gray mustache and plump cheeks met them in the front office.
“Hello, Mr. Nash. I’m Chuck Garvey, the guidance counselor for the school. Thanks for joining us today.”
Sean introduced Tessa and they all shook hands.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Mr. Garvey said. “We’ve had two cancellations from our other career specialists this morning. So feel free to take lots of extra time in your presentation.”
Tessa’s heart sank to the floor. But then she reminded herself that she was a hotshot. If she could fight wildfire, she could talk to a bunch of high school kids with Sean. This was work, and her personal woes had no place here.