The Confession

by Jeanette Muscella

  Turning her to face him, Adams sank two fingers deep into her core, which promptly drew a satisfied moan from her lips. Lydia’s hips rose to meet his thrust. Her hand covered his and pushed his fingers deeper into her. Adam added a third finger, and the feeling of fullness felt wonderful.

  “Can you feel my throbbing cock against you, my beauty? Open yourself to me sweetheart. Let me love you.” Adam continued the slow, steady pace of his fingers. Lydia held onto the side of the tub in an attempt to steady herself. With eyes closed, she did not see Adams cock push into her. His finger remained where it was, and the two very distinct sensations had her gasping.

  Adam lowered his head and took one of her nipples into his mouth. His finger curled slightly, hitting her G-spot while his cock continued pumping into her. “Take all of me Lydia.”

  Her mind in a haze, Lydia’s movements increased in intensity. Water splashed all around them, but neither one noticed. Adam’s finger curled once again and thrust upward, hard and fast. His cock swelled to unbelievable hardness. He was close and wanted to take her with him. He bit down hard on one of her nipples and felt her clench around him.

  “Squeeze me Lydia; take all of me deep in you. I’m coming baby, I’m coming.” Adams balls drew incredibly tight, and with a muffled scream, hot seed shot out of his cock and into his beautiful wife. Her moans of pleasure kept him hard for several minutes.

  Panting, Lydia fell into his body. “What the hell was that Adam? You’ve never done that before.”

  Smiling, he kissed her neck. “Having my finger in you drove me crazy. I want to fill you with my finger, and my cock, and I wanted both in you at the same time. How did it feel? I can tell you that my cock was on fire. The feeling of being squeezed tightly was intensified with my finger in you.”

  She blinked several times, and she tried to speak. “I…I…I can’t think coherently because my brain has turned to mush. That was without a doubt, the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. When your finger curled up and stroked me, I thought I would lose my mind. I have never felt so aroused I my life. If you love me, you will do that again…real soon.” Real soon took about twenty minutes. Relaxed and stated, they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  The atmosphere in Adam’s house the following morning was tense. As the clock neared one o’clock, everyone grew quiet. The doorbell ringing jolted Adam to his feet. John and Mary were standing on the opposite side of the door. “Good afternoon John, please come in.”

  “Adam, may I speak to you privately before Mom and Dad arrive?”

  Icy chills crept up Adams back. He had a somber look on his face. Adam escorted his brother out onto the patio deck. “What is it, John?”

  “I know the truth about my adoption. Apparently, I was a crack baby, which affected my behavior. Several different medications controlled my outbursts and explained why I felt so isolated. God only knows how it changed my life. They became frustrated and left me to my own devices, which we now know was a mistake. We prayed and Dad asked me to forgive him.”

  Adam stared blankly at John. “He asked you to forgive him? Why would he ask for forgiveness?”

  “He wanted me to forgive him for ignoring me, rather than helping me deal with whatever was causing my depression. Secrets can destroy a family as evidenced by our family. Honesty and acceptance are the only way to heal old wounds. I hope that one day you will accept my sincere apology.”

  “It will take me a long time to forgive you, John.”

  “I understand Adam. Nothing else needs to be said.”

  Everyone sat in the living room and waited for Colin and Margaret. Outside, Colin drove around the block for several minutes. “Honey, you need to park the car. Driving in circles is counterproductive. I know you are nervous, but it’s about time we put the events of the past behind us.”

  “I know Maggie. I have been dreading this day for so long, and I fear how they will react. My old heart can’t take the stress of dredging up this shit.”

  “Maybe it’s for the best if everyone knew the truth. Adam and Lydia will never truly forgive John. Maybe this will be the catalyst for forgiveness. I can see the hurt in John’s eyes. He is also a victim.”

  Colin parked the car and sat quietly staring at Adam’s house. “Our children do not deserve this bullshit.”

  “Our kids are strong Colin. Don’t underestimate their strength.”

  Adam stood by the bay window and watched his parents. Finally, they exited the car and walked up the driveway. His father looked frail as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked much older than his seventy-five years. Adam opened the door and greeted his parents with a warm hug.

  Colin and Margaret followed their son into the living room and it pleased him to see everyone. Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, it’s good to see everyone here today. Gail honey how’s your leg?”

  “I’m ok. I don’t know what to call you.” Gail said as tears welled in her eyes.

  Colin walked over to her wheelchair and knelt before her. He reached out to hold both of her hands. “Can you forgive an old fool sweetheart? You are my granddaughter, and I love you.” Gail cried as she leaned into her gramps. Several minutes later, Gail wiped the tears from her face and smiled at her grandfather. Colin kissed her forehead and with a little help, slid into the chair next to Gail.

  John stood behind his father and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He bent down and whispered something, which no one heard. Colin nodded, patted his hand again, and John resumed his seat next to Adam.

  “John came to visit me yesterday, and we had a long talk. I need to address our issues first. I am truly sorry for the way I ignored you, and I take responsibility for what happened before you disappeared. I think I should start at the beginning.”

  “Maggie and I tried for several years to have a baby. We suffered the heartache of five miscarriages, and never thought we could have a baby. When Maggie became pregnant again, we followed doctor’s orders, and she immediately went on bed rest. We always worried whether she could carry the baby to term. The stress was unbearable, and Maggie lost the baby. Our child was a precious little girl. We named her Eleanor. I was beyond angry. Why was God punishing us? The following year, we decided to adopt. Maggie could not take another miscarriage. The adoption agency found a young woman, maybe seventeen years old who was five months pregnant. We were so happy and anxiously awaited the baby’s birth.”

  “We were beyond happy to have a little boy. The day following his birth, John became very sick. We thought me might die. After many long tests, the doctor told us John was addicted to cocaine. The mother was a crack addict and never told us. We were shocked and surprised when Maggie became pregnant again. We were overjoyed to discover she was carrying twins. We did everything in our power to ensure she carried to term.”

  “After Mary and Adam had been born, John’s behavior grew worse. We relied on several medications to control his outbursts. It was obvious to us the medication no longer worked, and we stopped giving it to him. Unfortunately, over the years, the damage to our relationship was irreversible, and we tolerated each other. I didn't know when it happened, but I grew tired trying to help him. God forgive me, but I wished we had never adopted him. He was argumentative, and at times borderline violent. Secretly, I was relieved when John left home.”

  “When we read the letter, I went to the police. I explained everything to the detective and gave him a picture of John. The detective told me without a name, there is no crime, and he cannot issue an arrest warrant. We did not know where John was. We hired a private detective, and after a few weeks with no results, we stopped the search. Your mother and I were embarrassed and saddened to realize our son committed such a heinous crime. I did not want any of you to know what happened. I made the decision to bury this and never speak of it again. Had I known that you Lydia were the victim, I would have told the police. You never exhibited signs of a crime. You and Adam were happy. You were pregnant with your first
child. Never in a million years did I think you were the woman in the letter.”

  Colin slumped forward in his chair, covered his face with his hands, and cried. John was the first one out of his seat and knelt before the only man that he considered a father. Everyone sat in stunned silence and watched them. John wrapped his arms around Colin as he continued crying. “Let go of the memories Father. Our Lord knows the goodness that lives in your soul. We are all sinners, and Our Lord, through his mercy and love, forgives you. We are all victims of the past. No one but you knows the trauma that you faced. I love you, and I will never judge you. I will help you heal the wounds.”

  “John, please take me home. I am so tired.”

  After helping Colin to his car, John walked back to the house. Adam was standing in the driveway, fear, and concern clearly etched on his face. “Is he ok?”

  “No, but he will be once he calms down. Please ask Mary to stay until I return.”

  Adam nodded and he watched John drive is father home.

  Chapter 16

  Adam walked back into the house and asked Mary not to leave. “John is coming back and he wants to speak to us. I’m going upstairs for a few minutes. I feel sick.”

  Lydia shot a worried glance at Bobby. “It’s ok Mom. Stay here with Gail. I’ll check on Dad.”

  As Bobby approached his parent’s bedroom, he heard his father crying. It unnerved him because his father never cried. The door was partly open, and Bobby stepped into the room. Adam was in the bathroom splashing water on his face. He looked up to see his son standing in the doorway.

  “Dad, are you ok?”

  Another sob erupted from him, and he sank to the floor. Bobby closed the distance and sat next to him. Adam closed his eyes and tried to wipe his father’s tear stained face from his memory. He leaned against Bobby as he fought nausea. “Where’s your mother? Is she ok?”

  “She’s ok Dad. Mom is with Gail. How are you?”

  “I can’t answer that Bobby. I feel numb. I cannot comprehend how they lived with this awful secret for so many years. John said he was coming back to talk to us. I don’t think I can handle anything else today.”

  “Go into the bedroom and lie down for a few minutes. I’ll let you know when he’s here.”

  Adam patted his son’s hand. “You do know that your mother and I have never lied to you. We have always been honest with you and Gail.”

  “I know Dad. I used to joke with Gail that the two of you were like an open book. You kept nothing a secret, and sometimes, your honesty was embarrassing. Do you remember the sex talk? I had nightmares for weeks!”

  Adam laughed. “Yes. I also remember the look on your face when I showed you how to take care of yourself.”

  “Uh, that was so embarrassing. I know for a fact that none of my friends had that particular conversation with their fathers.”

  “I know it was awkward Bobby. I wanted you to understand what was happening to your body. You have to admit that it made everything easier for you once you knew that what you were experiencing was normal.”

  “It did make it easier, and I never told anyone that you showed me now to masturbate. I almost shit myself when you dropped your pants and showed me what to do.”

  “Good. That was between father and son. I always want you to come to me, Bobby. I enjoy our talks, and I want us always to be close. It doesn’t matter how old you are. I love you very much. I know I don’t say it often enough, but I am proud of you. I want you always to know how I feel about you and Gail. The two of you are the blood that runs through my veins, and the heart that beats in my chest.”

  “After what I heard today, those words are like a balm to my soul. Gail and I are so lucky to have two wonderful parents. I love you, Dad. Take a nap. I’ll wake you when John arrives.” Bobby quietly closed the door, as Adam closed his eyes, and to his surprise, drifted into a peaceful sleep.

  Lydia was still talking to Gail when Bobby joined them. “Where’s your father?”

  “He’s taking a nap. We talked for a few minutes, and I told him I would wake him when Uncle John is here.”

  He looked at Gail. “How are you, runt?”

  “I’m stunned that Gran and Gramps suffered the way they did. I feel sad for them.”

  Lydia agreed with them. “It’s been a very depressing day for all of us. Mary went home. She is too upset and needs time to process everything.”

  John helped Colin into the house and onto the sofa. He sat next to him and waited while he calmed down. Several minutes later, Colin took a deep breath and seemed to relax. “Thank you for driving me home John. I’m sorry if what I said today upsets you.”

  “I am more sad than upset. I never realized at the time that I was such a problem for the two of you. I always felt different, and now I know why. I am sure the drugs and alcohol exacerbated the problem. Looking back, I can clearly see how I had difficulty coping with day-to-day issues. I understand now why Lydia ended our relationship. I do not think I can adequately explain how I suffered from withdraw. It was horrible Father. I was sick for several weeks, and I seriously doubted I would survive the ordeal. Father Randall saved my life. I had to be hospitalized twice because I was so sick.”

  “Something happened to me after I was well enough to begin my religious study. I sense of calm enveloped me, and I felt peaceful for the first time in my life. As time passed, my former life faded into the background. Sadly, the memories never left me. I want to put the events of the past behind us, and form a new bond. I honestly believe that God has given us this opportunity to heal old wounds and love the people that we’ve become.”

  “I would like that very much John. It feels good letting go of the past, and I want to focus on the present. I know you still have things to discuss with Adam. Go to him now and clear the air. I need to take a nap.”

  John smiled as he leaned forward and kissed his father. “Rest well Dad, and know that Our Lord is with you always.”

  Adam was still sleeping when John pulled up into the driveway. Lydia heard his car and met him at the door. The first thing he heard was the sounds of Gail and Bobby laughing. They were in the family room playing video games. He smiled at them as he followed Lydia into the kitchen. Bobby yelled out to him, “Hey Uncle John, how are you?”

  Stunned by the greeting, it took his brain a few seconds to reply. “I am well Bobby. Thank you for asking.”

  Lydia saw the expression on his face and suppressed a laugh. She poured John a cup of coffee and asked him to sit down. “I’ll go up and wake Adam. I know we still have things to discuss.”

  Several minutes later, a rumpled Adam walked into the kitchen. He walked over to the coffee pot and poured a large cup. John said, “You look as bad as I feel. It’s been a very stressful day for everyone.”

  “Yeah, you could say that. How are Mom and Dad? It upset me seeing him cry.”

  “When I left, he was going to take a nap. I think with time, they will be ok. He feels relieved that he no longer has to carry this secret around with him.”

  Adam felt sorry for John, and that surprised him. “How do you feel John? Today must have been upsetting for you.”

  “I don’t know how I feel. I remember so much of my childhood, but somehow I do not recall some of the behavioral problems. I guess my brain blocked those memories. Tell me the truth. Was I that bad as a child? Do you remember the outbursts?”

  “I remember one in particular. We had just decorated the Christmas tree, and you were yelling about the ornaments not being where you wanted them. Several times, you tried moving them, and Mom yelled at you. The next thing I knew, the tree was on the floor, and you were stepping on some of the ornaments. The way you screamed and carried on scared me. I remember Mary crying because you crushed her Barbie ornament.”

  John shook his head. “I don’t remember that happening. I’m sorry Adam for making your life miserable. I no longer regret my decision to leave home. I probably spared the family many years of misery. The past must remain
in the past, for all of us. I want my family to live in peace, to find comfort in Our Lord, and have joy in our hearts.”

  Adam accepted his apology. Lydia sat for several minutes as his words reverberated in her mind. “I agree with you, John. It is obvious to me that you are a changed man. I do not want to live my life with hatred in my heart. I want all of us to live in peace. That’s all I want for my family, and I think it’s time to bury the past, for everyone’s well-being. I still think you should keep your distance from Gail. Until she is ready to forgive you, I think it’s best for everyone if you refrain from seeing her.”

  John nodded is acceptance. “I will do as you wish Lydia. I will keep my distance.”

  Adam left the kitchen and returned with the papers he picked up from his lawyer. “John, I want to resolve the situation with Gail as quickly as possible. I spoke to my attorney, and I want you to relinquish all parental rights so that I can adopt Gail. I want her to be my daughter. I hope you won’t fight me on this issue.”

  “Adam, I already told you I will not assume that role with Gail. I am not the one she calls father. She does not love me in that capacity. She is your daughter, and I will gladly sign whatever needs signing. I am Uncle John to her, and if she ever forgives me, I will gladly assume my place in the family as her Uncle, nothing more.” John took the papers and quickly signed his name.

  It surprised Adam that John acquiesced so fast. “Thank you, John. I thought you would make it difficult for me.”

  “I would not do that to Gail, or to the two of you.” He paused for several seconds. “Can I be honest with both of you? When you confirmed that Gail was my daughter, I felt happy knowing that I will have a legacy through Gail. I made the decision to become a priest because I felt guilty. My guilt kept me focused on my faith and allowed me to help those less fortunate. I would often see children sick and abused by their parents, and it broke my heart. It also made me realize I would never feel the love of a child, one of my flesh and blood. The denial of what could have been was my sacrifice, one that I accepted a long time ago. I willingly accepted that sacrifice and lived my life accordingly.”