Concerned, she knelt in front of him. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
John reached out and cupped her face with his strong hands. “I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought I could be this happy. I love you, Jennifer. I love all of you so very much, and I am scared. I am still a priest. We cannot have an intimate relationship until my release from the church is official. I want so much to touch you, to make love to you.”
“Oh, John, I love you too, and I will wait for you. I love having you here with me. The children adore you. I have never seen Olivia so animated.”
“I want to be honest with you Jenny. I want to marry you. I want to be Olivia and Jason’s father. I have so many plans in my head. Once my release is final, Pastor Greene told me that he would expedite my application. Once I complete the required religious training, I will have my assignment. I want us to be married before I perform my first church service. I want my wife and children in the front pew.”
“I want that too John. I am so happy. I love you, John.”
“I love you too Jenny, with all that I am.”
Gail cried when she saw what used to be her leg. The calf muscle atrophied to the extent that she had no muscle tone. “Enjoy the week off with your family, because once you return, the hard work begins. Keep the weight off the leg as much as possible. Use crutches to get around. You need to regain the strength in your other leg. Don’t be upset Gail, this is normal, and your muscle tone will return once you start therapy.”
“Look at my leg. I have a ton of ingrown hair and dead skin. Mom, my leg looks awful.”
Lydia tried not to admit that her leg looked gross. Gail was in desperate need of an exfoliation. “I have the perfect solution. We will stop by the drug store and pick up a few things. I will fix your leg sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.” Later that day, Gail had a smile on her face, and a smooth leg.
Adam called his father. “Lydia and I are heading down to Cape May. Gail had the cast removed earlier today. Come with us. We’ll book a room for you, and the two of you can relax for a week.”
“I think your mother would love a week at the Cape. Book the room and we’ll drive down tomorrow morning. Oh, we are going to have fun!”
Later that day, everyone crammed into the SUV and drove to Cape May. Gail and Bobby were engrossed in their digital toys while Lydia took a nap. The car was quiet, which gave Adam a chance to call John. It surprised Adam to admit that he missed talking to his brother.
When John never answered his phone, he called his mother. “Hi Mom, is John with you? He’s not answering his cell phone.”
“No. He went for a run about an hour ago. He had his cell phone with him. He should be back soon. Hold on a minute. Someone is banging on my front door.”
While he waited, Adam heard the commotion and his mother screaming. He heard his Mother cry out, “Oh no, is John seriously injured?”
Adam snapped to attention and jerked the car forcefully onto the side of the road. The sudden sharp movement woke Lydia. “Why did we pull over?”
“Something’s happened to John,” Adam said. He yelled into the phone. “Mom, can you hear me? What has happened to John? Mom, please answer me.”
Several seconds had passed before she responded. “Oh Adam, John was shot in the shoulder outside the playground. The ambulance took him to U of P Hospital.”
“Is he ok?”
“I don’t know. The police are in my living room. I have to speak to them. Call me later.”
Adam drove to the first exit and returned home. He relayed the conversation to his family. As they were driving, his phone rang. Colin was on the other end. “Adam, the police have two teenagers in custody. We are at U of P. Hold on a minute, the nurse is calling me.”
Adam heard muffled voices in the background. “Adam, are you still there? The nurse just told me that the bullet went through John’s shoulder and grazed his collarbone. Your mother is with him now. Stay on the line. I’m going into his room.”
Adam waited while Colin talked to John. Other than the visible wound to his arm, he suffered no other injuries. The pain was significant, and John was properly medicated. He handed his phone to John. “Adam is on the line,” he said.
“John, what’s happened? Are you ok?”
His arm ached, and he had a pounding headache, but he was ok. “I’m okay Adam. Please do not worry about me. Enjoy your vacation please.”
“Do you need me?”
“I appreciate the offer, but no. Mom has that covered. I will call you tomorrow.” He handed the phone back to his father.
Colin asked. “Why didn’t you tell Adam that you need surgery to repair your collarbone?”
“Why worry the family. They need a vacation, and I don’t want everyone sitting in the emergency room. Let them have this time, Dad. I’ll be ok once the doctor repairs the bone.”
John handed his phone to his father. “Dad, please call Jennifer. Tell her what happened, and please, tell her that I am ok. I do not want to frighten her. My head is killing me, and I feel nauseous.”
Colin called her, and within the hour, she sat holding John’s hand. Colin and Margaret stayed in the background and watched her intently. When John opened his eyes, he visibly relaxed when he saw her beautiful face. He raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed her. “Why are you crying honey? I am ok. I need surgery to repair my collarbone, and I’ll be home sometime tomorrow.”
“If something happened to you it would kill me. Are you sure you are ok? Oh, John, I love you.”
“I love you too honey. I promise. I am ok. Where are the children?”
“Mrs. Mancini is babysitting for me.”
“Move to the other side of the bed honey. I need to hold you.”
Jennifer walked to the other side of the bed and carefully lay next to John. He wrapped his good arm around her soft body and visibly relaxed. She put her head on his shoulder and cried. Colin and Margaret left the room.
Once in the hallway, Margaret said, “They love each other. I had no idea they were in a committed relationship. I thought they were just friends.”
“He will speak to us when he is ready to discuss their relationship. Give him space Maggie. These feelings are new to him. I like Jennifer. I hope they get married someday.”
“Married? Oh, that would be wonderful.”
Chapter 18
Two days later, Adam heard the familiar sound of his father’s truck pull up into the gravel driveway. He was surprised to see John with them, dressed in shorts and flip-flops. Lydia ran out of the house and hugged John fiercely. He winced when her hand hit his wound.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you ok?”
“Please everyone, I am ok. The surgery went well, and I have a few pins in my collarbone. Jennifer ordered me to take a few days vacation. Who am I to argue? Honestly, I could use a vacation.”
Lydia whispered to Adam, “Who is Jennifer?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he has a girlfriend.”
Adam said, “If you don’t mind sharing a room with Bobby, you can stay with us.”
Bobby walked to the car and grabbed his bag. “I’ll sleep on the air bed. You can have the bed.”
“Thank you, Bobby. That would be nice.”
“Can I see the wound?”
John gently peeled back the bandage. The wound looked irritated and very painful.
“Wow, that looks really gross. Does it hurt?”
John nodded. “On a scale from one to ten, it’s a nine.”
Lydia scolded her son. “Bobby, leave your uncle alone. Can’t you see he’s in pain?”
“It’s fine Lydia. Would you mind if I take a few minutes alone to pray? I’d like to take a walk on the beach.”
As John walked away from them, Adam and Lydia shared a worried glance with Colin. “Something’s wrong with him. I can feel it.” Colin said.
Adam agreed. “Give him time to accept what’s happened.”
John w
alked along the beach as if he were in a fog. The pain in his arm also shot up to his neck and face. He found a quiet spot on the beach and sat in the sand. Absently, his left hand dug into the sand as pain once again shot down his arm. The sling that he wore relieved most of the pressure on his arm, and he knew eventually the wound would heal.
The gentle swishing of the ocean calmed him. He found an oddly shaped seashell next to him and absently turned it over repeatedly in his hand. It felt good letting his mind go blank. Lost in thought, time slipped from him. He wanted to shed himself of the stress. Jennifer’s crying had a profound effect on him and solidified his plans for the future.
When John never returned, Adam went looking for him. He found John lying on the beach sleeping. Adam sat down next to him and gently shook him. “I think you need to get out of the sun before you burn. Look at those pasty white legs. What’s wrong John? I know you’re upset.”
John had sat quietly for several minutes before he spoke. “Have you ever questioned your existence on this earth? Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? The shooting and everything that has happened to me since I returned to Philly have drained me. The fact that a thirteen-year-old could have killed me has me very upset. Do you remember what I told you when I signed the adoption papers?”
Adam remembered clearly, and the question unnerved him. “Yes, I do remember. I know we haven’t always been close, but I hope you know that you can talk to me.”
“This is difficult for me Adam. When I was in the emergency room, I was sitting on the gurney in my blood-stained running shirt and shorts. The nurse had just bandaged my arm, and I was sitting up with my eyes closed. Mom and Dad were still in the room, and I fell asleep. I awoke to the feeling of someone holding my hand. Adam, I have been in a relationship for the past few months with a very special woman who has two small children. Her name is Jennifer Harrison, and she makes me happy. She is ten years younger than I am and is raising five-year-old twins, Olivia, and Jason. Her husband died in Iraq, and it has been difficult for her raising their children without a father.”
“She cried for me, Adam. She held my hand and wept. I looked down at our joined hands, and everything changed for me. I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her. Our eyes met, and at that moment, I felt happy. Feelings and emotions that I had long suppressed are awakening within me. I felt something that I thought had long died. I felt the need that a man feels for a woman.”
“While I was in the emergency room, an elderly man was in the bed next to me. He had a heart attack at work, and his wife sat next to him, giving him comforting words, and repeatedly saying that she loved him. It had me thinking, what would have happened if the bullet seriously injured me?”
“All of the events that have happened these past few months flooded my mind. I want a wife and children. I want to feel my wife lying next to me at night. I love her Adam, and she loves me.”
“I know our relationship has been complicated, and I am hopeful that we can form a new bond. I sense that Lydia is finally relaxing when she is near me, and that makes me happy. I will not lie to you, Adam. I want to be near Gail for no other reason than to watch her blossom into a young woman. The feelings that I have when I look at her make me long for something I never thought was possible. I want to hear the laughter of children at the end of the day. God help me, I want that in my life.”
“Technically, I am still a priest. I have requested Laicization. Father Mallard is refusing to grant my request. He is under the impression I will regain my sanity and return to my life of service. That will not happen. I want to share my life with Jennifer and the children. I must find a way to end this limbo that has become my life.”
Adam sat quietly for several minutes while he gathered his thoughts. John also remained quiet while he sifted the sand through is fingers. Several times, they looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Finally, Adam spoke. “I have to admit I never thought I would hear those words from you. I am happy you have found someone to love. Do you need help financially? Do you require assistance in find a job? I can make a few calls for you.”
“No. Thank you, Adam. I do not need help. I suppose it is ok to discuss this now. I wanted to keep this to myself until it became official. You are looking at the new Pastor of The Faith Baptist Church. My new position with the church is the reason I need to complete the Laicization process. I may need a lawyer.”
“I can help you if you need legal representation. John, I know what happened to you is a traumatic experience. We are still working through many issues, and I can no longer say I despise you. I would never want to see you hurt or injured, and I know my family feels the same. Gail is still struggling with the truth, and you must respect her decision. Lydia is slowly letting go of the nightmares. She has not had one in a few weeks. It will take time, but I know at some point in the future, she will be ok. Once Gail sees that her mother is no longer upset, she may make an effort to know you. Bobby, well, that boy is a mystery. He runs hot and cold, and currently, he no longer has the urge to beat the crap out of you.”
John laughed as he held the side of his face. “If he has a punch as strong as his father’s, I am in deep trouble. All joking aside Adam, I have to make a decision about my life. I think I need to talk to Dad.”
“How are the two of you getting along these days?”
“Much better, and I am grateful that we have a second chance to have a father-son relationship. I have learned that I cannot change the world. I can only make my small piece of it as happy as I can.” John retrieved his phone and called Colin. “Dad, Adam, and I are on the beach, not far from his house by the dune with the fence. Could you join us? I need to speak to you.”
“Is everything ok John? You sound funny.”
“I am troubled, and I need my father.”
Colin felt the tears well in his eyes. John needed him, and he was grateful for this second chance. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
When Colin arrived, he sat between his two sons. John spoke from the heart and told him everything. Colin did not hesitate with his advice. “They are keeping you in limbo to prove a point. I dislike this whole business of secrecy. Hire a lawyer and fight for your right to choose how you live your life.”
“I am happy that you have found love, John. Jennifer Harrison is a lovely young woman, and it is obvious she loves you. Jennifer has struggled since Craig’s death, and the children are not old enough to understand war. They only know Daddy is not coming home, and they are confused.”
“She told me they made the decision not to have children because of his military career, and at thirty-three, she became pregnant with twins. Craig rarely had time with his children, and they only know him through pictures and Skype. They cling to me, Dad. When I visit them, the run to me and hold on tight. I cannot describe the feelings I have when I hold them. I feel fiercely protective, and I feel love. I love Jennifer the way a man loves a woman, and she loves me.”
“Over the past few months, we have grown close. We talk about the things we want in life. When she touches me, I want to cry with joy. I feel like a man for the first time in my adult life. I feel the arousal and needs of a man, and I do not hide that from her. She supports my decision to resign. She tells me that life is too short to deny what the heart wants, and her heart wants me. She wants me Dad, and that makes me feel incredibly happy, because I also want her, and the children.”
“I only want you to be happy. Whatever decision you make, Maggie, and I will support you. When was the last time you spoke to Father Mallard?”
“It was a few days before the shooting. I asked him why my application was still on his desk. He told me that he continues to pray for me in the hopes I will regain my sanity, and resume my place in the church.”
“If this is what you really want, you need to resolve this as quickly as possible.”
John nodded his agreement. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like a few minutes alone to reflect and pray.” Adam and Colon
walked back to the beach house in silence.
Lydia watched them approach and wondered why they looked troubled. “What’s wrong? The two of you looked like you’ve lost your best friend.”
Adam said. “Take a walk with me and I will tell you. Dad, I think you need to speak to Mom.”
Concerned, Lydia followed her husband to a quiet spot on the beach. Adam sat next to her and several minutes later she looked at him with shock on her face. “Wow, are you sure this is what he wants and not a knee-jerk reaction to the shooting?”
“He loves them, Lydia. I can hear it in his voice. This may be the start of an entirely new life for him, a life that he could have had before becoming a priest. We need to support his decision. I was surprised that Dad supports his decision. I am happy they have resolved their differences. Dad is a different man now that everything is out in the open. He is happier and relaxed, and well, not a bear.”
“Yes, it is amazing how the truth frees the soul.”
“Yes, it is, as evidenced by your lack of nightmares. How do you feel honey? Are you coming to terms with everything? Has Gail spoken to you lately? I try not to be a pain in the ass by hovering. I know that gets on her nerves.”
“Surprisingly, I feel good. It is a relief to sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweat. I think it also helps that John no longer frightens me. Slowly, we are renewing our friendship. It will take time, but I feel optimistic about the future. I also think Gail is on the verge of accepting the new dynamics in our family.”
“We have to help our son,” Margaret cried. “Where is he?”
“He’s over by the sand dune. He wants time to reflect and pray.”
Margaret wasted no time running to her son. John sat with his head resting on his knees, and his arm tucked protectively against the side of his body. He looked dejected as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Margaret fought the urge to cry.
She bent down and ran her hand along the top of his head. John sighed inwardly at the tender gesture. He has waited his entire life to feel the loving touch of his mother. “I just spoke to your father. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, we will help you. Come back to the house. You are starting to burn.”
The Confession Page 15