One Sunday at a Time

by E. N. Joy

  “What are you doing?” Deborah asked Lynox as he slowed down and began changing lanes. He went all the way from the far left lane to the far right one. A sound, what Deborah would call a road fart when she was a kid, let her know that they were pulling over to the berm. The tires rolling across the uneven pavement made a funny sound. “Why are you stopping on this dark highway for an eighteen-wheeler to come smash us to bits and pieces, leaving our kids without a mother or a father?”

  “Stop it,” Lynox said after putting the car in park. “Don’t play with me, Deborah. Something is going on, and we are going to stay parked right here until you tell me what it is.” The mere thought that Deborah was snooping around in his affairs made Lynox furious inside, and he felt hurt. Mistrust was not something he wanted as a part of their marriage. “One minute it sounds like you are trying to accuse me of wanting to get with Klarke, a woman I hardly know, and the next minute I’m cheating with women on Facebook.”

  “I didn’t say anything about you cheating with women on Facebook,” Deborah answered in her own defense.

  “You might not have said it, but actions speak louder than words. First, you mention a group I’m in, which you would have no idea about unless you were digging around, specifically trying to figure out my activity. The only reason why you’d be digging around is that you suspected something. Then, when I ask you about it, you don’t say anything. So if you have something on your mind, I’ma need you to say something.” And with that said, Lynox paused, waiting for Deborah to reply.

  Deborah bit her tongue. She felt silly and stupid all rolled into one big flour tortilla. Why was she overreacting? What had started all of this in the first place? What had been so serious that she and her husband were getting into it, instead of having a peaceful drive home after attending such a well put together event? Why was she allowing voices in her head to feed her negative thoughts and words, which ultimately influenced her behavior? This mistrust thing, especially, was a beast and was quite draining.

  “So you’re not going to talk?” Lynox asked. “This is some bull,” he said, facing forward and placing his hands on the steering wheel. “You are acting real crazy right about now. And you know I don’t do crazy.” He put the car in drive. “You know for a fact that I got rid of one crazy broad in my past, so if you don’t think I’ll do it again, you’ve got another think coming.”

  Lynox was not prepared for the slap that Deborah planted on his cheek, nor did he see it coming.

  “Darn it, Deborah!” Lynox balled his fist out of instinct. Veins popped out on his head. He gritted his teeth. The shaking and the visible tension in his hand made it look as though he was battling with an entity to keep it from forcing him to strike his wife. Tears of anger formed in Lynox’s eyes as he shook his head at Deborah.

  Deborah sat stunned, in shock and in fear. She couldn’t believe that she had struck her husband. That was domestic violence. She didn’t condone a man hitting a woman or a woman hitting a man. She had never imagined in a million years that she’d be involved in an abusive relationship, let alone that she would be the abuser. She honestly couldn’t blame Lynox if he hit her back, and that was exactly where her fear lay. But even with fear being so prevalent, she was still angry. Why did he have to bring up past relationships, especially right now? She was already feeling inferior to other women.

  Deborah’s eyes danced back and forth as she noted the anger in her husband’s eyes and the anger his balled fist symbolized. A part of her wanted to brace for the impact, but she didn’t. Deborah knew the man she had married. She knew the things he was capable of, and hitting a woman was not one of them.

  Too bad for Lynox that he was just finding out exactly who it was he had married and what she was capable of doing. This was not the same woman he’d met a few years ago. That woman was bold, direct, and confident, yet never arrogant or offensive. She loved the Lord, and if she messed up, her spirit grieved as much as she grieved the Holy Spirit, and she’d do everything in her power to make it right. But now this woman next to him was becoming more and more unrecognizable by the second, so where was the God in her, which Lynox had once recognized?

  Lynox didn’t attend church nearly as much as Deborah. He relied on that scripture that said something about the wife being sanctified for the husband. So he left the majority of the whole “seeking God” thing and the fellowshipping in the house of the Lord to his wife. Well, it looked like that was no longer going to work for them. Deborah was barely able to stay sanctified herself. They didn’t need money and they didn’t need material things to have a strong and thriving marriage, but they definitely needed God. And if Lynox couldn’t find Him in his wife, then he supposed it was time that he go seek God for himself.

  Lynox was grateful in this moment that his wife had been covering him in prayer, because that was the only thing that had kept him from losing control. But he honestly didn’t know how long the strength would last. He needed to refuel after tonight’s incident, so he made up his mind that he was going to be the first one through the church doors come morning.

  He needed to have a little talk with Jesus. Up until now, church had been something he had engaged in whenever he woke up on Sunday morning and felt like going. His walk with Christ would no longer be like a stroll in the park; it would no longer be walking hand in hand on the bright, sunny days only. It had been fairly easy to give God praise when things were going well, but the real test for Lynox would be whether or not he could continue to praise and walk with God when it was raining and things weren’t looking so bright. In this case, it wasn’t about a little drizzle or a heavy rain that was passing by. A storm was brewing, which was evident by the sound of the roaring thunder. But just wait until the lightning struck.

  Chapter 5

  The next morning her ringing cell phone woke Deborah. Well, actually, she was already awake when the phone rang. She had woken up when she heard Lynox get out of bed and go to the bathroom. She hadn’t gotten out of bed herself, though. She’d lain there and feigned sleep. What was she supposed to do after such a dramatic night? Wake up and say in a singsongy voice, “Good morning, honey,” as if nothing had happened? Not happening, so she had just laid there, paralyzed like a scared possum, and listened to her husband mill about.

  She’d heard the water running and him sifting through clothes in their walk-in closet. She’d heard the dresser drawer slam one time. He must have been retrieving a pair of socks. She’d heard another drawer slam. A T-shirt. She’d remained still, replaying in her head all her regrets from last night. If only she could take it all back, hit the rewind button, and have some sort of do over. Even if she couldn’t erase all her erratic actions, if she could only change one thing, it would be that she had not let the sun go down on her wrath. Or was it Lynox’s wrath? After all, he’d been the one storming around this morning with a chip on his shoulder, slamming the bathroom door, the drawers in the bathroom, the medicine cabinet door, the closet door, and then finally the front door. He’d done so much slamming and stomping, Deborah was almost certain she’d heard his dress shoes abusing the walkway that led to the driveway, where his car happened to be parked.

  He’d done all that without saying a single word to Deborah. Well, actually, he’d said four.

  “You going to church?” Those were the words he’d asked Deborah before he stormed out of their bedroom. She’d simply ignored him, as she hadn’t been certain if it was an invite for her to go with him or if he was trying to figure out if she was going at all. And if she was going, she’d reasoned, he would have opted not to go himself.

  What Deborah had wanted to say was, “Negro, how you gon’ ask me am I going to church after you done showered, shaved, got dressed, and are on your way out the door?” But things were already heated between the two of them. She hadn’t want the situation to catch fire.

  A part of Deborah had kept nagging at her to get out of that bed and carry her tail on to church. After all, this was the day that the Lord had
made. She should be rejoicing and be glad in it. Instead she was mad in it. Mad in her bed. Besides, had she gone to church this morning, it would have only been because it was what she felt was the Christian thing to do. How could she call herself a Christian if she didn’t go to church? However, she’d never really read anywhere that going to church was one of the requirements of being allowed to call one’s self a Christian. There had been times when she did look forward to Sunday service. As of late, though, church had started to feel more and more like a requirement, rather than something she looked forward to doing. In the past few weeks, just thinking about having to get up out of bed and go to church had practically ruined her Saturday evenings.

  She hadn’t experienced that feeling of loathing in the face of having to get up and go somewhere since she worked in corporate America. Back then it was her Sunday evenings that were ruined, as she dreaded having to get up and go to work on Monday morning.

  Several months ago New Day had started an 8:00 a.m. service. Deborah loved going to that service because she could get church over with early and have the rest of her day to do what she pleased. The early morning service wasn’t as long as the late morning service, either. There was no way service could go over, because they had to make sure the church was cleared out and ready for the next service. Undisputedly, the later service was easier to attend, since she had to get the boys ready, but it was worth the sacrifice to attend the early morning one every blue moon.

  Typically, it was only she and the boys who went to church. Every now and then Lynox would attend, if he woke up feeling chipper and full of life. Usually, it was after something good had happened, like him making the best sellers’ list or something. He had attended enough to know everybody at church, and everybody knew him. Everyone was aware that he traveled a lot for his book signings, so when he was absent, they never knew if he was out of town or if he had opted to sleep in and get his Sunday lesson from the Word Network or from one of the church DVDs Deborah had purchased from the church bookstore. So it had absolutely surprised Deborah when she realized that today Lynox was heading to church. Nothing good had happened the night before to make him want to go give thanks.

  That was why at first she hadn’t been sure if he was getting up and going to church, or getting up to pack his bags and leave her. That was how angry she had made him last night. When she’d peeked from under the covers and looked through the open bathroom door, she’d seen that he was wearing a suit when he finally exited the closet. Surely, he wasn’t going to get all jazzy just to go to a Motel 6. But he’d removed all doubt about where he was heading when he asked her if she was going to church.

  Deborah had declined his invitation, if that was what it was, even though church might have been exactly where she needed to be with her man this morning. Either way she looked at it, she wouldn’t have been there for God, which was the real reason why anyone should want to go. She would have been there praying that the sermon moved Lynox to forgive her and forget last night. It would have been all about her and her wants and needs, not about giving God glory just because He was God.

  Deborah pulled the comforter over her head. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to hide from her miserable thoughts about last night or from the annoying ringing of her cell phone. After a couple more rings, the phone stopped. She pulled the covers back down to her chest and stared at the ceiling. That was when it hit her that it could have been Lynox calling her. Maybe on his drive to church he had had a change of heart and wanted to make amends with her. Deborah shot up in bed to get the phone so that she could check her missed call. Before she could even pick the phone up, it started ringing again. Deborah hurriedly reached for it and tumbled right out of the bed and onto the floor. That didn’t stop her from snatching the phone from the nightstand and taking it down with her.

  “Hello,” Deborah said, out of breath, as she sat on the floor and leaned up against the nightstand.

  “Well, I called to see if I needed to get the boys ready for church, but from the sounds of it, you and the hubby got anything but Jesus on y’all’s mind.”

  Deborah let out a sigh when she heard her mother’s voice on the other end of the phone. “Oh, hey, Ma.” She couldn’t have hidden the disappointment in her tone even if she’d wanted to.

  “Well, don’t sound so excited to talk with me,” Mrs. Lewis said.

  “It’s not that. It’s just—”

  “Oh, spare me the details.”

  Deborah let out a sigh, pulled herself up off the floor, and sat down on the bed. “Mom, please. Lynox isn’t even here. He already left for church.”

  “Oh.” She sounded a little surprised. “And you didn’t go?”

  “No. I, uh . . .” Deborah didn’t want to lie to her mother. But, on the other hand, she didn’t want to tell her what had transpired between her and Lynox, either. Deborah was a strong believer in the notion that a married couple should not share their issues with friends or family. Outsiders tended to stir the pot and offer what they personally would or wouldn’t do. But to each his own. Not everyone handled things the same way as others. What worked for one person might very well be the thing that brought the house of cards down for another. “I was still in bed when he left.”

  “Overslept, huh?” her mother said, making a false assumption, and Deborah let her.

  “So how are the boys?” Deborah quickly changed the subject.

  “You know Grandma’s babies don’t ever give her any trouble.”

  Deborah could hear her mother planting a kiss on the baby, presumably. She imagined her mother had him right there in her arms. Although Tyson stayed with his grandmother all the time, it wasn’t until just recently that she had started keeping Tatum. She had a thing about keeping babies before they were three months old. They were way too new and small for her comfort.

  “So what time are you coming to get them?” Mrs. Lewis asked.

  Deborah chuckled under her breath. They might not be giving Grandma any trouble, but Grandma was ready for them to go. “I’m going to text Lynox and have him pick them up on his way home from church. Is that okay?” If Deborah didn’t have to get out of that bed anytime soon, she wouldn’t.

  “Sounds good to me. I’ll make sure they’re all packed up and ready to go.”

  “Thanks, Ma. I’ll talk to you later.” Deborah ended the call and sat there for a moment. Her body was weak. Her sadness and depression were heavy. It would take a minute for her to muster up the strength to peel herself off the bed. Of course, while she sat there, her mind turned to thoughts of her and Lynox’s fight. She put her head down and shook it. She couldn’t believe things had gotten physical. Well, she had gotten physical, anyway.

  She’d wanted to tell Lynox that she was sorry. But apologizing equated to admitting to her ugly acts. That was too hard. Often people didn’t apologize for their wrongdoings, because they felt they hadn’t done anything wrong. Confirming that wrongdoing was too painful. Denial was far more comfortable. And no matter how hard Deborah tried, she couldn’t gather up enough courage to allow the words “I’m sorry” to escape her mouth. As a matter of fact, not a single word had been spoken between the two since they had continued their car ride home last night. Deborah was surprised that Lynox had not opted to sleep on the couch or in the guest room. If she had to bet, she’d put five on the fact that he slept with one eye open last night. He’d called her crazy, and she’d given him good reason to. Yet she’d snapped when the word came from his mouth and drifted into her ears.

  Crazy.

  She’d once heard that crazy people absolutely detested being called crazy, that officially being labeled that made them go, well, crazy. That was pretty much what had happened in Deborah’s case. She’d been questioning for some time whether she was flat-out crazy, whether any doctor or pill in the world could help her. So to hear Lynox say the word had really hit a nerve. She might have physically slapped Lynox with her hand, but he’d mentally slapped her with that word. And to bring up hi
s past relationship with a chick who he thought had put the c in crazy had really got Deborah’s panties in a bunch. Lynox hadn’t had to say a name. Deborah was certain that when he mentioned getting rid of a crazy woman from his past, he’d been referring to Helen.

  Lynox being under the same roof as Helen during church had never been a concern of Deborah’s. But Lynox bringing Helen up last night had triggered something in Deborah’s mind. Why did he have to remind her that Helen had been with him first? Now, all of a sudden, she couldn’t get the thought of those two being together out of her mind. Why had Lynox alluded to Helen? Had he been thinking of her as of late?

  Helen volunteered in children’s church sometimes. Deborah typically signed the boys in and out of children’s church. On some occasions, when Lynox did attend church, Deborah would let him get the boys after service, while she spent a little extra time fellowshipping in the sanctuary. Had anything occurred between the two ex-lovers during those times?

  Deborah and Helen had apologized to one another and had forgiven each other for all the ugly things that had transpired between the two of them. But had Helen been sincere, or had she been playing Deborah all along? Had she made Deborah think that they were cool, that she wasn’t a threat, so that she could pull a sneaky move and try to steal Deborah’s man?

  All these questions circling in Deborah’s mind wouldn’t let her get back in that bed and rest even if she wanted to. She and Lynox were on the outs right now, and that made it all the easier for Helen to slink in. Huh! Not under Deborah’s watch.

  Deborah looked over at her cell phone. She picked it up and placed a call. “Mom,” she said when her mother answered the phone. “Change of plans. Get the boys ready. We’re going to church, after all.”

  ***

  “Sister Chase, it’s good to see you in the house of the Lord this beautiful Sunday morning.”