by A. M. Arthur
Will’s eyelids fluttered, and then he sucked Taz’s finger into his mouth. Taz gasped at the tight heat that he really, really wanted to feel around his dick. But this was going to be Will’s show, so he gave in and let Will lead.
* * *
In all of his adult life, starting from the day he was removed from Marjorie’s house by ambulance, to this moment in bed with Taz, Will had never considered the idea that he could be the one doing the fucking. Not once. Even though he’d found power in allowing older men to fuck him in bar bathrooms, or in the back of a car, he was still the one bending over. Giving something up.
Taz had shattered his mind and his expectations by volunteering to bottom for him. No, not volunteering—that sounded like he was doing Will some kind of favor. Taz wanted to bottom for him. Even though Will had offered Taz his own first time topping, Taz wanted this more. And by God, Will wanted it, too. He’d probably look ridiculous, but who gave a flying fuck? It was only the two of them having sex, creating something beautiful.
Making love.
Will had never had the kind of sex before that he could define as making love. Not until now. Not until Taz—a beautiful man inside and out, and he’d chosen a wreck of a boy like Will. Except Taz didn’t see the wreck. He saw the man Will wanted to be. The man he hoped to see one day, with Taz’s help.
Sucking on Taz’s finger reminded him that while they’d been naked together on several occasions, they hadn’t blown each other yet. That had always seemed to be a limit for Taz, but the way Taz’s eyes had gone wide and glittery? Yeah, it was happening. Will worked Taz’s finger with his tongue while he made quick work of Taz’s fly. But the zipper got stuck, and Will’s planned seduction deteriorated into flat-out lust.
“Get naked,” Will said.
Taz rolled off the bed and started stripping. Will tossed off his own clothes as fast as he could. Weeks of eating better food had added a nice layer of needed fat to his limbs and torso, softening the war orphan look and making him feel like an actual, desirable human being. Taz still had his soft belly, and Will loved that Taz hadn’t gone gym rat on him—trying to change something that didn’t need changing, simply because society said he needed a six-pack.
Will crouched in the middle of the bed, admiring the long expanse of Taz’s back and ass, while Taz rummaged in a drawer. He tried to imagine himself draped over Taz’s back, working his dick into Taz’s ass. Fucking him.
His stomach wobbled with nerves. He didn’t want to do this wrong.
Taz tossed a condom and tube of lube onto the bed near the pillows, then shot Will a grin full of so much lust and intent that Will nearly came on the spot. Even hard and aching, though, Will was a little terrified.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Will said, hating the tremor in his voice.
“That means you won’t. But we’ll go as slow as you need to feel comfortable. Plenty of prep and lube, and it’ll be amazing, I promise.”
Will couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat. That Taz was giving him so much trust to do something he’d never done before...it was almost too much to handle. But before they got around the trickier parts of sex, there was something he desperately wanted to do. He tamped down on his nerves, then stalked across the bed on his hands and knees.
Taz watched him, silent, his erect cock pointing straight out at Will, practically begging him to come taste. And he did exactly that, sucking Taz into his mouth in an unpracticed way that made him gag the first time. For all the dicks that had been in his ass, very few had ever actually been in his mouth. But he wanted this so badly. He wanted to do this for Taz.
Fingers combed through his hair with a gentle touch, coaxing and encouraging, and Will tried a new approach. Gentle licks around the head, longer drags of his tongue up and down Taz’s length. Every soft sigh, every sound from Taz imprinted on his brain and fueled his need. Will took only the head between his lips and sucked, and the fingers in his hair tightened. Instead of making him nervous, the firmer grip only proved how safe he was. How loved.
He worked Taz into his mouth a little at a time, rubbing the underside with his tongue, occasionally teasing the taut skin with his teeth. Savoring the first bitter taste of precome. Too soon, those fingers pulled him back and off.
“That feels too amazing,” Taz said. Cheeks pink and eyes bright. “I want you inside me.”
Love and desire blasted hot and fast through Will’s nervous system, leaving his hands a little shaky. His belly a bit wobbly. “I want that, too.”
“How do you want me?”
Will blinked hard, confused by the question. “What do you mean? On the bed, obviously.”
“No, I mean what position? I’m not sure missionary would work well with our height difference, but I didn’t want to assume.”
Taz’s words kind of made sense, but Will was still stumped. Straight people had missionary sex. Gay sex was hands and knees, doggy-style.
Wasn’t it?
Will sat down hard, which made the mattress bounce, and covered his face with his hands.
Fuck, I’m so fucked-up I don’t even know how to make love right.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Taz eased down next to him and slung a warm, steady arm across his shoulders. “What did I say?”
“It’s not you, it’s me.” And boy, didn’t that sound like an awful cliché? “I didn’t understand what you meant about how I wanted you, because I’ve only ever had sex one way.”
Taz tightened the embrace. Will dropped his hands so he could press his face into Taz’s neck. Feel his warmth. Inhale his scent. He didn’t elaborate, because Taz would figure it out. He always did.
“My bad, too, okay?” Taz said. “I assumed, and I shouldn’t have.”
“I’m old enough to know these things, though. I’m not a fucking infant.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a gorgeous guy who’s lived a mostly isolated life. It’s okay that there’s stuff you don’t know, especially when it comes to sex. It means I get to introduce you to new things.”
“Oh, yeah?” Will raised his head and dared to look Taz in the eye. Those pretty greens reflected back love and understanding, and nothing else. “Like what?”
“You ever been rimmed by a hookup?”
He knew what that meant, thanks to the internet and a feisty chat room conversation, and he’d thought the idea of licking someone’s asshole was kind of gross. But the way Taz said it, with a soft, seductive purr, made his hole clench. “No, I haven’t.”
“Roll onto your stomach and spread your legs.”
Will moved without thinking, assuming the familiar position, careful to tuck his dick into a comfortable angle beneath him. Taz moved around behind him, but Will was too nervous to look. He closed his eyes and waited.
Taz massaged his ass cheeks with both hands, kneading with his fingers and palms. Thumbs slipped into his crease, light teases with no real intent. Will sighed, tension bleeding out of his back and legs. Soaking in everything about this brand-new experience. Those teasing thumbs dipped lower and pulled his cheeks apart. Will knew this part, too, but instead of the blunt pressure of a dick at his hole, he felt only a warm gust of air, followed by a tongue on his taint.
“Oh, God,” Will said. That felt amazing. No one had ever bothered stroking his taint, much less licking it and—”Christ!”
The first swipe of Taz’s hot tongue across his entrance lit something up inside Will. A shock of pleasure and force of emotion he didn’t understand. All he could do was fall headlong into it. Into the incredible feeling of Taz licking and sucking on his hole. Playing with the tight ring of muscle. Making him pant and keen and ache for real penetration.
“Oh, fuck, please keep doing that.”
Taz made a sound that might have been laughter without interrupting his efforts to drive Will out of his m
ind with his mouth. Will had never imagined anyone doing this to him, and now he didn’t want it to stop. Except his balls were getting too tight, too ready to—”Stop, fuck, stop.”
“You okay?” Taz asked.
Will chuckled as he raised his head. “I’m fantastic.” He glanced over his shoulder at a very self-satisfied Taz. “But if the plan is for me to fuck you, then I don’t want to come yet.”
“Liked that, huh?”
“I loved that.” He tucked his legs beneath him and sat up. “You are definitely doing that to me again.”
Taz smirked. “I am, am I?”
“Absolutely. Preferably right before you’re the one fucking me.”
“I think that can be arranged.” Taz reached out and stroked Will’s cock, the firm touch making him all kinds of crazy. “I want to see your face when we make love, Will.”
“Okay.” Will resisted letting his eyeballs roll back in his head, because Taz’s hand on his cock felt that good. “Tell me what to do.”
“I want to ride you.” He scraped a fingernail between Will’s nuts, and holy shit, Will nearly shot from that alone. “I promise not to squish you.”
Will laughed out loud. “Gee, thanks.”
Before meeting Taz, Will never would have thought he could laugh so freely and joyously during sex. Sex was a transaction: getting off, being used and, more recently, using others in return for his pleasure and power. It had never been about strengthening a bond between two people. It had never been fun and funny, or a discovery of himself.
Taz was everything he’d ever been missing in his life, and he vowed to do everything he could to keep him. To nurture what they already had and make it stronger, so they could weather anything together.
With more laughing and a lot of touching, they arranged themselves so Will was on his back with his head on two pillows. Taz straddled him, putting his weight on Will’s thighs while Taz expertly opened the condom.
Will had no reason to admit it, because the statement was implied, but he said, “I’ve never worn one before.”
“It’ll feel weird at first. A little snug, but you get used to it.” Taz stroked him a few times, fingers slicked by the lube on the condom. “If this is our future, you and me, I’d like to ditch them at some point. I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”
“Me either.” The idea of having that sort of commitment with Taz was terrifying, but also incredibly freeing. “I’d like that, too.”
“Good.” Taz rolled the condom down with deft fingers.
The enormity of what he was about to do hit Will like a punch to the solar plexus. He grabbed for Taz’s hands, needing that connection. Taz smiled down at him, so patient and tender. He rocked his hips slightly, dragging his own erection across Will’s belly. “Need one of my hands back,” Taz said. “Gotta get the lube so you can prep me.”
Will bit back his first question, which would have made him look like a pathetic loser for the second time in the last twenty minutes. He stayed quiet while Taz reached for the lube, popped the cap, and squeezed some clear gel onto Will’s fingers. Prep meant to get ready. He was supposed to get Taz ready to take his dick by...? The lube.
The understanding of what Will was expected to do right now must have been way too obvious on his face, because Taz got serious. “Jesus, did no one ever do that for you?”
Will didn’t want to think back to that old bedroom of his and the pain of all of those encounters, so he stuck to night after night of nameless men he’d hooked up with. They hadn’t taken much care to get him ready, and in hindsight, Will hadn’t given a damn. All he’d wanted was to feel the burn, the thrust, the ache of being fucked.
It had never really occurred to him that it didn’t have to hurt.
He didn’t have to say it out loud. Taz closed his eyes briefly, then leaned down to kiss him. Warm and tender and oddly musky, but it was perfect. Sometimes they didn’t need words to say things to each other. While they kissed, Taz raised his weight up a bit, off Will’s thighs, which tilted his ass into the air. Will rubbed his lubed fingers over Taz’s hole—the first time he’d ever done it. Touched a guy there.
He rubbed harder, because it got Taz to make funny sounds deep in his throat. Sexy, lusty sounds that made Will more and more desperate to be inside Taz’s body. He pressed firmly with his middle finger, and then he slipped in to the first knuckle. Taz bit his lower lip hard enough to sting.
“Fuck,” Taz said. “Deeper.”
Trusting Taz to tell him if he didn’t like it, Will pushed, memorizing the sensations. The pulsing heat. The tight ring keeping him inside. His heart beat faster knowing that would be his dick soon. He thrust with his finger while Taz made a snack out of his neck, Will’s own erection trapped between their bellies.
After a lifetime, Taz said, “Another.”
Will didn’t think two would fit, but they did, and then Taz was humping his hand, licking his neck, panting like he’d never breathe normally again. “This okay?” Will had to know, because this was not the sex he was used to having.
“Fuck yes.” Taz nibbled on his jaw. “Harder.”
The slap of flesh and the whistling of stolen breaths became the only sounds in the room, until Taz whined. Reached around to hold Will’s hand still, two fingers buried deep in his body. “Need your dick in me now,” Taz whispered.
“Are you sure?”
Taz pressed his forehead to Will’s. “Never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Good.” Will pulled his hand back and rested it on Taz’s upper thigh, trusting him to do this part. Taz reached behind himself, his warm hand clasping Will’s cock. The first press of his cockhead against the tight ring of Taz’s entrance took his breath away. And then he was sliding inside, his dick surrounded by intense heat and pressure and holy fuck, he was inside Taz!
“Oh, shit,” Will gasped. He held tight to Taz’s shoulders while Taz slowly raised and lowered himself, doing all the work while Will did his best not to fly apart. He’d never experienced anything like this. Hell, he’d never had a reason to wonder what it felt like to be the one doing the fucking. His role in bed had always been clear.
Until Taz.
“Don’t stop, oh, God.”
“You feel so good in me,” Taz said.
“You feel so good on me.”
Taz laughed, and Will swore he felt the vibrations in his dick. He rocked his hips experimentally, pleased by the tiny gasp that drew out of Taz. Will was a complete novice at this, and he didn’t have a lot of room, but he and Taz continued to move together, loving each other, pleasuring each other. On and on, in the slowest, most amazing buildup he’d ever experienced.
With loving touches and gentle caresses, Taz led him into the most intense orgasm of his life. Wave after wave of sensations so incredible he couldn’t think, could only let go. Fall apart. Let it consume him. And when he came back together in his own body, Taz was holding him, smiling so brightly Will basked in the light of it.
“Wow,” Will said.
Taz kissed him, leaving no corner of his mouth unexplored. “That was so amazing to watch.”
“I have never...” He didn’t need to complete the sentence. And Taz’s erection was pressing against his hip. “Do you, um, want to finish in me?”
“Really?”
“Definitely.” Will untucked himself from the tangle of Taz’s limbs, then crawled onto his hands and knees.
“Uh-uh.” Taz grabbed him by the waist and rolled Will onto his back. “Like this. I want you to look me in the eyes.”
His heart flipped. “But I’ve never...like this.”
“I know.” He cupped Will’s cheek in his palm, forcing him to look up. Into his eyes. “I want you to look at me, Will Madden, because I love you. You are more than just a hole to fuck. You are more tha
n your body. You have a beautiful heart and soul, and I want you to see that when you look in the mirror from now on.”
Will blinked hard several times against his tears. “I love you, too. So much more than I ever thought possible.”
Taz was only gone long enough to grab a fresh condom. He peeled Will’s off and dumped it onto the floor, then gloved up. Squeezed lube onto his fingers. Will pulled his legs open, holding them by the back of his knees, intensely self-conscious in that position with Taz looking at him.
A finger gently massaging lube into his hole wasn’t quite as mind-blowing as a tongue, but Will sighed and relaxed into Taz’s care. Safe in the knowledge that one word from him would make it all stop. One wince or cry, and the pain would end. But also knowing that nothing Taz did would hurt. Because Taz loved him.
Two fingers were intense, but not in a bad way. His belly rippled with anticipation. Taz twisted his wrist, changed his angle, and Will shouted at the brand-new sensation. Taz did it again, over and over, stroking something inside Will that sent sparklers through his insides and make his spent dick twitch with renewed interest.
“Wha...?” Will couldn’t even form a solid word, not while his spine was melting.
“Prostate,” Taz said. He didn’t relent until Will was fully hard again, and a panting, writhing puddle of goo on the bed. Those fingers pulled out, and Will whined, needing him back. “Can I fuck you now?”
The simple question, spoken with so much reverence, shattered something inside Will. A final wall he hadn’t acknowledged before. A wall that had been erected a long time ago to keep in all of his self-loathing. All of his guilt. The remnants of both that even three years of therapy hadn’t been able to erase. The final crumbs that even loving Taz hadn’t swept away.
The wall broke and drifted away, and Will let it go.
He let go—of the past, of the person he used to be, of every bad thing he’d ever thought or said about himself. And for those precious moments in bed with Taz, he was free.
“Make love to me,” Will said.
Taz leaned over him, one hand planted on the sheet by his head, the other holding his dick. Notching against Will’s entrance. He slid inside with little resistance, and Will released a long, content breath. A flood of love and gratitude and acceptance swirled through him, setting him on fire inside and out.