Forgetting What Lies Behind

by Marcy Pacino

  “Hello, my love. How are you holding up? Things going ok or are you a nervous wreck?” Brian asked “Me, a nervous wreck? She said as she giggled into the phone “You know me too well darling, I love you too, and yes, just ask Mona I’m a basket case.”

  “Honey, don’t worry, everything will be just fine tomorrow. Just remember, I love you and can’t wait to show you exactly how much.” Brian said reassuringly.

  “Brian, really,” Sarah said, a blush creeping into her cheeks

  “Really,” Brian replied and she had no doubt exactly what he meant. “Well, my love, try and get some rest. I want you well rested for tomorrow night and remember I love you with all my heart,” He said. “See you tomorrow morning, goodnight.”

  “Oh, Brian, I love you too and I’ll try and get some sleep tonight, though I doubt I will,” Sara said.

  “I will see you in the morning, goodnight. I love you,” and smiling, she replaced the receiver and sighed. Mona walked into the room just then and said “I take it that was Brian.”

  “Yes, he just called to reassure me.”

  “Well, Sarah,” Mona said, “it’s getting late, you probably need to try and get some sleep.”

  “Yes, it is late,” replied Sarah, “though I don’t think I’ll get much sleep, but I’ll try.

  The wedding went just as planned and the ceremony was so beautiful and Sarah was so happy she couldn’t keep the tears from flowing down her face. She even noticed a little moisture in Brian’s eyes as they exchange their vows. The reception, held at The Flaming Steak, as promised, was a blur to Sara. They danced and kissed and danced until Sara felt that she couldn’t dance another dance with anyone.

  As the day wore on Brian sought out Sarah and pulling her close to him whispered “I’m ready to make our escape, what about you?”

  “Yes, I am too,” Sarah replied with a giggle in her voice.

  “Ten minutes,” Brian promised and disappeared.

  Ten minutes later Brian appeared at Sara’s side and pulled her toward the dance floor. Holding her close, he took the microphone and thanked everyone for coming and said it was time for their departure. The people cheered as they passed through the well-wishers tossing rice. Sara’s pulse began to quicken and she knew it had nothing to do with her movements at that moment. As if he read her thoughts, Brian gently squeezed her hand. Once in the car, they laughed and kissed and looked at each other with the look of well this is it. It’s what we’ve been waiting for, for months.

  Standing outside their apartment door, arm and arm, they stopped and looked at each other for a moment.

  “Ready?” Brian asked.

  ”Ready if you are,” was Sarah’s reply.

  Brian gently scooped her up into his arms and carried her into their new home and straight into their bedroom. Brian dropped Sarah on the bed and laughed little excitedly.

  A little more nervous then she realized, she slid off the bed and said “Let me at least remove my wedding gown, it’s rather cumbersome.”

  “Let me help with that,” Brian said, stepping up to unzip the gown.

  Sara shuddered as his warm hands touched the nape of her neck, and shivered as he trailed one finger down the path the zipper was taking. Sara, holding the dress in place with her arms, turned around and, looking intently and lovingly at Brian, released the dress and let it fall to the floor. Brian inhaled sharply. He reached out, took Sara’s hand and helped her step out of the gown gathered at her feet. Once free of the gown Brian scooped Sara into his arms and gently placed her on the bed, this time staying with her.

  “Oh Brian,” she said as she reached out to hold him, “We’ve waited so long for this, I want everything to be perfect tonight.”

  “Hush, everything will be wonderful tonight, just like it’s been up until now and will be from now on,” Brian said with such tenderness it brought tears to Sara’s eyes.

  “Now, just relax and let things happen as they will,” continued Brian.

  They fell into each other’s arms and kissed with such passion it rocked them both.

  Shuddering both from excitement and passion, Brian looked deep into Sarah’s eyes, saying “I love you so much. I’ve waited a long time for this night, as I know you have too. I will try to be gentle,” he continued, “and to not rush things, but now that I know I don’t have to, it’s going to be hard to control my passion and desire for you.”

  Sarah looked at him with all the love she felt and answered him with a tender kiss saying, “Its okay, my love. I know exactly what you’re feeling and I feel the same way,” and she kissed him with such passion he openly shook.

  As they lay there, locked in a passionate embrace, their hands began to explore the once forbidden territory. Each new discovery brought another wave of passion and hunger for more. The expedition continued until both their bodies were trembling with immense passion and love for each other. When they finally became one, neither of them were prepared for the surge of passion that rocketed through their bodies with such speed and force, it was almost too much to handle.

  Lying beside each other, snuggled together, all Sarah could manage to say was “Wow!”

  “Wow is right!” replied Brian “My goodness Sara, I am so glad we waited but if I had had any idea it would have been like that, nothing would’ve prevented me from making love to you. You were wonderful. Do you have any idea how happy I am, my love?” Brian asked Sarah.

  “At least as happy as I am, I hope,” she replied.

  Chapter Seven

  Three months later, with Christmas just around the corner Sarah fixed Brian a special dinner, singing as she worked. When Brian arrived home from work, he was greeted by an overly happy wife and a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen.

  “What’s all this? Brian asked, noticing the candles on the table and the soft music playing in the living room.

  “Nothing much,” replied Sarah I just wanted to show you how much I love you, and give you an early Christmas present.”

  “An early Christmas present, couldn’t it wait another week?” Brian asked.

  “Well I guess, but I really would rather give it to you now,” Sarah said.

  They sat down on the overstuffed love seat in the living room and she handed him a small package. Brian opened the small box and stared at the tiny yellow booties tucked neatly in the tissue paper.

  Brian’s eyes grew wide and he turned to Sara “Does this mean,” he started,

  “Yes, we are going to have a baby,” Sara said with excitement.

  His smile grew wide and his eyes danced as he tenderly embraced saying, “I love you so much, thank you for this awesome gift.”

  The months flew by with all both Sarah and Brian had to do to prepare for the upcoming baby. Sarah, as agreed, worked until mid July, very thankful the pregnancy was uneventful. Brian accepted a promotion at work, which would help ease the financial loss of Sarah’s job and they both received great pleasure from decorating the nursery. Brian painted the room a pale yellow, the window frames and door-jamb a dusty blue. Sarah, a good seamstress, had made the curtains, diaper stacker, changing table pad and rocking chair pad out of white fabric patterned with baby blocks, rattles and rocking horses.

  Standing in the doorway of the nursery, gazing at their completed combined effort, Brian remarked, “Well now all we need is the baby,” and patted Sarah’s protruding belly.

  “Don’t rush it honey,” she replied it’ll be here soon enough.

  Five weeks later, Sarah awoke and looked at the clock on the nightstand, and saw that it was 4:32 AM. She was trying to get more comfortable when the pain shot through her belly. Practicing her breathing, the pain subsided
just as quickly as it had begun. She looked over at Brian, sleeping so peacefully beside her. His hair had fallen down over one eye and his breathing was causing a feather, which was trying to escape from the pillow it had been stuffed in, to dance back and forth as he inhaled and exhaled. “Let him sleep”, she thought, “he’ll need his strength later. As the clock rolled to 6:30 AM, the pains had increased and she, watching the clock intently, calculated the contractions at about every 20 minutes.

  She was adjusting her position once more when a sleepy voice said, “Good morning my love”.

  Just as she tried to smile and say good morning back, another contraction racked her body, and looking into his uncovered eye, she grimaced.

  Brian bolted up and reaching gently for Sarah said, “Oh Sarah is it time? What do you need me to do? How far apart are the contractions? Have you called the doctor? Sarah, I love you”; all without taking a breath.

  She laughed softly; the pain had subsided. They got up, showered and dressed. He was so supportive and tender with her, rubbing her back, breathing with her and timing her contractions. When they reached ten minutes apart, he called the doctor, who said to come on in. In the car she dozed off, waking only for another contraction. He, looking over at her while she dozed, looked at her with so much love and admiration.

  “She is so beautiful”, he thought to himself as he drove. “I’m the luckiest man on Earth”, his thoughts continued.

  Thomas James came into the world at 10:43 AM. Having seen the entire delivery firsthand, Brian was even more in love with her than ever before. Sitting up in bed, holding little Thomas as he slept, she suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu. Had she done this before? Of course not, she would have remembered something like that. Suddenly, a flood of memories exploded in her mind like a dam had burst. She was in a hospital room much like this one, only the walls weren’t white, they were a pale yellow and she was in bed holding a baby, her son, only unlike Thomas, whose dark brown hair and brown eyes were identical to his father’s, this baby boy had sandy blond hair, curls and deep blue eyes.

  This baby boy belonged to Sarah and “who”, she thought. “Where are these memories coming from?” she wondered fearfully.

  Suddenly she saw him, Jeremy, standing next to her and Jason in the bed; they all looked so happy.

  “That was my first life”, she thought, “This is my second chance at life,” her thoughts continued as she looked down at Thomas.

  At this realization, she trembled slightly waking up sleeping Thomas in the process. The memories faded and her life with Brian and Thomas continued. Motherhood was wonderful for her. Her days were kept busy with Thomas and keeping up with the housework. Brian was a wonderful, attentive father and husband. They both were so happy.

  Chapter Eight

  Sitting in the rocking chair, nursing four-month old Thomas, she reflected back on the past few months. She couldn’t imagine life being any better than it was at that moment. Her mind took her back to that magical six weeks after date that haunts all new parents. They waited and waited with as much patience as they could muster. She recalled giggling one evening in bed, about four days before “the approved time”, their passionate kisses and eager caresses stirring passion and hunger as never before.

  “This is as bad as it was before our wedding”, she remarked to Brian as he rolled away and groaned.

  “No my love, this is even worse”, he responded. “Now I know what I’m missing.”

  With that, Sarah had giggled and kissed him tenderly on the lips. “Four more days, just hold on,” she said.

  He just groaned again. When the blessed sixth week ended, she was prepared for him. She’d taken a warm bath with her (and his) favorite scented soap, while Thomas slept. Under her pretty, casual dress, she had a lace teddy and nothing else on. The dinner she had planned, Italian spaghetti and salad, could sit for hours and not be ruined. Thomas had been bathed and she had just finished nursing him to sleep when heard Brian come through the front door. Placing Thomas in his crib, she tiptoed out of the room and practically ran to the living room. He was standing there with a single red rose in one hand, and a bottle of sparkling apple cider in the other. Setting the bottle down, he embraced her and kissed her passionately for a moment. Then, he scooped her up into his arms, dropped the rose on the kitchen table as they passed by, and deposited he in the middle of their bed She giggled with excitement as she rose from the bed and eagerly helped him out of his clothes. When she dropped the dress she was wearing from her shoulders, revealing the tiny, sexy teddy, he whistled and pulled her to him, toppling them both back onto the bed. Their skilled caresses brought the passion alive within them, stronger and stronger, until they thought they would explode.

  Afterward, lying exhausted side-by-side he said, “Wow, just when you think it can’t get any better, it does.”

  “I agree”, she replied.

  Spring and summer flew by; Sarah and Brian content just to watch little Thomas grow. As the leaves began to turn the shades of fall, she began to think of having a second child. Their lives were so happy why wouldn’t another baby be a happy addition? One evening, as they lay caressing each other after another spectacular lovemaking session, she rolled over onto one side and looked up into his deep brown eyes.

  She asked him, “What do you think about having a second child?”

  “I love you. You’re willing to go through all that pain and suffering again?” he asked.

  “Yes, it really wasn’t that bad and I really would like another baby,” was her reply.

  “Well, I’m too tired to try again tonight, but sure, if it’s what you want, then I want it too”, he remarked.

  One afternoon, just after Thomas’s second Halloween Brian called Sarah all excited,

  “Honey, don’t make any dinner plans. Can you get Mona to watch Thomas? I’ve got a surprise for you and I want to take you to out to dinner.”

  “Ok I’ll check with Mona but I’m sure she won’t mind watching her godson for a few hours,” she replied. “Do you want me to meet you at the restaurant?” she asked.

  “No, I’ll be home early, by 5:30 PM, so we can go together”, was his response.

  Mona arrived just before 5:00 PM and looking at Sarah as she appeared from the bedroom she remarked

  “Wow, I hope I look as good as you after having a baby. You look wonderful.”

  “Thank you, do you like this dress? It’s new, I made it.” Sarah asked Mona with a degree of uncertainty.

  The dress was a deep wine color, almost purple, with specks of white splashed here and there. It clung to her soft curves not tight but very sexy. The front neckline scooped down to just above her cleavage and the back dipped down to the small of her back, revealing the fact she didn’t have a bra on. The hemline of the dress came just above her knees and her legs were covered in white silk panty hose. Mona, an expert hair dresser, had piled Sarah’s soft, light brown curls into a French twist, leaving just a few strands on either side to frame her face. Never needing much makeup, she had lightly applied mascara and a soft peach shade of blush. The final touch were pumps that were almost the exact same shade of wine as the dress, and pearl drop earrings dangling from her ears.

  Brian arrived with a dozen long stemmed red roses and a big grin on his face. “Wow, you look great,” he said to Sarah as he stepped into the kitchen to locate a vase for the flowers.

  “Hi Mona, good to see you, thanks for coming by on such short notice,” he said as he passed by her. “Here, let me take these from you, you two get going. Everything will be fine here,” she answered.

  “Have fun at dinner you two,” she said as she ushered them out the door.

  At their favorite restaurant, The Flaming Steak, there sat a singl
e red rose at their usual table. Of course Sarah recognized the rose as a significant message that something special was going to happen there. But what Brian didn’t know was that Sarah had a surprise too. Dinner was fabulous as always and just as dessert was served, the soft music began to play.

  Brian stood up and, taking her hand said, “Let’s dance.”

  They danced to a few songs and then he whispered in her ear, “What I want to ask you tonight, my love, is just as important as my first question to you on this dance floor.

  “What is it, Brian?” she whispered back. “You know you can ask me anything.”

  They stopped dancing and he took her hands in his, and looking at her tenderly yet with a serious intent he spoke, “My love, you know I love you and you and Thomas come first in my life.”

  She nodded, afraid to say anything.

  “I have just been offered the opportunity of a lifetime” he continued. “They have asked me to jump not one but two promotions, to General Manager.”

  “Oh Brian, that’s wonderful” she replied with delight.

  “Wait, there’s more,” he said, “the job would mean long hours, which I can handle, but, and this is the most important part, they want us to move to Boston.”

  “Move, now I know why this was so hard to ask. You’re asking me to give up my family and friends and move to Boston?” she continued.

  “When do you have to give them your decision?” she asked.

  “The day after tomorrow” he replied.

  “Oh, can we sit down?” she asked.

  “Sure, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have sprung this on you like this.” he said, apologetically.

  “It’s okay, there’s just so much to think about” she said. “First and probably the most important is when would we have to move? I mean, I guess as long as it’s within the next few months I’d be able to locate a good doctor and everything should be just fine” she rambled on.