by Robin Laine
“Azley, what on earth happened to you? Are you ok? Did someone hit you?” My mom leans over Tyler as she inspects my eye. “I think maybe you need to see a doctor.
“I’m sure it will be fine mom. I’ll put a warm compress on it after I get Tyler washed up and put down for his nap.”
“I’ll take care of Tyler; you take care of yourself.” She takes him from my arms and leaves the room. I go grab a wash cloth from the linen closet and take it to the bathroom. After running it under some hot water, I go to the guest room and get comfortable on my old bed, put the hot rag on my eye, and settle in to watch some Law & Order: SVU reruns. Not long afterward I drift off to sleep.
“Momma. You wake?” My left eye is pulled open, and I see Tyler grinning at me. I rub my hand through his unruly hair. It’s grown to almost his shoulders, with a lot of waves and the ends in tight curls. He needs a haircut, but I’m afraid that if I did that his wavy hair would be gone for good. Tatum suggested once I just let it grow longer so it can eventually be pulled up into a mini man-bun. I shot that idea down right away. He may be my little man, but he’s not a man yet.
“What’s up cuddle bug? You wanna’ watch cartoons? Let’s see if I can find Bubble Guppies for you.” Tyler curls into my side, laying his head on my shoulder, as I search the guide on the TV for his favorite show. I lay there on the bed, cuddled up with my son, drifting in and out of sleep. I don’t know why I’m so tired, but my energy seems to be non-existent today. I’ve never felt like this before after drinking with Tatum. We never had more than the one box of wine between us, and it’s never been an issue.
***
After forcing myself out of bed, Tyler and I head home. The apartment is a good size for being a two-bedroom, and the rent is half the price of other apartments I looked at. The apartments are all single level, with a total of twenty for the entire complex. To the right of the front door is a built-in book case that’s roughly six feet wide by six feet high. At the moment, it’s filled more with movies and knick-knacks than it is books. The movies being stored on the two highest shelves I can reach. Being short may be fun, but it has its limitations.
The living room is big enough to hold a couch, a loveseat, and two end tables, with enough room between them and the entertainment center for Tyler to play. To the right of the living room are the two bedrooms. Neither can be classified as a master, both being the same size. My queen-sized bed fits comfortably, along with a wide, six-drawer dresser and a vanity that sits under my bedroom window. Across from my bedroom, which is located on the back side of the apartment, is the bathroom. Rectangularly shaped, it holds a full-sized tub and shower combo. The sink is set into a four-foot-long counter, with the mirror running the length of it.
The kitchen is directly off the living room, big enough to hold an average size dining table and bakers rack. What I really love, though, is there is a backyard. Yes, a backyard! I have a dark green bistro set, that my mom bought for me, sitting on the little cement patio. I love sitting at it while I watch my little man play in his sand box that sits under the shade of an olive tree. It spans the length of my apartment, surrounded by a tall wooden fence, and is just big enough for my little man to run around in as well.
Tyler and I walk in through the back door and I remove our shoes before setting our overnight bags on the table. I’ll take care of those later. We spend the evening relaxing in bed. If we weren’t watching his shows, he was bringing me books to read to him, or singing nursery songs. I think he knew I wasn’t feeling well, so he tamed back his usual over exuberant energy. I just put him down for the night, and am looking in the mirror at my swollen eye. Yes, it’s still swollen and I have no idea why. Tears have slowly been leaking out all day, and no amount of ibuprofen has brought the swelling down.
“Promise me you will go to the doctor if it’s still like this in the morning,” my mother pleads later that night. I can hear the concern in my mother’s voice over the phone as I look at my face in the mirror. I nod to myself in acquiescence, because I’m certain now this has nothing to do with makeup being in my eye.
“I’m going to try some antihistamine. I’ll let you know tomorrow morning if it works.” I hang up the phone as I leave the bathroom. I strip down to just a cami and my underwear before crawling under the covers.
As soon as I turn my lamp off, my phone pings and the screen lights up with Evan’s name. I grab the phone and swipe the screen to read his text.
Evan: You didn’t call me.
Me: I’m sorry. I forgot.
Evan: You forgot about me? You wound me. I thought our kiss was more memorable than that.
I sigh as I read his text, remembering just how fantastic that kiss was. Remembering how dangerous it was.
Me: It was very memorable. I doubt I will ever forget it. Just been a bad day.
Evan: Sorry about your day. Any way I can make it better?
Me: I wish, but no. I just crawled into bed. I have an early day tomorrow. Work and all.
Evan: Bed? Hmmm…
Me: What does hmmm mean?
Evan: Just imagining what you look like in bed. What you wear, or don’t wear.
Oh. My God. He’s fantasizing about me? I decide to mess with him a little.
Me: I’ll save you the trouble. I’m wearing a baggy, old shirt with stains on it, and a pair of holey sweatpants.
Evan: Oh really? Sounds sexy. I can just see you walking around in one of my t-shirts right now. Completely naked underneath.
Well shit, now I’m imagining that too. The softness of his shirt cascading over my naked form, the edge of it caressing my thighs. The heat in his eyes as they roam over me. I need to put the brakes on this conversation now. This man is dangerous to my self-preservation. I need to keep him in the friend zone. If I go too far with him, I know I will be putting myself in a vulnerable position with him. Evan doesn’t seem the type of guy you can do casual with and not get your heart tied up in it.
Me: Ok then. I need to get some sleep now. Good night!
I set my phone back on the nightstand, face down, and plug it into the charger. I hear another text come through but I ignore it, rolling away from my phone. I lay there for just a few minutes as the text alert goes off again two more times. Giving in, I grab my phone to read the texts.
Evan: Good night Azley. I’ll call you tomorrow.
I think that’s the end of our little, yet interesting, conversation. I go to place my phone on my nightstand, but it pings with another message.
Evan: I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.
I’m not sure if I feel the same. He’s one of the keepers, and I have no plans to be kept in any way.
Evan: And to seeing how you look in my t-shirt. ;)
Damn it. I set the phone back down and stare into the blackness of the room. Two hours together and one kiss, and he’s already getting to me, igniting a flame of desire I haven’t felt in years. Maybe I do want to get to know him better, too. I want to know what he likes and doesn’t like. His favorite food, color, what cologne he wears, what it would feel like to be intimately wrapped in his arms, and how he would look hovering over me in bed. How he would feel inside me. No one has ever affected me like this before. Not even Tyler’s donor. That was a whirlwind of teenage lust we confused with love. This, though, it’s not love, not lust, but something in between the two.
“How do I keep my heart safe and protected from you, Evan?” I roll to my side, intent on getting a good night’s sleep. I pray for my eye to be normal again when I wake.
Chapter 5
Azley
I wake up the next morning and my eye is no better than it was the day before. Between this and my back hurting, I can’t teach a class. I have to hold a hand out just to make sure I don’t run into the wall while walking down the hall. I call my boss, Karen, and let her know what’s going on. It’s early enough that a group email can be sent out to my students to let them know classes today are canceled. It’s too early to call my
doctor, so I call Tatum next.
“What’s up buttercup?” She answers in a cheerful greeting.
“Well, not my eyelid! It’s still swollen shut. If I can get in to be seen this afternoon, do you think you could take me? I can’t see the wall next to me as I walk, I don’t think I should be driving like this.”
“Seriously? That’s fucked up, Azley. What the hell did you do to yourself? And of course, I will take you. What about my little bug? Who’s going to watch him?”
“Depends on what time I can get in. Either Mrs. Zwayer or my mom. Thanks so much my love. I’ll text you later when I know more. I hear Tyler stirring, so I’m gonna’ let you go.” I hang up and make my way to his room.
I find him sprawled on his back, his little arms stretched above his head, hands fisted, and his belly poking out from under his night shirt as he stretches. Not wasting this opportunity, I quickly sit on the side of his bed and begin tickling his tummy. Tyler immediately falls into a fit of giggles, kicking his feet out and trying to pull his shirt down. “No cwaw, Momma, no cwaw!”
“Yes, the claw! You know the rule. Show your belly and the claw comes out!” I scoop him up and into my lap, where his arms immediately go around my neck. He gives me a wet kiss on the cheek then squirms himself down to the floor. “Hey, where are you going? I wanted to cuddle.”
“No cuddles. I hungwy. I have cookies?”
“No cookies for breakfast. How about a waffle and an egg with apple?” I watch his lower lip poke out, so I cross my arms over my chest to let him know I’m not affected. I have a sneaky suspicion that my mom spoiled this boy rotten while she had him overnight. “Tyler Alden, did grandma give you cookies for breakfast yesterday?”
His eyes sparkle with mischief before he answers, “I don’t wememowy.” I know she did. I stand and pick him up, taking him to the kitchen so I can feed him something healthy.
When breakfast is done, and I’ve cleaned up, I call my doctor for an appointment. Thankfully, they can see me in an hour, so I text Tatum with the information then take Tyler next door to Mrs. Zwayer. I get the same reaction from her as I have everyone else.
“Oh, my goodness, Azley, your eye!”
“I know, and before you ask, yes I’m going in to see my doctor. Tatum is going to drive me. I’m not working today, so I’ll be picking Tyler up when I’m done.” I set my squirming boy down on the floor. He immediately runs into the living room, and I can hear the toy box dump onto the floor. I sigh in exasperation, “I’m sorry about that. I’ll help him clean it up when I get back.”
Mrs. Z just snickers. “Don’t you worry about it. It’s a kid thing. They always want the toy at the bottom first.”
I give her a quick hug, and as I step back I hear a honk. I turn to see Tatum pulling into my driveway. “I’ll see you soon. Thanks so much.”
***
The doctor visit wasn’t as quick as I thought it would be. After waiting for thirty minutes in the waiting room, and then another fifteen in the exam room, Dr. Aaron finally walks in. I hear Tatum let out a soft gasp when she sees him, and I can’t blame her. He’s in his mid-thirties with dark blonde hair, brown eyes, and built like a baseball player; lean, muscular, and a face Michelangelo would be proud of with a strong jaw and slightly dimpled chin. He flashes us his sexy grin as he looks up from my chart. His smile is gone as soon as he looks at my face.
“Azley, mind telling me what you got up to this weekend?” he asks.
“Nothing too dangerous, just a couple hours at a club, and then home. Honestly, I don’t know what happened. I was fine when I went to bed Saturday night, and woke up yesterday morning with this.” I point at my right eye, just in case he needs clarification.
“Well let’s take a look. It’s probably just allergies; nothing to worry about.” Dr. Aaron gently probes around my eye and on my lid before he grabs the thingy all doctors use to blind you when they check your eyes. He looks in my left eye first, and I try not to blink against the light threatening to blind me. He gently lifts my right lid, and I pull away from him when the light hits my eye. “Hold still please, this will go a lot quicker if you do.”
I love that he’s being gentle and kind, but damn that really hurt. I take a deep breath, hold it in, and let him blind me again. Once he’s done, I place my hands over my face, inviting some darkness to ease away the brightness of that light.
“Well, I don’t think there’s any damage. I’m going to send you over to an eye clinic so they can do a more thorough exam. Like I said, it’s probably just allergies, but better to be safe than sorry. I’ll have my nurse get you in as an emergency, and she’ll bring some paperwork in for you with the clinic information.” With that, he turns and walks out of the room.
Well shit; I look to Tatum and she gives me an encouraging smile. “No problem, Love, I’ll take you anywhere you need to go.” God, I love her. I call Mrs. Zwayer to let her know I’m going to be longer than expected. She reassures me that she and Tyler are fine, and once the nurse brings in the paperwork Tatum takes me to my next appointment.
We play the waiting game again for over an hour before I’m called back to see the optometrist. More blinding light is shined into my eyes. Drops are put in to numb my right eye so it can be propped open, and let me tell you, that shit burned! What do they put in that stuff anyway? Fireball whiskey? My vision is tested while the doctor grunts and mumbles incoherently. In the end, I’m given the same answer my own doctor gave me.
“It’s most likely just an allergy to something, Miss Jenkins. I’ll write you a prescription for allergy drops. Give it time; it will be fine in a day or so.”
“Okay, thank you for seeing me,” I tell him before he walks out of the room.
“Yes, thanks for the wasted day.” I hear Tatum mumble beside me.
“I’m sorry, Taytay. I know you could have been doing more important things today.” I hang my head, because I know this day really was wasted. Tatum wraps an arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.
“It’s not your fault, Love. It’s these doctors who send you all around town to each other for a diagnosis that could have been given by the first one. Let’s get you home to the bug. How about we take him out to lunch. I’m starving, and I know you have to be, too.”
“Alright, I’ll call Mrs. Zwayer and let her know not to feed him.”
After we grab Tyler from Mrs. Z, we swing by a deli to pick up some sandwiches, deciding to go to the train park and have lunch picnic style. Tatum loves taking Tyler on the little train that runs through the park, though I think it’s just an excuse so that she can ride it. To be fair, my little bug does love trains. His toy box is filled to the brim with different sizes of train toys and balls; his second favorite toy.
“So, have you talked to Evan yet? Seriously Azley, you need to ride that man. As tall as he is, I bet his di…” I slam my hand over Tatum’s mouth.
“Jeez Louise, Tay, little ears right here!”
“Mrorry,” she mumbles from behind my hand. “I forget sometimes. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I bet he’s as long as he is tall.” She has a crazy look in her eyes. I can just imagine she’s doing some kind of ratio math in her head.
“I talked to him last night; texted with him actually.”
“What did you talk about? When are you going to see him next? Please tell me you plan on seeing him again.”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would want to just be, um, noncommittal, you know?” I say.
“Azley, I’m going to be blunt here. You need to get over this noncommittal hang up you’re on.” She throws her hand up before I can even protest what she’s saying. “Before you interrupt me, hear me out. You move from man to man, not sticking around for more than a two-week average, just so you don’t get close enough to feel something. You’re not happy. I can see it in you. Yes, Tyler makes you happy, but that’s as a mom. What about as a woman? You can’t keep yourself closed off forever. It’s not a healthy way to l
ive, and not just for you but also your son. He needs a steady man in his life. Someone that can teach him all those boy things neither one of us knows how to do. It’s been three years, love, let the past go and start moving forward.”
I close my eyes and stick my fingers under my sunglasses to rub them gently, taking extra care with the swollen one. I know she’s right. I can be both parents to my son right now, but eventually he’s going to need a good male influence in his life. Someone who can teach him how to be a good, caring man as he grows. I’m not particularly happy with my life choices at the moment, either. It’s just so hard to let go of the pain; easier to bury it. Am I really hurting myself and my son that much?
“Another thing, Tyler needs someone to teach him how to play sports. Lord knows I can’t, and you may be great at dancing, but you don't have an athletic bone in your body otherwise.”
“Why would you say that?” I ask in a huff.
“Eighth grade gym.” Tatum responds.
“What about it?”
“Softball, Az. Remember? You hit Ashley Ray right in the face with the ball.”
I hang my head in shame. I remember too well. “Accidents happen in sports, Tay. It goes with the territory.”
“She was standing behind you when you threw it. To the girl in front of you!” Tatum falls into a fit of laughter as I pull out my phone. “What are you doing?”
“Calling Ashley to apologize to her.”
“Again? You do it every time I bring it up. Maybe you should let it go; she has.”
“Yes, again. Maybe you should stop bringing it up; she has.” I stick my tongue out at her as I dial Ashley's number. It goes to voicemail, so I leave a quick message profusely apologizing for the softball incident.
“I think you should give Evan a chance,” Tatum says after a few moments of quiet.
“I don’t really know him. How do I know he would be good for me, and for Tyler? We’re a package deal. Also, I’m supposed to be bulletproof now. No more letting men in so they can hurt me.”