by Robin Laine
I feel Tatum get up off the couch and soon a cold, wet cloth is placed in my hands. I press it to my face, letting the coolness of it soothe my tired eyes. I take a deep, shuddering breath then wipe the tears from under my eyes with the cloth. After that, I yank the pony band out of my hair and comb my fingers through it to release the snarls. Leaning against the back of the couch, I hold my face in my hands, letting out a heavy breath and ask Tatum, “I really screwed this up, Tay. Why does everything have to be so hard, so damn complicated?”
She pulls me into her embrace, telling me, “Oh sweetie, if love wasn’t hard, would it really be worth fighting for? Love isn’t supposed to be easy to obtain. If it was, it would be just as easy to throw away without thinking twice about what you just lost. All the struggle, the pain, the heartache, the fighting for something as beautiful as love; that’s what makes it something to cherish and hold onto. That’s what makes you keep fighting so you never lose it again.”
“When did you become such a poet about love?” I squeeze Tatum tight for a brief moment before letting her go.
“Just what do you think I am, some basic white girl? Of course, I’m a love poet. Let me grab us a couple of bowls of ice cream and then I will regale you with my waxing words.”
She quickly dishes up two bowls of the creamy, strawberry cheesecake goodness, handing me my bowl before sitting down with hers. I spoon the ice cream into my mouth and moan. Pointing my spoon at her as I say, “Okay, you may entertain me now,” continuing to eat as she turns to face me.
“I call this one, ‘I have better sex in books than in bed.’ Why oh why do men have such problems with their peen? It's pretty simple, you see. You can’t just insert tab D into slot V. Tie me down and spank my ass. I’ll make sure to give you some sass. Oh, forget it. Just give me a book and a hot, cocky alpha. He knows just what to do to make me say ‘hallelujah’!” Tatum stands from the couch and curtsies when she’s done.
My eyebrows shoot up as I cock my head back and begin laughing at my best friend. Tears are running down my cheeks. “That was fucking awesome, Tay! Oh, my god. I love you so damn much. That was brilliant!”
“Always a pleasure, my love. I’ll be here every other Saturday night for your sexy poem enjoyment. Now, tell me, is Evan the meat to your taco? Because seriously, if he is you need to give him another chance. I’ve seen him with you; I don’t think he would intentionally hurt you. His brother on the other hand…”
She trails off her sentence, but I know what she’s thinking. She wants to make sure his meat never touches another taco again.
“Yes Tay, he’s the meat to my taco, crazy loon. I don’t know where you come up with this stuff, but it’s one of the many reasons I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d live the rest of your life as an old maid, that’s what,” she winks as she sits back down. “I’m going to give you my brand of wisdom now. You are in the wrong on this one. You started falling for him and you sabotaged this thing you two have going because you have this insane idea that no man is going to get close to you again. Honestly, Azley, you need to quit this poor pitiful me shit, and do it now. Call him and apologize. See if you can fix it.”
“Geez, Tay, tell me how you really feel.”
“Pretty sure I just did.” God, I hate it when she’s right. After I promise to give Evan a call in the morning, we enjoy the rest of our ice cream as we talk about her brother’s upcoming wedding.
“I swear, Az, I don’t know why they’re making such a big deal when they plan on getting married at the court house. I wouldn’t show up if my dad didn’t threaten to take away my car. Anyway, I hate to cut this night short, but I need to head home. My mother made me promise I’d go to church with her tomorrow.” I grab our bowls and take them into the kitchen while Tatum gathers her things.
As we hug goodbye, someone starts banging on my apartment door. Thinking it may be Mrs. Zwayer, I rush to open it. Blinking rapidly to clear my vision, because I’m positive I’m seeing things, Evan is standing in my doorway. His right arm is above his head, resting on the door frame, left hand in his pocket, head bent down. “What are you doing here, Evan?”
“You didn’t answer my calls or texts. Why didn’t you answer?” I expected anger from him, but Evan isn’t just angry, he’s furious. I can see it in his eyes, in his posture. The energy of it is coming off of him in waves. I take a closer look at him seeing that his white t-shirt is smudged with dirt, as are his jeans. His hair looks as though he had been running his hands through it for hours. He looks delicious. I want to wrap my arms around him. I want to apologize for ignoring him, for not telling him the truth to begin with, but I don’t because I am angry as well.
“I don’t explain myself. I do what I do, when I want, how I want, without any shame or remorse. Take it however you feel you should. You won't be getting any apologies from me.” My promise to Tatum flies out the window as I cross my arms over my chest and stare him square in the eyes.
“Azley, can I come inside? I just want to talk. Just hear me out. If you still want to be done with me when I’m through, I’ll leave, but please give me a chance first.” One of the cracks in my heart starts to mend just a little at his words. The sincerity in his voice adding a couple of stitches to it. I nod, taking a step back to make room for him to pass me. I catch a whiff of his spicy scent mixed with the smell of his stable.
“Well hello, Whiskey. Can’t say it’s nice to see you right now. You know, since your brother is a giant ass and all? Seems to be something that runs in the family. Do you want me to stay, Az?” Tatum turns to me, waiting for my answer.
“No, I’ll be fine. Thank you for coming over.” I hug her once more before she walks out the door.
“I’ll let you say your peace, but I don’t think you can say anything that will change my mind. As far as I’m concerned, this journey we started is over. You were never meant to be a part of it,” I tell Evan after I close the door behind Tatum. My voice is cold and hard. I don’t even recognize it.
His eyes narrow, jaw sets into a hard line before he speaks, “I’m sorry about those things Crosby said about you. I have no idea why he would think or say those things, but I promise you I don’t feel the same way. Like I said before, I’m pissed you never told me. You never gave me a chance to decide for myself how I would feel about it. The fact that you took that away from me makes me think you have no faith in me. If you honestly thought I would have a problem with your past choices, leave you over them, then maybe this should be over.”
I swallow thickly, fear of losing him for good coursing through my veins. Every part of me is screaming to speak, to tell him we are not over. I feel as though I’m sitting on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall off into the unknown, but the fear of it keeps me rooted in place. The words are there, but I can’t get them passed my lips. All I can do is shake my head no.
“I don’t want to lose you, Az. There’s just something about you I can’t let go of. It’s the way you take me to a place where no one else can, like I can’t breathe if you’re not with me. My heart beats out of sync when you’re not by my side. The world is dull and grey without your light shining on it to brighten it up. Life is a pointless journey if you’re not with me to enjoy it together.”
More stitches, more healing. A tear slips down my cheek and Evan reaches out to wipe it away with his thumb. His palm cups my cheek, I lean into it. He slowly pulls me into his arms, wrapping them around me like a shroud of safety and warmth. I breathe in his spicy scent and my arms loop around his waist. Taking in the comfort I crave so much. I can’t let myself feel that, though. It’s too much, the pain from last week still raw, so I pull away.
“Don’t you get it? I'm not just a part of your journey, Azley, I am your journey. Just like you're mine.” There’s a longing look in the depths of his eyes. I want to fall into them, but I can’t. I’m in self-preservation mode right now.
“Since when? Last I checked, I don't be
long to anyone but me. No one determines my fate but me,” I slap my palms flat against his chest to emphasize my words. “That's something that will never change.”
Evan pulls me into my bedroom and spins me around so my back is facing the bed, kicking the door closed behind him before locking it. “What are you doing? You could wake Tyler up.” I ask with a startled breath.
“God dammit! What is with you? You’re cold, you’re hot, and then you’re cold again. You’re killing me here, Azley. Pick a damn temperature and stick with it. You hold all the power here. So please, have mercy on me and just tell me why. Why are you trying to run and hide from me? Why the fuck can’t you fight for us?” His voice steadily rises until he’s almost shouting, his fingers digging into my shoulders. I twist out of his grip and turn away from him.
"Because I love you, that's why! I don't want to love you, but I do!" I gasp, my hands flying up to cover my mouth, as I spin back to face him. Did I really just say that? Out loud? Why is the moment I tell him I love him is when we’re in the middle of an argument? I can’t believe I told him like that. Instead of it being a special moment, I made it cruel. Guilt falls heavy in my gut. Evan stares at me for a beat before responding.
"Why, Azley? What's so damn wrong with loving me? I love you more than anything in this world. So damn much it hurts when you pull away." He rubs his palms down his face in frustration, scratches the scruff along his jaw line. One of his hands rests across his chin to partially cover his mouth as he lets out a frustrated breath. His eyes are heated with anger and lust; I can’t decipher which is more prevalent. “Do the last three months mean nothing to you? Because they’ve been the best damn months I’ve ever experienced.”
“I'm scared.” I whisper. "I'm so scared. What if you decide one day you don't love me anymore? That I’m not good enough for you? I won't survive that.”
“I’m going to explain to you just how much I love you, but first, I’m going to show you.” His right arm slips around my waist and yanks me flush to his body. Close enough to feel just how hard he is. He bends so that his lips are brushing against my ear, whispering, “Do you feel that?”
A groan sneaks passed my lips as my hands slide up his muscled chest before gripping his shoulders. I look up into darkened eyes, filled with so much lust and love my body begins to shake from the power of it and whisper, “I’m so sorry. About everything. Did you really just say you love me?”
“Did you really just say you love me?” He asks instead of answering my question. I nod in response.
Evan slams his mouth against mine, kissing me with more passion than I’ve ever felt from him before. I snake my fingers into his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. The hand at my back moves to grab a fistful of my hair, angling my head the way he wants it. I want him. I need him. His free hand pops the button on my jeans then lowers the zipper. He slides his hand slowly down into my pants, dipping into my panties. A calloused finger finds my clit, rubbing gentle circles. He slowly adds pressure before dipping a finger into my pussy. He groans into my mouth when he finds how wet I am for him.
Evan continues his ministrations of rubbing and thrusting, rubbing and thrusting, adding another finger into my pussy. My orgasm builds slowly until Evan crooks a finger, hitting just the right spot so I come hard on his hand. I cry out into his mouth as my walls clench around his fingers. I’m in a bliss filled daze as he pulls my jeans and panties down my legs. I balance myself with my hands on his shoulders as he pulls one foot and then the other out, leaving my clothes in a heap on the floor. He slowly stands, lightly brushing his fingers along my legs, waist, ribs as he does, before finding my mouth again with his.
Without breaking the kiss, he walks me backward until the backs of my knees hit the bed and I sit on the edge. His warm, calloused fingers brush along the skin at my waist before pulling my shirt over my head. He deftly unclasps my bra, and soon that’s joining my other clothes on the floor. Evan breaks away from the kiss, taking a step back to let his eyes roam over my naked form. My body heats immediately, and if he doesn’t fuck me now I’m sure to combust from it. “So damn beautiful,” he murmurs to himself before reaching behind his head to pull his own shirt off.
My breath catches in my throat as my own eyes rake over his naked chest. I’ve seen him shirtless before, but at this moment, damn, just damn. Between the lust in his eyes, the ache in my core, and the heaving of his chest from his heavy breathing, the hard muscles seem more defined, broader, and sexier. I will my eyes to meet his, force my brain and mouth to connect so I can speak. “So, what are you going to do with me now?”
“You are going to sit there like a good girl while I go take a shower.” Evan strips out of his jeans and boxer briefs, exposing his hard dick. My eyes can’t help but to stare, and my mouth waters at the sight of him. It’s huge and pointing straight at me. I never considered a cock to be beautiful before, but Evan’s is a beautiful sight, and I reach out to grab it. He hisses through his teeth as I stroke him, grabs my hand to halt my movement. He’s hard steel and soft skin, and my tiny hand barely wraps around him. My mind finally registers what he just said. He’s going to take a shower, and leave me sitting here, aching for him. Shit! “What? You’re going to take a shower? After you just got me all worked up?”
He gives me a sexy smirk before answering. “I just spent the day out in the stables with the horses. I’m not going to take you while I smell like one of them. Plus, now I need to punish you for trying to leave me. Now, lie back on the bed and place your feet on the edge, so I can get a look at what I know is the most gorgeous pussy I’ve ever seen.” I slowly comply with his demand. His eyes zero in on my center, and I hear a groan come from deep in his chest before he says, “Fuck!” with a strained voice.
Evan bends over to grab a condom from his wallet, then places himself between my legs. He reaches under my knees, grabbing my thighs and pulls so my ass hangs over the edge of the bed, my legs draped over his arms. He puts on the condom before he slams his dick into me and I cry out in surprise, relief, euphoria. He stills for a moment, getting his breathing under control. I feel so full with him inside me, my walls stretching to accommodate him. I love this feeling, of him inside me. It’s pure ecstasy and desire coursing through my body. Evan starts to slowly pull out, leaving just the tip inside me, and we both moan in pleasure as he slams back into me, repeating the same slow pull and slam over and over until I feel my walls start to clench around him.
I’m on the edge of what I’m sure is to be the best orgasm I have ever experienced when Evan suddenly pulls out completely and takes a long step back. I fall ass first into a heap on the floor, crying out in surprise and then disbelief. “What the hell, Evan?”
“I told you, I need to jump in the shower. You can wait ten minutes to have my cock buried back inside of you.” I stare at him. Surely, he’s just messing with me. He’s going to scoop me up, throw me on the bed, and finish what we started. Right? Wrong. He turns on his heel and heads into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Bastard! Before he closes the door, he gives me a warning. “Don’t even think of hiding that beautiful body of yours underneath those clothes, or a sheet. I expect to find you sprawled across that bed naked when I come back in here. And Azley, if you even think of defying me, I won’t hesitate to spank that sweet ass of yours, either.” Fuck, me, please.
I lay back on the bed, considering my options. Do I dare drape something over me? I’m loving this more dominant side of Evan, and that he now feels comfortable enough to show it to me. I’ve never been spanked before, but the look of promise in Evan’s eyes and the tone of his voice lead me to believe it will be so worth defying his order. I grab the sheet and lay it across my body so that it only covers me from my breasts to the top of my thighs. I roll to my side, propping my head up with my hand, while the other hand rests over my hip.
When Evan steps back into the room, I see his eyes flare. Not with disapproval, but excitement. Wordlessly, he stalks towards me like a predator eyei
ng his prey. I let my eyes roam over his naked body, noting he still has a hard on. He stops at the edge of the bed before bringing his left knee up to rest on the mattress. He digs in my nightstand drawer, pulling out a condom then tossing it on the pillow next to my head. His hand threads through my hair, fisting it at the nape of my neck and tilting my head back to look up at him. Leaning towards me, his lips brush up against my ear before he asks, “Do you trust me, Azley?”
My body shivers in anticipation at his dirty words. “Yes, I trust you,” I whisper.
With my hair still tangled up in his fist, Evan gently tugs upwards, coaxing me to rise up onto my knees. My scalp tingles from the sensation, setting my nerve endings on fire and my thighs clench. I inhale, and am immediately hit with the combination of my cinnamon-vanilla body wash mixed with his natural spicy scent. He smells delicious and I want to devour him. Heat pools low in my belly, and I close my eyes and let out a soft moan. I feel a sharp sting on my ass from Evan’s hand and gasp. “Open your eyes, Azley. I’m going to give you what you want, but I want to hear my name falling from your beautiful mouth as you cry out in pleasure. Now turn around and get on your hands and knees.”
I do as he commands, my body on fire from just his words. He lets go of my hair, slowly trailing his hand down my spine to my ass where he gently rubs the spot he just spanked. “Put your elbows down on the bed, and spread your knees wider. I want to see that beautiful pussy of yours.” Once I’m in the position he wants, Evan runs a finger down the length of my seam, humming his approval.
“You love me too, don’t you?” He dips a finger inside me, coating it with my wetness before pulling it back out and circling my clit. He repeats this act a few more times before laying on his back, pulling on my hips so my center is directly above his face, and then his tongue is following the same path.