by KL Myers
“Lex,” I call out to her as I reach over with my hand and stroke my thumb across her cheek. “What do you think is going on between us?”
Her eyes open and lock on with mine before she speaks “Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought, really. Just pretty much assumed we were having fun. You know, no strings attached, just fucking and enjoying each other’s company.”
Wow, that hurts. To hear Lex say that is what she thinks I want from her doesn’t sit well in my gut. She makes it sound like she is just another piece of ass, that it doesn’t matter who I’m doing as long as I’m doing someone. Then it hits me; maybe she doesn’t want any strings attached. Maybe, just maybe, she wants it that way.
“Lex, is that how you feel? Like you’re just a play toy for me? Is that what you want? No strings?”
“I don’t know, Gauge. I just assumed you didn’t want anything more than what we are doing. I didn’t want to expect anything and then get let down if it wasn’t what you wanted as well.”
“Red, I guess I haven’t made myself very clear, then, and I’m going to rectify that right now. I wouldn’t have opened my home up to you for all these weeks if I didn’t see something building between us. Why do you think I’m so crazy about you going back to Boston? You’re the good in my life I haven’t had in a very long time. I don’t want to lose that, and my gut tells me that if you go back to Boston, I’m going to lose you, and so I’m holding on, babe. Holding on to the edge by my fingertips, trying not to let go and fall into the dark abyss I know will be there if I don’t have you.”
Rolling onto my back, I pull my girl on top of me, letting her legs fall to my side as I kiss her. More like devour her. I lick and suck and nip at her mouth. Teeth clashing as I kiss her hard. There will be no misunderstanding about how much I need her. I growl when I feel her grind her pussy against me. Feel the warmth from her core against my leg, knowing she is wet for me and wanting me as much as I want her.
The sun is setting low in the sky, and I don’t care if there is anyone around. I want her. I want her to ride my cock as I watch the sun go down behind her.
“Strip.” One word, said with so much demand she knows not to question me.
I watch her stand and drop her shorts, stepping out of them and then lifting her tank over her head. When she is completely naked, she drops back down on my legs. Using her shorts and shirt as a barrier against the rock, she slides them under her knees. I watch her hands lower my zipper, and I raise my hips just enough for her to slide them down my hips, freeing the beast.
Wrapping her hand around me, she rubs my tip against her core, showing me just how wet she is. Between my pre-cum and her juices, she is able to lower herself onto me with ease.
“Babe, not complaining here, because God knows I love the feel of your pussy bare against my cock, but are you sure this is what you want? I’ve got a condom in my wallet if you want it.”
“Shh,” she whispers. “This is exactly what I want.” Lex moves slowly up and down on my throbbing cock. Her slit is wet and slippery around me as she moves. I groan with each inch that disappears inside her. She’s moaning like a wild woman as she rides my cock, bouncing up and down on it, squeezing it like a vice. She’s rocking back and forth so fast, I know she is chasing her orgasm without any concern as to what is happening around her. She throws her head back, and she screams my name as she comes. Rocking back and forth as she rides out her orgasm. When she collapses on top of me, I grab her hips and hold them in place. I lift my ass off the rock and jackhammer myself in and out of her, chasing my own release. It doesn’t take long until I’m yelling, “FUUUCK!” and I’m shooting off like a rocket and exploding inside her, filling her completely. This was fast, down and dirty sex we both needed. There was no tenderness involved, just two people getting their needs met as quickly as possible, and that was OK.
WE LIE THERE now fully dressed as the sun sets and stare into the night sky. Both of us quiet and listening to the sound of the crickets and the cicadas. “Penny for your thoughts,” she says.
“Red, you just rocked my world like it’s never been rocked. I think I’m in shock right now.”
Her hand slaps over my chest. “You are such a goof.”
Taking her hand in mine, I place it on my heart so she can feel it beating when I say the rest. “No kidding, Red, what you just gave me meant the world to me. You stripped for me, no questions asked and without regard to anyone seeing us. That was fucking hot and totally amazing. I want you with me permanently, so yeah, that’s my way of saying I love you and I can’t lose you. We’ve got to find a way to get your uncle to work this out with your brother. Leaving the state isn’t an option for me right now, so like I said, you going to Boston is out of the question.”
“What? What did you just say, Gauge?” she asks me with a look of puzzlement in her eyes.
“You heard me. I said I love you. Never said it to anyone before, so you’ve got to know I mean it if I’m saying it now. I’ve wanted to tell you for a couple of days now, just haven’t found the right time.”
“I love you, too,” she says.
My heart skips a beat. I had hoped she would say the words back to me, no I prayed she would say them. It was a risk to say them out loud but a risk I was willing to take to ensure she knew how much she meant to me.
“Come on, we’ve got a long ride back to the valley, and it’s already dark.”
Taking Lex by the hand, I lead us back down the path we came in on and back to my bike. This time, though, on the ride home, I feel her behind me. She holds on tight, arms wrapped around my waist and holding on. For an hour and a half, nothing can separate us. She is mine, and I am hers, and no one else exists.
When we get home, we go for round two in the shower, washing off the road and sweat, followed by the three orgasms I give her before the water goes cold.
I fall asleep with Lex in my arms, content that the world has righted itself and that we will find a solution to her problem together.
I know the minute I wake up something is wrong. There is an emptiness where Lex should be. My first instinct should be to look for her in the bathroom or the kitchen, but I don’t bother. I know I won’t find her. I don’t know how I know, I just know she isn’t here, she is gone.
I see it the minute I walk into the kitchen, a pad of paper and pen lying on the table. I should sit down and read it right away, but I don’t. I’m a chicken shit, don’t want to see what she has to say. Lexi is gone, and that is all that matters. Whatever her reason was for leaving me while I was asleep, I don’t want to read it.
I stand under the showerhead for thirty minutes before the water goes cold and I get out. I stand there looking in the mirror, trying to make sense of it all before I wrap a towel around my waist and head for the kitchen, finally ready to read what she has to say.
Gauge,
I’ll be back, I promise. I want what you want, all of it. I do love you, more than you will ever know. That is why I have to do this. I’ve got to talk to my uncle face-to-face, to see my brother and sit down with both of them and find a solution. Then I can walk away and come home to you. I know you are upset, trust me I understand, but I also know there is no way you would have let me leave on my own, and you breaking parole isn’t an option for me. I can’t let you give up your freedom to keep me safe.
I’ll call you when I can, just know I was thinking of us and our future when I made this decision.
I love you!
Red
What the fuck is that girl thinking? Doesn’t she know she is playing right into the hand that her brother wanted? There is no way that douche will let her walk away once she is in his backyard. I can’t leave, I can’t follow, and it kills me. This is just one more way my fucked-up past is interfering with my future. One more thing I can’t control, and helplessness is not a feeling I like, so I do the next best thing. I call Gunner. If anyone can help me get my girl home safely, it will be him. He has the connections I need to ensure her safe
return.
Looking For Lexie
MY HANDS ARE tied. I can’t leave the state, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel helpless. I place call after call to Jacob McLean but get no response. I leave message after message with his secretary explaining how urgent it is that he call me. What sucks is that I can’t get specific about how urgent it is. Not like I can leave a message that says, “Your dead niece is in danger,” and apparently a “personal matter” isn’t a reason for him to call me back.
I even try calling Lex non-stop for the first two days on the phone we picked up for her last week, but she won’t pick up. I text over and over again, but the texts go unanswered. If she doesn’t reach out to me soon, I’m going to lose my shit. Every negative thought runs through my mind, and let me tell you I have lots of them. My hands are tied, I have no control over the outcome, and that is one emotion I don’t know how to handle.
My phone starts vibrating in my pocket indicating I have a call. Holding my phone up and shaking it at Rusty, I walk away from the entrance to the club so I can take the call in private.
“Gunner, tell me you have something for me.”
“All I can tell you is she has been spotted and appears to be OK. I’ve got a meeting with her uncle tomorrow. Not sure how that shit happened, but I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Let’s just say I don’t think Uncle Jacob is as on the up-and-up as he would like everyone to think he is, but I could be wrong. Not likely, but there is always the chance.”
“You are an arrogant fuck, you know that, Gunner?”
“I’m not arrogant. I’m just good, and I’m usually never wrong when it comes to my instincts. That’s why I’m the best.”
“When is your meeting?”
“Tomorrow. Weren’t you listening to what I just said? I’m headed to the airport shortly. I need to meet with a few people before I meet with Jacob.”
“Gunner, I hear something in your voice. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Gauge, you have to trust me, just like I trusted you all those years ago. You didn’t let me down, and I won’t let you down, but I won’t tell you anything that could potentially blow back on you.”
Frustration and anger morph themselves in my voice when I say, “Fine.” I don’t like being left in the dark. Again, it's that control thing that I have none of right now.
“Just trust me. I’ll bring her back home safely,” Gunner replies and then hangs up the phone, leaving me standing there still no closer to knowing what’s going on.
It has been a week since Lex left without even giving me the opportunity to put my two cents in on the matter. You would think after five years of not having any say in my life, I’d be used to it, but I’m not. This is different. For five years, I may not have been able to decide when I wanted to eat, shower, or sleep, but I still had control over what happened to me day in and day out.
This, this is so much different because I can’t control what happens to her. She’s out there amongst millions of people, beyond my reach, and it's turning me into a mad man. I can’t protect her if she needs me to. I can’t hear her voice telling me what she is doing, or talk to her, asking her to be careful. I can’t do any of it and I hate that right now.
Three days later, Gunner returns empty-handed with disappointment on his face. Gunner has let me down, he hasn’t returned with Lex, and he never got the opportunity to meet with Jacob. It seems that Jacob had an unexpected business meeting that called him out of town, even though he had already scheduled a meeting with Gunner. His secretary said he could reschedule for next week, so that is exactly what Gunner did.
“I tried to find her, but do you know what it’s like looking for someone that no one knows exists?” Rubbing his hands over his face, he continues. “There was no Lexie Winston registered at any hotel in downtown Boston. Once she left the airport, the leads went cold. No return ticket was ever purchased, either.”
I know as well as he does that unless Lex wants to be found she won’t be. She has survived four years under the radar, and the only people who would know where to find her are unreachable.
“Did you find her brother by chance? Maybe he knows where she is?”
“Yeah, you’re not going to like this, but dear old brother Bobby died in a car crash the same day she left. I know what you are thinking, but it truly was an accident. There was a five-car pileup, and he was one of the five who didn’t make it. Tried reaching out to the mother, but she isn’t taking any calls.”
“You sure it was an accident, Gunner, and not just made to look like one? Gunner, I need to know she is OK. What do we do now?”
“Brother, I’m sorry, man. I’ve got nothing until next week when I can hopefully meet with the uncle. Unless your girl reaches out to you, you are stuck waiting. Not what you want to hear, I know, but it’s the best I got.”
“Not happy, Gunner, I’m ready to jump on a plane and go looking for her myself.”
“Unless you want to see the inside of a 6x8 concrete box again, I suggest you settle your ass down and learn to be patient.”
“Tell me, Gunner, would you be patient if it were Paisley missing?”
“Can’t say that I would, but my woman knows her place and knows if I had to come looking for her, she wouldn’t be sitting for a week. Besides, I’m free to travel about the country. You are not, or do I have to remind you?”
“Bite me. I know I can’t be leaving the state. I just don’t like having my hands tied and not being able to do a damn thing.”
Standing from the table and heading toward the door, Gunner yells, “I’m out of here.”
Did I mention how much I hate not having any control right now?
Seven days later, Gunner boards another plane and heads back to Boston to meet with the ever-so-elusive Uncle Jacob. I’m on pins and needles all day awaiting the call that will hopefully settle my nerves. When the phone rings, I answer it on the first ring.
“Talk to me, Gunner.”
“You called it, even Uncle Jacob doesn’t think the accident was an accident, but luckily it had nothing to do with the Cummiskey transaction. Dear ole Bobby was mixed up in all sorts of shit, and he pissed off the wrong people, which is why Jacob left town last week instead of meeting with me. He had to ensure everyone knew Bobby acted alone.”
“I don’t give a shit about Bobby. Tell me about Lex. Did you see her? Do you know where she is?”
“Unfortunately, no, I don’t know where she is, and neither does her uncle. She was staying with her mom for a short time, but a couple of days ago she disappeared again, and no one has seen her.”
“Fucking bullshit, they’re lying, Gunner. She couldn’t have just disappeared.”
“I’m telling you, Gauge, I don’t think the uncle is lying. My instincts are usually good, and my gut is telling me he’s telling the truth.”
“So, now what? Did you talk to him about the business and leaving her alone?”
“Sure, we both had a cup a tea, some crumpets, and we he shared all his business secrets with me. God, you’re a dumb fuck sometimes, you know that, Gauge? Look, he only agreed to meet with me because I had something to hold over his head and he wanted what that was.”
“What the fuck did you have?”
“Told you before the less you knew, the better you’d be, so don’t ask. I’m going to follow up on one other lead my sources gave me which hopefully will lead me back to her.”
“Gunner, I need you to bring her home this time. I’m not asking, I’m telling you, don’t leave there without her.”
“Gotta go, Gauge, just be patient.”
Before I can even reply, the line goes dead. Son of a bitch. I am going to kill that fucker when he gets back to town. That’s if my heart doesn’t give out on me first. How can she have gone missing again? Where could she be?
Back In My Arms And My Bed
IT HAS BEEN three weeks since I woke up alone. Every night, I go to bed and wish I had the warmth of her body next to m
ine. I dream the pillow I hold tightly at night is my little spitfire, and I imagine I can feel her ass pressed tightly against my cock as I sleep.
Tonight is no different. When I climb into bed, I wrap my arms around the pillow that was hers and hold it tightly to my chest. I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever hold her again. Gunner has come home empty-handed two weeks ago for the second time. I’m beginning to lose all hope that she will return to me.
Jim, Jack, and Jose become my best friends at night. I pour a glass and hold a conversation with the bottle, begging for just one more night with her. By the end of the conversation, the bottle is empty, and it’s all I can do to make it back to my bed to pass out.
This night I find myself changing it up some. Gentleman Jack and I have a party in which two white lines make their appearance. I’ve been fighting the urge for weeks to get lost in the peace and quiet I get from the high, but today I can’t fight it any longer. I need to get lost even if it’s for just one day. I know I’m risking everything, but at the moment I don’t care.
Sliding the razor against the glass, I make the prettiest two white lines. I just keep playing with them, moving the powder together then splitting it apart. Over and over again I do that, trying to work up the courage to just sniff it up my nose. I want it, I want to get lost, but in the back of mind, I can hear Lex telling me not to do it and so I just play with the powder, letting it tease me. When I can’t resist any longer, I get up and walk away before I do something stupid. As if bringing that shit into my life again isn’t stupid enough.
I don’t even bother to undress; I just slam one more shot, set the glass on the nightstand, lie back, and close my eyes. When I wake, it’s as if the last three weeks of my life have been a dream. Lex is there in my arms, snuggled close to me. I feel her warmth, smell the hint of coconut in her hair from the shampoo she loves so much, and shiver as her breath blows across my chest.