When There is Love: A Christian Romance (The McKinleys Book 3)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

Tires squealing.

  Horns blaring.

  Blackness.

  Victoria wasn’t sure how long she sat there with Trent’s words ringing in her head.

  One more thing you need to know is that I love you. When you’re considering what is worth the most in this situation I want you to keep that in mind. Know that I would do all I could to protect you from hurt, but even when I can’t—like what happened today—I will love you through those times.

  He loved her.

  And she loved him.

  Somehow over the past few months the man who had aggravated her with his lighthearted attempts at flirting had become a friend and then finally, the man who held her heart. But it was that love that was driving her to end things with him. He deserved better than a life with her where he would face accusations—even if they might be rare—that he was a pervert for loving her.

  If only she were average size, this wouldn’t be an issue for them. She could accept his love the way Staci had accepted Eric’s and Brooke had Lucas’s.

  Victoria grabbed her crutches from the couch where Trent had put them earlier. She slid her arms into the cuffs and gripped the handles. With a sigh, she pushed to her feet and after making sure the front door was locked and the alarm was on, she shut off the lights and made her way to her room.

  She paused inside the doorway for a moment then moved to stand in front of the full-length glass mirror doors that covered her closet. She laid the crutches on the carpet and stood still for a moment then her hands went to the button and zipper of her jeans and she stepped out of them. Moving slowly—reluctantly—she pulled off her shirt. Left in nothing but her simple cotton underwear—modest even by swimsuit standards—Victoria forced herself to look at her reflection.

  As she stared at her full nearly-naked body in the mirror—something she rarely did—Victoria could only see all the things that were wrong with her. The disproportionate body parts. Though not as noticeable as what other types of dwarfism could have, she was still acutely aware of her longer torso and shorter limbs. Her bottom was slightly heavier and her legs, even with the new hips, still bowed a bit. And now her body had matching scars on each hip.

  Ugly.

  Beautiful.

  So wrong. Like pieces of different bodies stuck together haphazardly.

  God formed you in your mother’s womb. He does not make mistakes.

  Victoria stared at her reflection, meeting her own gaze and seeing the pain there. The mask she put on for everyone else was gone. The mask of strength, confidence, and self-acceptance she’d worked hard to keep in place.

  Trent had caught a glimpse behind the mask earlier and then ripped it away with his words. Victoria, I don’t recognize this side of you.

  And now she was trying to face herself without it.

  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  How could she believe that about the body she’d never looked upon with anything but critical eyes, believing it was damaged and flawed? And in her heart she found a small bubble of anger toward God. Why had He given her this burden to bear? Why couldn’t she have been born the way Eric, Brooke, and Alicia had been? Normal.

  What about Sarah? Is she not fearfully and wonderfully made?

  That was different.

  Victoria shifted her gaze from the mirror as her thoughts went to her niece. When she looked at Sarah, she didn’t see the things that made her different from other children. All she saw was a beautiful little girl full of life and love. Would the years ahead hold experiences that would jade her like they had her aunt? Or would she be able to truly accept her differences enough to embrace them and the life God had laid out ahead of her, even if it meant loving a man who might face comments like Trent had tonight?

  Victoria knew that in order to be able to have the confidence in their relationship Trent wanted her to have, she needed to have that confidence in herself. In who she was. In who God had made her to be. God hadn’t made a mistake when He’d made her. She was exactly the way He wanted her to be. If she was perfectly made in God’s eyes, how could she view herself as anything less?

  She desperately wanted to look at herself that way. But despite what she’d always portrayed to the world, Victoria knew that if she’d been offered the chance for a “normal” body, she would have taken it in a heartbeat. It was time for her to let that go. She was now—and forever—a little person. It was time to stop letting the fears hold her back from truly living. Truly loving. Not just Trent, but herself.

  She reached out to touch her reflection in the mirror and faced the ugly truth she’d been trying so hard to ignore. Deep down, she hadn’t been able to really trust in Trent’s affection. And as long as she viewed herself as unlovable, she would never be able to trust that Trent really loved her. She’d set up a way out for herself because even though she believed him when he was looking into her eyes and telling her she was beautiful, as soon as he was gone, the doubts ate away at her.

  But as she stood there in front of the mirror, Victoria knew that the only love that was in question was the love she had for herself and for God. Trent did love her, and he deserved a woman who believed and trusted in his love. She wanted to be that woman for him. For herself.

  With slow steps, she moved away from the mirror to her bed. Bracing her elbows on the mattress she covered her face with her hands. Tears flowed as sobs shook her body.

  “Please, God, help me to see myself through Your eyes. As something You created with a purpose and not as a mistake. Help me to remember that what You care most about is what is in my heart. I’m sorry for my anger. My fear. Help me to trust You completely with Your plan for my life and with Trent.” She paused. “And please don’t let it be too late for me with him.”

  As the emotion ebbed away, Victoria felt more at peace than she had in a long time. And she resolved to counter any negative thoughts about her body and her situation—because she didn’t doubt that they would still plague her—with one phrase.

  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

  Taking a deep breath, she walked back to where her crutches were and picked them up so she could get ready for bed. Once she was under her covers, leaning back against the pillows, she glanced at her clock. It was nearing midnight. Victoria wasn’t sure Trent would still be up, but she wanted to talk to him if he was. Instead of calling, she tapped out a quick text message.

  If you’re still up, can you give me a call?

  Setting the phone on the pillow next to her, she curled on her side, grateful that the soreness of the hip surgery had long since gone. Her go-to sleep position was comfortable once again.

  She had anticipated that Trent would call right away. Had he really been able to fall asleep so easily after the emotional upheaval of their evening? Or maybe the drive home had given him time to reconsider what he’d told her. Maybe he—like the two before him—had decided she wasn’t worth the hassle.

  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

  Minutes ticked by with no call or text. She picked up her phone and swept her thumb across the screen to check the time. It had been almost forty-five minutes since she’d sent the text. He wasn’t going to call now.

  Closing her eyes, Victoria refused to let the tears fall. If he had changed his mind, she had no one to blame but herself.

  When she woke the next morning and found that there was still no return text or call from Trent, Victoria toyed with the idea of going to his church. At one time, he and Eric had attended the same church as she and her parents, but when Eric had switched to attend with Staci, Trent had gone along. Unfortunately, it was a much larger church and had two services, so there was no guarantee if she went that she’d actually be able to find him.

  In the end, Victoria went to her regular church, but she had a hard time focusing on the service and breathed a sigh of relief when the pastor dismissed them. She didn’t understand why Trent wasn’t responding to her text. Surely he would have gotten it by now even if he’d been asleep the night b
efore when she’d sent it.

  Back at her house, she changed into a pair of white jeans and a pink shirt made out of a light fabric that was gathered just under her bust and flowed out over her hips. Since she was determined to see Trent that day, Victoria wanted to make sure she looked good. If he didn’t call her soon, she was going to go to his apartment.

  A little before three, her doorbell rang. Moving as fast as she could on her crutches, Victoria opened her door with a smile of anticipation.

  It faltered when she saw Eric standing there. He was still in his church clothes but his tie hung loose and his shirt looked wrinkled. However, it was the expression on his face that had her taking a step backward. Lines of strain bracketed his eyes and his mouth.

  “What happened? Are Staci and Sarah okay?” But even as she said the words, she knew he wouldn’t be standing on her porch if something were wrong with his family. “Trent?”

  “Can I come in?” he asked without responding to her question.

  She wanted to slam the door shut and go back to pretending that he was just too busy to call her. Pain pushed past the initial numbness that had come when she’d realized what Eric was there to tell her.

  Keeping her head down, she stepped back to let him in. Eric shut the door but didn’t move toward the living room until she did. She sank down into an armchair, her hands suddenly too weak to keep their grip on her crutches.

  “What happened to Trent? Please don’t tell me he’s…” She couldn’t say the word, just couldn’t. She felt warmth on her cheeks as tears fell from her eyes. When she brushed at them, her fingertips felt ice cold on her skin.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  ERIC sat down in the chair next to her and leaned forward. “No. He’s not dead.”

  Relief flooded Victoria but only for a moment before it drained away again. It still had to be serious if Eric was here. “What happened to him?”

  “Apparently he was hit by a drunk driver who ran a red light late last night.”

  “Last night?” No wonder he hadn’t responded to her text. He’d been hurt. A sob caught in her throat. “How bad is it?”

  “He’s pretty banged up. He’s been in and out of consciousness. And his right leg is broken. There’s some swelling on his brain because he banged his head pretty hard on the side window during the impact. They’ve ruled out any internal bleeding though.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I just found out myself a little while ago. They weren’t able to get hold of his parents until early this morning. He had them listed as his emergency contacts. They were in London, but they’re on their way back. They called Marcus to let him know and then he called me. We’ve both been up to the hospital to see him. I wanted to see how he was before I told you what had happened.”

  “Can I see him?” Victoria felt as if her heart was being shredded with each breath she took. Had she done this to him? Had he been so distracted by their conversation that he hadn’t noticed what was coming at him?

  “Yes. That’s why I’m here. I’ll take you to see him. Marcus is there with him right now.”

  Victoria gathered up her things. Her phone slipped from her shaking hands. She picked it up again, grasping its smooth surface as she slipped it into her purse.

  Eric dropped to one knee in front of her and took her hands in his. “Tori. He’s going to be okay.”

  Though fear still filled her, Victoria nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever, but soon Eric pulled into a spot in the parking lot. They walked in silence into the large building, and Eric led the way to the elevator, pushing the button for the fifth floor.

  “Marcus made sure he was put in a private room so we can sit with him.”

  “I thought only family could be with a patient,” Victoria said as the elevator doors whooshed open.

  Eric stuck a hand out to keep the doors open as she exited the elevator. “Marcus apparently has had some pull as his boss since Trent’s family hasn’t made it yet. He let them know I was approved to visit, and I asked him to do the same for you. Trent needs you here.”

  Victoria wasn’t too sure Trent would agree, but she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right then.

  Eric guided her down the hallway, past the nurses’ station to the door of a room. When she hesitated, he looked down at her. “It’s going to be okay.”

  He pushed open the door, and Victoria went ahead of him. She got a quick glimpse of Marcus sitting on the opposite side of the room, but her gaze was drawn to the man lying so still in the hospital bed.

  Everything went blurry as she made her way to his side. She blinked and tears fell once again as she saw the bruises on the face of the man she loved. His head had a bandage on it, and his skin was paler than she was used to seeing.

  Eric came to stand beside her and managed to lower the railing so she could get closer to him. Victoria reached out and lifted his hand from where it rested on the bed and held it between hers. She pressed it to her cheek, unable to say anything past the tightness in her throat.

  “Have the doctors said anything more?” Eric asked.

  “No.” Marcus’s voice was a low rumble. “He came around a little bit ago but didn’t say much. Seemed very disoriented still and then fell back asleep. They said he’s been that way most the night. Short periods of wakefulness then long stretches of sleeping.”

  “Tori?” Eric came to where she stood. “Will you be okay here for a bit? Staci isn’t feeling well so I need to check on her and, if need be, run Sarah over to Mom and Dad’s.”

  She looked up at him. “Yes. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll be back in a bit. Marcus will take care of you if you need anything.” He bent and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “He’s going to be fine. Just keep trusting God.”

  She nodded. Though Victoria wasn’t sure he’d be fine, she was trying her best to trust God for His will in all of this. After Eric had left, it was just her and Marcus in the room. She thought she’d be uncomfortable being alone with the formidable and intense man, but he sat in silence, not offering empty platitudes, and she found that comforting in an odd way.

  As her emotions finally settled down, she looked across the bed at him and found him watching her, his expression unreadable.

  “Did he seem to be in pain when he woke up?”

  “He didn’t say he was. He seemed more interested in figuring out where he was and how he’d gotten here. I explained it to him but then he drifted back off again. I’m pretty sure they’re giving him stuff for the pain in that.” He gestured to the IV hanging above the bed.”

  “What happened to the other driver?”

  Marcus didn’t answer immediately but eventually he said, “He was declared dead at the scene. Apparently the impact threw him through the windshield of his truck. He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.”

  Victoria thought she’d feel glad to hear that the driver who’d hurt Trent was dead, but instead, a sense of sadness swept through her. One bad decision and two lives were impacted. One permanently.

  Marcus stood up from his seat and gestured to it. “Why don’t you come sit here?”

  He pushed the seat right up against the bed and lowered the railing on that side as well. After she sat down, he put her crutches against the arm of the chair. Victoria rested her arm on the mattress beside Trent’s, her hand holding his.

  “Thank you,” she said as she looked up at Marcus.

  “You’re welcome. I’m going to go down to the cafeteria and grab something to eat. Here’s my card. If you need me, just call the number on the back, and I’ll come right away.”

  After he left the room, Victoria drew her legs up and leaned her head against the edge of the mattress in the crook of her arm and closed her eyes and began to pray. She sat that way for about fifteen minutes, but eventually she needed to move around because of the stiffness settling in her hip. She pressed her cheek to his hand, and then slid off the chair
, gripping the handles of the crutches as she settled her arms in the cuffs.

  As she shifted away from the bed, the door to the room swung open, and an older distinguished couple walked in. Immediately, Victoria knew these were Trent’s parents. When she looked at the man, she felt like she was seeing Trent a couple of decades in the future. The woman’s gaze swept over Trent and then landed on Victoria.

  “You may go. We’re here now.”

  Victoria stared at her. Go?

  The man cleared his throat. “We’re his parents, and we’ve requested to speak with the doctor in private regarding his situation. I’m sure you have other things that require your attention rather than just sitting here, especially now that we’re arrived and can take care of him.”

  Numbness spread through Victoria. He hadn’t told his parents anything about her. And they were just dismissing her as if her presence was meaningless in their world. Not wanting to make a scene in case Trent woke up, she nodded and picked up her purse from the chair. With one last look at Trent, Victoria left the room.

  Outside the door, she paused, trying to figure out what to do. Where to go. She had no ride home, but that was inconsequential because she had no intention of leaving the hospital. Trent must have had his reasons for not telling his parents about her, and until he told her that they were definitely through, she was going to be there for him.

  “Excuse me,” she said as a nurse approached her. “Can you tell me where the waiting room is?”

  The sound of muffled voices reached through the sleepy haze Trent found himself wrapped in. He felt as if he were caught in a web and couldn’t seem to free himself completely from its tendrils. A couple of times, he’d found the strength to open his eyes, but most the time it was easier to just sink down away from the pain and confusion.

  But these voices were insistent and determined. Not to be ignored.

  Slowly, he lifted his eyelids. They felt heavy, as if weighted down. He blinked a couple of times at the brightness. Memory flooded back from the last time he’d opened his eyes. Marcus had been there. He’d told him about an accident and that he was in the hospital.