I watch her sleep holding onto my hand and I feel like I want to burst with love. Jane had given herself to me and I will love forever. She shifts closer to me and I get up from behind her. I take her up in my arms and carry her to my bedroom. I see a few drops of blood on the couch and feel so glad that its leather and black. I will come and clean it up as soon she is tucked in. I lie her down and I see her eyes flutter. I kiss her softly and she smiles. I run into the kitchen grab the disinfected and clean the couch. I replay everything that we did on this couch and I feel the pain in my loins at her tightness and then I feel it moving at the memories. Oh she was wonderful and I loved her even more. I stand up looking at the boards of photos and I feel inspired. I take some sticky notes and write some more phrases down. The time passed so quickly but I was full of life knowing that I had found her and her love was my fuel. Suddenly without warning I feel her arms around me and I get a quick freight I don’t know how much time had passed, but before I knew it most of the boards were done. “Do you ever sleep” She asks and I smile. I turn around and kiss her lips softly. “Yes I do sleep mostly in the morning hours but I do sleep” She puts her arms around my neck and lets out a little laugh. “I love you…” I say in a moment of true submission and she goes quiet just looking at me seriously. I’m not sure what it is that I see in her eyes, but she smiles softly and takes my hand to her lips and kisses my knuckles. “I… I love you too” She says and I see the tears glisten in her eyes. I pull her into my arms and hold on to her tightly. This was my dream come true. I pick her up and carry her back to the room where we make love again.
“Are you nervous” She asks as he helps me with my tie. Jane looks at me and straightens my tie against my shirt. “A little” I say and swallow hard. The book was done and the publishers wanted to meet with me today. It was make or break today but Jane wasn’t about to let anything ruin my day. “It’s going to go great. The book is amazing and they will read and see you in those photos” She says and I feel my heart swell. “You’re amazing… If it wasn’t for…” She puts her fingers to my lips to still my words. “You are amazing and if it wasn’t for you shedding light on a very important cause the world will never know what they are doing out here… You are…” She looks at me and starts smiling brightly with tears glistening in her eyes. “You’re a hero…” She says and I love her even more and she kisses me softly on the lips. I feel like crying and I owe it all to the love of my life. The deal had gone through and my dream was coming true and Jane was the single most important piece that made it all happen. The next day I flew to Johannesburg to meet the project managers and then meeting with some of the organization who will be using the book as part of their cause to end the wars of the world. I pull up to the driveway and take the little box out of the cubbyhole and open it up. The ring has been sitting in there for more than a month and I know that before I break the news to her I needed to ask her. I get out of the car and start walking to the door. I pause for a minute trying to get the butterflies in stomach at bay. I open the door and the house is eerie quiet. I wonder where everyone is. Jane was staying for the weekend so she must be here. “Jane…Jane… baby where are you?” I say and I see Adele waddle down the hall towards me. She looks concerned and I feel my spirit drop. She looks like she is about to pop. “Ethan is taking a nap… Please keep it down.” Adele says and waddles to the kitchen table and sits down. She looks tired and worn out. This pregnancy has really taken a lot out of her since she had to do everything alone. She had Jane but Ethan was keeping her busy and so was I. “Where is Jane?” I ask and start walking towards the room. “She’s gone… back to London” Adele says like it’s the second most normal thing next to flying. I feel the life draining out of me. “WHAT?” I shout and run to the kitchen. Adele looks at me and makes the shhh sound at me. “What do you mean she left…” I ask and feel my insides start to shake. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. “Her mother called said her father was on his last and he wanted her home to say his goodbyes” Adele starts telling the story and I feel some form of sense returning to me. “She left you this letter” Adele says and hand me the letter. I open it hastily and read the words. It makes sense but why wouldn’t she call me. I take out my phone and dial her number. “Jane…” I say her name and feel out of breathe. “Adam… How did the meetings go?” She says and I hate the fact that she wants to talk about me. “The meetings went great it looks like its finally going to happen… What is going on?” I say and she sighs. “I have to go… He wants me home for… You know…” She says and I hear the sadness on her voice. She didn’t really care about her father for everything he had put her mother and the rest of her family through with his schemes and criminal activities, so this must be the work of her mother. “Okay yeah I get it… But baby this is too much for me right now… I need you” I say and I feel the pain welling up in my throat. I look at the ring and shake my head. “I know, but you will be fine… And before you know it I will be back… Hopefully this doesn’t take forever” I hear her say and I laugh at the sarcasm on her voice. I loved her so much but I felt better hearing her voice and talking to her made me feel better. Lonely but better. “I’m going to miss you” I say and she sighs. “You have no idea” I hear her say and then we talk for another couple of minutes before her boarding call is announced.
That first weekend was the worst but when I started working on the project the days and weeks few by. We Skyped and talked on the phone every chance we get. Her father was holding on for dear life but she was grateful for the time she got to spend with her mother and brother. I had met most of the family via Skype and they were all loving and exceptive of me. The color issue was one of my concerns but we eased through it. Adele and I lost our parents when we were very young and lived with family most our lives so we never cared about what other people thoughts. We were thrown into the deep end of life and we had to swim. I think that is why this project is so important to me. The world is full of poverty and it comes in all shapes and sizes and colors. “Hi…” I hear her saying and I feel like I was about to explode. I hadn’t talked to her in days and I needed my dose of her badly. “Hey beautiful” I say and ease back into my chair. She smiles at me brightly I could swear she was glowing. “I have great news…” She says and I feel my heart skip a beat. Was she finally coming home? It has been two months and I had so much I wanted to share with her. “I have some news to… Adele had the baby” I say and I see Jane smiling bright she was truly happy. “We got new nanny helping around the house since you’re not here but Ethan doesn’t like her very much…” I say and see her frowning. “Don’t worry the new nanny is old enough to be my mother” I say and she doesn’t stop frowning. “That means nothing in this day and age” She says and I love that she is jealous. “But I got to tell you a kid… I never realized how much work it is…” I say and Jane looks at me attentively. “I don’t know if I want one just yet… For that you need twenty four hour attention span and with everything going I don’t think I will be ready for another couple of years… But we will have enough time to plan for that… She is very cute though and Ethan is like an overprotective big brother it’s kind of sweet to look at” I say and she smiles at me. I look at her face and miss her so much. “I miss you Jane… Please tell me your good news is your coming back home?” I say and she presses her lips together into a tight smile. Something in her changed. “Well it’s not that kind good news… I’m pregnant” I hear her saying and then she smiles at me awkwardly. I don’t know what to say. A baby. Wow this was major news. I don’t know exactly how long we sat there in silence looking at each other before she finally speaks again. “I have to go… I will talk to you tomorrow” She says and before I could say other word she was gone.
I’m going to be a father. I might also just have lost the love of my life. A kid was the last thing on my mind. Well the last four months getting pregnant was the last thing on my mind when we had sex. She wasn’t on any birth control now that I think about it�
�� Or at least we never talked about it. God she was pregnant and she was happy about it. She wanted to have my children which meant that she saw herself spending the rest of her life with me or not? Had I messed it up? I take out my phone and call her, it goes straight to voicemail. The fifth time I decide to leave message. “Jane please call me back… I was a dick. A huge dick. I love the fact that you’re pregnant” I hold my breath and know that there was no way she was going to believe it. “Jane… I didn’t expect that… I know it sounds awful but it’s the truth. Kids were something we never talked about and I thought that we would wait a couple of years until we both can commit to having a child and I never want to not be there for you. You mean everything to me. And I know it is way unplanned but I realize now that you were happy to have my baby and that means the world to me; knowing that you are willing to share such a beautiful part of you with me. I can get use to the idea of being a father…” I sigh and feel the dread creep into my heart. She might delete this message before hearing it and then it will be lost forever.
“I love you Jane. And I always will no matter what unplanned and unexpected events and changes life throws at us” I say and I hang up the phone.
Months passed and it was as if Jane had disappeared. I know her father passed away it was in the news, the ex South African corrupt diplomacy official dies and there was nothing other than her mother keeping her in London. Well that was if she still was in London. She must be around seven months pregnant now if she decided to keep the baby. I buried myself in my work and only came up to shit and eat and sometimes to sleep.
Nine months. The baby would be born by now or is still on its way if she decided to keep it. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about Jane and our child. I was angry with her, some days I resented her and other days I resented myself for not going after her and bringing her back with me. I was her first. I was the man who introduced her to sex so I should have made sure we were safe. “Are you okay?” I hear Adele speaking behind me as I take another sip of my whiskey. I never told her about the baby or about Jane. “Adam… What is going on?” She asks and I can hear the urgency in her voice. I know I have to talk to someone about this before it eats me alive and it might as well be Adele. “Jane… Jane is pregnant” I say and take another sip. I see her eyes widen as she hear the words. She takes a seat next to me and there is a long silence before she said anything. “How do you know you haven’t heard from her in months?” Adele asks and I tell her the story of that night. She doesn’t say a word and then she explodes. “How could she do this to you… what kind of person does this to the man they supposedly love. I mean it takes two to tango and she can’t punish you like this, just because you said that you weren’t ready for a child right before she decided to tell you she was pregnant. That is just so fucking common.” Adele says the words and I know that she is only speaking from a sister’s point of view and not a woman. She kind of done the same thing to Cole when she was pregnant with Summer so I really don’t think she has right to be judging Jane right now. “I don’t think she would intentionally just cut me out of her life like this… Something must have happened” I tried contacting her but I couldn’t get hold of her. Nothing worked, not her phone or her Skype. It was truly like she had just vanished off the face of the earth. I sit up and look into my whiskey glass. I need to find her. I need to find her and our baby.
Loving Annabelle Page 6