Loving Annabelle

by Priscilla Melinda Visser

  London. I wasn’t a stranger to its street and lifestyle but being here right now was different to all the other times. I look at the piece of paper in my hand and with an address or half of what I can remember of an address to Jane’s parent’s house; there is where I will start. The cabby drops me off in front of a rundown little duplex house in a very shitty area of London city and for a second I wonder if I was in the right place. “Here we are” The cabby says and looks over at me. I feel like telling him that this might not be the place but I knew this was it. “Thank you” I say and hand him the fair for my trip. He smiles and looks at me questioning. “You want me to wait?” He asks in a thick English accent and I don’t know what to say to him. “I’ll wait a couple of minutes” He says and I think he can notice that I was not from around here. I climb out and walk towards the small gate. I walk through and look back to the cabby and he puts his thumb up at me and nods. He was waiting to make sure I was safe. I walk up to the door and knock softly. I hear feet shuffling to the door before a frail woman open up and look at me questioning. I could not believe what I was seeing it was her mother; Jane’s mother. She looked like she aged twenty years since I had last spoken to her. Her hair was grey and her skin wrinkled. “Adam?” She says and then she holds her trembling hand to her mouth. I see tears glisten in her eyes and then spill over her cheek. “Adam is it really you?” She asks again and comes walking closer. I feel strange and my stomach started turning. What had happened here? “Yes it’s me” I say and walk towards her. She puts her arms around me and holds me close. I hold her too and then I look down at her. “Alice… I’m looking for Jane?” I say and she smiles brightly at me. I feel the fear gripping at my heart. “She will be very happy to see you. She is not doing so well.” Alice says and opens the door widely for me to enter. I look over at the cabby and he nods. There is no furniture in the house only some crates they been using for chairs. I see someone sitting by the window. It’s a young boy he looks no older than sixteen, oh my God it was Matthew. He looks skinny and lost. It was like he doesn’t even recognise me from our chats before. “When Murray died… Well let’s just say our biggest fears had come true… I’m just so sorry that Jane had gotten caught up in this mess” Alice says and shakes her head. “She didn’t deserve this… But she was a strong girl she said that you will come for her” Alice says and smiles at me. I look at Alice and my heart pounds hard in my chest. I was so afraid when we reached the room. I didn’t know what was waiting for me.

  I open the door and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Jane… but not the Jane as I knew her, this woman was so thin I could see the bones in her neck showing, her cheek bones, her eyes looked like they were all the way back in her head. She was only skin and bones, and on her breast was a baby suckling away for dear life. She was sitting on a mattress there was no bed. She was busy stroking the baby’s hair and humming softly. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. Why had I not come sooner, what the fuck happened here? I walk closer and then she looks up and I see a smile forming around her lips. “Adam… I knew you’d come…” She says and sighs. I couldn’t get to her fast enough. “I named her Annabelle” She says and then pulls the little girl from her breast and hands her to me. She starts crying and I can’t hold back the sorrow and pain this sight had awakened inside me. She’s not wearing a diaper and I feel like shit. Jane’s arms are so thin I feel like a dog. I take the little girl and hold her close to me. She screams and screams. I make the shhh-ing sound and then I hear her breathing even up and the crying stops as she places her tiny hand in her mouth and start suckling on her fingers. I look over at Jane and allow the tears to roll over my face. She looks tired and I see her eyes closing. “Jane? Jane?” I call to her but she doesn’t respond. I give the baby to Alice and walk back to Jane. She is not breathing. I open the blanket around and see the blood.

  “We couldn’t get an ambulance so she had to give birth here” Alice says as the baby had started crying again. I run to the window and see the cabby still standing outside. Thank God!

  “Call an ambulance quick” I scream to him and he nods.

  They had lost everything. They held Alice and Matthew hostage and made Jane withdraw all her saving in order for their release. Everything was taken even that which was Jane’s her cellphone and her laptop. She had no way of getting hold of me. “I couldn’t remember your number” She laughed the day at the hospital when she had finally woken up from her coma. I felt like the worst person in the world. The woman I love had gone through the worse trauma ever imaginable and I thought she was punishing me. She was severely dehydrated and underfed her wounds from giving birth had become infected and they had to remove her womb, not having anymore children was one of the worst things for her to face. She and little Annabelle had to stay in hospital until they had both put on enough weight and was deemed fit to leave. Matthew and Alice were treated too, it had cost me a small fortune but I needed to help them. Murray was indebted to the worst of people and he had lured Jane back home in hope that she would lend him the money to buy his freedom but she wouldn’t budge. After his death things went from bad to worse and they held her and Alice liable for the debt. She used all the money and they sold everything to get these men out of their lives but they didn’t think about how they were going to get back on their feet. Jane was pregnant and couldn’t work. Matthew was still too young to work and Alice she managed to get cleaning job which paid shitty but it was all they had. But she never gave up hope that I would come for her.

  I had to come back home to get everything ready for Jane and the baby and I had decided that Alice and Matthew would be coming with us. There was nothing left for them in London and Matthew needed a chance at a good future. It was hard leaving her behind but I had no choice. Annabelle had crept into my heart and had made herself very comfortable here. She was beautiful. Quiet a small baby but alive. Her small little hands and feet and eyes were forever moving and awake. Jane was making a slow recovery but I knew she would get there. I had bought a house three bedroom close to my sisters. It was all we needed and could afford. But I knew things were going to look up, I had Jane back. The weeks that followed were crazy but we were settled in. Matthew was at a college studying mechanical science and Alice found job at a hospital as a cleaner; she insisted on working and felt indebted to Jane for everything that had happened. Matthew even got himself a weekend job it was amazing to see this family come together the way they did to help us get by. Jane was beautiful and before we knew it; it was Annabelle’s first birthday. I asked Jane to marry me that day and without thinking twice without holding the last year against me she said yes. She loved me and our love conquered all.

  My book won so many awards I couldn’t keep up. The change was coming. Soon we moved into a bigger house with a separate entrance for Alice and Matthew. Annabelle was two when we realized that there was something different about her. She was quite an extraordinary child. She spoke in full sentence and she was making up her own songs and stories. Once we started to really tap into her mind we found her to be much smarter than other children her age. So she grew and grew.

  On her fourth birthday she said she wanted a puppy; Snowy she called him. She loved that dog like it was real human being. But Snowy’s death three years later broke her little heart for the first time. She was no longer the happy little girl who loved music and singing and story books and playing with her cousins, now she was just Annabelle. She didn’t want a new dog and she didn’t want any more birthdays either. We still celebrated her birthday but it would just be us.

  Primary school was the worse. She didn’t have any friends and frankly the other children were a bit afraid of her. She didn’t talk but when she did it usually ended in someone crying and us having to go to school to calm her down. Her mouth simply just worked faster than her brain, made me think of Abigail.

  But Annabelle was smart and the older she got the more she knew it. She loved reading and that she shared with her mother and grandmother. It
got easier, thank God for that. She and Summer and Ethan had become good friends and she loved them dearly. No-one messed with Summer because Annabelle would always be there to put them in their place without question. Summer was a quiet one but Annabelle… Always spoke her mind. Never a dull moment Alice would say when we visited her in the home after she had gotten ill and insisted that she would rather stay in a home then be nuisance to us. Before we knew it; it was time for high school.

  Chapter Four

  High school came and I tried to change. I really wanted it to work out. My parents were more nervous than I was. They were afraid that I would end up getting hurt or something. They were afraid that I would get bullied. Me? Hello have you met me? But anyway I tried. “Why can’t I just go to an all girl school?” I asked them at supper one night. My mother looked over to my father and he sighed. “We’ve been over this Belle… Going to a mixed school will make University so much easier and it will give you a chance to experience more things and make friends” I looked at them confused. What things would I want to experience at mixed school? I really didn’t care much for human beings besides the one’s that I loved the others were just existing. I didn’t want to get involved in their mess. Not my monkey’s not my circus. “Okay… But if I start using drugs and get pregnant just know it’s your fault” I say and look at them very seriously. My mother looked at me and nearly choked. My father suddenly started laughing and I started laughing too.

  That morning I put on the uniform and decided to tie my hair into a bun. I loved my hair loose but school permitted that it be tied back. The uniform was red and khaki and it fitted loose. I didn’t want to look like a slut so I told mom to buy it a size bigger. Did I think kids would make fun of me of course did I care no. No-one existed to me.

  “Are you going to be okay?” My mother asks and looks more nervous than me. I roll my eyes at her and shake my head. “Yes mom… I will be fine” I say and give her a kiss on the cheek she smiles at me and I see the anxiety spilled all over her face. I wanted to scold her and tell her that it wasn’t going to be like primary school and that I will became like the paint on the walls, but I know she wouldn’t stop worrying. By the time I left primary school I had earned the nickname Ice Princess. I didn’t get it until the night of our junior prom. No-one wanted to dance with me. No-one would talk to me. Everyone acted at me like why was I even there. Honestly I didn’t want to go but my parents made me, and it was a disaster. I had never felt hurt like that before, well I did the day that Snowy died. My mother tried to console me but it didn’t help. I swore I would never let myself get hurt like that again.

  I see Summer standing at the gate waiting for me. Ethan was standing with the rest of the matrics in the parking lot and I felt safe. Summer was a year ahead of me and Ethan was Matric. It was comforting knowing other children on the school, made it easier to make new friends I guess not that I was planning on having any friends. My mother insisted that I open up a little more and allow myself to have other friends besides my cousins. I really didn’t see the need to make more friends than that, but they wanted me to blossom. Summer smiles at me when I reach her and we hug. “How are you feeling?” She asks me and looks at me nervously. What was the big deal? “Yeah I’m fine” I say and feel annoyed. Soon I found out that the Ice Princess nickname followed me all the way to high school. Shit! Just what I needed more hateful and judging eyes. No-one wanted to sit next to me in class and it hurt. It was awful.

  “So Ice Princess I hear you are such a badass.” I was standing in the girl’s bathroom washing my hands when Angela walked in. She was in grade ten and was supposedly the meanest girl in school. I wasn’t really in the mood for her shit and just ignored her. I tried walking pass her but her girls stopped me. “What are you wearing…? You look like a fucking nun” She said and started laughing. I again ignored her and pushed pass her girls. The one grabbed my arm and pulled me back. Angela came walking up to me and looked me right in the eye. “Around here I run things. This is my school if you want to belong to anything here you have to go through me… Angela says yay or nay?” She says and I narrow my eyes at her. I wanted to kick her teeth in but I kept thinking about what my mother kept saying. No fighting Annabelle. “And tomorrow… Wear a dress that fits. We have reputation to uphold at this school.” She says and tugs at my dress. I look at her and they let me go. Everyone soon learned about my little altercation with Angela and everyone stared. Shit I hated it. I didn’t need this not the first day of school. The second interval Summer was all over me bombarding me with questions and I felt annoyed. “Did they beat you up?” She looks at me worried. Even Ethan came running to me. It pissed me off. I should have kicked her teeth in but with her girls there it would have been a mistake. Besides she wasn’t worth getting expelled over. “I’m fine and no; they didn’t beat me up… I don’t get beaten up.” I say and Ethan looks at me relieved and gives me a kiss on the forehead and walks away. Summer looks worried and I can’t think what the big deal is. The day finally came to an end and I can’t say that I was not relieved. I can’t find Summer and wonder if she is avoiding me but I can’t bust my head over it too much as I see my mom standing outside waiting for me. She looks anxious and I try to put on my biggest had an awesome day smile. “Hey” I say as I get inside and she starts searching my face. I feel annoyed and want to start cursing at her but I hold my pose. “How was your day?” She asks as she switches on the engine. I look at her and decide to lie. “It was good. Summer says I look like an idiot in this dress. She says that I should get a size that fits” I lie again and feel bad for using Summer’s name, but I know if I mention Angela’s name she would turn around right now and tell the principle what was going on in this school. “Okay… So why don’t we grab lunch and then after we can go get you a new dress.” She says and I smile.

  The dress looks better than I thought it would as it compliments my every curve. I feel I don’t know; really pretty in it. I tie my hair up in bun and smile at my reflection. The next day Angela smiles at me and nods. I think deep down she was just like me, before everyone else got a chance to judge her she made her presence known. Summer smiled too and I felt comfortable. Maybe this was not as bad as I thought it would be. The days and months flew by and we were at the end of the school year. Angela and I sort of became friends and I for some reason understood why she was such a bitch. Everyone steered clear of me even more since they saw me and Angela talking now and then, but I didn’t pay attention to them at all. When I walked out of that school’s gates in the afternoon the place and the students who filled its halls were dead to me until the next day. I did my homework and I got awesome grades. The years flew by and when Angela left everyone thought that I would take over from her but I didn’t. Why would I want to hurt and torment anyone it wasn’t my style and I couldn’t care less. In fact I started to encourage kids to do things, and later before I knew it I was captain of almost every club and team in our school. I was popular but I didn’t even notice it and didn’t care either. Nothing I did was because I wanted to be superior to anyone I just wanted people to do what they were meant to do and leave me alone. It was the annual inter-school athletics and I was just trying to be invisible in the ant farm of school kids and teachers. My parents made me attend every year and I hated it. The bathrooms were always over crowed and I really didn’t like the food they sold or anything else for that matter, but I had to attend. I had to be apart of the school spirit and I have to experience it all.

  “I’m so sorry” He says as he bumps into me. I feel annoyed “God watch where you are going” I say and look into his blue eyes. Oh my God how is that even possible. His brown skin is perfectly tanned and his hair is short and spiked but those eyes. He must be from mixed parents; that is the only way. Hell I was born from mixed parent but didn’t get eyes like that. “I said I was sorry” He says and looks at me hard and long. I feel uncomfortable under his stare. “Well watch where you are going” I say and straighten my clothes and shake my hea
d at my cool drink spilled out on the floor. I see one of his friends pulling on his arm and then he starts walking away, but he smiles at me and I frown and turn to walk away.