I wake with a soft knock on the door and I look up. The sun was high and my head was throbbing like a motherfucker. I glance over to my clock and see that it’s almost two in the afternoon. I hear the knock again and cover myself with the duvet. I really wasn’t in the mood for people right now and I know that I needed to be alone for a bit. I hear the footsteps walk away. I lie there for a long time and feel the tears burning in my eyes. Maybe I should just cry. Maybe I should break and be sad and pathetic for once in my life. Maybe I should have a meltdown. I cried for hours and hours and I looked around my room at everything I had gathered all my life which kept me sane, kept me from seeing myself kept me from loving myself. I rush downstairs to the garage my head completely buzzing with crazy. I look around for the biggest box I can find and run upstairs again. I start putting everything in the box everything I had gathered over the years and no longer needed. It was time to start again. I feel completely lost in the rampage that is my room and I start wondering if this was an even good idea. “Hey… Is everything okay here” I hear my mother’s voice and look up at her. She comes walking inside and looks around my room and I feel the insanity nestling inside my head. “Annabelle… What is going on here?” She looks at me and I feel myself break. “Annabelle honey… Oh God…” She pulls me into her arms and holds me tightly against her chest. “Why was I even doing all of this? Why did I think that this was what I had to do?” I say and point at the box of books and things that represents my life. “No one loves me no one loves a person like me” I say and cry uncontrollably. My mother stands looking at me hopeless and helpless. “People like me get… Gets the worse end of the stick…” I say and then it finally hits me. Someone was out there waiting for me so that they could hurt me. This is what this life had created for me someone who hated me enough to kill me. “His not going to stop mom… He will find me and he will…” I say and then she pulls to her again. “Don’t say that… Don’t you dare say that?” She says and I know it’s hard for her to fathom too. We stand holding each other for a while and then I pull myself together. I start packing everything up and my mom helps me in silence. My room looks different. Open and clear and I feel like I can breathe again. I look at the clock and its well after five in the afternoon. I put some comfortable clothes and shoes on and walk downstairs. “I’m going to take a walk” I say and I see my mom coming up to me worry spread all over her face. “Are you sure?” She says and she holds me in her arms again. “Yeah… I just need to clear my head” I say and I see my father coming closer too. “I will be fine… You know I have my phone and both of your numbers are on speed dial” I say and walk to the front door. I know that is not enough comfort for them at all and I wasn’t even sure where I was going or what I wanted to think about but I knew that I had to get out of the house. The sun was still high up and town was still busy. I should still be safe I think and then I start walking. Did I even want to be safe or did I want to be… No Annabelle; don’t think that way. I walk towards campus to the centre of town and all the watering holes for the thirsty peasants of the world.
It was a late Sunday afternoon and most of the student life had died down to a murmur of recollection of the events that played out the nights before. I sit and listen trying to make out what everyone was saying but never can I make out what they were feeling. Everyone was either laughing or looking dismal. It was so confusing being normal. This was it. I look down at my tea and scone and I know that if Summer was here she would have scolded me saying that it was going to go straight to my ass and I would eat it anyway because I really didn’t care about the size of my ass on days like this. I take my first bite and it really is something like I would think heaven would be. I close my eyes for just second and savour the sweet taste.
“Hi…” I hear a voice and it brings me back to reality. I open my eyes and look into his. He looks like shit and his eyes are still blood shot. He smells like a brewery and he was still wearing last night’s jeans and t-shirt. “Listen I just wanted to say I’m sorry for ruining the party last night…It hasn’t been my best week” He says and I don’t say anything in return. I see him staring hard at me and I wait. “I don’t really remember everything that happened but I know that I saw you there. My friend’s say I was pretty fucked up” He says and I look at him eye brows raised and I wait. “I think I lost my wallet and my keys somewhere and I can’t get into my apartment… My phone’s battery died and I’ve been wondering around in this fucking town for the last couple of hours” He says and I want to feel sorry for him, but I really just can’t. “I could really use a coffee right now” He says and looks at the open seat next to me. I feel torn. He does look horrible and his story is pretty pathetic. “Sure… Why don’t you sit down” I say and he smiles at me brightly. I don’t return the smile and just look down at my phone. It was six o’clock and the sun was still high up. I wave the waitress to the table and I order him a cup of coffee. We sit in silence and I look out at the people coming and going. He looks at me hard and I look at him. “So what’s your deal Ice Princess” He says and for the first time in years hearing that name it doesn’t infuriate me. “My deal… And my name is Annabelle.” I say to him and he lifts his brow at me. He finishes his coffee in a few gulps and waves at the waitress again and orders another cup. “I will totally repay you for this…” He says and opens the menu. He looks like a zombie out of some very badly written horror movie. I look at him and then I ask. “What is your deal James King?” And he looks up at me. “What is my deal?” He says and sit back looking at his reflection in the mirror across from us. I look at him too. “Do you know how beautiful you are Annabelle?” My mind is trying to register the words that had come out his mouth and is now floating up in the air around us. I look at him in the mirror and try to hide my shock. “The first time I saw you it was in grade eleven at the sports…I had run into and knocked your cool drink out of our hand… Your hair was long then and I loved it. You looked at me like I was shit and that you weren’t going to take shit from me. I remember walking through that whole stadium trying to find you and then I did…I couldn’t talk to you. I just stood there in the distance looking at you. I just wanted to remember your face. I saw you talking to Summer and I asked her about you when we started here… She said that you were a loner and some other stuff… She didn’t say that you guys were related…” He says and I feel my body start to shake. That was where I had seen his blue eyes before. “She told me that I was going to waste my time and I should just let it go… And I did. In matric I met Chloe…” He says then looks away as the waitress brings his coffee. “Hey can I have a large cheese burger meal” He says and the waitress nods. She looks over at me and smiles shyly. She must think that we are together. I look at my phone and see that it’s almost six thirty. Dusk was falling and I needed to get back home. I hadn’t come with my car. “So you think you know me?” I say and I wait for him to say something. “No… But believe me I was dying to get to know you… I still kind of am…” He says and looks at me and I see the life returning to his face. “Why?” I say and look at him suspiciously he clearly doesn’t remember everything he had said to me the night before at Summer’s party. He smiles at me. “Are you kidding me…You’re the Ice Princess…” He says and moves closer to me and I feel hot under his stare. “Everyone wants to know what your deal is…” He says and I know what that’s means. I was a chase. I roll my eyes and look at my phone. I think I will have to call my father to come and collect me. It wasn’t safe for me to walk around at night… Not with someone out there looking to… I feel the words echo in my mind and I can’t bring myself to say. “But I saw you that day… Your eyes were wild and your lips were wise… You are like a rare species of amazing and special…” He says and I’m flustered. “Something God created to punish men with… Everything every man wants but way out of their grasp. No man will ever feel worthy of having you” he says and I gasp for air as the words choke me slightly. “So we settle for less… Someone we know is going to brea
k our hearts and turn us into pigs and wait until another Annabelle comes crossing our paths…” He says and I see the waitress put his food down in front of him and he smiles at me. “But you look different… What happened?” He asks and frowns. I feel like he has just gutted open my soul and was walking around in the rooms of my heart. “I had a meltdown” I feel like cutting my tongue out as the words sudden come rumbling out of my mouth. He looks at me worried and I feel annoyed. I don’t want him worrying about me he doesn’t even know me. “What did you have a meltdown about… what happened” He says and stops eating waiting for me to answer him. “Nothing that concerns you… Personal stuff” I lie and he looks at me hard again before he starts eating again. “Well whatever it is… I’m sorry… It’s really not a great place to be… You lose all sense of self and become someone who you think you ought to be but it’s not… Just hold on to you through this time” He says and I feel hot and my heart is pounding hard in my chest. “I mean look at me… I feel like I’m living outside of my body. You think this is me? Fucking getting drunk losing my shit… Not caring about anything or anyone” He says and looks at me as I observe him. “Well I do care… And I really need you to care about our assignment” I say before I could stop myself. He looks at me and smiles softly. “Don’t worry Belle… I won’t forget” He says and I smiles at him and I see his breath get caught. “I have to go” I say and reach for my bag and take out my wallet to pay for your bill. “Please stay…” He says and grabs my hand. Our eyes meet and my words get caught in the pit of my stomach. He looks desperate and broken. Oh God those eyes… How can I say no to those eyes.
Loving Annabelle Page 15