Chapter Ten
“So where do you think you lost your shit?” I ask while we stand outside waiting for my father to come and get me. He had told me everything that had happened between him and Chloe and for the most part I had decided to not say anything. I tried to understand as much of it as I can but it really came down to her leaving him for a better life. A part of me felt sorry for him, he did love her and wanted to share his life with her but it seems that she didn’t feel the same. “I really have no idea… I’m just hoping my brother is at home yet… I really don’t feel like standing in front of a locked door.” He says and looks down at me. “Hopefully wherever I left it they had sent me a text saying that it’s there” He says and looks at his dead phone. I feel the curiosity welling up inside suddenly. “How did end up alone today?” I ask and he looks at me questioning. “I mean you have so many friends and you guys seem to go everywhere with each other… Why we’re you wondering around alone today” I say and wait for him to answer me. He looks at me hard and I know that the wheels were turning in his head. “I… I…” He wants to answer me and then I see my father approach and I’m distracted. “Hey… Thanks again for this…” He says and points to the restaurant. I smile at him as my father stops across the street and I smile at him. “Sure… Not a problem… You looked near death and I need you alive if we are going to pass our last assignment for the year” I say and he smiles at me brightly. I wave at him and get in the car. He waves back as we drive away. I feel my stomach turning again and something else settles in. Excitement maybe? I look over at my father who looks back at me curious. “You okay love?” He says and I feel giddy inside. “Yeah…” I say and look out of the window in the side mirror and see him watching us as we drove off. Oh God… I was falling.
“Who was that?” I hear my dad ask as we turn the corner and head for our house. “Oh that was James my partner on the assignment. I ran into him and we had coffee and talked a little.” I say and feel good for telling the truth for the first time in a week about him and what he was. “Oh…” My father says and we head home. I look at him and he seems relaxed. “So mom says you threw out all the old books and stuff” For a moment I had forgotten about my meltdown. “Yeah… It was time dad” I say and he doesn’t say a word. I always thought that we had a different type of relationship. He was the one man I could count on to understand me. Sometimes he did things because my mother would force him, but I knew he didn’t really care about anything as long as I was happy. That was all that mattered to him. “So have you thought about what you are going to do next?” He says and I know he meant the future. I had been looking out for a job but I really wanted to travel a bit. “Travel maybe” I say and he looks at me surprised. “Really?” He asks and I nod. I think about it for a second. “Work abroad maybe” I say and he looks at me hard. I know that I got his attention now. “Work…That sounds a little permanent” he says and I can hear the worry in his voice. “Yeah… Maybe it’s time for a change dad” I say and I see him grip the steering wheel tighter. I know that he had worked on the road most of his life and when I was still a baby but he could handle it. “I sent my stuff to a publishing house in London… They said it was quite impressive. They said that they were going to let me know” I say and I see my father look over at me shocked. “You already started looking without talking to me and your mother… I mean come on Annabelle this is not a decision you can just make on your own” He says and feel the anger in me coming alive. “What does that mean?” I say and I know exactly what he means. “You’re thinking of leaving the country and you don’t think it’s something you need to discuss with your mother and I” He says and I feel angry livid really. “It’s not your decision dad. It’s my life and I will do whatever I see fit for me… There is really nothing you can do about it… What are you going to do? Lock me up in the house because you don’t want me leaving” I say and we stop in front of our house. My father looks over at me and I know he can see that I’m upset. “Look that is not what I mean… I mean maybe you should look at other options before you jump on the first plane and run across the world” He says and throws his hands up in the air. “I’m not staying here dad… The first offer I get…I’m leaving” I say and open the door and get out of the car. I really wished I was back at Res right now and not here with them. “Annabelle…” I hear my father talk behind me and I walk into the house. I see my mother walking to the door to greet us but she detects the tension and stops smiling. “Annabelle… You can’t just decide something like that” I hear my father say and I stop and turn to him. “It’s over dad… Stop trying to run my life… I’m not a fucking child anymore your bullshit brainwashing is not working on me anymore. I’m done with you and with everyone just like you” I say and my mother steps in front of me. “What is going on?” She asks and holds me in place. “I’m leaving… I’m going overseas” I say and pull myself out of her arms and walk up stairs. “Leaving” She says and I start walking faster up the stairs. “What happened…? Why is she upset” I hear her talking to my father and then I hear their voice fade as I walk into my room and shut the door behind me. I let out a little sigh and take off my bag and throw it on the bed next to my Romeo and Juliet book. I walk over to it and pick it up. I stand thinking about it for a second and then I glance over at my laptop. I should write what I’m feeling right now. I take the book and run through the pages and see all the notes I have made. I decided to start working on my part of the assignment. At least get a head start on the paper. James and I can discuss it all later and decided what we are going to keep and what not. I feel excitement running through my veins as I remember everything he had said to me before and for a second I feel like smiling. Then I remember what he had said to me the night before at Summer’s party and stop. My feel my conscious trying to tell me that he was in bad space and he wasn’t thinking when he said all those things. But I still couldn’t let it go. I look at my laptop screen and try to focus on the paper. When I start it feels like I can’t stop and I lose track of time. I feel my stomach growling and look at the clock. Its ten past eleven. Wow the time had surely flown. My parents had steered clear of me the whole night but I know they will eventually bring it up again. The whole house is quiet and I feel a chill running down my spine. Don’t be such a pussy Belle… There is no one in this house that is going to hurt you. I walk downstairs flipping on every light switch on my way to the kitchen. I rest assured knowing that I’ve always done that since I was a kid. I hated the dark but learned to live with it. I look in the fridge for my food I hadn’t eaten for lunch and heat it up. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I feel my stomach tighten. I wait for the figure to come around the corner. Deep in my heart I know it was either my mother or father but I still awaited the worse. Why was I so scared? I see my mom coming around the corner and then I sigh with relieve. “You’re up late…” She says and hears the bell of the microwave chime. I walk over and take out the plate of food. “Yeah completely forgot I hadn’t eaten today” I say and walk over to the kitchen table. My mother walks over to the kettle and starts making herself a cup of coffee. I feel like she is invading my space but I allow her to be. I wasn’t in the mood to fight with her. “So what is keeping you up this late” She asks and I know this was her way of bringing up the leaving thing. “The paper. I’m just busy getting all my thoughts and stuff down before James and I start on putting it all together.” I say and take my first fork of food. My mother was a damn good cook and I loved that I about her. She inspired me to learn how to cook at an early age, but I still preferred her food over mine. She would call me lazy and I would call it love. “Oh… So you and James managed to sort things out…I’m so glad babe” She says and I see her smile. She seemed calm and relaxed. “Yeah I’m glad too…Now I just hope he can keep it together long enough to finish the paper in time.” I say and my mother lifts her brows in agree. “So do you feel better? Did you manage to find some clarity today” She asks and I look at her hard. I know she is talk
ing about the meltdown and I had seen the fear in her eyes. “I don’t know… I’m just freaked about the future. All my life that was the goal to be a success to be the best… To not get distracted and to stay focussed and now with everything that is going on I just wonder if it’s all worth it… I know what I want to be but I don’t know if all this was really necessary? I look at my life and I realized that it was all in my head. I had shut myself away inside myself but the world and all the people around sees me… Judge me… And now someone out there wants to hurt me?” I say and I the fear burn hot in chest. “What did I do to deserve this mom?” I say and look at her searching in her eyes for the answers that I know I will never find. “Is that why you feel you need to leave?” She finally asked after a long while. I look at her and smile softly letting her know that I didn’t want to fight about this. “No…I’ve actually been thinking about it for a while… I’m mean; I’ve been locked up inside myself for so long. I just think a change would be good… A completely different world is what I need. And yes I have been sending my stuff out and I’m waiting… This is not me trying to punish you and dad or me running away it’s something for me. I want to do this… I need to do this” I say and she smiles at me. “I know what you mean… When I left London all those years ago… That was how I felt. And believe me it was the best choice I had ever made. I met your father and I got really good exposure for my book. I believe that as long as you know why you want to do it and you’re honest with yourself about it, you should do it” She says and I can’t believe what I was hearing. “Thanks mom” I say and she smiles at me. “Well… I will talk to your father and make him see reason, but you do what makes you happy. You deserve it.” She says and gets up from her chair and comes walking over me. “I love you Annabelle” She says and kisses my head. I close my eyes and can’t imagine a time where I had loved my mother more than I loved her now. I get up from the chair and pull her into my arms. “I love you too mom… So much” I say and swallow back the lump in my throat. She holds me close to her and I hear her sniff back her love for me too. I finish the rest of my food quickly and then walk back upstairs. As I enter my room I see my phone’s notification light flashing. I walk over to the phone and open the screen. It was text. You still up? I read the message from the unknown number. It was sent twenty minutes ago and I wonder if I should reply. Maybe whoever it was sleeping already. I close the screen and put the phone down. I walk over to my laptop and see that I have written quite a few facts and that maybe I could finish up on it tomorrow.
Ping! I hear the phone go off again. Annabelle… Are you sleeping? I read the text and my heart starts beating what if it was the attacker. I look at the screen and my hands start shaking. Annabelle… It’s me James? Sorry I should have said that in the beginning… I sigh as I read his name and quickly save his contact on my phone. Hi… Yeah that is what normal people do I text back and I sit down in front of the laptop. Yeah well right now I don’t feel normal I read the text and remember our talk in the restaurant earlier. Do I really want to engage with him more and become a part of his pity party? So what are you busy with this late? I took too long to reply and feel glad when he starts a platonic conversation. I’m busy with my notes for the assignment I type back and he quickly replies. Oh… Don’t you ever take a break? I read the text and roll my eyes at the screen Yes… I type back. Is your hair still long… You never wear it loose anymore. I feel my heart pounding hard in my chest. Should I reply? It’s not that long… But I prefer it up in this heat. I type back and wait
I’m sorry I was an asshole to you… I don’t know what came over me. You just made me feel like I was shit again. I’m just tired of feeling like shit I read the message and for a second I don’t know how to reply, but in a way I understood what he was talking about. I’m sorry too for treating you like you were dumb…It’s a very bad habit from not allowing anyone in. I type back and feel relieved. Well I’m glad we got that out of the way…I just wanted to tell you I found my stuff… Everything was still at Summer’s house I read and smile And I owe you a date… Since you paid for tonight’s date I feel hot and flustered. Well I’m tired as shit and tomorrow I’ve got to be up and ready for action. I read and then he sends me a smiley face and a heart. You don’t have to pay me back… And tonight was not a date I type back and he sends me a smiley face winking
Good night Annabelle. I read the message and I feel like I haven’t said all I wanted to say.
“Hey… Where have you been…You’ve been like missing in action all weekend” I hear Garett say as we meet up at the Neelsie. I look around to see if I don’t see James anywhere. “Well I could say the same for you” I say and I look at him accusing. “Well since you guys feel like hanging out with the Barbie’s and Ken’s I just thought that I would give you your space” I hear Garett say and I roll my eyes at him. “Stop being dramatic…Summer’s is my cousin and I had to go…Besides yesterday was a bad day for me” I say and we look around to see if where Nicole was tied up. “Yeah… What happened…?” I see Garett look concerned and then I wish I hadn’t brought it up. “I just think this whole attacker thing is getting to me” I say and look at him. He pulls me into his arms and holds me close. “Don’t worry about that…I got you always. No-one will ever hurt you as long I’m around. I love you Annabelle… You know you’re the only girl I will change for… But not like seriously” He says and I look at him compassionately. Garett always jokes around about me being the one girl he would not be gay for. “Where the fuck is Nicole…It’s getting late” He says and takes out his phone. I look around to see if she is not coming, but I don’t see her and I sigh. Fear starts gripping at my heart again and then I see Garett roll his eyes. “She’s running late… Well girl I’ve got to get to class… See you later honey” Garett says and kiss me on the cheek. “Sure babe… Laters” I say and start walking in the opposite direction and walk my first class. Just as I walk out of the doors I see James’s car pull out. He suddenly stops and hoots loudly at me. I press my lips together into a tight smile. He lifts up his hand to me and waves. He smiles brightly and I can’t believe it was the same man who was sitting with me last night in the restaurant. I lift up my hand and wave back to him. He pulls out further and I start walking to the class. The day moves slowly and I feel so distracted. I wonder what Nicole got up to this weekend. I wonder if she was with Ethan. I smile thinking about how lost she looks when she looked at him. I sit outside relaxing before my next class starts when I feel my phone go off. I take it out of my bag and see the text sign. I wonder who it’s from I look around me to see if there was anyone I know close by. Hi there… How is your day going?” It was from James. I sigh. I was hoping it would have been Nicole but I guess James wasn’t that bad. Day is going okay… Feeling a bit blegh I type back and he replies with a thinking face smiley and a question mark. Just not having a great day, but is not bad either… You look like you’re feeling better? I type back and wait for his reply. But he doesn’t. I feel strange at not hearing from him again and start walking to my next class. Just as I turn the corner I see him standing talking to one of the lectures. I try to get out of his view but it’s too late. “Hey Annabelle wait up” I hear him say and I stop quickly. “Hey are you running away from me” He says when he catches up with me. I look at him frowning. “No… I’m just hurrying to get to my next class” I say and point in the direction of the next class. “English… yeah I’m heading there too you know” He says and falls into step next to me. “My phone died again…I swear I need a new one…” He says and I feel relieved that he didn’t ignore me like I felt he did. “Well you seem like you’re feeling better today” I say and repeat what I had said in my text. “I do…I don’t know talking to you yesterday just kind of made me see things from a different angle… I think it’s because you didn’t try to make me see things from her side but listened to me for a change” He says and we enter the lecture hall. “Yeah well I’m learning to keep an open mind about things” I say and we walk to my
seat and he keeps following me. Oh Gosh. He was going to sit next to me. “Well I know you must have thought that I was pathetic but men have hearts and feelings too…” He says and he sits down next to me. I look at him and wonder how he would feel if I had to tell him everything I was going through. I shake my head and sigh “What?” He says and frowns. I look away trying to regain my composer. “Hey… What’s wrong?” He asks and lifts my head to him and I take a deep breath. I feel week as his blue eyes penetrate into my soul. “I’m fine… Just got a lot going on…” I look at him and turn my head to the front of the class. I don’t know why he is really doing this. “Well if you ever want to talk about it I’m right here” He say and gets comfortable in his seat as Professor Harker starts the class. Not once had he interrupted or tried to make conversation but that didn’t keep me from getting distracted. I could feel his body heat as it penetrated off his skin. I watch him as he writes down everything he feels important from the lecture and my mind wonders to where his fingers were holding the pen with each stroke how his fingers stretch. I feel stupid as he looks up and catches me staring at him. Professor Harker dismisses the class and I feel so relieved I feel like I could finally breathe. He looked at me and then he took hold of my hand and helped me come pass him so that I will walk out in front of him. As I pass him he puts his hand on my waist and we move out of the isle together. I can feel everyone’s eyes on us and I grow hot and flustered again. Why is he so nice with me? What is he doing to me? It’s like his buttering me up for some kind of slaughter. I need to stay ahead and stay strong. I let him guide me up the stairs and out the door. We stop outside and then he looks at me and then at his watch. It was half past three and the day was over. “So can we get together later so that we can start on our paper?” He says again and knocks me off guard again. I look at him and try to figure out what get together means. “I have practise till six and then I’m free… So I can come over to you or you can come over to me…” He says and then the lights come on side my head. “We can work at the Neelsie…Its normally quiet from six to eight…” I say and look at him seriously. He frowns at me for a second and then he agrees. “So I will see you around six then” He says and then gets ready to leave. I feel awkward but is quickly saved as my phone goes off inside my bag. “I will see you there… Please don’t be late” I say and he smiles at me. “I won’t…If I am you can kick me in the balls” He says and smiles at me as he walks away. I watch him as he leaves and I smiles softly to myself as I start digging in my bag for my phone and see that it’s a text from Nicole. Meet me at the Res… I need to talk to you. I read the text and my heart starts pounding hard again. I don’t know if it’s a serious I need to talk to you or if it’s a I need to talk to you about Ethan kind of talk to you. I start walking towards Res anticipating the worse. I walk up the stairs and feel a little anxiety run through my veins as I walk pass my room to Nicole’s room. I see her sitting on her bed looking at the wall. “Hey…” I say and she turns to look at me. She looks serious and I can’t read her face. “Ethan asked me to marry him” She says to me and I feel the wind being knocked out of me. “I said yes…” I see her looking at me and then she starts laughing hard and exciting. “I’m getting married!” She shouts and gets up from the bed and runs into my arms and we hold each other tight. “Wow… That is really crazy but okay… You’re getting married…To my cousin who you know for like two seconds” I say and she looks at me frowning and I try to recover myself and then I smile at her brightly
Loving Annabelle Page 16