I feel the anger well up inside me as she rambles on about doing the assignment alone. For years I was in a relationship where Chloe made me feel like she was doing me a favour for being with me and every time she cheated on me it was my own fault and then she actually got me to apologise for her infidelity. When she told me that she was dropping out of school to pursue a modelling career I had supported her and I had waited. Months went by and soon she stopped calling and texting. We barely spoke and I felt like our relationship was over. But it was like she knew I was letting go and then she would call and give me hope and we would have Skype sex or phone sex and I would be trapped again in her web of lies and her pretty face. Then one day the words I had always dreaded came out of her mouth. “It’s over James…I can’t do this anymore…I’m moving up in the world right now and I can’t keep stringing you along like this. It isn’t fare” I hear the words and feel my entire body going numb. This wasn’t happening. “Chloe please you’re not thinking straight…I thought that when you got back we were going to get married and you were going to sign with an agency here” I say as I pace my room listening to her voice. “James… We both know that this relationship was never going to last. You need to let me go and move on with your life…” She says and I bite my knuckles as the tears will up in eyes. “Goodbye James” She says and then she hangs up the phone. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I throw the phone on the bed and knock my fist into the wall. This wasn’t happening. I jump on the bed and dial her number. She didn’t mean it she loves me. I think as I listen to the phone ringing and hang up and dial again. It keeps ringing and I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my face. I feel my heart beating hard in my chest and I sit down on the edge of my bed crying like a little kid. I feel my phone vibrate and I look at the screen. It was a text from Chloe. I open it quickly sniffing back the heart break but to no avail as I read the message.
It’s over James. Please don’t call me again. I read the words and before I could think my phone hits the wall and shatters into a million pieces. I fall back onto my bed and allow my heart to break. She didn’t call again or texted. I was forced to use one of my old phones since I had smashed my new phone.
I look at her and I blow up. She looks afraid and hurt and for a brief second I actually felt bad for being so mean to her, but I was tired of how females treated me. I push pass her and walk out of the building. When I get outside I take a few deep breaths trying to get my heart from throbbing so hard and my hands from shaking. I take out my phone and dial her number again, but it goes straight to voice mail. “Chloe… Please don’t do this…I love you… I know we can make this work I know we can” I say and then I see her coming out of the building and she looks bruised and hurt. She looks at me and her eyes are hooded and hazed. I feel like shit all over again. I realize that I was still on the phone and I shake my head. I see her walking away and I wish I could go back and undo it all. The first time I get to actually talk to her it’s in an argument. “Chloe please call me when you get this” I say and hang up the phone.
A few days passed and I know that I would have to apologise and get working on our assignment but how to I take the pain out of her eyes. She barely looks at me in class and she runs out so quickly I can’t catch up with her, but that day she looked different. Our eyes met as she entered the hall and I felt myself fall. I watched her move to her usual seat and then she looks over her shoulder to me and my heart skips a beat. Today was the day, she seemed relaxed and I knew that I had to try and make things right today. Harker asked me how the assignment was going and I lied saying that it was going good but we had not even started on anything yet. “Can we talk?” I look up into her eyes and I see them glistening with sadness. Why did she look so afraid? Shit. I Try to look more relaxed but I felt like I was about to shit my pants. “Sure… I got a couple of minutes before my next class start” I say and bite hard on my teeth to keep them from chattering. I see her frown and she looks confused. What was I doing wrong? I shift my weight to my right leg and she shakes her head. We walk out of class together and I feel my body growing hot with her being so near me. I can smell her hair and her perfume and I nearly walk right into her. We get to a table along the street and then I stop knowing that walking like this was only delaying things and I had a class to get too. She almost stumbles into me and catch her before she hits my chest face first. I see her blush and wipe the hair out of her face. I wanted to do that dammit. “So what is it you want to talk about…?” I ask and put my bag down and sighs trying to make it seem as casual as possible. I can see that she is nervous and I know that whatever this is must be a big deal to her. “I don’t get it…I read it again twice and still don’t get it… It’s not speaking to me and I’ve tried; believe me. I even read up other people’s papers on this play but I just can’t…” I feel annoyed and know that his was not going to be a good conversation so I think its best that I leave before we get into a fight again and I wasn’t in the mood to fight with her. But she puts her hands on my chest making me stop and look at her. God dammit why does she have to be so beautiful? Even in this moment of weakness she still looked amazing. “Wait… Listen to me please… Try and understand…” She says and looks at me hard and urgent. I can’t I know that this was going to end up in some kind of argument about her ego and I as crazy beautiful she was I wasn’t about to have her walk all over me. “No Annabelle… You are so set in your ways that there is nothing that is going to make you see other than what you want to see… This is not going to work… I will talk to Professor Harker…” I see her eyes widen with fear and I feel my stomach turning. “No no… I will do anything to try and understand… But you need to help me… Show me what it is you want me to see…” She says almost begging and grabs my hands and holds them tight. “I can’t end the year like this… I’m not going end it like this… So why don’t you show the different side… And then if I still don’t…” she pauses and I see her mind working. “Understand that there is another way of looking at it… I will speak to Harker and tell him that I…” She sighs and I see something inside her break. This was a hard thing for her to do and it took a lot out of her to be standing here in front of me asking me to help her. I feel my heart grow bigger and bigger and I feel myself fall just a little more. “Admit defeat” She says the words softly it’s almost a whisper and looks at me still waiting for me to say something in turn. I stand in awe of her taking her in, too afraid to breathe too afraid that this was a dream. “Think about it please… Here is my number and my email so if you feel up to it… Let me know and we can start” she hands me the piece of paper with her details on. I can’t move and automatically take the piece of paper from her. “Can I ask something…?” I say as I see her gathering her things and for a second I can’t think of why I this was important to me. “Sure…” She says and I look at her hard trying to read her face. “Have you ever been in love?” I ask the question without thinking. “What…” She looks at me and I know that this wasn’t going to end well. I just thought that maybe if she was in love that maybe she would have understood the play better.
“Have you ever been in love…? Have you ever loved someone” I ask the question knowing that there was no turning back now. It was out there so I would just have to take whatever was coming my way right now.
“No.” She says the words and for a second I’m not sure I heard her correctly. “No? You’ve never been in love?” I look at her and frown. How could this be I mean she was so beautiful. I see her looking uncomfortable and wish I hadn’t asked the question. “No I have never been in love because I just never had the time” She says and I see the cold creep into her eyes again. Shit why had I open this can of worms. “No boyfriends?” I ask and feel like I can kick myself, but the curiosity inside me took flight. “What is this; twenty questions…? No I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never kissed a guy and I’m still a virgin… Now since we’ve gotten that out of the way… Is there anything else you would like to know before we can start with this assign
ment?” She says and picks up her bag again and looks at me. I feel like someone had knocked the wind out of me and all I could do was stand there looking at her. “Good… Now that you are on my page… let me know okay” She says and walks away quickly. I stand there watching her leave and feel like I can kick myself in the nuts for prying into her life like that. She probably hates me and thinks I’m an assehole. I look down at her details in my hand and start walking to my next class. I had to fight the urge to call her and to tell her I was sorry when I get my fix of Chloe again.
I call her and she is crying telling me that she was so confused and that things were happening so fast and she wishes that she had never met this guy named Ralph and I wasn’t really sure what she was trying to tell me but before I knew it I was in a pub somewhere getting completely drunk. I remember some pieces of the week and then I wake up next to some girl in I don’t know where. Try to focus my eyes at the clock and see that it was almost two in the afternoon. I’m not sure what day it is and I get up and look around me. I hear music playing somewhere in the rest of the house. I wasn’t naked thank God and neither was she. I wasn’t really in the mood for unwanted kids or baby mamma drama right now. I walk out the room and see a few girls sitting in the lounge area and they look at me. I recognised the one it was Amy. “Hey… Finally. Welcome to the land of the living babe…” She says to me and I feel my head pounding. I look around to see if I can’t find a drink, but I would have to settle for a glass of water. “What the fuck happened? Where is my shit?” I ask and feel in pockets for my keys and wallet. “You were so fucking drunk. You came here on foot and walked right into the room and just collapsed.” She says and gets up and walks over to me. “You got here when the party was over…That was like five in the morning” She says and I try hard to remember where I had been before I had gotten here. “Where is my phone?” I ask and she pulls up her shoulders. I go back into the room and look around the bed and find it lying almost underneath the bed but it was dead, the battery was flat. I look around the room and try to find my bearings. “Well I’m out… I will see you later babes” I walk over to her and kiss her cheek. I walk to town trying to clear my head and try to figure out what the fuck happened last night. I walk and start recalling things. I know I was at Summer’s party and I know that Chloe called me or I called her but she pissed me the fuck off. I remember Peter driving me home and then Gregory wasn’t there and decided to head into town and I met up with Brad and his friends and before I knew it I was at Amy’s flat looking to bust a nut but fuck I had lost my shit last night. I walk down Church Street and I see her sitting at one of the small café’s there looking into the distance beautiful as always. Then I remembered last night and how I had dug into her. Shit James can you be more of an assehole. I rub over my chin and a part of me tells me to walk away and leave her alone. Send her the email saying that I would do the assignment and keep it professional but the kid in me was just to excited at the prospect of finally having a shot with her. “Hi…” She sits with her eyes closed and I wonder what she could be thinking about right now; probably about how a big of an assehole I was. She opens her eyes and looks hard at me. She hated me I could see it and I felt like I could run into an oncoming car just to show her how sorry I was for everything I had said to her. She looks at me and then down at my clothes and I finally realized how I looked. I looked like a homeless bum. I pull my hands through my hair and know that I was just making it worse. I feel stupid and try to find the right words without sounding like a jerk. “Listen I just wanted to say I’m sorry for ruining the party last night…It wasn’t my best week” I say but she says nothing in return she only looks at me hard and angry. “I don’t really remember everything that happened but I know that I saw you there. My friend’s say I was pretty fucked up” I say and she just keeps looking raising her eyes brow at me but she doesn’t say a word. “I think I lost my wallet and my keys somewhere and I can’t get into my apartment… My phone’s battery died and I’ve been wondering around in this fucking town for the last couple of hours” Nothing… Not a smile not a frown nothing. I must have hurt her pretty bad, this was worse than then losing Chloe; Annabelle hating me I could never live with it. I must find a way to fix it. “I could really use a coffee right now” I say and look at the empty seat beside her and I see her flinch. Then she sighs and I know she was taking pity on me but she wasn’t really showing any emotions. I think she also changed her mind because people were starting to stare at me yelling my sorries to her. “Sure… Why don’t you sit down” She says to me and I can’t help my smile with gratitude. She doesn’t smile back but glances down at her phone to check the time. I see it was six o’clock and it was getting dark. She waves to the waitress and I order me a cup of coffee and we sit in silence. She avoids me and looks at all the people walking by and I sit and watch her. She was something else. I had never met a woman like her. She was smart and I know she had a heart even if she acted like she didn’t care. Finally she looked at me and I could read her mind. “So what’s your deal Ice Princess” I say and wait for her to flare up and lash out at me like she did all those times before when people called her that. But she doesn’t; she just looks at me. “My deal… And my name is Annabelle.” She says to me and I lift my brow to her. I finish my coffee in a few gulps and waves at the waitress again and order another cup. “I will totally repay you for this…” I say and feel my stomach rumbling with hunger. I open he menu and look through it quickly. She looks at me as if I was deranged and then she asks me the question. “What is your deal James King?” I look at her and for a second I’m not sure what she is asking me. “What is my deal?” I look up and see my reflection in the mirror and see her looking at me too. I can’t help myself and before I know it the words come running out of mouth. “Do you know how beautiful you are Annabelle?” She looks stunned and I feel my heart swell with some emotion I can really place right now. She keeps looking in the mirror and I recall the first time I had seen her. “The first time I saw I was in grade eleven at the sports…I had run into and knocked your cool drink out of our hand… Your hair was long then and I loved it. You looked at me like I was shit and that you weren’t going to take shit from me. I remember walking through that whole stadium trying to find you and then I did…I couldn’t talk to you. I just stood there in the distance looking at you. I just wanted to remember your face. I saw you talking to Summer and I asked her about you when we started here… She said that you were a loner and some other stuff… She didn’t say that you guys were related…” I say and she sits looking at me in the mirror motionless. “She told me that I was going to waste my time and I should just let it go… And I did. I met Chloe…” I continue and the waitress breaks our stare when she puts the coffee down in front of me. “Hey can I have a large cheese burger meal?” I say to the waitress and she nod then she smiles shyly, she must think that we are together, but Annabelle didn’t look like she was embarrassed by her clearly still shit hung-over boyfriend. She look at me and then down at her phone again. She looks outside and then she frowns. “So you think you know me?” She suddenly says and looks at me waiting for me to say something. “No… But believe me I was dying to get to know you… I still kind of am…” I say to her and she narrows her eyes at me. “Why?” She asks again and looks at me suspiciously. I can’t help but smile. “Are you kidding me…You’re the Ice Princess…” I say and move in closer to her and she shifts as I look at her. “Everyone wants to know what your deal is…” As soon as I said it I knew it came out wrong. She looks at me disappointed. She rolls her eyes and looks at her phone again. “But when I saw you that day… Your eyes were wild and your lips were wise… You are like a rare species of amazing and special…” I say and draw her attention back to me and I see her blush. “Something God created to punish men with… Everything every man wants but way out of their grasp. No man will ever feel worthy of having you” I say and I see her mouth fall open slightly. This woman was clearly oblivious to the affect she had o
n people. “So we settle for less… Someone we know is going to break our hearts and turn us into pigs and wait until another Annabelle comes crossing our paths…” I say as I see the waitress approaching with my food and I didn’t want her eavesdropping on our conversation. I turn my plate a few times and then I look at her attentively. “But you look different… What happened?” I say and look at her thinking about what it could be. She looks shocked and can’t understand why. “I had a meltdown” I Hear the words and for a second I wasn’t sure if she was making fun of me or if she was serious, but I look at her and see the pain in her eyes. I put my fork down and look at her. “What did you have a meltdown about… what happened” I ask and wait for her to tell me what was going on. “Nothing that concerns you… Personal stuff” I know she was lying but I respect her decision not to tell me I mean we didn’t know each other and she didn’t owe me anything. I look her again and then resume eating. “Well whatever it is… I’m sorry… It’s really not a great place to be… You lose all sense of self and become someone who you think you ought to be but it’s not… Just hold on to you through this time” I say trying to give her the best advice that I can but I could feel my heart pounding hard in my chest. I was sitting at a table with the girl of my dreams. “I mean look at me… I feel like I’m living outside of my body. You think this is me? Fucking getting drunk losing my shit… Not caring about anything or anyone” I say and points to my person and she looks at me attentively. “Well I do care… And I really need you to care about our assignment” she says and looks at me again and I smile at her softly. “Don’t worry Belle… I won’t forget” I say and I feel my breath get caught lightly. “I have to go” I hear her say and I feel the panic rise up inside me. No I don’t want her to go just yet. She reaches for her bag and I take her hand. “Please stay…” I say and our eyes meet again and for a second I don’t have anything else to say and hope that that was enough and she will in deed stay with me. She stays and sits back down and I wave the waitress who brings another round of coffee. She smiles at me and I know that I looked like shit and that she must think that I’m a pathetic human being. But she was here and she listened. I ended up telling her everything about Chloe and I waited for her to be judgemental and side with Chloe but she didn’t. Yes she did give me some constructive criticism but mostly she just listen… And figured that was what I needed right now, someone who would just listen to me and try to understand my heart and what I was feeling. After another cup of coffee it was time for her to leave and I know I had to make my way back home too. “So where do you think you lost your shit?” She asks as we stand outside waiting for father to come and pick her up. “I really have no idea… I’m just hoping my brother is at home yet… I really don’t feel like standing in front of a locked door. I say and look at her as she is looking at me. “Hopefully wherever I left it they had sent me a text saying that it’s there” I say and look down at my dead phone again. Suddenly she looks at me and then I see something in her eyes. “How did you end up alone today?” She asks and looks at me questioning. “I mean you have so many friends and you guys seem to go everywhere with each other… Why we’re wondering around alone today” She asks and I feel taken aback by the question or a while. I know what the question means but I can’t find a good enough answer. I think about it hard and still nothing. “I… I…” I want to answer but then I see her moving forward and I see the car approaching and I assume it must be her father. “Hey… Thanks again for this…” I say before she forgets completely about me. She smiles at me as we see her father stop across the street from us.
Loving Annabelle Page 21