Hate F*@k: The Complete Story

by Ainsley Booth

  I hate it.

  “It’s a long story,” he says as he jams his hands in his pockets, shoving his jacket out of the way. He hangs his head for a moment, looking at the floor, and when he glances up again, his face is ragged—there’s more emotion in his eyes and around his mouth than I’ve ever seen before, but it’s not all good. “How much of it do you want?”

  “I don’t know,” I say quietly. Only a few feet separate us, but it’s too much. I step into his space. He keeps his hands in his pockets. I ignore that and touch him anyway, finding some comfort in the tensing ridges of his abdomen. He holds ever-so-still, heat radiating off him, as I wiggle my fingers up his torso. When I’ve grounded myself in the reassuring solidity of his tall, broad, and delicious body, I grab a fistful of his shirt in the middle of his chest and scowl. “Let’s start with the fact that Penny is an agent of what?”

  “She works for the Department of Justice.”

  “As…”

  “A Federal Marshal.”

  “She looks like a socialite!”

  “She’s that, too.”

  Processing that takes a minute. I breathe in his sweet, spicy cologne, remembering how it used to drive me crazy. It still does, but now it’s also…there’s this promise with Cole, that he’ll always be there for me. He’s going to piss me off and hurt me by accident, but he’s always going to try to make it right.

  “So she’s not just an ex-girlfriend.” I release his shirt, and like a shot, one of his hands is out of his pockets and wrapped around my wrist. Holding me to him.

  “I should never have called her that,” he says roughly, dragging my hand to his face. He presses a kiss to my palm and closes his eyes.

  “But you did.”

  “I did. Just to you.”

  “Why?” I already know, but I feel like we need to recap this, just in case I’ve been dreaming all this time.

  “To push you away.”

  “It didn’t really work well, did it?”

  He laughs and shakes his head, still pressing his face into my palm.

  “But she’s still in your life.”

  “This is the first time I’ve seen her since that night at the opera. It’s only because I needed to introduce her to Clara.”

  “So your relationship before was just professional?” He freezes, and my stomach flip-flops uncomfortably. “Uhm, forget I asked that.”

  “No.” His jaw clenches against my fingers, and he opens his eyes, fixing that bright amber gaze right on me. Unwavering. “I want you to know.”

  “Why?”

  Cole just stares at me. “Because I love you.”

  I blink up at him and burst into tears.

  —nine—

  Cole

  “Fuck me,” I mutter under my breath. Shit, I suck at this. “Is that bad?” I bend at the knees, bringing us face to face as Hailey furiously wipes away the tears on her cheeks. “Hailey?”

  “I love you too, you asshole.” She glares at me and it’s the best thing in the world.

  I laugh and pull her close. “That would be more believable without the last bit.”

  The tension I’ve been holding in my chest eases as she slides her arms over my shoulders, burying her face in my neck.

  “You love me?” she repeats, her words muffled as she burrows deeper into my skin. That’s okay. It’s where she belongs.

  “Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Didn’t really know how to say it. Never have before.”

  She shakes her head at me.

  “What?”

  “That’s how you make everything right. You make me melt, Cole.”

  I can’t help but grin. Damn, I like the sound of that. I like how she kisses my throat and along my jaw even better, and when she finds my lips with hers, I don’t care that there are people on the other side of the wall. I’ve got decent insulation. I push her lips open with the tip of my tongue, just a tease because we’ve still got stuff to talk about, but enough to remind her of our conversation this morning, and how I kissed her neck and pulled her hair.

  From the way she’s curving into me, I know she’s thinking about it too. I want to ask her if she’s wet, and if she remembered my promise to take her at the first opportunity.

  Instead, I nip at her lower lip, then suck on it gently to sooth the sting—and then I pull back.

  “Hey, keep doing that,” she breathes, and fuck, but I want to.

  “Still got stuff to talk about, beautiful. Gotta air it all out, get it out of your head.”

  “I didn’t think…when I saw you and Penny. I didn’t get all jealous.” She pauses. “Okay, just a tiny bit. But I knew you wouldn’t.”

  “I wouldn’t.” It needs to be repeated.

  She hesitates, then asks, “Are you still close?”

  “We’ve never been close.”

  “But you dated, for real. Had sex.”

  “Dating was mutually beneficial. I could trust her. Sex was functional. Fun, even.” She scowls at me, but I’ve got a point to make. “I’m not going to lie. The occasional thirty minutes of banging or watching each other bang other people was a half-way decent way to pass time.”

  “Thirty minutes?” Her eyes go all soft. She gets my point.

  God, this feeling in my chest…the tension has been replaced by something so much bigger. It’s hot and and uncomfortable and I think I like it. “At the most.”

  “Damnit, Cole, tales of your exploits aren’t supposed to melt me.”

  I stroke a finger down her nose and over her lips, taking my time. “Do I need to spell out how what you and I have is different on every level?”

  “No.” She’s still pouting, but her eyes have gone all warm now.

  “Do you want me to anyway?”

  She nods, and I slide my hand back into her hair, gathering it in my fist. I give it a tug that gets my blood racing again, and hers too, from the look on her face. She licks her lips, leaving them wet and juicy, and I want to drag her onto her knees and slide my cock over them. Instead I hold her close and try to explain how what we have and how we have it is so much more than anything I’ve ever had in the past. “Physical release, then leave me the hell alone. That’s all I ever wanted until I met you. Then I spent six months running scared from how you made me feel, what you made me think. Now I’m all in, because when I’m with you? I just want more. Always. When I take you fast, it’s just so I can do it again. When I take you slow, it’s because I can’t get over how good you feel. Taste. Sound. I don’t want to miss any of it and I never want it to end, so I stretch it out. And it’s still not enough.”

  “Because you love me…”

  I nod roughly, leaning over her, backing her up until she bumps into my bed.

  Hailey Reid in my bed. Fuck, I fought this for so long. Such an idiot.

  She nuzzles my jaw, my stubble scratching her cheek, and she makes a whimpering sound that takes my half-chub to a full-blown, aching erection. “I love it when you do that.”

  “What?”

  “When you’re heavy,” she whispers, opening her mouth against my cheek. She licks me, tasting my skin, and it makes me press against her even harder. “I can’t explain it.”

  “I love it when you lick me,” I grunt, working at the button on her pants. “Don’t need to explain it. It’s just…” right. Fuck, I’m such a sap for her.

  And she’s fucking soaked for me.

  “Your ex-girlfriend is in the next room,” she hisses as I slide my fingers between her pussy lips, but she still rocks into my touch. Because we can’t help ourselves.

  “Want me to stop?” I don’t. I just slow my strokes, coating my fingers in her juices. Spreading them around.

  “We should. Don’t you have to go out there?” She gasps as I rock my fingertips over her clit. “Seriously, Cole…”

  “You think I’m not serious about bending you over my bed and fucking you?”

  She giggles, then moans again, pressing her lips together to keep it inside. “Noooo…”<
br />
  Fucking taunting me. I drag myself up and look down at her, splayed out on my bed, her jeans open and her shirt sliding up on the pale skin of her belly.

  She looks like the university student she was mere months ago. In my suit and tie, I feel like the big bad wolf, older and more grizzled than my thirty-one years, and while I know we could do this—in another moment, would both get off on the semi-publicness, the secret moment—I don’t want to.

  Because I’m not such an asshole that I can’t remember she was scared tonight, and my first responsibility is to protect her. “You feeling better?”

  She nods, slowly, her golden brown hair spread out beneath her on my bed.

  “I should have told you I was in the city. I just didn’t know how long we’d be here tonight.” It’s already close to midnight, and I don’t know what Penny’s plan is for moving Clara to a safe house.

  Hailey slides her hands over her mid-section, her fingers teasing at the open space where I just had my hand. My blood, already simmering, starts to boil. “You have to go out there.”

  A statement. She’s not wrong.

  “Yeah.”

  She hooks her thumbs into her jeans at the waist and wriggles them down her hips, revealing her basic black underwear. Never seen anything hotter. “Then go do that. I’ll be waiting here when you’re done.”

  —ten—

  Hailey

  Cole’s in the living room for an hour, maybe more. I doze off to the drone of voices, curled up in his bed. There’s no part of me that wants to be involved in whatever plan they’re doing. Keeping a witness safe, that’s all I need to know.

  But when he opens the door, I roll over, suddenly awake again. The lamp beside me is the only light in the room. I watch as he moves around the room, stripping off his clothes. Jacket, pants, and shoes in the walk-in closet. Shirt, boxer briefs, and socks dropped in a lidded hamper by the bathroom.

  I can’t breathe properly as he prowls toward me, totally naked. Tattoos crawling over one shoulder. Scar tissue decorating the other. Hard, lean six-pack dancing just out of stroking range as he climbs on top of me, shoving my shirt up my body as he moves.

  His mouth lands on my stomach first, hot and wet. His tongue slides up between my breasts, then his entire mouth covers one nipple, sucking me hard through my bra. The mesh and lace barrier changes the sensation, holding the damp heat next to my skin and allowing him to be rougher.

  I cry out as he sinks his teeth around my tender flesh, tugging my nipple deep into his mouth. Against my legs, his cock hangs heavy. I want him in my hands, want to cup his balls and pull him up higher on my body so I can swallow his length and have his musky taste on my tongue.

  I want him inside me, too.

  I want it all.

  “They’re gone?” I ask, twining my limbs restlessly, urgently around his body.

  He doesn’t look up from where he’s devouring my skin, making me burn. “Do you want them gone? Or do you want me to take you, knowing there are people on the other side of the wall? Knowing that if you scream, they’ll know I’ve just shoved my cock inside your wet, hungry pussy?”

  His heated words brand me and I whimper, rocking my pelvis against his hand as he cups my mound on the outside of my underwear.

  “You’ll have to be quiet. I’m gonna take you hard and fast.”

  “So you can do it again?”

  He grins, one hundred percent predator, and spins me around, turning me as he crawls backward off the bed. I yelp as he grips my hips, moving me right off the bed, then folds me forward. Ass in the air.

  And my pussy squeezes, wishing it had him inside to feel it.

  “I haven’t even had a chance to tell you how much I hate your apartment,” I whisper as he rips off my underwear. “And I don’t have another pair of those here.”

  “You don’t need them. If I had my way, you’d be naked all the time.”

  “Sounds cold.”

  He lazily spanks first one ass cheek, then the other. “We need to talk about how naughty you were, ditching Scott earlier.”

  “I came straight here.”

  Another swat. My nipples ache and I rub them against the blanket, the wet lace of my bra reminding me of Cole’s mouth there, stretching my arms in front of me like a cat.

  “That was dangerous,” he growls.

  “I’m sorry.” But I’m not. It was fine and now I’m here and this is perfect.

  “You should have called me.”

  I’m glad I’m not looking at him. I close my eyes and press my forehead on to the bed before admitting, “You would have told me I was being silly.”

  Instead of answering, he nudges me with his erection, and thrusts into me as soon as he finds my opening. Sounds spill out of me as he drags himself out and does it again, each surge more intense than the last. Deeper. Sweeter. More filling.

  Swat. “I will never think you’re silly.” Slap. The bite of each open-handed tap instantly fades into a lasting, erotic warmth that soothes and arouses me. “You’re amazing. Strong. Honest, Kind. Human.” He folds over my back, fucking me so hard it steals my breath. “So fucking beautiful, Hailey. Never silly.”

  I can’t think straight. No, I can’t think at all. There are things to say, arguments to be made, but I don’t have them. I just have Cole’s words filling me up as surely as his cock stretches my pussy. As his hands brand my ass.

  Against my ear, he’s talking again. “You need me, you tell me.”

  Sometimes I can’t.

  His mouth is on the back of my neck now, his teeth against my skin, and I want his hands on my breasts. I try to lift up, but he’s got my hips pinned against the side of the bed, and all that does is rock my clit against the edge of the mattress.

  “Oh my God,” I moan, spreading my legs wider. I want that again, and when he rocks into me again, I get it. “Oh yeah. Do that…”

  He bites me, and I realize he thinks it’s his mouth on the back of my neck. Okay, that works too. Jesus, my mind is spinning in twelve different directions.

  And Cole keeps fucking me, hard and fast. “Gorgeous,” he mutters against my back. “So tight. Can I come in you?”

  Holy shit. I wasn’t even thinking about that. He pulled out yesterday. “Uhm…”

  He chuckles against my back and slams into me, holding himself deep as he slides one hand beneath me, across my belly. Going straight for my clit, but I’m good there.

  “Nipples,” I gasp, and he changes direction.

  “Come for me. Be a good girl and have a fucking orgasm all over my dick. Make me feel it.”

  He’s got both of my tits out of my bra, and he’s squeezing them together with one hand, his thumb working one nipple, a slow roll, and maybe his ring finger one the other. I don’t know. I can’t see it, I can just feel it, but I’m feeling a lot of things.

  Inside me, I’m coiling tight. My core is throbbing, all the way from my clit, through all the nerve endings he’s rubbing deep inside me, to the top of my effing womb.

  And he’s still biting my neck and shoulder, little nibbles that make me gush each time his teeth sink into my flesh.

  I’m going to die. Or come, I’m not sure which.

  “Mmphf,” I say, not even a word, but that’s okay because now Cole’s grunting too. His legs brace behind me, nothing but two pillars of muscle, pistoning his hips as he thunders into me. Around my torso, his arms are bands of steel, biceps bulging as he pins me down and works me over.

  I’m sweaty, panting, aching…and over the moon happy. Deep inside me, the thick head of Cole’s erection rocks over the perfect spot, shifting my body forward, making my clit rub against the blanket at the same time as he pinches a nipple, and I tumble headlong into an earth-shattering orgasm.

  This is one of those climaxes that keeps going, probably because he’s still going. I arch my back, my clit suddenly too sensitive to touch anything, and Cole somehow climbs onto the bed, getting me up on my knees as he keeps screwing me, and now I’m
full-on moaning with each deep penetration as the ripples of sensation start all over again. I’m clawing at the blanket, my thighs shaking, and it feels like I’m full of jello.

  Orgasms are weird.

  With a strangled cry, Cole pulls out and comes on my back. I’m starting to think he likes that. Like he’s marking me. He slides beside me, tugging me down, flat on my belly, and I can still feel it on my back.

  I’ll give him a minute before I ask for a washcloth.

  Maybe he’s not the only one who likes it. God, he’s turning me into a deviant.

  I twist my head and look at him. “They’re not still out there, are they?”

  It’s not really a question, but maybe it sounds like one, because he looks at me with real surprise on his face.

  “Uh…no.” He grins. “But I liked that you didn’t know and still let yourself go.”

  “At some point you’re going to want to explore that more, aren’t you?”

  “Your closet exhibitionism?” He kisses my shoulder and gives my butt a pat as he gets up. “Only if it works for you.”

  When I’m turned on, I think I’ll do anything with this man. It’s after the sex is over that I crawl back into the good girl shell, carefully constructed by years of private school slut-shaming, and doubt slips through the cracks.

  As he cleans me up, I remember the casual way he asked where he should come and I bury my face in the pillow. I feel the bed shift as he tosses the washcloth in the direction of the bathroom, then he hauls me against his chest—where I promptly hide my face again.

  “What’s with the sudden shyness, beautiful?”

  I blush. “I was just thinking about how you asked about coming inside me.”

  He kisses the top of my head and I blush harder. “Well, yeah…”He strokes his hand over my shoulder, then keeps going, touching me all over, his long arms meaning that no part of my body is out of his reach. He squeezes my breasts and strokes my hip. “I thought you missed a day or two of your pills in Miami.”