Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

  Kai sits up and stares at me, his eyebrows raised and his mouth hanging open in shock. “Wow, Sammy. Don’t hold back or anything. That was harsh.” He looks crushed, hurt glitters in his slightly glowing eyes. Guilt pricks at my insides, but I can’t give in. He’ll just forget everything I’ve said. I roll my eyes at him and look away. Wait a minute, did he call me Sammy? He’s only ever called me Sam. I peek over at him. He’s frowning at the floor beside the bed. Maybe my words are sinking in.

  “My favorite animal is the dog. What’s yours?” I ask, guilt taking over.

  He hesitates, and then decides to answer without looking at me. “I’ve always liked dogs too. I was never allowed one, though. Mom said she’s allergic, but I’m pretty sure she just didn’t want a dog.” He tilts his head and smirks at me. “Kind of ironic, don’t you think?”

  “You don’t talk about your parents much.”

  He sighs heavily and throws me a weak smile. “Neither do you,” he answers before shutting himself in the bathroom.

  He doesn’t shut the door, so he can get out after. I wince at the pain-filled noises whispering through the crack. Closing my book, I settle into bed, waiting. Kai’s weight bounces the bed a moment later and he snuggles up to the blanket at my feet with a huff.

  Kai

  I don't know where Ashlee is, I think I can hear her moving around in her room upstairs, so I relax and jump up on the couch beside Sam. She turns to me, blushing with embarrassment. I focus in on what she’s saying.

  “I got you something. It’s not much but I hope you’ll use it.” She looks down shyly and pulls a piece of paper from her back pocket. She glances at it before looking back at me. “I enrolled you as a long distance student at the local community college here in Black Pike, there are a few classes I think you might like. They start around the same time I start University. I know it’s not Harvard, but it will help. I’ve already talked via email with the teachers and told them you’re my cousin in case they need anything or have any extra notes.” Her face turns red again and she looks away. “I can cancel it if you don’t want it.” I’m speechless, not that I could thank her anyway, but seriously, I don’t think anyone has ever done something so nice for me. I lean over and nudge her arm. She meets my gaze and I quickly lick her cheek.

  “Eww, Kai, that’s gross.” She laughs and wipes my saliva off her face. She pushes me away and gets up, heading into the kitchen to clean up.

  CHAPTER 15

  Kai

  I stand in the kitchen watching Sam as she cleans her bowl from breakfast. I can’t believe how much time has passed, the days and months blur into one. Sometimes I feel more dog than human. Sam and Ashlee start classes today, so I’ll be alone in the house.

  Ashlee skips down the stairs just as Sam’s about to leave.

  “Do you want a ride?” she asks from the stairs. At least that’s what I think she said. I wasn’t concentrating.

  “No, it’s not that far. I’ll walk.” They shut the door with a bang behind them. Not even a goodbye. I trudge up the stairs to Sammy’s room and look around. What to do?

  Ashlee returns home a few hours later and stops in the entry way when she sees me standing there.

  “Nice doggy,” she croons, leaning down and making faces as she tries to inch past me into the house. It’s actually quite funny to watch. Curious, I follow her into the kitchen. Throwing a quick wary look my way, she pulls a mixing bowl out of the cupboard.

  She looks at me again when she kneels down inside the door of the fridge. “You’re a good puppy, aren’t you?” she asks me quietly and pats her leg for me to come to her. I walk over to her slowly, afraid of scaring her. She reaches up and pats me on the head briefly, then gets up and finishes whatever she was doing.

  Sammy

  My first class is Economics 101, run by Professor Zedic. She’s around mid-forties, dark, slightly greying hair, and thick-rimmed glasses. She has a hushed voice, so I have to strain to hear her from where I’m sitting near the back. When the lecture ends, I pack my books and twist out into the aisle. My heavy bag smacks the person behind me as they’re exiting their seat.

  “I’m so sorry,” I apologize, meeting the green eyes of the gorgeous guy that apparently sits behind me. His honey colored hair shines in the fluorescent lights. Smiling at me, he swings his bag onto his back and leaves. I knew University would be a good change.

  I leave the University campus and head down the block to the community college and start searching for the teacher currently doing Introduction to Engineering, the starter class Kai wanted to enroll in. It takes me a few minutes and a question to a stranger walking by, but I finally stop in front of a large double door that leads into an auditorium. There is a blond-haired, middle-aged man standing at the front of the empty room so I stroll over to him. He looks up as I approach.

  “Hi,” I reach out and shake his hand. “I’m here to introduce myself and maybe pick up a textbook to send to my brother Chester Stevens; he’s a long distance student, and I’ll be visiting him in the next couple of weeks so I thought I’d take his books with me.”

  His face crinkles as he smiles. “Ah, Miss Stevens, nice to meet you. I’m Professor Mosley. I have a stack of loan text books you can take with you. I’ll need them back at the end of the semester. Also, my email address for your brother to send his assignments to is on the loose page in the top book.” He turns back to his desk and hands me an armload of thick text books. I grunt at the extra weight, but smile at him as I turn to leave.

  “See you next time,” I call back as I exit the room and trudge down the sidewalk heading for home. I should have gotten a ride with Ashlee.

  The sweet smell of cookies assaults me as I open the door and chuck my bag and the text books on the floor near the stairs.

  “Sammy, you’re home,” Ashlee calls cheerily as I round the corner into the kitchen. Kai is licking out a mixing bowl on the floor near the sink while Ashlee pulls a tray out of the oven. “I’ve already made dinner,” she says, pointing to another dish on the counter. “Baked potatoes.” Grinning, she scrapes the cookies off the tray and onto a cooling rack.

  I’m still extremely full by the time I climb the stairs to my room. I grab the books and my bag as I pass. Setting them on the bed, I pick up the textbooks and turn to find Kai in the doorway.

  “These are yours,” I tell him and place them on the floor beside the bed. “They look really boring.” Kai wags his tail slowly and hops up onto the bed to sit near me as I snatch one off the top of the pile and flip it open to have a look.

  ***

  Ashlee and I are sitting across the table from each other, staring off into space. My fingers tap out a tune on the laminated wood.

  “Chinese!”

  I jump in fright and stare wide eyed at the blonde in front of me. “What?”

  “Let’s have Chinese to celebrate our first full week at University.”

  “Okay?”

  Ashlee stands and leaves the dining room. “I’ll be back soon,” she calls from the front door, swiping her keys off the entry table.

  Still a little confused, I sigh and push away from the table, heading up the stairs to my room to grab my current book. I’m so close to finishing it, but I keep getting interrupted. I wonder why.

  My door swings open before I reach it and I smack into a naked chest.

  “Oh. Sorry.” My face heats up in embarrassment. Kai smirks down at me and walks past. “Hey! Where are you going?”

  He doesn’t stop as he looks over his shoulder. “I heard Ashlee leave.”

  “Kai! Come back here!” I yell and follow after him down the stairs and into the main hallway. “You can’t just walk around the house. What if Ashlee comes home? She’s not going to knock; she’s just going to walk in. This is her house. Besides, she said she would be right back.”

  Kai stops so suddenly I nearly collide with him again. “You worry too much, Sammy.” I narrow my eyes. He’s started calling me by my nickname. I’m not
sure if I’m okay with that.

  “Aren’t you cold?” I challenge, referring to his naked top half. Not that I’m complaining, but I know for a fact he owns a t-shirt and it’s like minus a million in here.

  A brilliant smile lights up his face. “Nope.”

  As if on cue, the front door clicks open and Ashlee shuffles in, hands full of plastic bags. “Sam! I’m back with the Chinese! Get your butt down here!”

  Kai turns to me, silver eyes wide. As soon as Ashlee rounds the corner from the front door she’ll see him. “I told you,” I whisper frantically as I drag him into the small hall closet.

  “Sam?” Ashlee’s voice sounds so close, she must be just outside the door. I exhale a heavy breath as her footsteps echo up the stairs away from us. The light seeping under the door makes everything look dark grey. I realize then that my hands are pressed up against Kai’s bare chest and he has his arms wrapped tightly around me. We both let go at the same time and look away.

  “I understand why I’m hiding in the closet,” Kai whispers, his breath tickling the hair on top of my head. “But why are you in here with me?” I glance up to see his quirked eyebrow, and scowl at him, pressing my lips together tightly.

  “Shut up! I didn’t exactly have time to think this through, okay?” His quiet chuckle echoes through the small space, I narrow my eyes in annoyance and twist to stare at the gap under the door.

  I can feel the heat radiating off Kai’s skin. I slowly lift my head to look back up at him. He’s gazing down at me with his mouth slightly open, his silver eyes glitter in the dim light. The atmosphere becomes heavy and tense, crackling with electricity; I’m caught in his gaze, slowly leaning closer to him. His hands come up and barely brush my arms. I inhale a shaky breath and take a half step back, biting my lip. My back hits the wall of the closet with a soft thump, breaking the spell. Kai’s eyes widen and he looks away quickly.

  “I should get out there, before she sends a search party.”

  He nods, still not looking at me and I move to open the door.

  “I’ll save you some dim sum?” The corner of my mouth lifts in a small smile; I grasp the door knob and slip out of the closet. I shut the door behind me with a snick and lean back against it, shaking my head. What was that? Pushing off the door, I walk down the hall into the kitchen to find Ashlee.

  ***

  My second week at college is even smoother then the first, by Friday I still don’t have any assignments. Kai, on the other hand, does. I laugh at his expression when I read out the email from Professor Mosley.

  A knock on the door makes me jump and Ashlee sticks her head around the corner to see what I’m doing before entering.

  “Hey,” she sits down on the end of my bed, eyeing Kai warily. “Guess what?”

  I swivel in my desk chair so I’m facing her. “There’s no way I’d ever be able to guess the right answer.”

  She pouts at me, then smiles. “We’re going on a double date!”

  I jump up from my seat. “No, no, no, no. Ashlee, no. How is it that you’ve already found someone to go out with so quickly?”

  “Please? I met them in the cafeteria. He’s so hot and his friends not bad, either. Please do this for me?” she begs, her hands reaching for mine.

  I hesitate. The last date I went on was with Alex. But Ashlee will be there, so I won’t be alone. I nod. “All right then. When?”

  “Yay!” She springs up from the bed. “Right now, get dressed. They’ll be here any minute.” She bolts out the door and down the hallway before I can catch her. I meet Kai’s steady gaze from across the room.

  “I don’t know if I can do this. The last time…” He stands and walks over to me, nudging his nose into my hand. “Ashlee will be there so I’ll be okay, won’t I?” He huffs and nods once. Thank god he understood me.

  ***

  I’m up to my tenth change of clothes when Ashlee knocks on my door again. I ignore her.

  “Come on, Sam. Your dog is out here staring at me, it’s freaking me out. Let me in.” I take pity on her and open the door. I’m only wearing my jeans and a singlet so I block Kai from following her in so I can finish getting dressed. When I turn, Ashlee is holding up a dark red long sleeved V-neck wrap around shirt.

  “This will do just fine.” I shake my head at her and snatch the shirt so I can put it on. She frowns and grabs my wrist. “When did this happen?” she asks, pointing at the long red, puckered scar running up my right arm.

  “Its fine,” I pull my arm back and out of her reach. “I accidentally cut myself with a knife before you moved in.”

  “It looks like it needed stitches.”

  “I know.” But I didn’t take Kai for his wounds, and they were worse. It would’ve been a bit unfair. She gives me an appraising look and turns to my hair.

  “Let me help.” She pushes me down onto my desk chair and pulls a brush through my hair.

  I wince as she tugs a lock of my hair up into a bobby pin. “So, you were still with Jacob Monds when we left school?” It’s more of a statement than a question, I already know the answer. They must not be together anymore if she’s dating.

  She sighs. “Yeah, we broke up just before I left. He was a real douche bag, especially after Kai died.” I flinch at the mention of Kai; I’m terrible at keeping secrets, and this one is going to do me in one day. “Sorry, did I get you with the bobby pin?”

  I shake my head quickly. “No, it’s fine.”

  She continues, “I think Kai was the one that kept them all in line. I mean, after he was gone they just picked on everyone and got ridiculously drunk all the time. It must have hurt, losing such a close friend, even if he was an asshole.”

  My eyebrows fly up. “Weren’t you and Kai a couple?” I stammer over his name, but keep my cool.

  “Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong. I loved Kai, I still do, of course. He was great, not to mention totally fabulous in bed; the things we used to get up to. But he was always a stuck up asshole.” I cough, that was way too much information.

  When Ashlee’s finally satisfied with my appearance, she lets me out of the chair so I can get a look in my bathroom mirror. I don’t look too bad, if I do say so myself. I smile and turn my head to see the little segments Ashlee has pinned back from my face.

  “I thought you were a medical major?”

  “I am. A girl’s still got to know how to look good though.” She grins, putting my brush away in the bathroom.

  The doorbell rings, almost coincidentally. “That’s them,” Ashlee squeals and dashes down the stairs to let them in. Here we go.

  Kai

  Sam walks down the stairs just as Ashlee lets in two guys. The dark- haired one smiles at Ashlee and introduces his friend. “This is Riley.”

  The other one takes a step forward and shakes Ashlee’s hand, then turns his gaze on Sam and smirks. “Hello again.” Again? She hasn’t left the house except for class, when did they meet? Sam blushes and looks away in shyness. I step forward to stand beside her. She glances down, noticing me and places her hand on the back of my neck for support.

  “So are you girls ready? Shall we go?” the dark-haired one asks, leading Ashlee out the door. Riley follows, but Sam hangs back and kneels down in front of me.

  I focus on what she’s saying. “Everything will be okay, won’t it?” I nod a yes at her and she smiles. “Are you going to be okay?” I snort and turn away. It’s not like I can tell her to stay. I’m just her dog. “Don’t be like that, Kai.” She curls her fingers into the fur on my neck and tugs to get my attention. The car on the street honks its horn impatiently. Sam glances back out the open door and stands up. Smiling at me one last time, she shuts the door behind her. I let out a deep breath and trot over to the couch to wait.

  CHAPTER 16

  Sammy

  I peek over at Riley, sitting beside me in the back seat of Mark’s land rover. He catches me looking and smiles. He’s the green-eyed guy that sits behind me in Economics. Small world. We pull up in f
ront of a small but nicely decorated diner.

  “So I thought we could eat here and maybe catch a movie after?” Mark asks from the driver’s seat.

  “Sounds great,” Ashlee answers, as she leans over the center console, giving Mark a lovely view. He doesn’t miss it, either. I jump out of the car and follow them through the large yellow doors of the diner. Scooting across the bench seat at our table to sit along the window, Ashlee sits across from me and Riley squeezes in beside me. I turn away to hide my blush.

  Riley hands me a menu and I open it quickly. When I put my menu down, deciding on a cheeseburger, I find Mark whispering into a giggling Ashlee’s ear. It’s a little awkward, like I’m intruding on a private moment, I twist in my seat to face Riley. He smiles and waves a waitress over before I can say anything.

  “What can I get ya’ll?” The red-haired waitress smiles and cocks her hip, holding a pen and pad in her hands. Mark and Ashlee order first, then I order my burger. Riley gives me a weird look, then grins and orders the same.

  “So, Sam, what are you hoping to do when you graduate?” Riley asks, angling his body toward me.

  “Oh umm, I want to get into advertising and marketing.”

  “That sounds fantastic.”

  I remember Kai’s completely opposite reaction to what I want to do with my life. I smile, feeling more at ease. “What about you?”