“You guys look so amazing,” I said with excitement. “How was your trip?!”
“Girl, it was so beautiful,” Natalie said, taking me by the arm and walking toward the kitchen. “The water was blue, the skies were clear, and the little coconut drinks were plentiful.”
As soon as Natalie saw my mom, she squealed and ran over to give her a big hug. She then turned to Seth and picked him up her arms, blowing raspberries on his neck. His loud giggle and the smell of Thanksgiving dinner calmed my soul and almost brought me to tears. Everything had been so tense and quiet in the house since Dex disappeared. Without my mother hounding me about my emotions, I had become complacent with my feelings. But now, with so much family around, I could easily put Dex out of my mind, even if it were just for a little while.
Natalie grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the living room where we plopped down on the couch. She poured two glasses of white wine and sat back, looking at the decorations. She always loved how we decorated, she said it made her feel like she was home again. She took a sip of her wine and looked at me knowingly. I didn’t want to get into it, I just wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving.
“He knows, doesn’t he?”
“I just want to enjoy Thanksgiving.” I sighed. “It’s been really stressful since he bolted. I think he has an idea but I haven’t told him yet.”
“Are you going to?”
“I don’t know,” I said, looking down. “Maybe if he ever shows up again. The look on his face when he left was knowing but he didn’t ask and after that, I didn’t hear from him again. I’m pretty sure he left on his trip. I don’t want him here if he doesn’t want to be, Natalie. I want him to be here if he can commit. He really started opening Seth up and it breaks my heart because Seth still asks where Dex is and I don’t know what to tell him.”
“I’m sorry,” Natalie said with a sad look. “I’m sorry he is being like this. But if I know Dex, it’s not that he is shunning you. If he really thinks Seth is his he is probably completely blown. He doesn’t have a clue as what to do.”
“So was I,” I replied, slightly irritated. “But I didn’t have a choice.”
“I know,” she said sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”
“Look,” I said, lowering my voice. “I’m just so glad you’re back. Let’s enjoy tonight, put Dex on the back burner, and we can talk all about it tomorrow.”
“Okay.” She smiled. “I want you to enjoy the holidays.”
I leaned forward and hugged Natalie, finally taking a deep breath and letting Thanksgiving take over. As I put my glass down on the table, ready to hear more vacation stories, a loud knock came from the door. Immediately, my stomach dropped and Natalie must have seen it because she reached out and grabbed my hand. I got off the couch and slowly walked toward the door. As I opened it, my fears were confirmed. I stood with my heart pounding in my chest, staring at Dex. He was struggling to hold a cornucopia with a ton of candy, gifts, and baked goods in it. He smiled calmly at me as he stepped forward through the door. Part of me wanted to trip him, the other part of me wanted to tell him to get the hell out, and yet another part wanted to kiss him and welcome him back.
We stood there for several moments not saying a word, just staring at each other. I didn’t know what to do, especially with Natalie and Brandon there. Plus, Seth was in the other room. It would have been horrible of me to tell him to leave, no one would have understood. But at the same time, I didn’t know if I could spend the entire night with him. It was so confusing. However, as I went to say how I felt, Brandon walked out of the kitchen and warmly welcomed Dex. He patted him on the shoulder and took the cornucopia from him.
“Happy Thanksgiving, brother,” Brandon said. “Come on, let’s get this down and get our grub on.”
“Thanks, man,” Dex said, glancing over at me with a smile. “It was a long flight to get back here for today.”
I sighed and followed them toward the sound of Seth laughing and giggling. I wasn’t going to get a choice in this matter, though I wasn’t mad at Brandon since he had no idea. During dinner, I tried to focus my attention on Natalie and Brandon, listening to their honeymoon stories and laughing at their mishaps. I could tell Dex wanted to talk to me but I wasn’t sure I could handle a conversation with him. I was no longer worried that I couldn’t control myself around him sexually, I was now worried I wouldn’t be able to hold back my temper and disappointment. I think he knew that since he didn’t make any direct attempts to talk to me. Instead, he directed his questions to the group. I just shook my head and looked down at my plate, not answering him directly either. I also couldn’t help but notice him glancing over at Seth from time to time, a confused look flashing across his face.
When dinner was over, I excused myself to the kitchen, helping put away the leftovers and get the dishes soaking in the sink. It didn’t take long for Dex to wander in, drinking a glass of wine and chatting up my mother about how she was doing. As always, my mother was polite and courteous, always finding that she really liked Dex.
“Okay kids,” my mom said as she placed the last dish into the bag. “I’m going to run these over to the mission.”
“I’ll do it,” I said quickly, knowing Natalie wouldn’t stay much longer. She would want to give me a chance to talk to Dex but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.
“I’ll go with her,” Dex said, putting down his glass of wine and grabbing a bag of food to carry.
“Oh, good,” my mom said with a smile. “Casey knows where the place is and just ask for Debbie when you get there.”
“I really can do this alone.” I grumbled as Dex helped pick up the bags. For a moment, my breath got caught in my throat as our hands touched. I quickly shook the feeling away and walked toward the door.
Dex held the door as I walked out, ignoring Natalie’s wink and smirk from the couch. There was absolutely nothing to wink and smirk about, this was very uncomfortable. We made our way down to the mission in silence, both of us feeling like we wanted to say something but remaining silent. We kept glancing at each other awkwardly, then looked away quickly before the other could see. Part of me wanted to hear what he had to say, why he bolted and what his excuse this time was going to be, but the other part of me knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. I forced a smile when I dropped off the food, not even thinking to introduce Dex. He set the bags in the mission’s kitchen and wished the woman a Happy Thanksgiving.
On the way back, there were so many things running through my mind that I couldn’t even think straight. Dex was not his normal carefree self and instead looked like he was deep in thought. I tried to pick up the pace so we wouldn’t have a chance to talk before getting back to the apartment but he kept pace with me, our hands momentarily brushing against each other. I walked forward across the street, not waiting for Dex since there was a car coming up the street. I stepped up onto the curb and reached out for the railing but I felt Dex’s arm grab mine. He slowly spun me around to face him, a serious look on his face.
Immediately, my heart started pounding so loudly I could hear it in my ears. We were standing incredibly close on the steps of the apartment but I didn’t feel loved, attracted, or wanted. Instead, I felt fearful that my secret was going to get out. I was afraid that Dex was going to tell me he knew that Seth was his.
“I’m just going to cut right to it,” Dex said with a deep breath. “Who is Seth’s father?”
I looked up at him, knowing I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I took a deep breath and finally said it:
“You, Dex. You’re Seth’s father.”
Chapter 13: Dex
“You, Dex,” she said with certainty and guilt. “You’re Seth’s father.”
The words surged through my head like fire and I stepped back, feeling my whole world spinning under my feet. I had that suspicion, which was why I took off and headed to South America. I had to clear my head, understand what I was telling myself. In the end though, I really thought she would say someone else
. I never thought someone would hide this kind of thing from me. Seth was almost five years old now and I missed out on all that time.
Immediately, my mind went to my own father and all the time we spent together while I was growing up. Sure, my father worked a lot but he was an extremely important part of my life, especially as a young boy. Seth liked to draw buildings just like me, he held his pencil just like me, and he laughed loudly just like I did. I was so confused, I had so much to offer but at the same time had no idea how I was going to do so. All this time Seth could have been learning, understanding, and growing with me there to help. Instead, I was flying all over the world and dreaming of one-night stands with his mother. In the end though, none of this was my fault. I never knew Seth was my child. I hadn’t even thought about it until that day after the pumpkin patch. God, the pumpkin patch. I carried that child around on my shoulders, cuddled with him, and really learned who he was without knowing that he was mine. I had a son, a four-year-old child. He was mine and Casey kept him from me. She never even told me the truth. Not once in all these years.
Everything was moving so fast and Casey just stood there with her hands clutched in front of her and tears in her eyes. She must have thought I was a monster, just leaving and never coming back or calling. But at the same time, she was my sister’s best friend, she could have gotten hold of me at any point. As my thoughts turned to my sister, I felt a fresh wave of rage rush through my veins. No one could tell me that Natalie didn’t know about this. Even if Casey tried to keep it a secret, my sister was so much smarter than that, she would have seen right through it. But again, no one told me, not even a mention or blurb. In fact, I didn’t even know the child existed until I showed up at Casey’s apartment a week after Natalie’s wedding. If I hadn’t done that, I would have gone the rest of my life not knowing about my own son.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I was angry and I didn’t even try to hide it but her response was not what I expected.
“Everything was a total surprise,” she said, shaking her head. “I was a virgin when we slept together. It never even crossed my mind that I could get pregnant. God, it was my first time. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen.”
I looked up at her in shock. She was a virgin and I didn’t even know it, nor did she give the faintest clue. I had not only taken her virginity on an old couch in her mother’s living room but I knocked her up at the same time. I wanted to feel guilty but with all of this new information, the only emotion I could hold onto was anger.
“You should have told me.” I growled.
“You were out of the country,” she said flippantly. “It’s not like you were down the street. And besides, what was I supposed to do? Call you up and say ‘Hey this is Casey, the girl you did on the couch on Christmas Eve. Just wanted to tell you I was a virgin and now I’m pregnant. Safe travels!’ No, that wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, Dex. Not that you left your phone number anyway.”
“You are best friends with my sister,” I said loudly. “You could have gotten ahold of me if you wanted to.”
“You were off chasing your dreams, making billions, building resorts,” she said, starting to pace back and forth. “You didn’t have time to be there for some girl from Brooklyn. You made it very clear you were not a family man.”
“How did I do that?”
“Oh, come on, Dex. It’s splashed all over the gossip columns. You are a playboy. You may be sweet and kind but you don’t have time for long relationships much less raising a child,” she said. “It takes a lot more than money to raise a little boy.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I was livid. “You never even gave me a chance to make that choice.”
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I was also afraid that you would think I was trying to get money from you or something. I am not a gold digger. I didn’t want or need your money.”
“Why does money always have to be an issue?” I ran my hands through my hair and looked up at the sky. “God, now I understand my father’s irritation with my mother all those years. She always thought things out and never actually considered my father’s feelings.”
“I had a quite a bit going on.” She snapped. “I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I come back?” I felt guilty about the fact that she did it all alone and tried to calm my nerves.
“Because you were the same Dex. The business obsessed guy looking for a fling. I was afraid, if I told you, that you would leave… or worse, try to take Seth from me. I don’t want a custody battle, that little boy has been through enough. He has a loving family and people that really would give up their whole worlds for them. People who have given up their whole worlds for him. I didn’t want him to be some toy that got shuffled back and forth between the Manhattan rich life and my Brooklyn walk up. So, I made the choice to keep it a secret and until recently, no one knew but me.”
I paced back and forth, trying to get ahold of my anger. How could she go all these years and not tell me? And what if there was a custody battle? I had a right to my son and I was kept in the dark all these years. She thought I wouldn’t be a good father because I was rich and had a company to run. My father was rich with an empire to build but he was still a good dad. I felt like she was judging me because she wasn’t rich, because she didn’t understand the world I lived in. I was trying to do everything I could to control how my tumultuous emotions.
“How dare you keep a secret like this because you didn’t think I would be a good father,” I blurted out. “How would you even know if you didn’t give me a chance?”
“That is not what I meant and you know it,” she said angrily. “And besides, there is nothing wrong with protecting your child. There is nothing wrong with me fearing that you would take him from me. There is nothing wrong with me being afraid that you would treat your relationship with him the same way you did the one with me. That little boy can’t handle, nor should he, having someone he loves just skip out of town without a word. You are acting awfully high and mighty for someone who wined and dined my whole family, spent quality time with my little boy, and then just left bailed. Seth has been asking for you since you left and I have no idea what to tell him. How do you think that would affect him if he knew you were his father?”
“But that’s not the case!” I yelled. “You didn’t even give me the chance to make the right decision. You can’t hold that over my head when I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was supposed to be there, that I shouldn’t leave.”
“No,” she said, pointing her finger at me. “That was a very good precursor to what my son could expect. Regardless of whether you knew or not, you got close with both of us and bolted. I don’t have the luxury of just walking away when things get scary. My son needs stability.”
I was so angry I couldn’t even get my thoughts to cohesively align. I paced back and forth, trying to get control over myself, trying not to completely explode on Casey. I should have been able to sit here and at least try to understand her side but I was just too pissed off to do so. My whole life, I had been able to take whatever was thrown my way but for the first time, I felt like I had no control of the words that were coming out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and clenched my teeth, staring at Casey’s trembling mouth.
“Who knows,” I said eerily calm in tone. “Maybe you really are a gold digger. This kid is probably not even mine and you’re trying to push some other man’s kid on me. You were ashamed of some slum you slept with from Brooklyn and you couldn’t handle the truth, so you magically made him my child.”
“Don’t say that,” Casey said quietly, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t believe that.”
“Don’t I? I mean, do I really know who you are? You seem sweet, honest, and intelligent, but maybe you are just the same as all the others.” I spat the words, unable to stop. “Just looking for a way out of Brooklyn, out of the walk-up, and into the cit
y. How am I supposed to know?”
I could see just how much my words hurt Casey. It was wrong of me to lash out like this. It was wrong of me to even say these things out loud, especially when I didn’t actually believe them. Casey was sweet, kind, and an amazing mother to Seth. She had never shown me any different, not even for a split second. But standing here, facing the truth that I had four-year-old little boy and understanding that I was kept in the dark because she feared things I would never do, made my blood boil. I felt like the kid walking around with toilet paper on his shoe with everyone whispering behind his back but no one stepping forward to tell him the truth.
I shook my head. I turned my head away from Casey’s face, knowing that her tears were going to make me feel guilty and I didn’t think I deserved to feel guilty right now. Call me selfish, but I deserved better than what was just handed to me. At that moment, I didn’t want to stop myself, I wanted to say hurtful things and I didn’t care what the repercussions were.
“You know what,” I said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.
Chapter 14: Casey
Broken: A Mountain Man's Romance Page 47