My Friend is an Alien (niklas and friends)

by Niklas Edlund

  "I hate to say this, but he's royalty, all right. A royal pain." remarked Niklas.

  "I suppose he's used to higher living than this," said Davy, "his ability to fly notwithstanding."

  "Well, if he's going to hang around for any length of time, he'd better get over it." affirmed Niklas.

  "He's not that bad," said Jahv. "But I'll admit he takes getting used to. I think he tends to act arrogant to mask his nervousness sometimes."

  "I just thought of something," said Davy. "You guys had to scan all the food when you first showed up here. What about him? Does he know what's safe to eat?"

  Jahv nodded. "We put both him and Morik through that as soon as we arrived after the shuttle trip. The only thing Arion really can't tolerate is milk. And anything with garlic."

  "And all I need to avoid is some orange vegetation called 'carrots' and I'm okay." said Morik. "So if you'll excuse me, as well, I'd like to try some of the local food."

  "I saw some sliced meat for sandwiches up there," said Jason, joining in the conversation. "I doubt any of it has garlic in it, but you'd better check."

  Jahv pulled a small analyzer out of his backpack and headed off.

  The evening progressed largely without incident. Arion, after being assured that the food was all safe for him to eat, parked himself at one of a small number of tables set off to one side, and made himself so stand-offish between trips to the buffet that no one came anywhere near him, which was apparently how he wanted it. Niklas reasoned that Arion was more interested in observing than participating. His large eyes tended to dart everywhere, watching everything.

  Jahv and Keyro were just the opposite. They wanted to see and do just about everything. The only risky moment came during an old-fashioned round of "bobbing for apples". A huge water-filled tub with apples was the centerpiece of this game. Keyro had decided to attempt the game, but his antennae instinctively perked back on his head to stay out of the water, which startled a few people. It also startled a few people that none of the «paint» on his face "washed off" when he came up. On top of that, the little imp had also eaten most of the apple while still underwater.

  Morik, for his part, was talking his head off to anyone interested in conversation. Niklas considered that this was the largest group of people Morik had probably ever been in since his planet was destroyed. He wandered past within earshot a few times to make sure the boy wasn't saying anything he shouldn't. Fortunately, any slips he did make were being attributed to his being "in character" as a "soldier from a future planet" or some such. Niklas didn't want to look like he was eavesdropping, and Morik seemed to be keeping a number of people well entertained — even if they thankfully weren't believing everything he said.

  Davy spent a fair bit of time posing around some of the girls showing off largely mythical muscles. Niklas wasn't sure what he thought of that. Part of him almost felt — jealous? At the same time Davy seemed almost oblivious to the probability that the squeals and giggles of the girls were more a result of them laughing at him than any substantial measure of appreciation.

  Candy was being given out as prizes for certain games, although Keith had apparently managed to find where it was being kept and had liberated a fair supply of it for himself and Martin, and it looked as though Martin had gotten a bit too much of it. He looked almost as green as Jahv did normally. He'd also apparently somehow incurred the wrath of a rather large specimen in a black hockey shirt and pants, who wanted some of the candy. Niklas recognized him. Until he'd switched schools with the start of the new school year, the brainless oaf, whose name was Toby, was the biggest bully in the school, and the smaller the target, the better. Fortunately, Keith had risen to Martin's defense, and Jason and Fabian had edged over, and Toby, apparently on his own, although in Niklas' experience Toby tended to have reinforcements available if needed, didn't like being outnumbered, even if neither Keith nor Martin would have stood much chance against him, and Jason and Fabian little more. Once Toby backed off, Keith went and found an adult, who gave Martin some antacid. The boy looked better minutes later.

  Ricky and Sniv had spent most of the evening together, Sniv making sure that Ricky had a good time despite the boy's apparent shyness. Whether Sniv had told Ricky the truth about Jahv and the others, Niklas did not know, but the camouflaged boy kept glancing at the three «obvious» aliens almost every time he was within sight range. Morik didn't seem to attract the same level of attention.

  Niklas was playing a few games here and there, but something in the back of his mind kept telling him to keep an eye on the aliens. He hated to think he was being paranoid, but something was bothering him. That was when he noticed he'd lost sight of Jahv.

  A loud belch behind him quickly determined the location of the green-hued alien. Jahv was sitting — no, more like he was flopped down in a chair at a nearby table, holding a large cup of the rather peculiar punch the party had served. Niklas had wrinkled his nose at it. Everybody said it had tasted fine, but in keeping with the Halloween spirit, the punch bowl vaguely resembled a swamp. Jahv had a silly grin on his face and his eyes looked unfocused.

  He almost looked — drunk!? Was that possible, wondered Niklas? Would Jahv drink something without analyzing it first? Maybe, in the spirit of the party, he might have. Niklas walked over to the alien. "You okay?"

  Jahv sputtered some static in his native language, and then said, "Huh? Niklas. Oh, yeah. I'm great. Great party!"

  Niklas winced. Something was definitely wrong. He went off in search of Keyro, and found him fairly quickly. "Did you drink any of the punch?" he asked.

  Keyro shook his head. "It looked too gross, why?"

  "Because I think your big brother has, and I think there's something in it that's not agreeing with him too well."

  Keyro's expression became one of immediate concern. "Where is he?"

  Niklas led Keyro over to where Jahv was. Jahv now looked asleep, his head down on the surface of the table. Keyro picked up the cup and pulled an anaylzer out of his own backpack. "Uh, ohhh." he said.

  "What?" asked Niklas.

  "This stuff is half orange juice. The other half is melted lime sherbet, but it's the orange juice that's trouble. Orange citrus makes us — act a little weird."

  "Like drunk?" asked Niklas. "At least it looks like he's sleeping it off."

  Keyro was shaking his head. "Not — quite like being drunk. And when the stuff really kicks in.

  Suddenly Jahv's head snapped back and his eyes opened. They looked glazed. He still had a silly grin on his face. He tried to stand up and failed. Finally he knelt on the chair. "I have ridden the nebulae of Andromeda!" his voice blasted, echoing more than usual. "I have been one with the cosmos! I am the great space explorer! I have seen the wuhh — BWURRRP! — wonders of the heavens!"

  "Oh, great." groaned Niklas. "Jahv, you want to keep your voice down? It's not only carrying, it's echoing." Somewhat unfocused eyes scanned the room, resting on one high schooler who had, for reasons known only to him, painted his face blue and was dressed in silver. "How the *hiccup* did a Trandosian get in here? Don't they have security at the door?"

  "What?" remarked Niklas. Keyro just shrugged.

  Suddenly Jahv jumped up on the table. He'd seen the two guys dressed as the four-legged monster. "Good Lord, it's a four-legged vraktow! They're much more dangerous than the six-legged kind, you know." Jahv slapped his hip as if reaching for a weapon, then looked down. "I'm not armed, am I?"

  "No, you're not," replied Niklas, adding, mostly to himself, "thank God."

  "Oh." said Jahv, climbing (more like stumbling) off the table. "Okay. Somebody else will have to kill it then."

  "Jahv, I think maybe we should get you out of here." suggested Niklas politely.

  "Huh? Why? It's a great party."

  "You've had a little too much orange juice." said Niklas.

  "Don't be ricid — riduc — diric — don't be silly." said Jahv. "If I had, I'd be acting drunk."

  "Uhhh…" said N
iklas, wondering how to phrase his next remark without sending the alien flying off the handle again.

  "Niklas?" said Jahv quietly.

  "Yes?" replied Niklas.

  "This is the weirdest bunch of aliens I've seen since FelgerCon 35 on Relcos 7." proclaimed Jahv. "Or was it FelgerCon 7 on Relcos 35? It's a pretty big star system."

  Niklas looked at Keyro. "What the heck is he talking about?"

  Keyro shrugged. "Don't ask me. He tended to go ashore more often than I did anyway, back when we were traveling with our parents."

  "Of course," said Jahv, continuing as if Niklas and Keyro hadn't even spoken at all, "that was probably because FelgerCon didn't have a dress code. Good thing, too, since I wasn't wearing anything!"

  Jahv started to giggle at his own bad jokes, with intermittent native static coming through. This, however, was abruptly followed by a belch of truly staggering proportions. Niklas and Keyro weren't certain which was worse, the force of the blast, its unbelievable volume, or its staggering stench.

  Niklas covered his face. "My God, what was that?!"

  Keyro was blinking his eyes. "Smelled a lot like the last meal our parents fixed us. Only people I knew could ruin a meal out of a replicator."

  "But — that would've been months ago!" said Niklas.

  "Yeah, I know." replied Keyro.

  The gaseous explosion had not gone unnoticed in the rest of the room. It had darn near drowned out the music. Somebody from across the room bellowed, "Hey, what the hell just died horribly over there!?"

  "We need to get him out of here — right now." said Keyro.

  "No argument there." said Niklas. Everybody within earshot, which was a good third of the room, was staring at them. Davy and Keith had already come over to help, and Martin was close behind. Niklas couldn't see Morik or Arion and right now he didn't care.

  Niklas and Davy dragged the yammering alien out of the main room and carted him into a nearby — and thankfully unoccupied — restroom, not really knowing what else to do. They were followed quickly by Keyro. Martin and Keith stood guard outside, explaining to a few people that one of their friends was violently ill and they really didn't want to go in there. Somehow they'd managed to escape the detection of any adults so far. Either that or the adults didn't want anything to do with this, or assumed the matter was in hand or that Jahv had been removed entirely. Whatever the case, it worked to the boys' advantage.

  "Any ideas how to detox him?" asked Davy. "He keeps yapping there's no telling what he might say."

  Keyro shook his head. "It just kind of has to wear off."

  "What in the name of — " another burst of static from Jahv — "am I doing wearing clothes!?" Jahv started to tear at his uniform, ripping it in multiple places, several of them rather crucial.

  "No no no no no!" yelped Keyro. "You don't want to be doing that right now, big brother!"

  "Oh, great — now what do we do with him?" groaned Niklas. "We can't let him out of here looking like that!"

  "Keyro, can you two — beam yourselves or whatever it is you do back to your headquarters?" asked Davy.

  "Not indoors, we can't." said Keyro. "The transmat homing beacon and remote lock-on system has its limitations. It's just not powerful enough. We have to get outdoors."

  "There's a door to the outside on the other side of the restrooms away from the gym." said Davy. "At least we won't have to haul him through the party again."

  Niklas stuck his head out of the door and said to Martin and Keith, "Get ready to flank us. We've got a drunk alien here who's shredded his uniform. We need to get him outside."

  "Thank you so much for including me on this, Niklas." said Keith. "Definitely a Halloween I won't forget — no matter how hard I try."

  "Just be ready." said Niklas. Seconds later, Niklas and Davy half-carried and half-dragged Jahv out of the restroom. Keith, Martin, and Keyro did their best to cover the scene, even as Keyro primed the transmat units remotely to beam the two of them back to their headquarters.

  Miraculously, they managed to get outside and into the open without being spotted. "Where we goin', Keyro?" muttered Jahv, still tugging at what was left of his uniform.

  "Home." said Keyro. "You're drunk."

  "I'm not so think as you drunk I am…" said Jahv, as Keyro activated the transmat device and the two faded from view in a coruscating beam of light.

  "Yeesh." was all Keith could say. "Well, come on, there's still some party left."

  "I agree." added Davy. "Besides, Arion and Morik are still in there."

  "I don't think we have to worry too much about them." said Niklas, as the boys walked back to the gym. "Arion seems content to sit in a corner and watch everybody else, and nobody's taking anything Morik's yapping about all that seriously anyway."

  That, however, proved not to be the case when the boys returned to the party. Toby and Arion were facing down each other, and although Toby had the clear size advantage, there was pure fury written on the face of Arion. Morik was about a third of the way across the room from the confrontation, but his attention was directed solely on the situation, specifically on two rough-looking specimens leaning up against a wall with some balloons attached to it, part of the party decorations. They seemed to be grinning at Toby's actions.

  "Jeez, we can't take these guys anywhere!" complained Keith. "Guess we'd better break this one up."

  "Hold it." said Niklas. "Let's see how it plays out. That big bully has had it coming for a long time, and I think Arion might be the one to give it to him."

  "Would you repeat what you called me — peasant?!" roared Arion.

  Toby bent down slightly to get right in Arion's face. "You heard me. I called you a feather-headed little f…

  Whatever the final word was about to be, and apparently had been once already, Toby never got the chance to finish the sentence. Arion leapt into the air, not quite flying, and executed a series of martial arts kicks and chops the likes of which none of the boys had ever seen even in the most vicious video games. It was both unearthly and deadly-looking.

  "Remind me never to play 'Mortal Kombat' with him." said Davy.

  "Remind me to ask him who trained him and see if he's offering lessons." stated Keith.

  Toby was now sprawled on the floor, a good ten feet from Arion, aching from a dozen nasty shots to his body. Arion apparently decided to add a certain less-than-graceful point to his martial arts exclamation by picking Toby up and throwing him across the buffet table, right through the punch bowl. The sopping swamp juice splattered the overstuffed, injured, and now nearly unconscious bully.

  Arion turned his back on the whole mess and walked towards the same doors the boys had just entered. "Party is over." he said, and kept going.

  "No kidding." said Keith. "Niklas, the next time these idiots want to go someplace, I say we drop him off at a wrestling match, Jahv at a juice bar, and let Keyro and Morik clean up after both of them!"

  "I think I agree." said Niklas, not entirely stifling a grin. "Still, that one's had something like that coming to him for years."

  "I think maybe we'd better get out of here before some of the adults remember who showed up with whom." suggested Davy.

  That would've turned out to have been the least of their worries, as the two toughs Morik had been watching looked to move towards the departing Arion. Morik got as close as he could without being obvious, and made a small adjustment to his cybernetic eyepiece, whereupon a beam of laser light shot out of it and popped several of the balloons. The toughs turned and saw Morik's glowing eye. "Like my friend said, party's over, right?"

  The two toughs grinned weakly and backed off.

  "Gonna have to remember to thank Jahv for making me this thing." said Morik, catching up to the others.

  The five boys quietly and quickly departed, with some of the others, including Sniv and Jonathan, behind them. Suddenly a voice called out. "Hey, wait up!"

  If it had been an adult voice, there was no guarantee any of the kids woul
d have maintained bladder control. But it hadn't been. It was Ricky, running to catch up. "I gotta ask you guys something. Those three weird friends of yours, and you with the eye thing — they — you — those weren't costumes, were they?"

  The boys looked at each other. Could Ricky be trusted? Apparently Sniv decided he could be. He walked up to the boy and placed his hands on his shoulders. "No, they weren't. They are actually aliens. Tomorrow I'll show you where they live, if you like. But you must promise never to tell anybody — ever — that they're here. It could be dangerous for them, and us."

  Ricky's face spread into a wide grin under the camouflage. He looked the happiest Sniv had ever seen him. "Don't worry, amigo! No one will know from me! Gracias! Thank you for trusting me!" He hugged Sniv quickly and ran back to the party.

  "Now there goes a happy kid." said Davy.

  "He deserves to be." said Sniv quietly.

  The next day, Sniv kept his promise. Along with Davy and Niklas, Ricky was taken out to the aliens' new headquarters. Whatever sort of paint he had used to camouflage his face the night before apparently hadn't been designed for use on skin. Most of it had washed off, but the boy still looked slightly multi-colored. "But I don't see anything!" he protested, as they reached the site.

  "Watch." said Niklas, finding the hidden door-flap to the dome-tent that you really had to sort of know was there to find. It took practice. Fortunately, Niklas had plenty.

  The doorway opened, and Ricky's jaw hit the floor. The group entered. Ricky's eyes threatened to bulge out of his head. "I have never seen anything like this! It is so big! How do you hide it?"

  "It's bigger on the inside than on the outside." said Davy. Ricky just scowled. "You told him?" The voice was Keyro's, who was at the main monitor station.

  Sniv nodded. "This is Ricky. Ricky, this is Keyro."

  Keyro stood, and Ricky raised an eyebrow. "Howcum you not wearing any clothes?"

  Keyro shrugged. "We generally don't, at least not Jahv and myself. If it offends you, though…

  Ricky shook his head. "No. S'okay. Just wondered, I guess."