My Friend is an Alien (niklas and friends)

by Niklas Edlund

  Luckily, the girl had no reason to think that somebody else was already in the arcade. So she had only eyes for one of the archaic games that, fortunately for the boys' present location stood in an opposite corner. Soon she was absorbed in the game that made funny sounds and some awkwardly primitive music, her attention completely diverted.

  There were multiple rows of laundry machines, and fortunately, one was leading to the exit far enough from the fat lady's view. "C'mon." said Keith flatly and dragged Martin with him. Keeping low, under the level of the rows of machines that were between them and the lady, Martin and Keith sneaked to the door. Then, Martin stopped and held Keith back.

  "But where are we supposed to go? And suppose these people are still here when we get back? And what if they take our clothes?" said Martin in rapid-fire succession.

  "Later," said Keith. "Let's get outta here first."

  "You seriously want us to go outside on the street, in our underwear?" cried Martin quietly.

  "I can't see anybody outside. You'd rather hide here for three hours?" argued Keith.

  Martin swallowed. "Okay… let's go."

  The boys managed to slip outside without anybody noticing. Then they ducked quickly into the nearby alleyway where Keith had parked Martin's bike and his skateboard. "Keith, what about our clothes?" demanded Martin. "They might steal them, or still be there when we get back!"

  "Don't be silly." said Keith. "Our clothes are locked in the laundry machine. We could leave them there until evening if we want."

  "But we can't just stay here in this alleyway. It's not very big, and somebody's bound to see us." argued Martin. He wrapped his arms around his small body though the sun was shining and it was pretty hot. His upper thighs looked paler then the rest since the pants that Martin usually wore in summer were quite longer than the briefs he stuck in now. Keith could even see goose pimples on this pale skin.

  Keith chewed his lip. Martin had a point. If a cop came along and saw two boys sitting in an alleyway in their underwear, they wouldn't get out of that one too readily. But where could they go? Then he had an idea. "I think I know what we can do," Keith said, pulling the cel phone out of his sock.

  "What?" asked Martin.

  "The one place where clothes don't matter." replied Keith. For the first time since this fiasco started, Martin grinned. He knew what Keith meant. The aliens that lived out near the woods near Davy Caulfield's home. Two of them, at least, Jahv and Keyro, almost always wore absolutely nothing. A third, Toben, also was frequently unclothed. And it'd be a safe place to spend a couple of hours until the clothes were done. There was still the matter of getting out there, though, but Martin suspected Keith was trying to deal with that right now.

  And indeed, Keith was. Technically, Jahv and the others didn't have a telephone. But they did have what they called a «commlink» which Jahv and Toben had set up in such a way that it could be accessed by telephone. It was a ten-digit number that Keith had memorized, followed by "#" three times. It wouldn't even show up on the phone bill.

  "Hi, Keith!" came a voice over the phone. It was Jahv. Keith was a little surprised that Jahv used his name, but he realized that not that many people had this number, and certainly Jahv must have something like "Caller ID" in his commlink.

  Keith explained as much of the situation as he felt was necessary, then said, "You've got that transmat device or whatever it is. You think you can bring Martin and me out there directly?"

  "Keith, I really wish I could, and I certainly would any other time, but Toben and I are performing maintenance on it at the moment. We'll be done in about an hour and a half, but I know that won't do you much good right now."

  Keith groaned. The laundry would almost be finished by then.

  Jahv continued. "Look, if you can get out here, you can certainly hang around with us for the duration, and then I'm sure we can transmat you back to the laundromat in time to pick up your clothes as soon as they're done. You'd be safe out here, you know."

  Keith considered this. The one advantage to their current location was that the laundromat was at the edge of town, and the edge closest to the rural area where the Caulfield farm existed. Keith and Martin would not have to go through any city streets or even suburban neighborhoods to get out there. At least not many. They could be at the farm in about thirty-to-forty minutes, Keith estimated. That would give them almost two hours to spend with the aliens, by which time they should have the transmat device working again. Keith didn't particularly trust Jahv's repair skills, but he did trust Toben's. The blue-hued Botaran had managed to keep his own starship operational for quite some time after his father's death. Finally he said, "We'll be there as soon as we can."

  Keith turned off the phone to look into the stunned expression of Martin. "We've got to get out there on our own!? We're supposed to go out in public like this? Are you crazy?"

  "What public?" said Keith. "We'll be on back country roads for the most part. You gonna worry about what a cow thinks of how you're dressed?"

  "People live out there, you know." said Martin.

  "Yeah, on big farm properties where the house is so far from the road they'd need binoculars just to see us, and even then they'd figure us for two kids in swimsuits, which wouldn't be unusual on this hot a day." Keith knew he was mostly making excuses, but he hoped it sounded good. "And who besides Davy even knows us out there?"

  "I am not doing this." said Martin flatly.

  "Well, I am. And so are you." insisted Keith. "Because I'm not going to hang around this alley for the next two and a half hours, waiting for some cop or some bum or worse to come along. You want a cop or a bum or a drunk to see you in your underwear?"

  "Noooo." said Martin.

  "Then come on. Grab my skateboard and get on the bike." said Keith.

  * * *

  It wasn't all that easy, but then Keith hadn't expected it to be. This time around, Martin sat behind Keith, hanging onto the boy for dear life with one hand while hanging onto the skateboard with the other. It was an awkward position, but not as awkward as the positioning that had dumped them into the dirt and caused this mess in the first place. Keith wasn't one to make mistakes twice if he could help it.

  Since Martin was taking most of the bicycle seat, this pushed Keith forward a bit into a position that wasn't as easy to maintain his balance on the bicycle as it would've been if he hadn't had a passenger. But Keith managed to keep the bike upright and make decent enough time nevertheless.

  They'd gotten out of the city and suburbs in short order, and were now on the back roads and feeling a little more at ease. There really wasn't much of anyone around at all. Keith and Martin were just about thinking they were going to make it out to Davy's farm without any further incident when a huge delivery truck came along the other side of the dirt road, and managed to hit a rain-soaked depression just as Martin and Keith were passing through on the other side, and soaked the boys, once again, in mud.

  Keith almost wiped out on the bicycle, but managed to keep it upright and moving. "Aw, maaaaan!" sputtered Martin behind him.

  "We were just not meant to stay clean today, I guess," said Keith resignedly. "Look at it this way. That was just mud that time. There wasn't any road gunk in it. And you weren't wearing your Sunday best, either."

  The two boys finally made it out to Davy's farm, and rode around to the back, avoiding the main house since they didn't want to have to explain this situation to Davy's parents if they could help it, and made their way around to the concealed, invisible dome-tent that was the home of the alien youngsters.

  Present inside were Keyro, Jahv, Toben, and Davy. The only one wearing any clothes was Davy. Toben occasionally wore a jumpsuit, but not today. It looked to Keith as though the young Botaran had been letting his hair grow a bit longer, and he'd already been shaggier than either Jahv or Keyro. But more than likely, Toben had just forgotten to cut it. Toben was a technological genius, unlike Jahv, who had a great imagination but somewhat lesser and occasi
onally dangerous skills, but Toben tended to be a little more absent-minded when it came to things like personal grooming.

  Davy and Keyro were playing some sort of computer game. Toben and Jahv had the transmat device on a worktable, partially disassembled. Keith was hoping that a more accurate description would be to say that it was partially reassembled. The transmat device, which was pretty much just like the «transporters» from Star Trek, could send them back to the laundromat within a few seconds once it was ready to go.

  Keyro was the first to notice the new arrivals, and didn't quite manage to stifle a laugh at Martin's and Keith's muddy conditions. "Come on, guys, you couldn't wait until you were out here to play in the mud?" There was a large mud pool in the woods that Keyro especially liked to play in.

  "This was not playing," said Keith. "This was a traffic incident."

  "Lemme guess," said Davy. "Large delivery truck? Dark blue in color?"

  "How'd you know?" asked Martin.

  "That guy loves to do that sort of thing after a rain. He probably doesn't even have any packages. He's just waiting to splash people with mud."

  "Nice," said Keith. "Ever think of putting a few land mines in the road for him?"

  Davy giggled. "Come on, let's head out to the pond. You can clean up out there, and then mom's fixing lunch."

  "Lunch. Food. That works for me." said Keith.

  "We can't go into your home in just our underwear!" protested Martin.

  "Sure you can," said Davy. "I plan to." At the moment, the boy was dressed in his usual overalls. But it was a sure bet he wouldn't be wearing them into the pond. "Just tell her you were in the pond. It's the truth, and she doesn't need to know that your underwear is all you showed up here in."

  Martin scowled. "It still sounds a little sneaky."

  "Of course it is," said Keith, as he led Martin out of the tent along with Davy and Keyro. "But you really need to learn a bit better how to cover your butt without actually lying it off in the process."

  "I've had trouble covering my butt all day, thanks to all this nonsense." said Martin.

  Martin brightened a bit as they got close to the pond, and had a little bit of fun, turning around and giving Keyro a very muddy hug before they went into the pond. Keyro didn't object. It wasn't long before even their underwear was set aside, once it had been given something of a washing, and the boys splashed around in the pond for the better part of half an hour, having great fun and, in the case of Martin, Keith, and Keyro, cleaning up rather well.

  Keyro returned to the dome-tent, and Davy led Martin and Keith up to the house. Mrs. Caulfield had no objection whatsoever to feeding the two additional boys some lunch. She was always glad to see any of the boys that Davy had made friends with… apart from the aliens, Davy didn't really have any friends in the immediate area. She didn't even comment on the fact that all Keith and Martin were wearing was their undershorts. Given their soaking wet condition, as well as Davy's, who had left his overalls in the dome-tent, it was obvious where they'd been.

  Lunch consisted of huge chicken sandwiches, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob. By this time, Keith and Martin were starving, and made very short work of the meal. They talked with Davy, asking where the other two aliens, Arion and Morik, were. Davy explained that Morik had set out on a personal expedition to map the woods, and was expected back in about two days, while Arion had gone even further. He sorely missed the mountains of his homeworld, and the holocron just wasn't sufficient for him. So he'd packed a backpack, one of those bottomless ones that Jahv and Keyro used, and had taken off… literally… in search of some mountain ranges. He had promised to be back in two weeks, but there was some concern that it might take him longer than that to find some reasonable mountains. There wasn't a lot of concern that he would be discovered by anyone. The young prince was easily the most anti-social of the entire group, and would likely go out of his way even more than the others to avoid human contact.

  The boys wrestled around on the living room floor for a while after lunch, and then returned to the dome-tent to find that Jahv and Toben had completed their maintenance of the transmat device. Keith looked at a clock on the worktable. "Just about in time, too. Laundry's just about done."

  "Where is this laundromat located?" asked Jahv. Keith gave him the address. Jahv ran the address through a computer attached to the transmat device that would turn it into coordinates that the transmat would understand, and then he did a scan of the place to find a safe spot to materialize Keith and Martin.

  "What about the restroom", suggested Keith and pointed with his finger on the computer screen. "That's surely the safest place for us to show up. There's not likely anyone in there, and it'll give us a chance to look around the place before we head out to get our clothes."

  "That should work," said Jahv.

  "How precise is this machine, though?" asked Keith. "I remember you put us right in a restroom stall when you beamed us to that amusement park. I don't want to end up inside a washing machine."

  Martin gulped at that prospect.

  Jahv sighed. "Relax, okay? Toben and I have been overhauling all of the equipment. It's much more precise. Besides, you can keep the commlink open and tell us if anything goes wrong."

  "You sure you guys don't want to borrow any clothes from me?" asked Davy kindly. "At least some pants?"

  Martin said, "Yours wouldn't fit me anyway."

  Keith added, "Look, all we need to do is find our clothes from my grandmother's, and get dressed. That shouldn't be too hard. And it'd take more time for us to undress from your stuff and redress in ours, than to just get dressed as soon as we get there. But thanks."

  Davy merely nodded.

  Moments later a strange, bright blue cascade of light appeared in the laundromat's restroom, a cascade of light that expanded to fill a considerable portion of the room, ultimately gave off something of a small sonic boom before dissipating, revealing two humanoid forms, both dressed in brief underwear and shoes.

  Keith looked around quickly then held the cel phone against his ear and said: "Alright, we're in the restroom. Everything is quiet."

  Martin rushed impatiently to the door. "Come on, Keith, I want my clothes back now!" he hissed and opened the door that led to the arcade. Then he froze in motion.

  Three older teens stood there around the soda machine, smoking cigarettes, teenagers of 16 or 17 years. Keith even recognized them as some of the worst bullies on this side of the town. They were the same bunch, in fact, that had taken on Jahv in a mall arcade not long after the young alien had first arrived, and he, Martin, and Davy had tried to show him around town a bit. For a few seconds the guys just looked motionless at the two boys in underwear. Then suddenly, their leader threw away his cigarette.

  Keith reacted just in time. He pulled back Martin and slammed the door right before the bullies could reach them. With all his strength he held the door closed while some strong hands rattled at the other side.

  The cel phone had fallen to the floor. Martin picked it up. "Jahv! Are you there?" he yelled at the cel phone in his hand in a panicked voice. "Beam us back! Quick! Now!! Hurry!!!"

  The three bullies stopped rattling at the door for a moment when they heard a strange noise coming out of the restroom. There was also something like a strange light flickering from the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. Then a strange silence fell over the place.

  Ignoring the noise, the leader of the gang said, "Did you just see two little sissies in their underwear in there?"

  "Yeah, Bruno, two little sissies that'll be a lot more fun than checking the machines for chump change."

  "Oh, good", said the leader. "I wasn't quite sure." Then he grinned wickedly and pushed the door to the restroom open.

  What the bullies faced were not "two little sissies in their underwear", however. The bullies faced two figures that looked like boys. But one was green and the other one blue, both had white hair, twitching antennae and huge, dark eyes — and neithe
r one of them wore underwear, or anything else. They were like something right out of a sci-fi movie. Not the sort of thing anyone expected to find in a restroom.

  Both beings were holding what certainly looked like sophisticated weapons, long, almost rifle-like devices, attached to strange, cylindrical tanks on the floor by thick, glowing cables.

  The bullies hesitated in surprise. "What the —?!" muttered one of them.

  The green creature lifted the weapon and pointed it at the trio. In a strange, echoing voice he said, "Huuuumannns!"

  The blue creature did likewise, and snarled, "Prepare for disintegration!" In that instant, both machines started to glow strangely and give off a loud, whirring noise.

  The three bullies fell all over each other in a heap, then struggled to their feet again and darted towards the exit as fast as they could. Their leader was saying, "I'm tellin' ya, one of them was that one at the mall! It's an invasion! We gotta get outta town!" Just three cigarettes laying dropped on the floor as evidence of their presence.

  "Amazing," said Toben, as the two machines shut down. "The most dangerous-looking humans seem to get upset over the least little thing."

  "You know," said Jahv, "between that and what Keyro and I did to Keith's mother and stepfather one time, we're really going to have to work on our public image one of these days."

  "What public image?" asked Toben, trying not to giggle.

  "Well, there is that." said Jahv. Then he spoke into the commlink on his wrist. "Okay, Keyro. The place is clear. Send Martin and Keith through."

  Seconds later, Martin and Keith materialized in another cascade of blue light, along with Martin's bicycle and Keith's skateboard.

  "They're gone?" asked Martin hopefully.

  "I don't really expect them to stop until they're possibly on another continent." replied Jahv.

  "Nice work, guys," said Keith. "But what the heck are those weapons you brought with you? I didn't think you guys were armed like that!"