Seth sat in his Audi A7, looking toward the front of Chase’s apartment building. He needed to pull himself together, now. He knew that, but his nerves didn’t want to listen. Taking a few slow, deep breaths, Seth got himself under control and exited the car. Unlike the first time, he had a single silver rose carefully clutched in his fingers. He always tried to be romantic, but the last few weeks had worn him thin, especially when the first few gifts he had sent to James had been returned.
Seth was mildly disappointed but not surprised when it was Chase, not James, who answered the door to the small apartment. “Come in, Seth. James is in the kitchen,” he explained. He leaned in and dropped his voice to barely a whisper and added, “And I don’t care if you like what he’s making or not, you will love it. He’s so nervous I’m surprised he’s kept anything down all day. Go easy on our boy, please.”
Seth smiled at the protectiveness, glad his love had such a caring and true friend. “If he made it, it will be exactly what I need and want. And Chase, thank you.”
Taking Seth’s coat, he led him to the open kitchen area. The apartment wasn’t a studio, but it did have a rather open layout where the kitchen flowed into the dining and living areas.
“Jamie dear, your date is here,” Chase sing-songed, a huge cheeky grin plastered on his face.
James sat on a tall stool that had rolling coasters on the bottom, allowing him easier and assisted movement without requiring the use of his hands like his forearm crutches. Seth had noticed a similar stool in James’s kitchen before, but hadn’t thought much about it at the time. Creative solution. The apartment was filled with the most delicious scents!
“Hello, Seth,” James said softly as he accepted the single rose. Seth could tell he was nervous, but he was pleasantly surprised by the open longing written on James’s face as their eyes met. Looking down, James bit his bottom lip before he continued, “Um, dinner is almost ready. Chase set the table already, but I can get you something to drink while we wait. If, um, if you’d like. I have wine, beer, juice, soda, or water.”
He could tell James was nervous even without the lip nibbling or the slight babble, but he was so pleased to just be there he honestly didn’t care. “I can get the drinks, James. You don’t have to do everything yourself.”
“I know, Seth, but….”
“But you are all worked up and don’t know what to do with all the extra energy? Fine, pet. I will have a glass of whatever wine you picked out to go with dinner. I would like you to have one as well,” he replied as he sat at the counter so he could watch James work. He loved to watch James, whether cooking, sleeping, painting, in the throes of passion, or well, simply doing nothing.
He was still at a loss as to how this sweet, sexy, unassuming man had gotten past all his carefully constructed barriers and stolen his heart. It killed him that he couldn’t be honest and tell James how deeply he felt already, but he knew that would send James running again. James was not ready for that yet, he was certain, but it didn’t change how he felt or what he wanted. Now to get James past his fears.
The small smile that graced James’s face as he set Seth’s wine glass down in front of him made Seth’s heart ache and his pulse race a little more. He knew James had no idea how beautiful a man he was, but he wondered at his luck to have found him before someone else who would cherish him as he deserved snapped him up.
“Thank you, James,” Seth said softly. Their fingers had barely touched as he had taken the glass, but that simple touch had been enough to tent his slacks and dry his mouth. He only wished those fingers weren’t marred by the silver rings still; he hated that he couldn’t take away the damage James’s ex had caused. He liked the look, just hated the reason.
“Well boys,” Chase interrupted. “Why don’t we start on the salad and then move on? You two can moon over each other while we eat.”
“Chase,” James snapped. “No being an ass just because you have one.”
Batting his eyes, feigning innocence, Chase asked, “What, you don’t like my ass?”
James pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Chase, so help me. Love you dearly, though I do, I will beat you if you don’t behave. Now, grab the bread and knife while I get the salads.”
James looked up at Seth with a shy smile. “Would you care to join us, Seth?”
Seth watched as James insisted on setting the salad plates he had prepared at each setting. Once he felt it was safe to interrupt, he gently guided James to the place he indicated, pulled out his chair, and waited until James was settled before he took his own seat.
“This looks wonderful, James. Did you make all this yourself?” Seth asked, gesturing with one hand toward the salads, fresh baked bread, and assorted additions and toppings laid out. He knew his lover could cook, but just the scent alone made him want to salivate and gnaw on something.
James blushed but said, “Fresh asparagus salad, honey wheat bread, and the main course, yes. Chase made the turtle cheesecake for dessert, though. I was never any good at baking.”
“You do fine, Jamie. Your mom was just jealous at how good a cook you were, that’s all,” Chase countered forcefully. He turned to Seth and added playfully, “I have yet to try anything he cooks and not want to devour it whole. Now children, eat up so I can.”
While they ate their salads, the three men chatted about work, James’s art, and the hotel, but it all stayed very light. Seth wanted to push into why he had been without his lover for three weeks, but knew he had to be patient, or at least pretend to be.
Chase sashayed into the kitchen and messed with dishes and food once the salads were done. It seemed that Chase was to serve the main meal, a fact Seth was pleased to see. James often tried to do too much and wound up putting himself through far more pain than was necessary.
When Chase served the main course, it impressed and surprised Seth. Beef tips in a portobello mushroom sauce over a bed of sautéed red and yellow bell peppers and red onion. There was a salt-crusted baked potato with steamed broccoli and glazed baby carrots on the side.
Without looking, James grabbed the A1 that was on the table and handed it over to Chase. Chase did the same with the pepper grinder, handing it to James. Seth sat back and watched the interactions of the two best friends, amused yet mildly jealous of their connection.
James stopped and looked up at Seth suddenly, his fork partway to his lips. “Seth, is there something wrong with the food?” It killed Seth to see how tense he suddenly became.
“No, baby. The food looks wonderful and smells even better.” He took a thoughtful bite of the tips with a pepper and gravy. “Ooh, and tastes… divine.”
James beamed at the compliment, seemingly pleased over a simple fact. “I’m glad you like it. I couldn’t decide what to make for you. It was actually Chase’s idea.”
“James, look at me,” Seth softly commanded. It took a moment, but James finally did as instructed. “No matter what you had chosen, as long as it was from your heart, I would have loved it. This is a gift you have given me, and as with all gifts from you, I will enjoy. Never fear that I will not appreciate or cherish what you choose to share with or give to me. No matter what form it takes.”
James seemed unable to respond, and Seth watched with great satisfaction as a lovely pink flush spread across James’s features. Even the tips of his perfect ears were pink.
The conversation went back to being more casual while they dug in and enjoyed the wonderful meal James made. Part way through, Chase cleared his throat and asked a question he was sure James had wanted to ask. “Seth, I wanted to ask something and hope you won’t be offended, but why do you call James ‘pet’? You said you weren’t really into the BDSM scene like your friend but….”
Seth paused, thinking how to answer. “Well, yes and no, if I understand your truncated question, Chase. My mother will call my brother and me pet ’til the day she passes. My father’s the same. They both use the term with others that they are cl
ose to, even some of my friends. Mom even calls Mel pet, if you can imagine. Our dog, Cindy, was not even a pet if you asked my mother. Cindy was my poor, slightly misshapen sister. I grew up with it being used as an endearment.”
“Seth,” James interrupted, though he could see a softening as his explanation worked its way past James’s walls. “I know there’s more to it than that. As Chase and Zach Macey mentioned, you are into that too, at least somewhat.”
“I could happily throttle Zach for what he said to you as he led you to believe something that was mostly untrue about me. Yes, pet is also used in the way you seem to be pushing about, but while I have referred to you as ‘my pet’ it was never meant in a demeaning manner.
“Let me ask you something and maybe that will help you understand my point of view better. If we are dating and we go to a restaurant or club and some man, some boy, tries to hit on me, grab me or something like that, would that be okay with you? Would you be upset that that person touched your boyfriend, lover, whatever term you want to use?”
James seemed to think for a few moments before he looked back up, a slightly haunted look in his eyes. “I wouldn’t like that. If you were with me then the hypothetical guy should respect that there is already a claim on you, though I—”
“Seth, James would never try to stop you if you reacted or accepted the other man’s attention. You need to understand that,” Chase explained when James’s words died in his throat.
With a slight nod to Chase, Seth continued. “You would have every right to be upset, baby. If we are together—and as I told you before, I don’t share—then you should see me as yours. Not a possession to harm or control in a negative fashion, but as a partner that you cherish and can count on.
“Yes, you are my pet. My pet because I see us as having a relationship. My pet, my cherished one, my beloved. Hell, even if I did see you as something to truly own, being that kind of pet would get you pampered, played with, cared for, and shown off. Is any of that really bad?” Seth asked, brow arched as he awaited James’s reaction.
“I—I don’t want to be with someone that would show me off, want to share me, make me do things for others, or that would hurt me, Seth. I do care for you, but I can’t be that person. Please understand that,” James pleaded. Seth could tell he was scared, but he was determined to get him past it. Past in the past, so they could have a future.
“James, have I tolerated anyone harming you, even if I wasn’t there? Have I allowed anyone to touch you that shouldn’t? That you didn’t want to touch you?”
“No,” James squeaked. Trying to control his voice, he tried again. “No, you haven’t. But what Zach said, you showed no remorse for hurting him within your relationship with him. You even called him a slut. Is that the kind of attitude I have to look forward to if I continue to see you?” he asked so earnestly it nearly broke Seth. Had no one ever truly loved and cared for James, other than Chase?
“James, I said he was a pain slut. I also said he was proud of being said slut. He’s actually very set about not being shared. He would never even scene with someone that tried that. He is a one-on-one-only guy. A pain slut is someone that gets off on pain. Well, to them the pain becomes pleasure and they can be a bit extreme about it. Most people get a little pleasure out of pain, but for someone like Zach, it’s a necessary part of sex.
“I will not apologize for the pain I caused Zach all those years ago, and he would be mortified if I ever did. I gave him what he asked for. And before you say it, I mean that literally, not an assumption to justify my actions.”
Seth caught James’s skeptical look and decided to try a different approach. “You know what he bought me right after we got together the first time?” Seth asked, not sure Zach would appreciate him sharing this but well, he should have kept his damn mouth shut to begin with.
“No,” James whispered.
Seth noticed Chase watching the conversation from his place. He kept quiet, thankfully, Seth thought.
“He showed up at my apartment with a rattan cane, wrapped up. It even had a big purple bow on it, if you can believe that. I actually went through training so I could use the toys he wanted me to use without causing him actual damage.”
Seth watched as a look of absolute horror spread across the features of the man he had quickly come to love and cherish. He could tell immediately that James was not listening to the point he was trying to make. James’s next words confirmed as much. “Someone taught you how to beat your lover?”
“No, someone helped train me in how to bring my now ex-lover the pleasure he preferred. His extreme need of pain-pleasure is what actually split us up. Well, that and the fact that neither of us was in love with the other.
“Think about it, James. Did Zach seem afraid of me? Worried for you? Did he shake or lose his color?” Seth asked, knowing that if James would just think about this objectively, then he would understand and not be so worried.
“Well, no. He seemed put out that I didn’t have bruises or a collar, though,” James countered, looking more uncertain of his viewpoint, or so Seth hoped.
“Baby, he was disappointed for you, not upset or afraid. He’s a romantic at heart. Every time he even thinks I’m interested in someone, he goes all gushy—yes, that’s a word. His word in fact—hoping that this time I’ll have found my life partner. It means he liked you and was hoping that we were more than a fling. It’s why he is so upset he scared you.”
“Really?” James asked, his eyes wide with unashamed pleading. He desperately wanted everything Seth had said to be true. If it was, then he didn’t need to be afraid Seth would change and hurt him. He admitted to being dominant but also to not enjoying the sensual and sexual violence that James feared. Please, please, please be true, James’s heart begged.
Chapter 9
AFTER two more supervised dates, James decided he was being stupid about Seth and allowed things to go back to the way they were before. Early the next week, Seth came over to watch movies and spend time with James, though James secretly hoped to resume their more physical relationship soon as well.
James decided to pause the movie they had agreed upon long enough to get another drink. He turned to ask if Seth wanted another drink when Seth framed his face with his hands, leaned in, and gently kissed him. James grasped the back of the couch to keep his balance as he quickly lost himself in the warm, demanding yet sweet power of Seth’s mouth on his. He realized a whimper had escaped him as he gave in and moved to straddle Seth’s lap and deepen the kiss.
He settled his hands atop Seth’s shoulders before sliding one down his chest. His ring-braces caught slightly on the soft material of the undershirt before he slid it around Seth’s waist to hug him close. James pulled back to break the kiss long enough to pull off his own shirt and toss it behind him, not caring where it landed.
After swooping in to steal another firm but gentle kiss, James leaned back again and divested Seth of his shirt before he pressed his now bare chest to Seth’s. He let out a long sigh, too caught up in sensation and longing for Seth to do more than moan as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Seth’s neck.
One of Seth’s hands moved from James’s face to tenderly take possession of the back of his neck, tilting his head as he threaded his fingers into James’s hair. When Seth tugged lightly on his hair, James nearly lost it, suddenly craving more of Seth’s control and passion.
“Baby,” Seth murmured against James’s lips. He was rewarded for his tug by James’s deep, throaty moan.
With a low growl, Seth pulled James tighter against him. James shifted again and they both gasped as James rocked, their groins aligned and pressed together despite the now irritating layers of clothes between them. As Seth took complete control of the now ravishing kiss, James ground harder against Seth.
James let out a wail when Seth grasped his hips and forced them to still. “Not yet, pet. Let me up,” Seth gently commanded.
“But,” James pouted; it was nearly a whine. He did
n’t want to stop. He wanted Seth, damn it!
“Let me up, baby. I promise you will like this,” Seth countered.
Once he was up, he pulled James back into his arms for another soul-searing kiss before he slid his hands down and cupped James’s firm ass and demanded that James wrap his arms and legs around him. He carried James to the large oak bed and carefully settled him there before quickly divesting them of the rest of their clothing.
James watched as Seth grabbed a silk scarf that was folded into his pocket. He tossed it up by the pillows before setting his knee on the edge of the bed and then carefully crawled up the bed and his lover.
He began his assault with kisses to the tender skin of James’s thighs, ascending the body slowly as he kissed up his thighs to the prominent hip bones, followed the light trail of hair from his groin up to his belly button, up to gently lap and kiss each nipple in turn. The entire way up, Seth deliberately, it seemed, missed all contact with James’s throbbing cock, which was leaking steadily against his lower abdomen. James squirmed but couldn’t get any friction, no matter how he moved.
“Seth,” James snapped. “Please.”
Seth continued his assault on James’s senses and body.
“Arms above your head, baby,” Seth whispered, pausing to trace James’s ear with the tip of his tongue. “I want to do something different, but you have to trust me and do as instructed. No arguments.”
James swallowed hard but was too far gone with desire and lust to stop now. He slowly raised his arms till they were nearly to the headboard. He started to panic when he noticed the scarf Seth had put there earlier but was distracted from his worries when Seth suddenly pressed his groin down, grinding into James enough to pull a deep groan from his lips.
Designs of Desire Page 8