Designs of Desire

by O'Riley, Tempeste

  “Thanks but that wasn’t what I meant, baby. Why are we here? You should be angry with me, not taking in a kid you only met today.” It was too dark for James to see much, but the tension in Seth’s body combined with his voice spoke volumes.

  “I’m sure you will explain Danni and her mom to me when you are ready. For now, loving you means accepting and caring for your daughter as well. I can be patient.”

  After another pregnant pause, Seth propped up on an elbow, staring down at James intently. “You… you love me?”

  With a shrug and nervous cough, James reached up to touch Seth’s lips gently. Not quite how he had envisioned admitting that to Seth, but, “Um, yes. I do. I… wish I’d known about Danni, but I—I love you, Seth.” He held his breath as he awaited Seth’s response.

  “I—I think…,” he stuttered, then paused. James immediately pulled him down again, wrapping around him as he silently shook. He hadn’t expected a great declaration of love but knew deep down that no matter what Seth felt, or didn’t feel, now was not the time. James wasn’t sure what to do, think, or hardly even how to breathe, but he was certain that Seth being there with him was right. Danni too.

  “Baby? You okay?”

  James nodded against Seth’s temple. “Rest, love,” he crooned. He hoped Seth would listen for once and rest. He knew he would not sleep any time soon, but holding Seth was something he could do for him.

  JAMES lay awake, listening to the steady breathing of his lover, his love, late into the night. So many thoughts tumbled around in his head, and his heart ached, but he was certain of his choices and direction as far as moving Seth and Danni in. He was unsure how her presence would change their relationship, change how Seth behaved toward him, but he didn’t see any other choice. He silently wished he could call his mom and ask her advice, but he knew how well that would go over. Hell, she would probably help Quinn’s parents try to take the little pixie away from them if he talked to her.

  He was pulled from his depressing thoughts by a small voice and a sniffle. “Unca—Daddy, I don’t wanna be alone. Ms. Rainbow’s scared,” Danni whispered.

  James sat up slowly, so as to not scare her. “Your daddy’s right here. Come here and I’ll tuck you in beside him, okay?”

  She sniffled and nodded, tiptoeing over to the edge of the big bed. James bent and scooped her up, shifting to place her between him and Seth. “Here, you can have my pillow, sweetie. I was going to get up anyway. Do you need anything before I head out?”

  She shook her head and curled up against Seth, clutching her bunny as she settled.

  James bent again and kissed her forehead. “Try to sleep, Danni.”

  Just before he entered his studio, he paused at the door to Danni’s room. Chase had brought dolls, toys, and some play clothes, but what caught him right then was the baby monitor his friend had also bought. Chase had insisted that until she recovered some from the loss and got used to living with them, the monitor would help them keep tabs on her at night, like if she was crying or anything. James moved into the room and picked up the monitor, thinking that maybe both Seth and Danni might need to be watched and cared for right then.

  Moving as silently as he could manage, James put the monitor on his nightstand and took the receiver part with him. He needed to paint, to get his feelings out right then, but this way he could also feel secure that he was doing what was needed for Seth and Danni.

  Chapter 13

  “HEY, Danni? What do you think we should make for dinner?” James asked. He had taken a few days off to stay home with her while she adjusted to living with him and Seth, and to the loss of her mother. Seth had a harder time taking time; being a CEO meant his company needed him actively there more, and since James’s only active client was Carrington, it made sense. To him, at least.

  Danni perched carefully on one of the tall stools in James’s kitchen and watched everything he did. They had already covered why he used his forearm crutches and why he had a special stool with wheels, and that no, she was not allowed to play with it. “Hmm, I think he would like pizza,” she finally answered, her little legs swinging back and forth as she beamed up at him.

  “Pizza? Hmm… that sounds more like something a six-year-old pixie would like,” he countered, though he knew Seth did, in fact, like pizza—he preferred the fancy ones from a specialty pizza shop across town.

  “He likes pizza too, Mr. James,” she countered. “But, he puts weird things on his,” she explained in a near whisper, her little nose wrinkled in obvious displeasure. “Could we make two?”

  James feared for whomever she set her sights on when she got older. They would have no defense against those big blue-gray eyes and her little dimples. She had him wrapped already, and he knew it.

  “Alright, but only if you promise to set the table and wash your hands before we eat. Seth should be home soon.” Home, he mused. He again wondered how long they would stay.

  “I promise. I’m good at setting the table.” She grinned up at him again.

  With a thank you he sent her off to play while he worked. As requested, he made two, one a white seafood pizza and the other plain cheese—Danni had explained that anything but cheese on a pizza was “gross.” He’d been hard pressed not to laugh, but didn’t think she would appreciate his amusement. He was, however, happy that she had spent the last half hour or so not crying, quiet, or clinging to him for dear life.

  He had just put the pizzas in the oven when he heard the front door open and close. “James?” Seth called out.

  “Kitchen.” He was cleaning up when Seth made it to where he was.

  “Oh, what did you make? And how is Danni?” Seth asked between kisses. He slid both arms around James’s waist but kept the kiss gentle and loose.

  “Mmm, I’ll have to make pizza more often if that’s the reward I get,” James teased. “Danni is in her room playing. Chase bought her more stuff to play with. A house and car for her dolls and such. I don’t know. He insisted it was all things a girl her age would like and by the smile on her face when he showed her the goodies, I’m guessing he was right.”

  “He’s going to spoil her, you know.” It was a statement, though there was no heat to his words.

  “Yeah, but as he pointed out, he’s never had a niece to dote on before, and that I would be cruel not to let him enjoy it a little.”

  “She needs the cheering up, so okay. For now,” Seth added. He pulled away finally and headed to the fridge, pulled out two waters, and offered James one.

  “How long before we can get her properly moved in?” James asked tentatively once he’d taken a sip. He didn’t want to push, but he also did not want Seth to only stay a few days.

  “Her things will arrive tomorrow, baby,” Seth explained. “Mel and Britt supervised the movers as they packed up today. The movers will be here first thing in the morning. And don’t worry, they will move and set everything up for her, including removing the furniture that is in there now. All you have to do is direct and sign off once it’s done.”

  He slid his stool so Seth was between his knees and wrapped his hands around his waist, settling his hands at the small of Seth’s back, a reversal of their welcome home hug. With a slight tilt to his head, James took in how Seth stood and the dark circles under his eyes. As he carded his fingers through Seth’s hair gently, he suggested, “Why don’t you go sit down and rest while I finish dinner. Danni’s going to set the table in a few, so all you need to do is show up and eat.”

  “You do not have to baby me, James.”

  “True, but you’re tired and hurting. I have the salad made—blackberry spinach, by the way—the bread cooling, and the pizza in. There’s nothing left to do, lo—Seth.”

  Seth’s eyes narrowed as he pressed forward, tighter against James. “What were you going to say?”

  James quickly looked away, embarrassed by his slip up. He had been surprised the previous night when Seth hadn’t chastised him for using something other than his name or
sir. Now he’d done it again. “Nothing,” he murmured quickly.

  “James,” Seth snapped.

  “Love,” he whispered. “I was going to call you love. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” James fell silent once done speaking and pulled away, afraid.

  Seth’s face softened, his eyes shining with unshed tears that he tried to blink back. “You called me that last night, just before I fell asleep.”

  James swallowed hard. He’d hoped Seth had missed his little slip. With a slight nod, he said, “Yes, sir. I’ll be more careful. I promise.”

  “Why are you shaking, baby? I love that you want to call me that.” Seth closed his eyes for a moment. Finally he asked, “Are you expecting me to be angry with you?”

  His eyes riveted on Seth, James watched as conflicting emotions flitted across his beloved face. He nodded.

  “Why?”

  “Pet names are not something… I got hit if I called Victor anything other than Victor or Vic. He said it wasn’t my place to mess with his name. I—”

  “James, baby,” Seth interrupted. “I love that you want to call me that! I keep wondering why you only call me by my name or once in a while, sir. Which is hot by the way,” he added with a smirk. “Your ex was an idiot. Period,” Seth added as he pulled James into a tight hug. Sliding his hand around James’s neck, he squeezed gently.

  James continued to tremble, but now for an entirely different reason. Seth likes when I called him sir and love? He couldn’t believe the endearment love was allowed—it surprised and pleased him.

  He took a moment to steady himself before he spoke again.

  “Then, there’s nothing left for you to do, love. You should check on Danni and rest,” James advised. He watched carefully for how Seth reacted.

  “There, now that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Seth teased. “But—” Seth’s words were cut off by the shrill ringing of the oven timer. They both laughed at the timing.

  Seth pulled the pizzas out of the oven while James got the plates and retrieved the necessary silverware.

  “Princess,” Seth called. “Hands washed, please. And I believe you told James you would set the table.”

  Danni bounded in the room, holding up still wet but thankfully clean hands. “Good girl,” James praised. He handed her a paper towel to dry her hands, then pointed out the items she needed for the table.

  He was pleased to see that he only needed to correct her fork placement.

  However, James was sorry to note that Seth and Danni were quiet during dinner, and both only picked at their food. He wondered if the lack of appetite was solely due to their shared loss or if he should have ordered out.

  Shortly after dinner, Seth put Danni to bed. Instead of heading into the great room or toward their bed, Seth wandered outside. James could see him standing on the patio from his vantage point in the kitchen as he put things away. He decided to take a chance and poured a couple of fingers of the expensive Dalmore Whisky Seth had bought and took it out to him—having long ago perfected how to carry drinks with his crutches.

  “Seth,” he inquired softly. He didn’t want to interrupt him if he needed alone time, but he didn’t really want Seth to be alone either. He could see the pain and loss in Seth’s eyes, though he had no idea how to help.

  Seth turned slowly, not meeting his eyes but looking in his general direction. James noticed the tears that streaked his face. Instead of speaking, James simply held out the whisky in a silent offering.

  It took a few moments, but Seth finally moved over to where James stood and accepted the drink. After he took a sip, he met James’s worried eyes. “Sit with me?” he asked so softly James almost missed the words.

  “I’d like that.” A gentle breeze caressed his face.

  Once they had settled on the swing together, James wrapped his arms around Seth. He stayed silent as he waited for Seth to decide what he wanted to do.

  After an eternity of nothing but the crickets chirping, Seth spoke. “I can’t believe she’s gone, James. I’ve known Quinn my whole life. Even when I left home at fifteen for college we kept in touch. I can’t remember a time she did not exist in my life. And now….” He trailed off, an audible sob the only sound he made for a time.

  “You don’t have to talk about her yet if you’re not ready. I can just hold you.” Which James continued to do, wishing he could scoop him up like Seth had done to him before.

  “I need to do this, baby,” he countered. “Quinn and I were best friends growing up, even though we came from vastly different families and situations. But the part you need to know is that Quinn is, was a lesbian and Danni was the child she had always wanted but needed help to have.”

  “Seth, love, I’m so sorry you lost her.” James pulled Seth’s head to his shoulder, a silent offer of support and comfort.

  “Thanks, but baby, now you have both of us here,” Seth began but stopped. His hand tightened around James’s for a moment.

  “I’m happy to have you around more, sir, and I always wanted a child. I don’t mind sharing my place.” James didn’t like where this topic could lead.

  “I had planned to introduce you to them this next weekend,” Seth continued as if he had never spoken. “Quinn was excited to meet you, actually. She knew how much you meant to me and thought we should tell you together about Danni. She insisted that you would take it better if you could see that she was no threat to you, to us.”

  Seth took a breath and shuddered, then slowly turned in James’s arms and cuddled closer. “But, now you only have my word about Danni. I wasn’t trying to hide her, baby.”

  Before Seth could continue that train wreck of a thought, James interrupted gently. “Seth, please listen to me. All I ever need is your word, sir. Danni doesn’t threaten me or us. She’s a sweet, sad little girl and I hope you will allow me to help care for and cherish her. I want you here, both of you.” He winced at the slight pleading tone that had slipped into his voice, but he couldn’t help it.

  Seth had his heart. He didn’t want it back. Ever.

  “SETH,” Mel’s deep voice cut through Seth’s wandering thoughts. Ever since Quinn died in that stupid car wreck he had trouble focusing. “Are you listening to me?”

  He turned to look directly at Mel. “Yes, Mel. I heard you; I simply do not know how to fix this particular problem. Not cleanly, at least.”

  “They have to be more creative than most, thanks to your status in the community, money, and with the fact she can’t use your sexuality against you as I’m sure they are wont to do. But you are in a steady relationship,” Mel hinted, the nudge quite clear to Seth, though it made the idea no less appealing.

  “So, your advice to me is that I should propose to and marry James on the grounds that it shuts down part of Danni’s grandparents’ custody suit?” Seth asked, face pinched up as he rubbed his aching head. “Never mind if James would wish to marry me, if I wish to marry him, or the fact he would probably end up feeling like I was using him instead of loving him. How can you honestly support doing that to James, Mel?”

  “James worships the very ground you walk on and you know it. Danni already has him wrapped around her little finger, in case you didn’t notice. Oh, and you love him, whether you admit it or not.”

  Seth stared at Mel, dumbfounded. He knew what he felt, and James had revealed he felt the same not that long ago, but marriage? And for such a reason?

  “Show how they threw Quinn out when she was seventeen for kissing another girl. Point out that they have had little to no contact with Danni and she does not know them. Hell, doesn’t the fact I am on the birth certificate, pay for Danni’s school and insurance, or that she is happy with us count for anything?” Seth nearly bellowed.

  “Of course it does, Seth,” Mel said, attempting to placate Seth’s fear and anger. “But they have already contacted Zach and a few others from your past. You know what they will try to make you look like.”

  Seth’s eyes turned deadly as he pinned Mel with his
stare. “You, of all people, have no right to go there.”

  “I didn’t,” Mel said, his voice just as cold and hard as Seth’s. “They did. Quinn’s parents are looking for anything they can to make you look unfit. I can publicly tear them down, but for Danni’s sake, I do not want to do any more damage to her grandparents than is absolutely necessary.” Mel suddenly perked up, his lips curling in a devilish grin. “Besides, think how dashing James would look in a tux.”

  Seth groaned, pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head at his best friend and lawyer. “You, you’re worse than Britt and your daughters combined. I swear!”

  Mel’s peals of laughter reverberated on the walls in the office. His mirth was so infectious that even Seth cracked a reluctant smile.

  Finally Mel settled and took a more serious stance and tone again. “Seriously, Seth, think about the idea. I think you’d like being married to James,” he added pointedly.

  Chapter 14

  A MOTORCYCLE rumbled down the well-lit street James lived on, drawing his attention as he led Danni to the door of their home. He noted the figure that straddled the bike as it pulled up to the curb in front of them.

  Once the bike stopped, the black leather clad rider stood, swung his leg over it, and rose to his rather imposing full height. James would have to tilt his head back to look the man in the face, he was sure, and at six-one himself, he found that both impressive and nerve-wracking.

  The man pulled off his helmet as he looked between James and Danni. Danni’s eyes brightened and a smile burst across her face. “Rhys! Uncle James, its Rhys!” she squealed and ran toward the stranger.

  “Danni, you come back here right now,” James snapped as he moved as fast as he could on crutches to catch up to her.